Most relationships go through a stage where you and your partner are just constantly fighting. Seriously, you’re fighting all. the. time. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and most of the time you don’t even understand what’s happening because the fights are so stupid. All you know is that you’re right, and he’s wrong. Am I right?
Some gay couples can get through this stage and come out okay – maybe even stronger and better than before! But gay couples can’t, and all that fighting ruins their relationship. Constant arguing is relatively normal if it only goes on for a bit, but if it’s nonstop, you need to do something differently. If you’re not ready to give up on the relationship, then you need to learn how to stop fighting! It sounds simple, but it can take work. Here are 10 Effective Tips to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship. Good luck and you’re welcome!
Take A Time-Out If Needed
Too often, gay couples make the mistake of not taking a short break from each other when they’re really angry or upset. Instead, they just jump into arguments and refuse to stop fighting. Taking a breather from each other allows you both to calm down, think about what you’re angry about, and approach the situation in a more mature way. I’m not talking about a week separation – you just need about 30 minutes apart to really think about things on your own. I know it’s hard, but trust me on this one. It really allows both of you to clear your heads and relax a little. If you sense that one, or both, of you are getting too heated, just be like, “Hold on. I’m going in the other room/going home for a half hour. We both need to chill for a second.” This will help SO much.
Take A Second To Determine If It’s Really Worth Fighting About
While you’re giving yourself a breather, really think about whether this issue is worth fighting over. Is this something that has been making you angry or upset for a while? Is this something that you think will come up again in the future? Is this something that genuinely hurts your feelings? If the answer to all of those things is yes, then this is an important issue worth fighting about. But if it’s something superficial or silly, reconsider your stance. Usually, you’ll know deep down whether it’s something you really care about or not. If it isn’t, swallow your pride and forget about it.
Argue In Person, Not Through The Phone
So much communication is done through texting that it’s normal for an argument to pop up there too. But don’t do it! Wait to argue in person rather than through the phone. It makes communication easier. It also gives you both time to cool down a little bit before you talk. Text-fighting is so complicated. It’s easy to misunderstand things, or to just ignore each other completely. If you start fighting, say, “We can talk about this in person.” And then wait it out!
Start Listening More, Talking Less
When the time comes for you guys to talk, you need to focus on actually listening. Of course this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t speak up – you should! But make sure you’re listening as much as you’re talking (and he should do the same as well). When you talk, he listens – and when he talks, you listen. Don’t talk over each other or refuse to hear what the other person has to say. Those things will get you nowhere.
Be Open To What He’s Saying
Really focus on listening and hearing each other out. It’s easy to be stubborn, it’s more difficult to admit that you could be wrong or at fault. I’m a very stubborn person, so I have difficulty with this myself, but it’s really important to be open to what your partner is trying to say. Give him a chance, and accept the fact that you might need to change something.
Be Aware Of Your Body Language
Believe it or not, your body language can really affect a situation. If you’re sitting there with your arms and/or legs crossed, a frown on your face, looking away from him or staring at the computer, that’s bad. It shows that you’re closed-off, not interested in working things out, and just plain angry. It will also make him more angry or closed-off. Instead of doing this, try to look more open. Don’t cross your arms. Try to keep your face blank. Look him in the eye instead of looking away, and focus on the conversation and nothing else.
Communicate Instead Of Yelling
This one is hard, because when you’re arguing, your natural reaction is probably to yell or raise your voice. But try as hard as you can not to. Once you get to that point, it’s really difficult to get things more calm again. Try talking things out instead of yelling at each other. Do all the things listed above – and if things get crazy, just walk away.
Think Before You Speak
Oftentimes in an argument, you or your partner will say things you regret or don’t really mean. You might insult each other, or bring up something to purposely hurt the other person, because you’re hurting and you want them to also. Avoid this by really thinking about what you’re saying before you say it. Don’t just blurt things out because you’ll most likely regret it later.
Stop Focusing On Who’s Going To Win
If you’re a competitive person like I am, you probably want to win most arguments instead of having to apologize. But having that mentality is really bad for your relationship. It’s not about who wins or loses, it’s about resolving the issue. Keep that in mind.
Actually Try To Resolve Issues – Then Let It Go
Don’t stop the conversation you’re having until the issue is resolved. Seriously. Letting things go to focus on later is only going to leave both of you feeling dissatisfied, bitter, and frustrated. It’s not a good idea, and will definitely come up again in the future. Figure out what you have to do to resolve it, and do it! Once it’s resolved, let it go. Don’t hold onto it. Don’t bring it up in future fights. Just let it go.
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