Breakups are possibly the hardest part of putting yourself
out there; people fear breaking up so much that they never let themselves get
too attached, and go from one hook-up to the next. That might satisfy the
physical cravings, but what of the emotional ones? Anyone who’s been in a
long-term relationship knows how wonderful it can feel to have someone to call
your own; it’s such a great feeling that your entire world starts to orbit
around them. When they leave, however, the universe shifts, and gravity pulls
you down into the deepest despair. It isn’t pathetic to want your ex back, and
it’s impossible to just snap out of it. You’ve got to wean yourself off your
relationship, slowly and gently, but firmly. Here are a few things to keep in
mind when going through your first gay breakup:

If being in the closet ever taught you one thing, it was
that pent up emotions are harmful. Keeping all your feelings inside builds up
anxiety, stress, and excessive sadness. Do you remember how free you felt when
you came out? That’s what it’s like to cry and scream and let out all your
anger and sadness. It’s important to just release everything. Why are you
pretending that it doesn’t suck to lose someone you were in love with? Every
tear you shed is actually because you feel that you don’t deserve this, and it
is a form of self-love to weep for your misery. Hiding it will lead you into
another darker closet. You don’t want to go back to that suffocated feeling of
holding back. Just let it all out.

When hurting, many of us develop certain coping mechanisms,
like anger directed at the wrong people, and depressants like drugs and
alcohol. Doing all of this will not bring your boyfriend back, and you’re just
harming yourself and others around you in the process. Trying to numb the pain
by using narcotics will dull the pain temporarily, but it will come flooding
back stronger than ever when the haze wears off. Try to channel your feelings
into a more positive direction; take a baseball bat to the batting cage and
pretend each ball is your ex’s. Write angry poetry, make art, use it to fuel
your workouts; whatever you do, make it productive, and then step back to
admire it, saying “thank you for the tragedy”.

In some part of your heart, you will always love him,
especially if this was your first serious relationship. Don’t try to cling on
and chase him if he doesn’t want to be chased. Why would you want to be with
someone who doesn’t wasn’t to be with you? You may have fought for him when he
said he was leaving, or if you left; but it’s done now. Let him go. Don’t try
to get information on his life through mutual friends, and don’t stalk him, or
run into him on purpose. Just leave him be, and you can both easily move on
with your lives. If you do want to be friends later on, you need to avoid him
for as long as you’re hurting, and once you feel that you are no longer stuck
in the post-breakup rut, you can let him back into your life.

It’s never easy to stop feeling the way you felt about
someone, and it’s hard when you see someone you would normally hug and kiss
without thinking, but now have to stay a few steps back. Just remind yourself
that you are worth more, you deserve love in a way he could not give. You will
find that love eventually, whether it from someone new, or from within
yourself.