What It’s Like To Date Someone Who Is Disabled (According To My Non-Disabled Exes)

Original story from Queerty

 

What’s it like to be with someone who is gay and disabled and an occasional hot mess?
As a gay man living with Cerebral Palsy, I get asked this question a lot–in one form or another. I could tell you all about it. But what’s the fun in that? Instead, in a moment or sheer genius (or sheer stupidity, depending on who you ask), I decided to ask my non-disabled former flames what it’s like to be with someone who is gay and disabled.
I asked them, in their words, to tell me about first meeting, sex, dating and why they never proposed to me. Curious for more? Read on!
Read more at: Queerty
 Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101

Gay Love Advice: Is Chatting Online Cheating?

gay-08

Reader’s Question: 
My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship together for three years. Recently, I visited a gay dating website and created a profile. I’ve chatted and exchanged pics with guys but have never hooked up with anyone. My profile says “In a relationship” and I specifically say I’m just looking for friends. Last week, my boyfriend went snooping on my laptop, even though it was well hidden, and read some of my conversations. Now he’s pissed and says being on dating sites is “cheating.” I say it’s just fantasy. Who’s right, and who’s wrong? Is chatting online cheating?
― Anthony S.L., 27, New York City

********************
Who’s right? Who’s wrong? You are. He is. It all depends. For some people in committed relationships, gay apps and dating websites are harmless fun. For others it indicates that the unwritten or explicit rules of their relationship need to be revisited. Secrets can damage relationships just as profoundly as actions. I don’t know why you felt the need to keep it hidden, but my guess is that it’s because you knew he wouldn’t approve.
Forget about questioning who’s right and who’s wrong in this situation. Instead, sit down with your man and have an authentic tête-à-tête about the real reason you’re chatting with total strangers. Maybe you feel that your love life has gotten a little stale after three years together, and it makes you feel desirable again. Maybe you’re a hopeless flirt. Maybe you really are just looking for friends. Whatever the reasons are, be open and honest about them, and work toward building his trust back. If he asks you to get off the dating site altogether, decide whether that’s something you’re willing to give up in order to keep him.
Then again, maybe he’s upset because you didn’t invite him to the party. Offer to help him create his own profile so that you can send your dirty dick pics to him rather than to that headless torsos. Better yet, create a profile for the both of you together. You know what they say: Two’s a party, and three’s just a hell of a lot more fun.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101

Gay Dating Advice: Can a Single Gay Father Find Love Again?

gay-02

Reader’s Question: I have recently joined a gay dating site but I’m not sure if my profile is an eye-catcher. I was married to a woman for a number of years and I have never had sex with a man. I’m now a single dad and have gone on a couple of dates but they always end the same way. They find out I have kids and they can’t seem to get away fast enough. My children are the most important thing to me and if it means being single the rest of my life, then so be it. But I can’t believe all gay guys don’t want kids. Am I doomed to singlehood?


——————————————————————————-
Finding a compatible dating partner can certainly be challenging, but finding a quality guy is always a possibility! For starters, it’s important to avoid defining your life around dating and to make sure you’re living a full and balanced life that you’re passionate about and that’s purposeful. It’s also important to take this time while you’re single to determine what your negotiable and non-negotiable needs are for a partner and a relationship to help you adequately screen dating prospects for compatibility and to also make sure you’ve got the emotional readiness to take on the responsibilities of dating.
Make good use of your gay dating profile to attract attention with a captivating and eye-grabbing headline that speaks to your personality, but you’ll also want to filter out those men who would not be good matches by highlighting your status (a single gay father) and other personal requirements you have in the profile of your ad. Another thing you could do would be to join a social networking site (eg. GayDatingSolutions.com); if there are no groups in your area that cater to gay fathers, why not be innovative and start your own? You could also start a social group in your community or create an online discussion forum for other gay dads for support and friendship that could lead to dating opportunities.
The important thing is to keep a positive and optimistic mindset, live your life to the max and put yourself in situations that speak to your interests and values where you might be able to meet other gay men. Don’t give up hope and recognize that there are a lot of gay men out there who think gay dads are sexy!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101

Gay Dating Tips for The Average Guy

gay-09

Gay culture highlights youth, muscle, and good looks as valuable assets and commodities when it comes to sexuality and relationships.
All one has to do is turn the pages of your favorite gay magazine and you’ll be distracted by photographs and advertisements of attractive men with chiseled bodies oozing sex appeal to titillate the senses.
Or log on to any dating site on the Web and you’ll find hosts of men demanding youth and rugged masculine good-looks as personal requirements in their profiles to consider even corresponding or chatting with them.


The harsh reality of the worldwide gay community and society at large is that physical attractiveness is deemed a significant value and those who fit the mold of how this description is defined are admired and rewarded with social privileges and positive reinforcement.
This isn’t to say that being a “hottie” is all it’s cracked up to be…they can struggle in the dating realm as well as they are often times pigeonholed with superficialities or viewed solely as sexual objects.


Dating hardships for the “very good-looking” (VGL) could be a whole separate article! But it can often times be a different experience for those who do not espouse the redeeming qualities or status awarded to those labeled as “beautiful” by cultural standards.

So what if you are a single gay man who might be lower on the “hotness scale” because of your physical appearance and looks, your age, your weight, or because you may have a disability? It can feel like your worth in the gay community means nothing and it can undermine your confidence in your dating efforts…but only if you let it!


This article will offer some insights and tips for helping the Gay Average or Not-So-Average Joe navigate through the sometimes cruel dating waters of the gay community to maximize their success as single men on the hunt for Mr. Right.
This isn’t intended to be a Pollyanna approach to the situation because the cold reality is that it is unfortunately more challenging and competitive for those that don’t necessarily fit the prototype of “VGL”. But it’s also not a lost cause!
As you will see, developing and accessing a positive self-esteem and sense of sexiness that we all embody, no matter who we are or what we look like, goes a long way toward attracting the attentions and affection of a significant other.


1. Give Off Those Good Vibrations
I get handfuls of letters from men voicing their disdain at not being given a chance by other guys because they feel they don’t “measure up” in the looks department. While it is true in many cases that an attractive face can get one noticed and “in the front door” more quickly, don’t underestimate the power of your personality and presentation. Many men who feel jaded and frustrated by their unfruitful dating efforts tend to unwittingly emit a negative vibe in their interactions with others. They wear their hopelessness on their faces and in their body language and end up sabotaging themselves because people can smell this kind of negativity a mile away and will retreat from making contact, reinforcing the sense of alienation they then feel and creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Even if you’re not feeling particularly spunky, work hard at making sure you project a positive self-image and energy. It’s all in how you carry yourself. While a cute man can turn heads, there’s nothing more magnetic than a man with a jovial spirit and great sense of humor. It makes you want to get to know him.


2. Confidence is a Turn-On
Along the same lines, there is nothing sexier than a man who exudes inner strength, confidence, and self-assuredness. It shows that he has his life together and enjoys being alive. Even if you have self-consciousness about your looks, have confidence in something-anything! And then don’t be shy about it. By feeling proud of yourself and/or your accomplishments and then by finding ways to express that security intrinsically and through your actions and demeanor, men won’t be able to help but take notice.


3. Repeat After Me—“I Am A Good Catch!”
Attractive men, inside and out, possess a healthy dose of positive self-esteem. They like who they are and recognize that their worth is not dependent on their appearance. They have many other parts to themselves that make them who they are. The cliché statement, “You must love yourself before anyone else can” is very true. Negativity and pessimism are men-repellants, so start work immediately on countering any negative self-talk and recognize the unique talents and gifts that you possess that make you a good person and a good date. Internalize the affirmation, “I am a good catch!” and start acting like it rather than focusing on your unfulfilled dating card. You become more attractive to men when you believe in yourself and consider yourself to be quality boyfriend material.  



4. Unattractive Re-defined
So you don’t think you’re attractive enough?  Wrong!  Everyone has something about them that is attractive. Capitalize on what is attractive about you and recognize that which is truly ugly—ignorance, superficiality, mistreatment of your fellow gay brothers in any form or fashion, low confidence, self-degradation, cocky attitudes, excessive and superficial focuses on physical appearance, depression, etc. These are the things that are the epitome of unattractiveness and will send men running in the opposite direction. Rather than focusing on looks, try to work on identifying any personal “undesirables” you may possess and aggressively work to eliminate them from your personality and behavior to catapult you into interpersonal sophistication and savvy.


5. If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Join ‘Em
Being an “Average Joe” in guy/guy relationships tends to be more challenging than our lesbian and heterosexual counterparts because men are more visual creatures. Whereas women traditionally may be more prone to “overlook” physical attributes for more qualities of substance, men in general are more attuned and turned-on by what they see. Invest in your health and body by exercising and eating right, getting enough rest and relaxation, and integrating more wellness into your lifestyle. Not only will you be taking better care of yourself, but you just might secondarily be adding more appeal to the male tendency toward the visual with your healthier appearance. Nice clothing, a trendy haircut, and sharp accessories can also help to turn heads. Accentuate your looks with things that speak to your unique style and personality. We men are competitive by nature, so making yourself stand out in a way that is authentic and genuine to who you really are can go a long way toward getting yourself the right kind of attention from the right kind of men who will appreciate those particular attributes.


6. Embrace a Sense of Gay Pride
Many men, average or not, struggle with dating because of issues with their sexual identity and masculinity. Internalized homophobia and common male deficits in dealing with feelings and sensitivity can be huge barriers to attracting and maintaining healthy intimate relationships. These things can get in the way of becoming more emotionally intimate. A gay man who is proud of his homosexuality and not afraid to express this part of his identity adds a whole new element to the definition of attractiveness. Having good social skills, emotional intelligence, and effective communication skills are additional assets to drawing in the right kind of men you may be looking for.


7. Stop the Comparison Game
Another symptom of the “Average Joe” syndrome is that these men commonly compare themselves to other men and judge themselves critically in how they “measure up” to Adonis-like guys. This is extremely self-defeating because it’s unfair to compare one aspect of oneself (looks) to someone else’s physical appearance. We have to look at the whole person, the entire package. There are some very physically-pleasing-to-look-at guys out there who are very unattractive in spirit and personality. Stop objectifying yourself and others and becoming prejudiced by looking at things as being “good enough” in only one capacity or human trait.


8. Different Strokes for Different Folks
Never forget the fact that not everyone is attracted to the model-boy or porn-star type. Everybody has different attractions, tastes, and preferences in men. While you may feel like you’re in the minority a lot of the time, it’s important to have faith that there really is somebody out there for everybody and it’s just been a little more challenging finding the right timing, situational contexts, and geographical placements to put the two of you together.


9. Bring Out the Sexiness Factor!
Every human on this planet is and has the capacity to be sexy, no matter what one’s appearance. If you can tap into this feeling, it will radiate and charm the pants off of people (figuratively, and sometimes literally too!). A good heart and a healthy mind are totally sexy. If you can integrate all of these tips into your repertoire and express them, people will be drawn to your energy. Just like “The Law of Attraction” states…you will attract what you put out there. When you feel good about yourself and what you have to offer and can translate that in your mood, spirit, and behavior, your appeal to others will increase. While looks can certainly be a component, sexiness is really about attitude. If you give yourself permission to access and unleash it, it can really be a guy magnet.


–and in conclusion–


10. Live Life to the Max!!!
Finally, and most important of all, live your life! Stop dwelling on your appearance and don’t make your happiness contingent solely on your dating life. Make the most of what you have, develop your inner resources and social capabilities, and enjoy your life. Recognize the things that you do and don’t have control over and practice the art of self-acceptance. By taking the emphasis off of your looks and channeling those energies into living a full life, you’ll definitely be living with more meaning and passion that will likely bring about more good tidings for you. Your inner beauty and magnetism will shine through when you’re having a blast living your life. You are beautiful!

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

Reasons Why You Should Date a Shy Guy

gay-24

You look up from your book at the coffee shop and become paralyzed with nervous anticipation as you see the hot guy you’ve been smitten with from afar sit down at the table across the room.He’s alone today and what a great opportunity it would be to finally approach him and introduce yourself. But the anxiety is mounting as you visualize yourself doing this and you bury yourself back in your book.


You feel your face burning as you berate yourself for not having the guts to make yourself known. “He’d never be interested in me!” “I’d just die if he rejected me!” “And what if he did show some interest? What would I say? He’d think I’m a complete idiot and loser the second I’d open my mouth!” These thoughts swirl through your mind as you look up to find another guy has swooped in for the kill and has been invited to sit at the table with the object of your desire. Another missed opportunity!
If you’re a shy guy, and don’t want to be, dating can be a frustrating and daunting experience. When you’re out and about, it looks so easy for other guys to approach and cozy up to other men. Or if you do have advances made toward you, you just want to kick yourself when you freeze up and don’t know what to say and feel like you’ve made a bad impression and scare him off.
This article will shed some light on the symptoms and psychology behind shyness and offer some suggestions for breaking free of its chains that hold you back from experiencing a satisfying social and dating life.


What It’s Like For The Shy Guy:
Shyness ranges on a continuum from situational to dispositional. Some people tend to be socially inhibited in just certain types of settings or circumstances, whereas for other people this anxiety tends to be more of a personality trait that is a predominant way of life, manifesting itself in many different types of scenarios across the board.
Shy guys tend to be more introverted, preferring more solitary activities to their extroverted counterparts, who tend to like to recharge their batteries through social contact. Neither is better or worse than the other, though society does tend to favor the more outgoing personality-type and stigmatizes the more quiet, internal individuals. The more important aspect here is whether or not any negative consequences are experienced as a result of one’s particular leanings.
Although there are exceptions, generally speaking many shy guys tend to feel uncomfortable in social situations and dislike having attention called to themselves. This anxiety can be translated into stumbling on their words/stuttering, becoming easily embarrassed, and showing many physical signs of being nervous. They tend to feel judged by others and are highly sensitive to the opinions of others, wanting to avoid any type of criticism or rejection. They can feel inhibited, self-conscious, have a difficult time relaxing, and are very internal and self-focused in the sense that they are very preoccupied with their own thoughts, feelings, and physical reactions. They have a difficult time meeting people, struggle with initiating and maintaining conversations, dread group interactions, and can have a hard time standing up for themselves and voicing their opinions and needs. Unfortunately, many people can misinterpret a shy guy’s behavior as his being snooty, stuck-up, arrogant, or aloof and cold when that’s really not the case at all.
Shy guys often times shine when they are in settings where they feel safe or are around people they know well. They also often perform well in structured situations where the players interact in scripted-like roles where there’s little need for spontaneity or mingling without a purpose.
Positively speaking, shy individuals tend to be very creative and have great imaginations that can lend themselves remarkably well to relationships and situations of leadership and change. Their biggest culprit is the negative self-talk in their heads that minimize their competence and value; if this obstacle could be removed, their quality of life would boost to a much higher level.

Most psychological experts believe that shyness is a learned behavior or a reaction to a negative event that inhibits the person. For example, if you were raised in a family where you were made to feel “less than”, your shyness could have developed out of a belief that you were only worthwhile if you lived up to certain expectations, so you became more inhibited and stifled as a result. If you lived with others who were shy or emotionally identified with an attachment figure who was shy, you may have observed and modeled that behavior yourself and it became a part of you.
  
Growing up gay doesn’t help the shy guy much either. Living “in the closet” and trying to cope with being different in a homophobic society could have inhibited you even more, amplifying the effects of shyness. Having been a shy guy myself, feeling more comfortable with my sexual identity and “coming-out” helped me tremendously in breaking out of my shell and becoming more socially confident as I was finally able to be the “real me” and let loose without the fear of scrutiny. Where does your shyness stem from? Try to understand the origins of your shyness by examining your attitudes and past experiences more closely.


Battle Strategies For Overcoming Shyness:
Conquering the shyness beast is not a quick-fix, so it’s important to go slow, pace yourself, and take small steps toward your goals. From my own personal experience and from my work as a therapist and coach with clients, the following are some practical coping tools for taking some steps toward overcoming shyness for those guys who don’t want to be held back any further from realizing and living their visions for fulfilling social and dating experiences.
  
* Become educated in anxiety management strategies. Learn relaxation techniques that will help you cope more effectively with nervousness so you don’t keep succumbing to the power of your physical reactions.
 
* Develop a contract with yourself or a close friend/family member detailing an action plan for how you intend to conquer your shyness problem. Schedule times every week that will stretch you out of your comfort zone and put yourself in social situations where you can practice becoming more confident and savvy. Learn about systematic desensitization to help gradually expose yourself to anxiety-provoking situations.
 
* If throwing yourself into a social scene is too overwhelming to start with, start slower by taking an acting class or joining a public speaking meeting like Toastmasters. These venues are excellent places to teach you valuable social skills in a structured, safe, setting that will give you the practice you need to feel more self-assured. They’re great for building your confidence and self-esteem too and you can make some great new friends! When you’re ready, try the structured Speed Dating craze as a segue to experimenting in the dating world. For now, don’t attach any investment in outcome. Use the more non-threatening parts of your world as your practice laboratory. In time, you’ll develop more of a sense of mastery and comfort in your own skin.
 
* Learn communication and active listening skills that will assist you in having conversations with others. Be mindful of your body language and how you carry yourself too. If you need to, plan ahead and make a list of topics you can talk about at a social gathering or event, but don’t be rehearsed.
 
* Picture yourself as you’d like to be and visualize this on a regular basis to rehearse and internalize this more socially sophisticated you. Role-play with a trusted friend. Create a collage with pictures, words, and symbols that represent the image of the “new you” and keep it posted in a place where you see it every day to keep centered and motivated on where you’re headed.
 
* Break out of the self-absorption trap by transferring the focus to helping others. Channel the energies that reinforced your shyness into rewarding activities that will benefit others in some way. Paradoxically, you’ll be helping yourself too!
 
* Most importantly, challenge the negative thoughts that go through your head. These feed your insecurity and breed shyness. Learn about cognitive distortions and learn how to “talk back” to self-defeating thoughts that sabotage you. Look at situations realistically and substitute those toxic thoughts with more affirming ones that will empower you to see and act like the great guy that you are.
 
* Read as many books and workbooks on shyness and social anxiety as you can. Enlist the help of a therapist or coach to go through them with you to help you generalize your learning to the places where it counts most.
 
  
Realize, shy guys, that the more you run from and avoid your anxiety-provoking situations, the more strengthened and reinforced your shyness gets. The key is to stop giving away your personal power to others (in what you perceive of them thinking of you) and learn to become more assertive. Stand up for yourself, take charge of your life, and don’t stay home another Friday night alone in front of the TV. Get out there and make your dreams come true! You have a lot to contribute and give, but you must realize this first and take proactive steps to making your vision a reality.
 
And a special note to all you single, extroverted, outgoing, non-shy guys….
  
Don’t be so quick to dismiss a guy just because he’s a little quiet or reserved. Shy guys can very easily get “lost in the crowd” and get overlooked by the more colorful, sociable men that tend to draw the attention in social circles.
 
Never underestimate the power and value of a shy guy. He is very creative, passionate, loyal, and caring. Sometimes he might need a little extra encouragement or reassurance, but he’s loving and he’s got your back and he can add a lot of meaning to your life. So never turn a blind eye, because shy guys make good boyfriends too. And who knows, he could even turn out to be your life partner.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

Single Gays in Boston ― Put Your Hands Up!

Gay online dating in Boston is becoming an excellent substitute to finding people in your state who are worth dating. Even if you go out and mix with gay singles on a regular basis in Boston you’ll still benefit from creating a free profile online, and then letting the internet do work for you. It’s easy to create a personal ad that will get viewed by hundreds of promising dates every week, which gives you another avenue to help spice up your love life.

Internet dating is appealing to most Boston gay singles because it doesn’t take a lot of time. Depending on how active you get it can take as little as ten minutes a day just checking your emails, or a few hours a week looking for possible dates and contacting them. It’s an excellent way to make friends as well as find lovers. Once you have your profile up doing the work for you, you can have other Boston singles viewing your profile while you’re out doing something else. This is easily achievable once you have your profile up in less than 10 minutes.
Online dating saves time over finding out what other Boston Gay singles are into. Most of what you’ll need to know is on their profile. You can see exactly what they’re looking for in another single so you can tell instantly if they’re going to be attracted to you. You can list your preferences on your own profile, and your personal ad is a method of streamlining your dating progress so that you have a better chance of meeting the kind of single that attracts you the most.
Once someone has sent you a message you get the option to reply to them, or not. If you feel someone is going to be wasting your time you can choose to ignore them. It’s not like being out where you would have to speak to them, online you can ignore them, and if you need to, you can prevent them from contacting you altogether.
Because of all the tools you get when you use an online dating service you can be matched up with like minded gay Boston singles within seconds. Personality match systems are becoming the norm so as long as you have filled in your profile as detailed and as accurate as possible you’ll be matched with possible dates.
Gay online dating in Boston is a fun, safe and secure way of exploring another side to dating away from the bar and club scene. Thousands of singles are enjoying the benefits of this method of finding love interests and making new friends. Singles are getting into relationships that never would have happened if they hadn’t created their online dating profile.








Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

Dating Advice: I’m Gay and Fat


Reader Question:

 I am overweight but a great person. Men don’t want to give it a chance unless they want just sex or money.
Why are men so superficial?
– Martin B.

———————————————————————————————————
Dear Martin,
Men tend to be more visually wired than women. Couple that with a hyper focus on youth and beauty in the gay community and good men like you often get overlooked.
I assure you that you are not alone and I encourage you to examine your choices in mates. Are you in fact overlooking some great people because you may have also internalized the focus on good looks yourself?
My suggestion would be to use an online dating site in a different way. Instead of beefing up your physical or financial attributes to attract someone, write in a deeply personal way about your values.
Authentic people attract other authentic people. Talk sincerely about what you have learned in life so far and what your goals are. If your online profile is a mundane list of height, salary and zip codes, you won’t passionately energize anyone. Be the standout person who is real and you will find a real relationship.







Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

“No Asians, No Blacks.” ― Picky Dater or Racist Dater?

grindr
Grindr will get you laid. And possibly make you a crime victim. But among all those muscled chests and sexy profiles to swipe through, it takes about a second to find one with “no Asians” or “no blacks.” That’s racist and here’s why.
The offensive quip in a profile is mostly the work of white guys. But black guys flip the script and use it, too. It’s racist either way, even if you can’t fathom how or why. 
So author Jeremy Helligar tries to break it down in his new book, “Is It True What They Say About Black Men?” It’s the best takedown of why “no [insert race]” is bad and you’re bad for including it in your profile. And since Grindr is no place for nuance, his explanation is succinct.

I like the part in the book where you talk about how some gay guys are very quick to write off potential lovers/boyfriends simply because of their race, i.e. gay men who put on their Grindr profiles “No asians.” I often hear guys argue that it’s not racist, it’s about personal preference.
Saying I like apples better than oranges is a statement of preference. Writing “No Asians” in your Grindr profile is not about preference. It’s about exclusion, especially when you insist on putting it in writing. You aren’t saying you prefer this over that. You’re saying, “If you’re Asian, don’t even bother.” These same people judge white guys individually and dismiss them individually. If they don’t like them, they just don’t respond or block them. But with Asians, they’re dismissing them collectively, making a preemptive strike against them because, well, they think they all look the same, or they’re all unattractive, which is basically what you’re saying when you say you’re not attracted to an entire race. I don’t understand how people can’t see the problem with this. It’s discrimination, which is key to racism. And the sad thing is, it’s an artificial, misguided distinction because “Asian” is as varied as “White.”

No really, it’s racist.

At the same time, a person can’t control who they are attracted to.
If you’ve never been attracted to an Asian guy, or a black guy, or even a white guy, that doesn’t make you racist. What makes you racist is when your lack of previous attraction guides your future interaction with them, when you close yourself off from them completely. So instead of turning down an Asian guy, or a black guy, as most white guys would another white guy, because you’re just not interested, you make it completely about color. How is that not racist?


So enjoy your Grindr. Be careful and try, try, try to be a little less racist.







Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

Gay Dating 101: Ten First Date Red Flags

That First Date

You are getting ready to meet that handsome guy you met online or through a close friend for that all important first date. Feeling excited and a little nervous, you look hard in the mirror and think to yourself:

Will he like me? What should I wear? Does my breath smell?”



Seriously, going on a first date can be a bit of a challenge. This is particularly true for gay men who are new to the dating scene or have been off the market for an extended period of time.
After consulting with a number of gay men who were formerly single and now long-term partnered … plus a few therapists who specialize in couples counseling. Here are some gay dating red flags:

10 Red Flags for Gay Men on a First Date

What follows is a list of 10 “Red Flags” for gay men on a first date that should be thought of as potential warning signs that the guy may not be a good fit for you. Some of these red flags are obvious. Some are funny. Others are ones you may not have heard before and should not ignore. The list is by no means exhaustive.
Disclaimer: Not every point here may apply to your situation and is not set in stone. Think of these as general guidelines as opposed rigid rules.

1. He just got out of a long term relationship

This point may seem particularly obvious but the truth is that many gay men fall into the trap of ignoring this red flag. In gay years the phrase “long term” can often differ from straight folks. A long term relationship for a gay man can be subjective at best. As a rule of thumb, 2 years or more is a good yardstick go by, give or take.
What is important is this – the amount of time he has been out of his same sex relationship. If he was in a five year relationship and is now out on the market six months after the breakup, he is very likely not going to be emotionally available or emotionally capable of a real relationship again for some time. And if he still lives with his ex and is claiming, “We still live together but are not in a relationship” or anything like that, you need to run.
Here are some more tips under this point:

  • He says you remind him of his “ex” several times during first date
  • He talks about his ex the entire date or calls you by his ex’s first name (run!)
  • He tells you he wants a serious relationship (remember, he just broke up)
  • He is just coming on too strong and acting like you two are a serious couple.

2. He’s checking out other guys and flirting

Yes, this is one that should seem obvious but is ignored more than folks might think. If you are out on a real date and you are noticing that the guy you are out with is continually checking out other dudes, flirting or both – it is probably a good indication that this guy is not for you. There is an off chance that he is trying to impress you by demonstrating how he can attract other people but do you really want to deal with that?
And here is another possibility …he just isn’t into you. Instead of manning up and telling you that, he is flirting with other dudes. This point sucks and not something you want to hear but checking out other guys on a first date really is not a good sign for something long term.
Other tips under this red flag during the first date: 

  • He keeps going on Facebook or twitter or some other dating app
  • He talks about how hot another guy is on your first date

3. He wants to go to a bar

Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. If he wants to meet you at a local gay bar for a first date, he probably isn’t the right guy for you. The same goes that if after your official first date activity, like a coffee or a dinner, he wants to go to “the bars” .. it should be a warning sign that this guy is not long term material. The reason being is that the first date should be about getting to know one another. If he is already needing to go hang out at a bar on your first date, he likely is not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point. You decide.
Some other tips under this red flag: 

  • He tells you he meets all of his dates at bars
  • He seems to crave attention and needs an audience
  • Most of his pictures are of him at clubs and yeah … bars

4. He drinks too much too fast

Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag. One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine (or some other drink) and that he is encouraging you to do the same – run.
Look, there is nothing wrong with a few drinks on a first date however, when it gets to the point that he needs to get bombed in order to function, he’s likely not going to be a good match for you. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date stoned. Run like hell. 
Other under this red flag: 

  • He wants you to get high with him
  • He talks a lot about how much he “parties” or “parTays”

5. He has less than 1 year of sobriety

A guy who is in a recovery program for drugs and/or alcohol should be applauded and supported. That however does not mean he is ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a 12-step program (AA, CMA, NA…) are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for 1-year.
This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged. The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that the guy needs to be focusing on his recovery. A debatable “red flag” perhaps but one that cannot be ignored.

6. He is rude to wait staff and others

If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors. He is also demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel.
If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road?
Other tips under this red flag:

  • Seems to have a quick temper and goes off on small stuff
  • Does not say “thank you” or “please” when speaking to you or others
  • Orders people around like he owns the place

7. He says he is straight acting

Whenever you hear a gay man suggest that he “acts straight” or is “straight acting” you need to be concerned.
There is a difference between being masculine and “acting” hiding who you are. And what exactly does “acting straight mean” At its core, it’s called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this.
There are many gay men who are masculine and their sexual orientation is not readily obvious.
With that shared, if your first date makes it a point to say he “acts straight” and goes out of his way to identify as straight to others around him, you really need to carefully consider if this person is for you.
Other points under this red flag:

  • He emphasizes his religious beliefs that are known to be anti-gay.
  • He identifies as a die hard republican and supports anti-gay candidates
  • He shares that he is “confused” about his sexuality (run!)

8. He is looking to hook up immediately before or after the first date

If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda. And hey, there is nothing wrong with hooking up – but aren’t you wanting something a little more?
Other tips under this red flag:

  • During the goodnight kiss his hand reaches towards the southern regions
  • He talks too much about bedroom positioning (top drawer/bottom drawer)
  • He can’t look you in your eyes when you kiss (umm, yeah that is a red flag)

9. He talks too much about himself

On your first date, it is only natural and human to talk about oneself a little. If however the guy you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about his life, his job, his car, his family, his dogs …his, his his …. There is likely going to be problems with compatibility. 
Other tips under this red flag:

  • He asks very little about you during your first date
  • He makes you feel like you are being qualified for a car loan
  • He starts to immediately playing the game of materialistic comparisons
  • Name dropping of celebrities or well connected people in town
  • He’s looking waaaay too much at his reflection in his stirring spoon

10.You ignore these red flags and others because you are hooked on his look

Do his muscles, charm and smile blind you to some of the red flags mentioned here or perhaps other red flags that you have heard of in the past? Does he make you feel overly insecure because you feel he is just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where you were in a space that was not good for you? If so, these are important warning signs.
Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one way relationships. Pay attention to how his physical appearance causes you to feel. If you come away from that date feeling “less than” or “ugly” then you are the person who is not ready to be in a relationship.
Other potential red flags:

  • You won’t talk about yourself because you feel “less than”
  • You feel the need to brag or go out of your way to impress him
  • You’ve dated his type before and you keep repeating the cycle
  • Can you name some other red flags that you ignore?

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?


Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

5 Tips to Make Your Online Dating Profile Stand Out


Gay dating websites can be an awesome way to connect but can also be a real drag. Messages go unanswered, hours seem wasted scrolling through endless profiles and something that’s supposed to hook you up leaves you feeling as isolated as ever. But the problem can be easier to solve than you think.
It might seem annoying to work on your profile, but imagine it from your potential suitors’ perspective. What you say in your profile, and more importantly how you say it, are all anyone has to go off of. And the photos you choose may seem trivial, but they matter more than anything.
Here are some tips for a great online profile, and to get your dating life kicked into gear, Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

1. Put your best face(s) forward
Imagine you aren’t you. Take a look at your dating profile’s photos and ask yourself, “Would I date him?” It’s an awkward and mildly narcissistic query, but your photos should communicate two clear messages: “I am a real person,” and “I have a personality.”
If you really want to dive into the data, people with four or more photos have the best online dating experience. Also, choose a main photo that’s a medium shot (not quite a close-up) and features the left side of your face. Yes, really.

2. Leave your friends out of it
It’s tempting to include photos of you with your friends at a bar. We get it — you’re socially well-adjusted and the life of the party. But these can be problematic. A photo of you surrounded by a bunch of cute guys isn’t the most approachable, and it can even be confusing which one is actually you.

3. To selfie or not to selfie?
Let’s say you have four photos on your profile. At least two of them shouldn’t be selfies. Try using photos of you in your element, whatever your element may be. Enjoy hiking? Next time you and a friend hit the trails, ask them to help you with a little photo shoot. A shirtless picture of you on a mountaintop is infinitely more attractive than a shirtless picture of you in a bathroom mirror.

4. Tell people what you’re into, not what you aren’t into
“I take care of my body and am looking for someone who enjoys staying fit,” sounds a whole lot better than “not into fat guys.” You’ll get better results staying positive than you will by putting other people down. Avoid phrases like “masc only” or racial boundaries. You may think you’re just being honest, but it makes you sound like a total jerk. Nobody wants to date a jerk.

5. Avoid cliches
Not into “drama”? That’s great, nobody would ever say otherwise. Do you enjoy “movies and music”? Congratulations, you are a human being. Instead of spouting off these phrases that really don’t mean anything, try getting more specific. “I love Wes Anderson films and can’t get enough of Cher.” OK, now we know something about you.
The same goes for how you message people. “Hey” and “What’s up?” are two surefire ways of not getting replied to. Take 30 seconds to actually read the other person’s profile and comment on something specific. Even a cheesy joke can go a long way. “If you were a tropical fruit, you’d be a Fine-apple!” At least it’s memorable.






Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101