Love Life Friday: Stress Free Dating

Your
time is precious.

Reduce the amount of time you spend
with people who believe happy people are unrealistic. They feed their
negativity on the suspicion that happiness is unnatural. Happiness is an
attainable state of mind made even more attainable if you believe in it.
Collect people who agree with this concept and you are doubling your chances of
achieving and maintaining a high level of happiness. Conversely, negativity and
a depressed spirit can drive away potential love and sour the love you find.
Increase your draw and keep what you catch through a joyful demeanor.

Divorce
difficult friends.
 

Almost everybody is occasionally hard
to handle and so are you. Leave behind the people who are hard all the time.
They will hinder you in reaching your goals and in the future be a stressor
in your marriage. We all have our drawbacks but you don’t have to add on smelly
pets who sleep with you, ultra demanding parents or bosses, or crazy friends.
Be honest: these “frienemies” already drive you nuts so why share that
experience with someone you love???

Laugh
a lot.

If you don’t have a ready supply of
humor in your life, buy some. Go to a comedy show, read amusing books, listen
to tapes that make you laugh or think but not cry, amass up-lifting slogans,
and posters. Then share whatever you think is funny with others. Laughter is
infectious; it lifts the spirit and clears the mind. Be that table at the
restaurant where everyone wishes they were sitting. Be that person that sees
humor in everyday life and shares it. It is passive pro-activity: the more you
seem to be enjoying yourself, the more you are likely to attract men who want to
join you in the fun.

You
simply must smile.

This is a non-option if you want to
find love. You need to look approachable and friendly and if this is not your
style, develop it anyway to use occasionally – it’s sexy. The one and only
exception is life-threatening situations. But you know by now to choose safe
streets, known bars and restaurants and recommended meetings.
Don’t know how to smile? Practice
on furniture, and small, furry mammals. Add people you know. Then proceed to
people you don’t know before you work your way up to full-grown men you find
attractive.

Turn
down the volume.

Electronic media promotes
negativity and poor sleep habits both of which contribute to crankiness and a
less desirable you. Do stay current and informed but select a news source that
screens out gratuitous violence and keep noise level at 30 or below to decrease
noise pollution.

Limit
your drug time.

Turn off plug-in drugs – television
and computer. Face Time is no substitute for good ol’ “mano y mano”, eye to eye
face time.
Books, music and physical
activities are generally more uplifting and conducive to a good night’s sleep.
Lower your intake level of alcohol and simple carbohydrates. They are
depressants. Water, vegetables, protein, and fruit combined with exercise do
produce a cheerier you.

Get
perspective on depression.

Much of it is circumstantial. When
the loved family pet dies, you’ve been cruelly rejected, or your best friend
moves across country, sadness needs to be felt and experienced, not shoved into
your emotional bottle. Unexpressed feeling lasts longer, can get worse, and may
come out much later in ways you could regret. But if you are regularly
depressed with no identifiable triggers, seek help. You need to be able to
quickly handle rejection and start over and over and possibly over again for
the time it takes to find the right man for you.

Be
revealing.

To those you feel you want to know
better and who are capable of understanding, reveal yourself through stories of
your childhood, teenage experiences, as well as current feelings. Always answer
honestly when caring people ask how you are or if they can help.
I am not asking to pour out your
true self to everyone you meet. But you have to be capable of self-revelation
in order to be understood. And if you can’t be understood, you won’t be able to
feel truly loved.

Use effective communication.

Which sentences are more effective:
 “When
you yell, I can’t listen because I get defensive,” or “I hate it when you treat
me like this”?
“Would you help me” or
“You never help me”?
The first choices open up connection.
The second choices shut it down and doom you to getting less of what you are
asking for in the future.
Stress kills and it also fattens. It
can also obliterate the possibility of a great first impression and do
irreparable damage to a relationship.  Fix your stress level before you
find someone to love. Don’t you owe it to yourself to protect his happiness and
yours as well?

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Love Life Friday- Joining Together Should Not Break You Apart

Isn’t your marriage more important than the wedding?  Now would be a fantastic time to keep a firm
hold on perspective. Make sure that appreciation of the memory is mutual by
reaching agreement about your marriage ceremony in general.
There is only one “should”: “NO
SHOULD’S”. It’s your ceremony, your way.
Charles and Michael, clients of mine, are a beautifully
suited pair. They had been friends and colleagues for 8 years before deciding
to marry. It was then that for the first time, they bumped into each other’s
dark sides over wedding details and minutiae. You might say it was symptomatic
of deeper problems. Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it is only symptomatic
of how self indulgently righteous we are all capable of being over how this day
of days should be staged.
The good news was Charles and Michaels enjoyed pleasing each
other. The bad news was they tried to please everyone else as well. And
unfortunately they ended up pleasing everyone but themselves.
Whether its guest list, location, or celebrant, the two of
you must agree or agree to disagree. You are not clones.  Celebrating your differences can be as close
a connection as being on the same page.
Whatever the detail/problem is use this simple dispute
breaker.  Each of you states on a scale
of 1-10 how much it matters to him. If you care at a 3 and he’s an 8 surrender instantly.
Review and deal with the ones that you can dispense almost
immediately.           Put the other issues
aside so each of you has time to think them through a second time and do
another scale vote. This will be your first venture into true marriage
compromising.
Remember that friends, family, or staff can help realize
your wishes but a committee of the two of you should make all executive
decisions. The investment of both of you in making these decisions helps
guarantee memories that will warm both of your hearts.
The writing of personal vows can often become the biggest
deal breaker of the ceremony. If either of you wishes to create personal vows,
here’s how :
  1. Start
    with your words only and write from your heart. Cut and paste from the Internet
    if you wish . That’s OK. If you’ve heard it in another ceremony – fine –
    borrow. But please don’t collect personal opinions other than those of
    your prospective spouse.
  2. Write
    without editing: articulate your feelings about marriage, your love for
    your partner, and the ways in which he enhances and inspires you.
  3. Ask
    your partner for his favorite things you’ve said or written and include
    them. Be light if you wish: you must know by now what your husband-to-be
    finds amusing (and if you don’t, consider postponing the wedding). And
  4. remember:
    even the slightest dig can be uncomfortable and questionable .
  5. Keep
    it relativity brief (200 words maximum) -brevity is a boon to poignancy.
  6. Make a
    copy of vows and write on note cards – you do not want to worry about
    losing them and if memory fails,            read.
  7. If you
    memorize, don’t over practice. You aren’t running for office or competing
    with your mate.
Sincerity at every turn is what captures the beauty of the
moment. The ultimate aim should be a heartfelt ceremony based on genuine
feelings.
The only “should ” you need to worry about is how
to create indelible and positive memories of how you worked together to plan
your wedding day.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Love Life Friday- Finding Love in 5 Steps

Here are the big 5 which, I believe, are absolutely
necessary to finding your love this year:

Love Basic # 1

You can probably guess what your best accessory is, can’t
you ?  It is your smile – a smile is
non-optional equipment in finding love. 
It communicates that you are friendly and approachable and probably
caring and happy.  These are traits that
give you draw and are highly desired in a mate.
You don’t smile ? 
That’s no excuse – start now to practice on furniture, then small furry
animals and work your way up to adults and members of the gender you wish to
attract.

Love Basic # 2

Know that anger plays no part in love.  I am not talking about healthy anger which is
a warning signal letting you know when to back off or speak up.  And I’m not only talking about shouting or
hitting – derisive and demeaning remarks also count.  Speaking up for yourself can and should be
stated in a calm, level voice.  This has
the double advantage of not begetting more anger and being imminently more
effective.
Anger shows up at the beginning – if your date is very nice
to you but he is all but foaming at the mouth with road rage or being rude to
the waiter or others around you, do be warned – I guarantee you will be the
target down the road.
TIP:  Character assassination is not foreplay
If you have anger, get rid of it before your anger chases
away healthy men who might otherwise be attracted. This topic is perhaps best
summed up by a country western song title – “It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your ass all day
long”.

Love Basic # 3

Get good at handling rejection.  And if rejection has never happened to you,
then you aren’t trying hard enough.
Hasn’t almost everyone been dumped before ?  It could be true heartbreak. Or it could be a
small rejection: you thought you had a keeper on date one and then he
disappeared into lost boy land.
Here is the shirt you need to wear: “ GOT DUMPED “ on the front and on the back: “ GOT LUCKY “.  The great thing
about being rejected is he knew before you did that you were wrong for each
other and saved you time.  He rescued you
from the #1 love block – wasting time. 
And haven’t you looked back on a rejection and thought thank you for
releasing me because I would not take you back for anything ? Say “thank you”
to him.  He deserves your gratitude.
Man’s rejection may be God’s protection.  You needed an upgrade but weren’t  willing or able to make it.
Another way of mishandling rejection is not being able to
quit.  Hasn’t everyone worn this t-shirt
also.  The shirt that reads “  Jumped
in too quickly and stayed too long
“ on the front and “ Knew it was a bad idea from the start
on the back?
I am not talking about truly grieving and mourning the loss
of long term or profound love.  I am
attempting to re-direct those who are capable of mourning as a technique for
stalling.  Well, you can’t have
that.  To find love in a year, you have
to just move on along.

Love Basic # 4

Date dress all the
time – 
It’s a good way to get dates
and you never know when you might meet one. 
No one thinks a mate will be date dressing all the time they are
together or even wants it. But everyone believes they are worth having their
love make effort to attract and beguile them. 
This doesn’t take much : clean body and hair, some attempt at color
coordination, and mostly non-synthetic fabrics are good starts.

Love Basic # 5

Attitude really is everything.  Visualize success in love and raise your
personal happiness level and you are a giant step ahead.  I have seen a lot of people overcome every
imaginable barrier because they were determined.  Think of Olympic athletes.  Are they waiting to go on thinking “ this may
not turn out well and I’m not in the mood “ ? 
Your attitude towards dating is your job, your show.  Think like a winner.
A recent study overturned what was formerly believed to be
the p
Best predictor of success – intelligence.  The new best predictor: the need for
cognition.  You are more likely to be
successful if you crave knowledge. 
Applied to love, need for cognition means learns how to better at
loving, reading books and articles, going to articles and seminars, listening
to happily married couples, communicating, dating, and never stop honing your
skills.
Embrace these 5
basics and then just have fun.  This isn’t funereal attendance.  Approach each
date (and every time you are with a prospective or current love) as exciting
potential.  Make every effort to enjoy,
relax, and bring out the best in both of you.


Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Love Life Fridays!

Gentlemen,

We have a new name for Dr. Janet Page’s articles that you have been reading lately. After a wonderful suggestion we are calling the series Love Life Fridays!  We have 2 more awesome articles ready to be released tomorrow and next Friday, so make sure you either follow us or check back in so you don’t miss them!  We will go back and label the previous articles so you have to do is click here!

Also, Gay Dating Solutions Free Year Offer is expiring Fast. They have about 50 free memberships left so you better hurry and get one before they are gone! They started this offer at the start of this month, and they are definitely growing fast.  Don’t miss this opportunity to save yourself $75 that you would normally spend anyway!

7 Best Things To Do On A First Date

Ready for a real committed relationship? Here are 7 quick tips to
getting a great start on finding a committed partner. Some of them are just basic
common sense; others might surprise you. These “do’s” are suggestions
for making dating better and more purposeful. And they are positive, communicative,
fun and respectful.

1.  Plan the first date to include an event, such as a movie, museum,
concert or walk, along with talk time. You don’t want to just sit and bare souls
all evening and if you don’t particularly like his soul, at least you have something
else to focus on. Also, determining sexual interest doesn’t take up much time and
chemistry is the juice of life. But you’re shopping for a relationship so you need
to invest time to give yourself the chance not to dismiss a keeper too soon and
to make sure the two of you have more going for you than desire.


2.  Do acquire a multitude of subjects you’re able to talk about.
Men who talk about their work all the time are not as interesting as men who have
many interests including and particularly the person they are on the date with.
Fifty percent of the airtime is yours so stay above thirty percent and below seventy
percent. No relationship is an exact 50/50 but balance needs to be established for harmony to begin.

3.  Remember that a date is a date. He is not your spiritual advisor
or therapist. Save your real or perceived problems and flaws until he is deeply
interested in you or at least interested. The goal of a first date is to have a
good time, and expect yourself to
contribute 60% of the effort toward achieving toward achieving
that goal.

4.  Do realize the sexiest, most attractive man is not necessarily
the best choice for you. So don’t get carried away until you fill out the Spouse
Shopping List below to assess your personal
requirements.
Requirement
Unacceptable
Negotiable
Chemistry
Values
Status/Money
Appearance
Communication
Style
Taste/life style
Activity Level &
Type
Other


Use this table as safety net to move you past the biggest love block
of all: time wasting. If he isn’t eligible by your standards, move on.
5.  Develop your communication abilities you need to be a better
listener, practice listening you need to be more self-revealing, practice expressing yourself more. You can’t feel loved if you don’t feel understood and you can’t feel
understood if you are unable to tell him who you are. And vice versa: a partner
can’t feel loved unless you can listen without interrupting when he tells you what
he wants to say

6.  You may have
already experienced pain and sadness after being left and lived to see the day
you were thinking.  “Thank you for
dumping me.”  When abandonment waves have
passed you sometimes realize that being left was a lucky break.  He simply knew before you did that you were
wrong for each other.
7.  Do be assertive in letting him know you would like to go out
or go out again. This could mean calling to say you had a wonderful time or enjoyed meeting him or sending a note, text,
or email. Be genuine and express enthusiasm and close the sale. Don’t walk around
with wondering in your head. Find
out if you are mutually interested in being together again.

The main point is to be your self and work toward and believe
in a positive outcome.  Remember: dating is
not funeral attendance. When you do, dating will be fun and everything that follows
will be healthier and more productive.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS– Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

+Gay USA Pages +LGBTQ Nation +Bisexual & Pansexual Community at G+ 

The Key to Connection: Mutual Goals- Dr. Janet Page

True compatibility is the feeling
that you have a helpmate – someone who wants to help you reach your goals and
develop as a person.  And you must
respect and be willing to support your mate’s development and goals. With such a
strong base, staying together is relatively easy.
And I’ll let you in on a secret:
people without any dreams or aspirations usually aren’t as interesting as those
with a sense of purpose. If you’ve ever met someone who has given up wanting
anything for his future, you know they tend to lack enthusiasm and are not much
fun to be around. They lower the energy level in the room and are likely to be
relationship challenged as well.
Once in a committed relationship,
you often have to juggle time and energy for jobs, family members and friends.
Something that is important to your partner can and should change how you plan
your time–together and apart. Compromises must be made: but often, the big
picture of a couple’s life together can be lost before it’s even imagined.
Numerous studies have shown that
people who write things down are more likely to get things done. Make a list of
the things that are important to you as an individual and as a couple. Writing
it down is important even if you never look at it again. Only share your list
when you feel ready.  And your partner’s
list may surprise you!
YOUR LIST:
Your goals, dreams, and
wishes: Write down all of them, even those you (or others)
believe might be unattainable.
Long-term goals: In all of the craziness of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of
things that really matter. Keeping a list of what’s most important to you individually
and as a couple can help make those important things your priority.
  • Places
    you’d like to visit: List the places you’d like to
    visit together, and below each destination, what it would take to get you
    there—money, learning a language (doing this together would be a great way to
    bond), or finishing projects, etc.
  • Each
    other’s goals: Share your ideas for yourself and for each other. For
    example, he might see himself as a not-so-great cook, and you might see his passion
    and talent without the self-critical goggles he’s wearing. You might suggest a
    dinner party for eight using recipes he had been squirrelling away. Or he might
    have creative ideas about how you could increase revenue in your business and
    suggest that you check back with him when you have put
    the ideas into play to see if they succeeded. He might realize by the notes and
    emails you write that you are an excellent writer, and encourage you to get a
    story published, or you might help him realize how valuable he is at work and urge
    him to negotiate for something he wants.
  • Financial
    goals: Write about what you want out of life in the next
    five, ten, twenty years, and how you plan to get there.  What do you want retirement to look like? How
    much is it going to cost to make your goals happen?  Eventually you will need a financial advisor
    or accountant, but for now just make a basic list and take the first steps.

Setting and reaching even small
goals will make you feel better and get you further than you ever imagined. So
when all else fails put this on your calendar: get up, get out, and do something
– anything that will get you moving towards your goals.

A “keeper” has compatible life goals. But if he or she isn’t, at least
you’ve got the perfect exit line, “I believe we have different goals”. You
won’t be riding into the sunset together because you both did your homework and
MADE THAT LIST. Remember: it is easier to
reach the stars with someone to hold the ladder.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS– Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.