Good and Bad Conversation Topics for a Successful First Date

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Ah, the first date. Where great relationships begin, or stumble into awkward, dead-end conversation. To have a great conversation you often have to ask an open question and then follow up to the other person’s response with statements. Try not to ask a reel of questions. Instead, ask a question; listen to their response and then say your own opinion.
Below is a list of potential topics you can have at your disposal should your mind go blank or if one of those horrifying moments of silence occurs. Beware, there are also certain subjects you should avoid so you will not risk offending him or making him want to bolt from the scene.

1. Do talk about your requirements for a relationship.
These first several dates are intended for you to screen whether the two of you have any compatibility to explore further.

2. Don’t interrogate the poor guy.
You can ask him what he is looking for in a guy and subtly ask questions oriented around your own needs without coming across too heavy.

3. Do talk about current events in the news or media.
These topics can add lightness to your discussions and are a good way to screen his knowledge and social awareness.

4. Don’t talk about something you don’t know much about.
You will come across as lacking in intelligent conversation.
If you are not savvy on current events, now would be a great time to brush up on the news to have an arsenal of topics and wisdom handy in case you need it.

5. Do talk about gay issues.
Is he “out”? How involved is he in the gay community?
You will want to screen for any possible internalized homophobia or values around gayness that might not be compatible with your stances.
If those values are both similar, how do you feel about that?

6. Don’t talk about monogamy and explicit sex acts desired.
The time will come to talk about these important issues, but they can be a bit heavy on a first date before you have had a chance to establish some camaraderie.
The same rule applies when discussing politics, religion and money.

7. Do talk about interests and hobbies.
You want to find out if the two of you share any similarities in activities for recreation and leisure.
Ask for examples about experiences and inquire as to what he likes the best about those things.

“Be creative and savvy in how
you go about your conversations.”


8. Don’t talk too much about yourself.
A balanced conversation between you and he is crucial for it to not feel like it is a one-sided date.
Be sure to have an equalized dialogue so you both feel like you’re contributing something.

9. Do talk about your passions and inquire about his.
Nothing energizes a conversation more than a person talking about something that is meaningful to them.
Ask lots of questions to show an interest and curiosity in what he’s talking about.

10. Don’t judge or minimize what he says.
You should never do this, even if it is counter to what you like to do. Validate the importance this passion has for him.

11. Do talk about family and friends.
And inquire about his relationships with them. You can learn a lot about a person by the types of attachments they have to people.
Is he close or disconnected to them? How does he speak about these people in his life — with adoration or negativity?

12. Don’t give a detailed history of your past dramas.
The more he hears about any family dysfunction, the more his eyes are going to be darting toward the door.
Try to save that history for a later time when you can gauge if you can trust him.

13. Do talk about your visions for the future.
What does he hope to be doing in five, 10 or 20 years down the road? Does it appear that you have comparable plans for the future?
Career, marriage and parenting might be something to mention here.

14. Don’t come on too strong.
Also, avoid agreeing with things he says just because you want this to work out. This can be suffocating and appears insincere at times.

15. Do talk about dating.
And talk about what you envision an ideal dating lifestyle to look like.
It can be funny sometimes to swap past dating horror stories, but keep them to a minimum so he does not get the wrong impression of you.
A long history of failed dating relationships could make it seem like you are a train wreck.

16. Don’t bash ex-partners.
This adds a climate of negativity to your date and could have him question whether you might talk like that about him someday.
It might also lead him to think you might be a negative person.

These are just a few ideas out of a plethora of topics you could choose. Remember, every topic and question you ask is designed to screen whether you and the guy sitting across from you have “goodness of fit.”
In closing, of all the first date tips I can give, the best one is to just be yourself. Be authentic. BUT, be YOUR BEST self. Offer your date the things you love about yourself; your passion, your heart, your humor, perhaps. Leave your past relationship baggage at home tonight.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



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Dating Guide: Best Gay-friendly Restaurants in Austin

Although Austin is a fairly gay-friendly city, there are some restaurants where you’ll probably feel a little more comfortable going on a date with a guy. Since Austin is such a foodie city, most tend to seek out a restaurant that has amazing food. But if you’re looking for a place where you can go and just be you, here’s our list of the best gay-friendly restaurants to go on a date in Austin.

1. Z’Tejas – $$ / Tex Mex
2. East Side Showroom – $$ / French
3. Uchi or Uchiko – $$$ / Japanese
4. Galaxy Cafe – $ / America
5. Zocalo Cafe – $ / Mexican
6. South Congress Cafe – $$ / America
7. Asti Italian Food – $$ / Italia
8. Fonda San Miguel – $$$ / Interior Mexican
9. Justine’s – $$ / French
10. Vespaio or Enoteca – $$/$$$ / Italian
11. Blue Dhalia Bistro – $ / America
12. Vivo – $$ / Tex Mex
13. Wink – $$$ / American
14. Paggi House – $$/$$$ / New American
15. Ranch616 – $$ / Southwest / Tex Mex








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Gay Dating Guide: Essential First Date Etiquette


Question: I am new to gay dating and have my first date coming up soon. I’ve never been on a date with a man and there are a few things I’ve always wondered about. Who pays?
We met online and both drive at least an hour to reach each other, he drives further, so do I pay? Or do we pay for each other or ourselves? I am very confused about that! Also, do I bring him a gift to be romantic? We talk on the phone a lot and if I was dating a girl I would bring her a rose, but would that just be weird to bring a guy a flower or candies or something? I really like him and want to impress him! Do I pull his chair out? Or is that a little ridiculous? We have already stated no sex on the first date, but is a kiss okay? If I give him a kiss right when I approach him I think that sets the wrong tone, but I don’t want to seem like a prude either!
If you could put my mind at ease on these silly frivolous things, I would greatly appreciate it!
Thanks, Liam


_______________________________________________________________
Dear Liam:
Congrats on your first date! How exciting!
I would imagine you have lots of nervous anticipation and it’s perfectly normal for you to be feeling all topsy-turvy. Enjoy these feel-good-feelings because it most certainly is a magical experience. However, I would encourage you to approach this first get-together as a “meeting” and not a “date”. If you’ve never gotten together in person and have only communicated via online or the telephone, face-to-face contacts sometimes can be quite different and you don’t want to get trapped in a situation where you’re stuck if things don’t mesh up. By viewing it as a “meeting” rather than a “date”, it also takes the pressure off and first meetings are usually best kept to a short encounter and one that is activity-oriented.
For example, good places to meet up might be a coffee shop or taking a walk through a park or zoo. Avoid going to the movies because that doesn’t afford much time to talk to each other and get to know one another. It’s usually a good idea to skip having a romantic dinner on the first meeting as well because even though you may have had some hot chemistry going on the phone, that may not transfer over to an in-person situation and then you’re stuck having a long intimate dinner with someone that becomes loaded with expectation when you’re just not “feeling it”; there’s nothing more awkward! Postpone the candle-lit dinner until after the first meeting to ensure that there truly is physical and emotional chemistry and that there appears to be some alignment with your personal requirements for a mate before putting yourself in such a position.

Perhaps the number one rule of dating etiquette is to be yourself! If you feel like holding the door open for him, then by all means go for it! But only if that’s the kind of guy you are…you want your behavior to be a genuine representation of your personality and character. Be true to yourself and behave in ways that are polite and show respect for your potential dating prospect. While our heterosexual counterparts have been socialized to behave according to subscribed roles, as gay men we do not have such guideposts to refer to so we have to make it up as we go along, and that’s why it’s best to show your authentic self from the get-go and let that be your reference point.
A lot of the things you do during your meeting will be dependent on reading the social cues and body language that is occurring in the exchanges between you and the other guy. For example, when I was dating, a guy with good manners and who was chivalrous like pulling a chair out or holding a door open scored major bonus points with me. However, other men might be put off by such actions and a masculinity tug-of-war could occur, so try to be mindful of how you think he might respond or react to such acts of kindness by how the tone of your interactions are going. And while it’s a nice thought and generous of you to consider bringing a gift on a first meeting, it is probably advisable to hold off on this until the relationship progresses a little further because this can scare many men off right away as they fear being suffocated or that premature intimacy is being rushed. Sometimes it can also look like you’re trying to impress him and “win him over”. It is not your job to get him to like you. He should like you for who you are, not for what you can do for him, so take the emphasis off of feeling like you have to be on a performance to prove your worth. Relax, and just enjoy spending time with him and getting to him better to see if he matches your personal requirements for you’re a partner and relationship.

Your no-sex agreement is a great idea as sex to soon often times can sexualize a relationship too soon before its had a chance to build its own solid foundation of friendship and trust; the relationship gets defined around sex instead of qualities of more substance and depth and can often times be responsible for ending a relationship before it’s had a chance to get off the ground. Kisses on a first meeting can be nice, but again will be dependent on how the flow of the get-together has been going and to gauge the level of interest, attraction, and chemistry that is or isn’t pumping between the two of you. There’s also no right or wrong answer with money; it’s more about what makes you feel comfortable. Many men go “dutch” on a first meeting; others have one paying and then the other pays the next time. Sometimes one guy does most of the “wining and dining.” Just go with what feels right for you and if you continue to see each other, you can talk more about this issue along with the others.
So enjoy your get-together with this new potential dating prospect and go with the flow. Rid yourself of all the “what-if” thoughts and just stay fully present in the moment when you’re with him. There’s no need to impress; just be yourself and let things evolve naturally and as they are meant to be and that will help minimize your jitters. You can create a favorable impression in the other guy’s mind of you by saying and doing things that make him feel good about himself, but only be genuine or you can come off looking like a “smooth-talker” or a fake. And rather than worrying about whether he likes you and wondering how he’s thinking the meeting is going, keep your thoughts centered on “living in the moment” so you won’t be distracted and keep your eyes peeled for indications of whether he would be a good match for you with your needs for an ideal boyfriend.

Have a great time, my friend! Get out of your head and just have fun! And just remember that you’re a good catch and you have nothing to prove! It will be one very lucky guy who recognizes that fact when he’s out with you! Good luck!
All my best!






Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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A Survival Guide to Gay Dating

“I don’t think there’s enough passion between us”, “I don’t think we are a complete match”, “I’m not feeling a click”, “I don’t think there’s enough chemistry on my side”, “We’re not sexually compatible”, “I’m not ready for a relationship”, “It’s not you; it’s me”, “I’d like for us to remain friends”.

Oh…the perils of dating! We’ve all been on the giving or receiving end of these statements and it never feels good either way. Sometimes nothing is ever said, and the situation just fades away causing us even more confusion. Dating can be very difficult, especially in the online environments we often find ourselves.
So how do we take care of our personal well-being in dating situations?

Here are some dating survival tips to consider:
1). Date for dating’s sake – Get rid of the expectation of finding “the one” and just date. Meet people with the intention of getting to know them and learning about who they are. Avoid getting emotionally caught up too soon. Release the pressure and expectation that this might be “the one” for the long-term.

2). Actions don’t necessarily speak louder than words – We’ve all been told that “actions speak louder than words” but this isn’t always so. Be wary of interpreting someone’s actions as meaning that they are into you or that they actually want a relationship with you. Some guys may say sweet things, buy you flowers or gifts, treat you to dinner, introduce you to their friends and family or initiate sex as a part of their own dating rituals. These actions may hold no specific meaning to you whatsoever.

3). Have fun – Enjoy the process of dating. Put your best self forward and have fun. You cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings or behaviors. You also can’t control the outcome of the experience. You can allow yourself to have fun! Be lighthearted about it all – stay in the moment, enjoy your dates and let go of your attachment to the outcome.

4). Stay focused on your life – Make time to plan activities apart from dating. Remember that dating is only one aspect of your life. Do other things that bring you pleasure and balance your dating life with other important life areas – having a rich full life makes you a very attractive person overall.

5). Learn how to handle rejection – It’s never easy to be let down but don’t personalize the rejection. Recognize that everyone has their own psychological issues and relationship histories that they bring into dating situations. If
someone tells you they don’t want to go forward don’t make it about you. There can be any number of reasons that caused them to back out, and they probably have absolutely nothing to do with you. If you need to, you can talk about the experience with a friend, therapist or coach to help you to quickly move on.

6). Focus on your well-being – Take care of yourself every day by asking – What can I do to take care of myself today?  Perhaps it’s exercising, meditating, or going out with friends or family. Do whatever is meaningful to you. Make a commitment to yourself to do something each day that makes you feel good.

Finally, always remember what my grandmother used to say:
“Men are like buses, there is always another one coming”!






Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
 
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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