Domestic Violence: It Happens in Gay Relationships Too

Extra stress in gay relationships may raise risk of domestic violence.

 

Domestic violence occurs at least as frequently, and likely even more so, between gay relationships compared to opposite-sex couples, according to recent studies.

Previous studies, when analyzed together, indicate that domestic violence affects 25 percent to 75 percent of lesbian, gay and bisexual individuals. However, a lack of representative data and underreporting of abuse paints an incomplete picture of the true landscape, suggesting even higher rates. An estimated one in four heterosexual women experience domestic abuse, with rates significantly lower for heterosexual men.

“Evidence suggests that the minority stress model may explain these high prevalence rates,” said senior author Richard Carroll, associate professor in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Northwestern University Feinberg School of Medicine and a psychologist at Northwestern Memorial Hospital. “Domestic violence is exacerbated because same-sex couples are dealing with the additional stress of being a sexual minority. This leads to reluctance to address domestic violence issues.”

Domestic violence — sometimes called intimate partner violence — is physical, sexual or psychological harm occurring between current or former intimate partners.

Research concerning the issue began in the 1970s in response to the women’s movement, but traditionally studies focused on women abused by men in opposite-sex relationships.

“There has been a lot of research on domestic violence but it hasn’t looked as carefully at the subgroup of same-sex couples,” Carroll said. “Another obstacle is getting the appropriate samples because of the stigma that has been attached to sexual orientation. In the past, individuals were reluctant to talk about it.”

Of the research that has examined same-sex domestic violence, most has concentrated on lesbians rather than gay men and bisexuals.

“Men may not want to see themselves as the victim, to present themselves as un-masculine and unable to defend themselves,” Carroll said.

He suggests that homosexual men and women may not report domestic violence for fear of discrimination and being blamed for abuse from a partner. They also may worry about their sexual orientation being revealed before they’re comfortable with it.

Mental health services for people involved in abusive same-sex relationships are becoming more common, but this population still faces obstacles in accessing help, reports the paper.

“We need to educate health care providers about the presence of this problem and remind them to assess for it in homosexual relationships, just as they would for heterosexual patients,” Carroll said. “The hope is that with increasingly deeper acceptance, the stress and stigma will disappear for these individuals so they can get the help they need.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Every LGBTQ Rights Group You’ve Ever Heard Of Opposes Two Of Trump’s Judicial Picks

Gay rights activists gather outside the US Supreme Court building in Washington, DC on June 26, 2013. The US Supreme Court on Wednesday struck down a controversial federal law that defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, in a major victory for supporters of same-sex marriage.The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) had denied married gay and lesbian couples in the United States the same rights and benefits that straight couples have long taken for granted. AFP PHOTO / MLADEN ANTONOV (Photo credit should read MLADEN ANTONOV/AFP/Getty Images)

John Bush and Damien Schiff “would cause grave harm” to LGBTQ people and women, reads a new letter to senators.

 

WASHINGTON ― A whopping 27 LGBTQ rights groups on Monday urged the Senate to reject two of President Donald Trump’s judicial nominees, John Bush and Damien Schiff.

In a letter to all senators, groups including Lambda Legal and the Human Rights Campaign say both nominees’ views on civil rights “are fundamentally at odds with the notion that LGBT people are entitled to equality, liberty, justice and dignity under the law.”

Bush, a Kentucky lawyer up for a lifetime seat on the 6th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, has applauded critics of same-sex marriage and compared abortion to slavery, calling them “the two greatest tragedies in our country.” Schiff, an attorney up for a 15-year seat on the U.S. Court of Federal Claims, has said LGBTQ anti-bullying efforts are akin to “teaching ‘gayness’ in schools,” and argued that states should be allowed to criminalize “consensual sodomy.”

“Although neither Mr. Bush nor Mr. Schiff has any judicial experience, their public statements and writings have repeatedly demonstrated not only an extraordinary lack of judgment but also plain contempt for the rights of LGBT Americans, people living with HIV, women, and other vulnerable populations,” reads the letter, which goes into specifics on each count.

Read more at HuffPost Queer Voices.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Make Your Love Last: 7 Tips for a Strong Relationship

It takes more than love for your relationship to work.

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic gay relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it.

Most gay couples strive to have a successful and rewarding relationship, yet it is normal for gay couples to have ups and downs. To meet these challenges, and to keep your relationship healthy and happy, you need to work at it. Relationships are like bank accounts – if there are fewer deposits than withdrawals, you will run into difficulties.

 

Here are some tips that may help you improve your relationship (and be better prepared to meet the challenges along the way).

1. Have fun

Gay couples who engage in exciting and enjoyable activities together have greater relationship satisfaction from before to after the shared activity.

2. Develop empathy and really listen to each other

Good communication often starts with a desire to understand other points of view. How many arguments have you had that have just spiraled out of control because no one is really listening or attempting to understand? I think one of the most important things we can all do, whether for a relationship or not, is to develop a strong sense of empathy and compassion. Grudge-holding, bitter thoughts and and negativity towards others will only backfire if you hold onto it.

3. Appreciate the little things

When you’ve been together for quite a while, it might seem easy to take your partner for granted. Say “thank you” more, tell them you love them, or send cute texts (in moderation of course). Let your partner know how much he means to you so they never feel taken for granted. This is probably one of the most important tips for a strong relationship.

4. Learn from arguments

Accept that arguments will happen, and try to resolve them with respect. The strongest predictor of a breakup is ‘contempt’, which is any action whereby your partner feels ‘put down’ by you, whether it is the tone of your voice or what you say. In arguments, we sometimes become overwhelmed and this often leads to behaviors that harm our relationship.

5. Have good sex

Increasing research is pointing to a great sex life as predicting better relationship satisfaction—but not the other way around.

6. Give your partner space

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

7. Have a good relationship with yourself

The relationship you have with yourself is arguably the foundation on which your other relationships are built, and studies are supporting this notion. High self-esteem predicts better relationship satisfaction, and high self-esteem of both partners is an even better predictor of strong relationship satisfaction. Moreover, people with high self-esteem appear to respond more constructively and positively during conflict when they think their partner is committed to the relationship, whereas people with low self-esteem don’t do this even when they believe their partner is committed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Human Rights Campaign Launches Grassroots Movement to Elect LGBTQ Politicians

as they march during the annual Gay Pride Parade in Sao Paulo, Brazil, Sunday, June 18, 2017. (AP Photo/Nelson Antoine)

 

Human Rights Campaign wants to put LGBTQ politicians in office with a new initiative to elect out politicians and allies in the 2018 midterm elections. The LGBTQ advocacy organization’s campaign, called “HRC Rising,” also aims to combat anti-LGBTQ policies across the country.

 

“We’ve got to accelerate the pace of progress toward full equality and secure protections for LGBTQ people in states and communities across the country,” HRC President Chad Griffin said in a statement. “That’s why we’re going on offense with the largest grassroots expansion in HRC’s 37-year history.”

The Human Rights Campaign plans to commit $26 million to the initiative, and will hire 20 additional full-time staff to support its vision. The grassroots movement will support LGBTQ candidates and pro-equality allies in all 50 states, but it will give particular attention to mobilizing LGBTQ voters and allies in the battleground states of Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and Wisconsin. Wins by LGBTQ and pro-equality candidates in these states could help to dismantle the conservative majority present in the United States government.

“The power and determination of the 10 million LGBTQ voters and our allies across America will only continue to grow stronger in the face of discriminatory attacks on our rights and freedoms,” Griffin said.

Additional information about how to get involved with the HRC Rising Initiative can be found by visiting HRC.org.

 

Read more at: Out Magazine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Same-Sex Marriage Could be Coming to Australia Soon

Senator Dean Smith confirmed that he is drafting a bill to legalise same-sex marriage in Australia.

Many MPs want the bill debated when the Australian parliament returns in August. This comes after a new poll suggested Australian voters want to go to the polls for same-sex marriage, rather than let politicians have a free vote in parliament.

Senator Smith, who is openly gay himself, has been seeking to end the “embarrassment” of the nation and legalise same-sex marriage.

Leader of the opposition, Bill Shorten, has voiced support in The Australian: “We’re going to be in parliament for a number of weeks for the rest of this year. We can just get on and have the vote.

“Quite frankly this issue’s been talked to death. I think many Australians are now sick and tired of it.

 

“The Prime Minister knows what should be done but he doesn’t have the ticker to do it.”

Shadow Assistant Minister for Treasury Matt Thistlethwaite argued that the people of Australia are ready for equal marriage.

“I think it’s instrumental that the majority of Australians want marriage equality and more importantly they expect it to occur.

“They expect at some stage over the next few years that we’re going to have marriage equality in Australia.”

Despite overwhelming public support, right-wing Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has repeatedly blocked votes in Parliament on same-sex marriage.

 

Read more at: Gay Times Magazine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gay Dating 101: Seven Habits Of People In The Happiest Relationships

Strong, happy gay couples don’t phone it in — they make their relationship a priority.

 

Happy gay relationships don’t happen by accident. It takes two emotionally healthy, loving people who are committed to being the best partners they can be.

Below are some habits that will help create and maintain a happy and healthy twosome.

1. They always kiss their spouse hello and goodbye.

Far from being a meaningless habit, this ensures that you connect, even for just a moment, at least twice a day. Many people in unhappy relationships say that they can’t recall when they stopped kissing at greetings and goodbyes, it just slips away without effort. When you make the time to make eye contact with your partner and kiss them, it shows that you prioritize your relationship even during the busiest of mornings or evenings.

2. They are generous with compliments.

Everyone needs compliments and they especially need them from their partner. You cannot give too many sincere compliments ― whether you have been together 5 years or 50. It can be simple things like saying, ‘You look especially handsome today’ to deeply felt statements like ‘I was so proud of you today when you gave John such wise advice.’

 

3. They disagree at times, but they fight fair.

If partners don’t disagree now and then they’re either not being honest or aren’t human. Disagreeing isn’t a relationship problem ― it’s normal. It’s how couples work through their disagreements (or rather don’t) that can become bad for their relationshipDisagreements are opportunities to practice conflict resolution and build communication skills. Take a look at your disagreements and see what bad habits each partner has when you disagree. Do you talk over each other? Get angry? Yell? Swear? Name call? Disengage? Each partner should make a list of their bad tendencies and use future disagreements to practice responding differently and building better communication skills.

 

4. They don’t expect their partner to read their mind; they ask for what they need.

The happiest couples we see make it a habit to ask for what they need and listen to each other’s needs (without being resentful). Running around hoping another person will know what you need or that you are supposed to know exactly what they need is a recipe for disaster. The happiest gay couples are delighted to openly talk about needs and honor differences in needs without feeling like anyone should have already known or that their ‘soulmate’ will have the same needs as them.

 

5. They set aside time to reconnect and make it a priority.

They understand that in long-term gay relationships, affection and sex don’t just happen, gay couples need to have a commitment to cultivating connection instead of hoping it just happens. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, most gay couples can’t keep their hands off each other. Later on in a relationship, they can’t seem to keep their hands off their phones or computers. Gay couples who commit to prioritizing time to be together, to show affection and to keep learning and growing around sex, are definitely the happiest.

 

6. They laugh together ― often.

It’s easy for a relationship to deteriorate into just talking about logistics, saving your funny anecdotes for your best friend or coworker. This is a mistake. When gay couples get out of the habit of laughing together, their relationship is at risk of losing its joy and spirit.

 

7. They give each other the benefit of the doubt.

When people are struggling in relationships it’s not unusual to feel that your partner is on a completely different team that you. Remember that you are on the same team and that you both care about one another. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is a great strength in a happy relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gay Cop Whose Pride Proposal Went Viral Opens Up About The Dark Side Of Fame

A London police officer who became a viral sensation last year after he proposed to his boyfriend in the middle of a Pride parade now says he wishes he’d never done it.

In a June 30 essay for The Guardian, Phil Adlem said he wasn’t prepared for the global attention he’d receive after he popped the question to fiancé Jonathan Sammons during London’s 2016 Pride festivities. A tweeted photo of the proposal received more than 4,000 likes, while video footage of the moment, as seen in the clip above, has been viewed over 45,000 times on YouTube.

Calling the experience of internet fame “unexpected and surreal,” Adlem said he hadn’t expected photos and video of his proposal to Sammons to take on a life of their own. When the video started to garner attention, he assumed it would stay “with the Pride bubble,” meaning that it would be received positively by all who viewed it. “I was on an emotional high in the immediate aftermath,” he wrote. “I had a wonderful fiancé and I was getting amazing messages of support from friends and colleagues.”

Much to Adlem’s surprise, things quickly changed when he began reading comments that viewers had made on social media about the photos and video. “My smile did not last long as I continued reading,” he recalled. Among the comments he said had been posted: “Both should be hanged till death,” “Absolutely disgusting” and “Don’t blame ISIS if they strike them!”

Worse still, the officer said he received a “hostile reaction” from a colleague, as well as a college friend. The responses brought to mind his earliest experiences with homophobia. “I was raised in a household which was staunchly anti-gay. On my 18th birthday, I went out with my ‘secret boyfriend’ and was the victim of a brutal homophobic attack,” he wrote,“in which I was dragged down a narrow alleyway by three men and severely beaten without a chance of defending myself. They did not stop until they were forced to by the police who arrived at the scene.”

In the end, however, the anti-LGBTQ pushback sparked by the proposal video and photos have inspired Adlem to live more out and proud than ever before. “I am lucky to live in a time when I can join the police service as an openly gay man – and I have previous generations to thank for that,” he said. “I am lucky to live in the UK, where I am not imprisoned or tortured for how I was born… Pride is an invaluable source of positivity and strength for anyone who has experienced abuse or bullying.”

Read more at: HuffPost Queer Voices.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Teen’s Incredible ‘Coming Out’ Graduation Speech is Going Viral for All The Right Reasons

Teen’s incredible ‘coming out’ graduation speech is going viral for all the right reasons

 

Down on humanity? Well, give this a whirl: A graduation speech from a palpably nervous, ridiculously charismatic young man named Evan Young is making the rounds — and deservedly so. Without giving anything away, we’ll just say the brief video demands your undivided attention.

Devoid of cynicism yet brimming with insight, Young’s rationale as to why he asked his best girlfriend out — despite the fact that he’s gay — has the potential to change the way you view your relationships. His speech becomes a persuasive appeal to reconsider our place in the world, and the ways in which we’re all connected — whether we like it or not.

Though it’s impossible to know what’s to become of Young in the years to come, one thing’s for certain: The guy’s going places. Encore!

 

Read more at: Queerty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gay Relationship: Warning Signs of a Break Up

It’s sometimes difficult to know when a gay relationship is over even when it’s obvious. These warning signs deserve your attention.

 

Is your relationship falling apart in front of your very own eyes? It’s always difficult to know when a gay relationship is over but sometimes the answer is right in front of you, you just need it to be pointed out.

You’re failing to communicate.

Communication is so essential to any relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out. Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out.

Failing to communicate will leave a big void in your relationship and cause minor problems to spiral into unnecessary issues. Try going for an afternoon walk or book a table at your local restaurant, with no distractions the conversation should flow more easily. If it proves to be difficult and it becomes apparent that you simply just don’t care anymore then you know what to do.

 

You’re off sex.

Having a healthy sex life and one that suits both your libidos and sexual desires is important for every relationship, but if your bedroom time has gone from exciting and experimental to dull and repetitive then it’s time to decide why.

If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it is time to end it.

If you’re not quite ready to call it a day, try bringing the zing back to your sexy time with a new sex position, or introduce sex toys into the mix. If you’re both still not jumping into the bedroom then maybe your relationship is more suited to being just a friendship?

He’s too busy for you.

Is your man busy that you haven’t seen him in weeks? Is your boyfriend turning into a workaholic? Red flag.

He always spent a lot of time at the office, but now he seems to have work events every other night. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like he’s avoiding you.

When you stop being happy. 

This seems basic, because it is.

Do you see any mention of “him” here? No. Some people might disagree with me on this, but when you stop being happy, you are in a completely valid place to end things. Relationships — like life itself — are meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through. Even if he’s the perfect guy, sometimes you’re simply not happy, and you are doing him a disservice by continuing the relationship. No one wants to date someone who isn’t happy dating them.

When he stops being happy. 

My last relationship ended this way. He was unhappy.

It is incredibly painful to let someone go, someone you love and want to stay with. But if you really love him, you want him to be the happiest person he can be — even if that means letting him be single or be with someone else.

Love isn’t about possession or ownership. You cannot ever really belong to someone, just as someone cannot every really belong to you. Love at its simplest and purest is about wanting someone to be their best, and hoping their day is going better than yours.

You’re not emotionally connected anymore.

You’re indifferent to your partner’s feelings and thoughts. You may pretend to care about your boyfriend, but deep inside, you know you don’t really give a damn about what your partner is feeling or what they’re up to. You love your partner, but you don’t want to involve yourself so deep that you have to play a part in making them feel better about themselves.

You can’t see a future together.

There are no talks about the future between the both of you. And your partner no longer plays a pivotal role in your big scheme of things. If there are any thoughts on the future, the last person you think of is your significant other!

Your partner saps your energy.

You feel drained, annoyed and tired after spending time with your partner. You try to have a nice time with them, but the constant arguments and differences in opinions just tires you and makes you want to run away mid-conversation.

 

You pick fights.

Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation and unfortunately, the beginning of the end. We often tend to start picking fights when we feel a relationship is at its end. We try to get the other guy do the dirty work and break it off.

So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating than cute, it’s time to move on to someone where you can spend your time snogging rather then arguing.

When they have fallen for someone else.

If he tells you honestly about his feelings, be understanding and decide what to do. Be grateful for his honesty. Chances are you’re going to break up, but many couples I know have managed to make allowances for these things: The third guy becomes part of their polyamorous setup, or partners simply let their boyfriends do what they need to do, understanding that different people satisfy you in different ways. But no one will fault you for feeling that things need to end.

As you can see, communication is the key to handling clean, easy breakups. Put the plates down and lower your voice. Do not go into a breakup situation with the intent of hurting someone. Although there are often endless reasons to leave someone, there is no need to hurt them.

Good luck with the breakup. Take a few months to yourself. The next person is just around the corner, waiting for you to run into him when you least expect it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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This Teen Fashion Designer is Upcycling Clothes for Young Homeless LGBT People

A teenage fashion designer from Los Angeles is upcycling unwanted clothes and donating them to young homeless LGBT youth.

Dillon Eisman is a high school senior who invented “Sew Swag” who decided to put his love of fashion to use for the community.

Speaking to NBC Out, the 18-year-old explained that he was “heartbroken” when he realised the extent of the homelessness issue that young LGBT people faced.

“Seeing people who are my age who are not accepted and basically being kicked out of their families because they’re gay was just so heartbreaking,” he said.

Eisman learnt how to sew with the help of his mother and began practicing on old clothes that family members no longer wanted.

He hopes that one day he can be so skilled that his can create his own brand on a much larger scale with other people working with him.

“It’s something that all underprivileged kids need — new clothes that make them feel good when they put them on,” Eisman said.

 

Read more at: Pink News.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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