Gay Relationships: 5 Ways to Find Yourself After a Bad Breakup

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Feeling lost after a bad breakup? While time does eventually heal all wounds, there are some specific things we can do to find our footing again. Here are five ways to find yourself after a bad breakup.

1. Take yourself on dates. Want to go see the latest movie? Take yourself to the movie theater. Have a favorite restaurant you haven’t been letting yourself go to by yourself? Just go! Want to spend some time at your favorite coffee shop? Take yourself.

Yes, it can feel awkward going to these things by yourself at first, but the more you do it, then the more liberated you will feel. By doing these things because you want to rather than because someone else is willing to go with you, you will not only get comfortable being alone, but you will also feel more free and empowered in your own life.


2. Go on a vacation alone. 
I seriously can’t recommend this enough. When we go on vacation alone, two main things happen: A) We learn to really focus on ourselves and our own needs. So if you really don’t feel like going to that one museum by the end of the day, so what?! The decision is all on you. And B) We learn to really get comfortable reaching out to other travelers or locals for help. Any shyness goes out the window quickly!

As a result, we can find ourselves feeling so much more in control of our lives, more aware of ourselves (I mean, how can we not if we’re not around someone else 24/7?) and more empowered by feeling like we can literally do and tackle anything!
So, wherever it is that you want to go — Europe, Asia, Mexico, Brazil or maybe even just the a few hundred miles away — wherever it is, make plans and go do it!


3. Find things that you enjoy doing… then go do them! Did you used to love dancing, but you’ve stopped in the last few years? Start doing it again! Did you used to love keeping a garden, painting or working out? Then find time to do it!

Reflect back on all the things that you used to enjoy doing in your life — as a young kid, a teenager, even just a few years ago. Write all these things down on a list and make it a goal to start doing them again!


4. Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t done. Is there anything you’ve always dreamed of doing, but you haven’t give yourself the opportunity to do it? This could be learning how to shoot a gun, how to speak a new language, how to play piano, how to play the guitar, etc. It may also not have to do with learning anything at all, but to just go somewhere and do something. Like to go hiking in a certain place or to go to a nearby beach or hot springs. Maybe it means to go to a certain shop that you haven’t yet been to or try a certain massage place that a friend has recommended.

Whatever it is, identify it and start looking up classes or ways that you can do these things!


5. Shower yourself with “gifts.” In other words, become a “self-care master.” So make yourself a healthy home-cooked meal. Give yourself a relaxing bath filled with epsom salts, essential oils, candles and soothing music. Go on daily walks in nature. Read a book from one of your favorite authors. Buy yourself some of your favorite flowers.

Give yourself things that you love and enjoy because you deserve it! When we shower ourselves with gifts, we shower ourselves with the love we have for ourselves.

Take action now!
In the comments below, share at least one of the things from the list above that you are going to (or at least plan to do) for yourself this week!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



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Creative Ways to Breakup with Your Jerk Boyfriend

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Breaking up is hard to do, well, almost. Ending a relationship doesn’t always have to be nice. Sometimes boy toys are just plain idiots and need to be taught a lesson.
The trick to a great breakup is turning it into a symbol. If it was an awkward relationship, make it as engaging a breakup as you can. If you were the submissive one during the relationship, get your power back by delivering a power-hungry breakup.
Don’t just leave a boring text message. If you truly want to end with a bang, make sure your breakup is one of epic proportions. Here are a few ideas that have come across our attention by people who have shared their experiences and by those who wish they could turn back time.

Hire A Singing Telegram
This is an epic breakup scene. Not only does it give him false hope that you’re doing something “romantic,” but it also has the ability to embarrass him in front of his pretentious friends and knock him off his high horse.
Singing telegram services have multiple costumes for their performers. Make sure it’s a good one, i.e. cupid, an impersonator, drag queen, Disney character, preferably something with a positive image so the message will be more brutal. Be sure you give the singing messenger a big tip.

Quote A Movie
If words leave you, and all else fails, use a quote from a movie. You can either say it in person or write it on a note. It’s always best to have it be a movie they know, better yet, one you’ve watched several times together. Here are a few of my faves:
  • Annie Hall: “A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.”
  • Legally Blonde: “If I want to be a Senator, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.”
  • Superstar: “I made up a new dance, its called Get On With Your Life”
  • Social Network: “You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you’re going to go through life thinking that [guys] don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.”
  • Brokeback Mountain [with a twist]: “I, in fact, do know how to quit you.”

Public Embarrassment At A Gay Bar
If you call him out publicly, chances are he will be too embarrassed to fight back, especially if you can rally the whole bar against him. List everything he’s done, scream it so everyone will hear, and then end with, “What do you think guys, should I break up with him?!”
A friend of mine did this, after which a slew of drag queens, bartenders, and drunk shirtless guys screamed back, “Yes Honey! Dump his Ass!” leading to pandemonium. This is always an epic story to tell your friends. If it’s a place you and your boy go to often, even better!

Have A “Break Up” Shot
If you know a bartender or bar owner, have them make a special drink for you and your (soon to be) ex-boyfriend and call it the “Break Up” shot. When he brings it to you guys, have him specifically say it. If your boy doesn’t get it, break it down for him, and leave him to pay the bill.

A “Care” Package
Have a beautiful care package waiting for him when he gets home that looks like it’s full of fun things, including his favorite candies.
Provide a Hallmark card explaining you’re” just not into him anymore,” and if he needs help grieving to read the self-help books you’ve provided. Have the package be full of breakup books, boxes of Kleenex, a couple of tear-jerking movies, and anything else that one might need to get through a night of crying. Finish it off with a list of phone numbers of some good therapists in the area.

Blame It On Him
Most people would say, “It’s not you. It’s me.” Forget that! Don’t blame it on yourself, instead blame it on him. Have a thorough breakdown of their faults, characteristics and attributes that annoy you and link them to specific examples. Touch his face gently, look at him in the eye and after you give these points, say, “So really… it’s not me. It’s you.”

Change Your Facebook Status
Change your status and don’t tell him. When he finds out – whether it’s through his own discovery or by his friends – respond with no remorse. This is totally low blow, so make sure he truly deserves it. It’s always a treat to see how many “likes” you get before he finally notices.
Blame It On The Alcohol
“Now that I’m sober, I think we need to break up” is always a fun line to say or write in a card. Offer an incentive, i.e. a bottle of champagne with a note saying “I thought you might need this.” If you’re relationship was solely based on sex or partying, using alcohol in your breakup speech is always a good idea. Not only will it make him think, but it adds insult to injury.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Embracing a New Beginning: Moving On After a Breakup

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The ending of a relationship, for whatever reason, can be one of the most painful experiences that we can go through. Having made ourselves vulnerable by opening our hearts to another and loving him to the fullest capacity almost feels spiritual; now it’s been replaced with a crushing sense of loss and emptiness that feels quite devastating. The length of time together, the quality of the relationship, and the level of emotional investment in it all determine the intensity of the grief experienced when you and your lover part ways.

This article will explore the grieving process involved with relationship breakups and offer tips and strategies for facilitating your grief to move you toward healing so you can start your life over on better footing.

The Grieving Experience – The experience of breaking up with a boyfriend or partner can be likened to a death, with layer upon layer of losses resulting.  Not only is his absent physical presence felt as a loss, but other losses like hopes, dreams, expectations, identity, security, and trust compound and complicate your adjustment. Life as you knew it has been shaken and your vision for your future has been altered.

You experience a roller-coaster of emotions. It’s common to feel rejected, abandoned, insecure, powerless, and hopeless. Confusion and feeling a sense of failure and regret are common, as well as varying degrees of anger, depression, and guilt. You might even become preoccupied with your ex-lover, obsessing about him and thinking constantly about your life together and what he might be doing now.


In her book, “Healing A Broken Heart”(1997), Nancy Joy Carroll, ED.D outlines four stages of relationship loss that are common in the aftermath of a breakup. They include the following:
Stage 1: Shock & Denial: This usually occurs immediately after the split-up. You might feel numb, believe that this can’t be happening and minimize the reality of the situation. You feel sad, angry, confused, and might blame yourself.
Stage 2: Despair: You begin to see that the ending is inevitable and experience profound sadness, loneliness, depression, and impaired concentration. You might try to bargain with your partner to try to convince him to give the relationship another chance. You idealize your partner. You feel unlovable, wondering if you can make it on your own, and feel a loss of identity.
Stage 3: Detachment: Anger becomes more pronounced and you begin to hold your partner more responsible for the relationship split. This stage is particularly helpful as your anger helps to create some distance for you from him and you’re not as enmeshed.
Stage 4: Recovery: In this final stage, you come to an acceptance of the loss and learn to “let go”, redefining yourself as a single man again and feel more empowered to cultivate new experiences and opportunities for personal growth.

Tips Along the Grief Path – You are going through a major shift in your identity. Be patient and kind with yourself as you journey through the grieving process.

Keep these tips in mind as you forage through the pain you’re experiencing to prevent any blocks or impediments along the path of healing. It can be a rocky road, but staying focused and conscious will promote a smoother and more successful transition to the “new you.”
· Everyone grieves at their own rate and pace; there’s no timeline, so don’t rush yourself. It can sometimes take years.
· As you go through the stages of loss, be aware that healing is not linear. Expect to progress up and down through the stages. Endure through it.
· Avoid stuffing your feelings; be open to them no matter how much it hurts. Suppressing your emotions only puts a temporary band-aid on your suffering and prolongs your healing. It’s ok to cry.
· Avoid self-medicating your feelings. Beware of alcohol, drugs, gambling, work, food, sex, or other vices to comfort yourself during this difficult time. These can distract from your grieving work and become addictions.
· Depression and anxiety are common emotions during this time period. Should their experience interfere with your daily functioning or accomplishment of daily tasks, seek assistance from a license mental health therapist.
· Earlier losses and unfinished business from the past can be triggered when you encounter relationship loss. Be prepared to deal with these as well.
· Avoid making major life decisions. Allow yourself time to get more grounded and centered first. Grief can have a tricky way of clouding our judgment if not careful.
· Avoid jumping into another relationship right away. Grieve this one completely first.
· Ignore others’ attempts to tell you how you should feel or that you should “be over it by now.” They didn’t live your experience and they are typically projecting their own discomfort with loss and grief.
· Avoid being friends with your ex initially. It’s common for gay men to remain friends with their ex-boyfriends; decide for yourself if this is something that you would be able to do, and if so, allow yourself some time and space first to grieve. It can be very difficult to transition from “life partner” to “just friends” immediately after a breakup. You need time to heal to be able to appropriately view your ex in a new role.


“The ending of a relationship, for whatever reason, can be one of the most painful experiences that we can go through.”


Additional Healing Tips & Strategies:
· Provide a daily structure for yourself to keep grounded. Stay busy, but not too busy that you get distracted from your emotional work.
· Get connected with others. Surround yourself with positive, supportive friends and get engaged with life, no matter how hard it is. Join a grief support group in your area to be with others who can share similar circumstances with you and normalize your grief.
· Find a renewed sense of purpose and passion. Join an organization or a cause you care about, take a class, cultivate a new hobby, get involved! Bring healthy pleasure into your life.
· Learn to be comfortable being alone. Do some self-soothing and nurturing activities. Find value in self-renewal.
· Take this opportunity to learn more about yourself. Work with a life coach to help you learn about healthy relationships and crafting a new vision for your future. Recognize patterns in your relationships and identify areas where you can improve your relationship skills.
· Challenge negative self-talk by replacing with more enhancing, affirming, coping thoughts. Identify your strengths and value to boost your self-esteem. Use the power of affirmations and write them on index cards for quick reference.
· Remove items that remind you of your ex-lover and tuck them away somewhere so they’re not a constant visual trigger for you. There will come a time when they won’t be so jarring to you.
· Create a ritual of closure for your relationship (eg. throw a “I’m moving on” party with close friends, etc.) Find a way to commemorate the relationship and what it meant to you to aid in “letting go.”
· Create a scrapbook or collage of memories of your relationship when you’re ready.
· Release your feelings productively. Take out several sheets of paper and at the top of each write an emotion you feel (sad, angry, hurt, resentful, etc.). Then down the side of the full length of the paper, write “I feel…” and fill in the blank about that particular emotion to release all the feelings you have regarding that as it pertains to your relationship grief. Do some self-soothing afterwards.
· Keep a journal or write your ex-lover a letter sharing your feelings and what the relationship meant to you, etc. DO NOT SEND THIS TO YOUR EX!  This is for your therapeutic benefit only. Or talk to an empty chair pretending your ex is sitting there and practice processing your emotions this way. This can be extremely cathartic.

Breaking up is hard to do, as an old song once put it. Realize that your pain is a tribute to the significance that this relationship held for you and that you are a survivor. How you choose to deal with the breakup will impact the direction of your life and how soon you will be able to rebuild your life. Identify healthy outlets that you can channel your feelings toward, pinpoint potential blocks that could get in the way of your healing process, and allow yourself to be open to love again when you’re ready.

A new beginning with opportunity and possibility awaits you on the other side of the rainbow.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
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