Reader’s Question: I cheated on my boyfriend and I’m not sure what to do. We talked about having an open relationship and he was adamantly against it—I was for it, did it anyway, and now I feel guilty as hell. I don’t want to lose him, but I don’t want to lie either. What do I do?
The age-old “do I tell him I cheated” question remains a controversial topic and is one only you can personally make as it applies to your value system. Having broken the “monogamy contract” in your relationship will likely be hurtful to your partner. All our choices have consequences, and you will need to decide which course of action you’ll be able to live with. Your infidelity is a flag that your current relationship agreement is not working for you. You are doing you and your partner a huge disservice by not discussing this issue further as it will likely continue to eat away at you and cause further problems in your relationship. By not telling your partner, you continue to betray the foundation of trust that good relationships are built upon and further serve to amplify your guilt and damage your sense of integrity and self-esteem. Covered-up truths have a way of coming out in the long run. While it’s scary and you run the risk of your partner’s terminating the relationship, telling him shows that you care for him by being honest. From there, you can determine if the two of you are truly a compatible match, if there are things in your relationship that need work, or if there are issues within yourself that need resolution.
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