In Praise of The Gay Daddy

Daddy has become synonymous with sex appeal and strength.

This essay is part of an ongoing series by the author about issues facing older gay men. If you’ve got a “Daddy Issue,” I want to hear about it. -DRT

 

I was walking down Eighth Avenue last week wondering why I was still alive—something I typically do every time I stroll the streets of Chelsea—a thought that makes me feel oddly younger than my 53 years. I’m a child again when I’m there, because my life has been reborn.

True, the stores and restaurants and crowds have almost all changed, and the people are mostly younger than I am, but I’m like that ghost who haunts his old neighborhood and who can’t let go and who has a permanent existence no matter the strife or wars or natural illnesses that wipe away citizens.

I wonder why I’m alive among mere mortals, living in a fountain of second youth, because, by all accounts, I was supposed to die. We all were. If the 20th Century couldn’t kill me, what can?

In another time, before hook-up apps and same-sex marriage and mainstream visibility and anti-bullying efforts and children and the military and rainbow-colored White Houses and presidential acceptance and TV and movie might, the predominant divinity was AIDS. It was a cruel deity and most of us were god-fearing.

Everyone died back then: Survivors were the odd men out. If you lived, miraculously, you ended up, like me, with no male role models, few gay friends, fear of sex, fear of falling in love, fear that your cock—your sexual identity—was poisonous, fear of someone hearing you cough.

But I did, we did, anyone reading this who’s over 50 did, and we’re the millennium Peter Pans—and not just because we get the reference.

After the era of G.A.Y. (Got Aids Yet), we’re living in a world that we dreamed about and fought for, and sometimes kicks us in the ass for surviving at all. The conundrum of gay life after a certain age is that we killed ourselves to get here yet we are often punished for daring to grow older.

Since we weren’t intended to live, there are times when it seems apparent no universal plans were constructed. No metaphorical insurance policies, no retirement visions, no husbands and homes to invest in—lab at the side, picket fence home, kids running around the Christmas tree—no plans beyond the Saturday night club, sex, and the Sunday night recovery. Monday only meant four borrowed time days until Friday. More puzzling, we’re reminded on a daily basis by younger men that we “missed the boat” and should stop acting like children when we were born with so many alternative options. And they were?

And, well I’ll be darned, we now have to deal with trivial life-threatening issues, like cancer and heart disease and a multitude of other killers. That’s just plain unfair when we spent our youth getting past the only one that mattered. We didn’t go to our annual physical worried about cholesterol levels.

The men of the eighties and nineties are the unwitting Lost Boys—missing children from Peter Pan and the vampire movie of the same title and castaways from that island TV show, with overlapping puzzles about an inexplicable crash survival circling forward and never quite latching on to a logical seat belt.

But men of a certain—and uncertain—age certainly aren’t just AIDS leftovers (remnants of the sudden departure from another Damon Lindelof series). We’re the last generation of gay men with no societal structure. We have no scripture except the one that told us we were all going to Hell. To all the men who ask me now if I want kids or marriage, nonchalantly, like they’re asking if I’d like fries with my burger, I always wonder if they know that, just a generation back, none of those options were seriously on the table. They were still in the political ether, as was the idea of conformity and integration and publications like this one.

Our gay fathers were busy identifying themselves amid the underground world of fabulousness—and often the carried-over self-loathing mirror. They needed to know who they were before thinking about what they could achieve, and my generation is on the cusp of both worlds. We’ve lived long enough to wear holocaust tattoos and we’re young enough to start a spanking-new family. Being a Daddy has so many connotations.

Since our own muddled bookkeeping, along with divinity’s bounced check, left us without a comprehensive road map, we’re still making things up as we go along. And that’s where it gets exciting. We might be illegals, but our experience makes up for lack of home.

 

Read more at: HuffPost Queer Voices.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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Gay Dating 101: How to find Your Soulmate

Mention the word “soulmate” to a group of people and you’re bound to get a few eye rolls. The idea that there’s one magical person for you who you’ll fall in love with instantly and never disagree with is just not realistic.

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not be physically attracted to each other when you first meet, but there is a mysterious force pushing you forward that tells you this is “the right one” for you.

Although most people think of a soulmate as a perfect harmonious union of bliss, your true spiritual soulmate is the person who is intended to help you “complete yourself.”

For those of you struggling to find “the one”, here’s help…

 

Be clear about what you want

Most gay men have an idea of what they want based on past relationships. The key is to find the positive aspects you want in a soulmate, rather than the negative aspects. This can be difficult, but possible. Focus on the good things you want in a significant other, and this can help you in your search of how to find your soulmate.

 

Be your own self

You need to take the time to be the person you want to be, which does mean eliminating or at least dealing with the weaknesses you may have. If you are constantly focused on your own weaknesses, you will attract someone who has the same weaknesses. A relationship that is based on weaknesses rather than positives will die out quickly and not be fulfilling for either person. If you take the time to find yourself and be yourself, you will have better knowledge of what you want in a soulmate, and will be better equipped to deal with a relationship.

 

You know each other’s flaws and the benefits in them

Yes, it’s true. Our flaws have benefits. Every trait has a positive as well as a negative side. It’s the task of each person to always look for the good, even when things don’t look so good. There is usually a benefit to each flaw. Stubborn people are good decision makers. Overly organized people are great at paying bills on time.

 

Get out

If you are looking for your soulmate, then you are going to get yourself out there, which does mean meeting new people and participating in dates. This means that you should ask your friends or relatives if they have someone that they think may be a good match for you. In addition, attend various social functions and events you are interested in, as this could be a good way to meet someone who has the same interests.

 

You’ll know when you’ve met “the one”

Something deep inside tells you this is the perfect one for you. It’s as if there is a spiritual force pushing you to let go of everything you previously expected and to give of yourself completely.

 

Be ready to be surprised

When looking at how to find your soulmate, be sure that you are ready for surprises. Chances are, you are not going to see someone and automatically think that they are love at first sight. Instead, you should be ready to be surprised. You should also be prepared to fight for any relationship that you are going to have, even with your soulmate there are going to be times in which you have to work for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Gay Dating 101: Seven Habits Of People In The Happiest Relationships

Strong, happy gay couples don’t phone it in — they make their relationship a priority.

 

Happy gay relationships don’t happen by accident. It takes two emotionally healthy, loving people who are committed to being the best partners they can be.

Below are some habits that will help create and maintain a happy and healthy twosome.

1. They always kiss their spouse hello and goodbye.

Far from being a meaningless habit, this ensures that you connect, even for just a moment, at least twice a day. Many people in unhappy relationships say that they can’t recall when they stopped kissing at greetings and goodbyes, it just slips away without effort. When you make the time to make eye contact with your partner and kiss them, it shows that you prioritize your relationship even during the busiest of mornings or evenings.

2. They are generous with compliments.

Everyone needs compliments and they especially need them from their partner. You cannot give too many sincere compliments ― whether you have been together 5 years or 50. It can be simple things like saying, ‘You look especially handsome today’ to deeply felt statements like ‘I was so proud of you today when you gave John such wise advice.’

 

3. They disagree at times, but they fight fair.

If partners don’t disagree now and then they’re either not being honest or aren’t human. Disagreeing isn’t a relationship problem ― it’s normal. It’s how couples work through their disagreements (or rather don’t) that can become bad for their relationshipDisagreements are opportunities to practice conflict resolution and build communication skills. Take a look at your disagreements and see what bad habits each partner has when you disagree. Do you talk over each other? Get angry? Yell? Swear? Name call? Disengage? Each partner should make a list of their bad tendencies and use future disagreements to practice responding differently and building better communication skills.

 

4. They don’t expect their partner to read their mind; they ask for what they need.

The happiest couples we see make it a habit to ask for what they need and listen to each other’s needs (without being resentful). Running around hoping another person will know what you need or that you are supposed to know exactly what they need is a recipe for disaster. The happiest gay couples are delighted to openly talk about needs and honor differences in needs without feeling like anyone should have already known or that their ‘soulmate’ will have the same needs as them.

 

5. They set aside time to reconnect and make it a priority.

They understand that in long-term gay relationships, affection and sex don’t just happen, gay couples need to have a commitment to cultivating connection instead of hoping it just happens. For example, at the beginning of a relationship, most gay couples can’t keep their hands off each other. Later on in a relationship, they can’t seem to keep their hands off their phones or computers. Gay couples who commit to prioritizing time to be together, to show affection and to keep learning and growing around sex, are definitely the happiest.

 

6. They laugh together ― often.

It’s easy for a relationship to deteriorate into just talking about logistics, saving your funny anecdotes for your best friend or coworker. This is a mistake. When gay couples get out of the habit of laughing together, their relationship is at risk of losing its joy and spirit.

 

7. They give each other the benefit of the doubt.

When people are struggling in relationships it’s not unusual to feel that your partner is on a completely different team that you. Remember that you are on the same team and that you both care about one another. Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt is a great strength in a happy relationship.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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5 Gay Dating Tips and Practical Advice for Singles

Dating is often awkward, sweet, and challenging. But don’t worry! We’ve put together some top gay dating tips to consider when meeting new people.

 

We’ve put together some top gay dating tips to consider when meeting new people. Let us save you some time, energy and heartache. You can thank us later.

1. Finding a romantic partner is only one of many goals you can have at once. There’s a difference between making something a priority and having an obsession. No one wants to be the Captain Ahab of the dating world.

2. It’s not about getting someone to think you’re good enough for them. It’s about finding someone you can stand to spend a ridiculous amount of time with. It’s about finding the puzzle piece you fit with and the Ernie to your Bert.

3. Stop worrying about potential paramours rejecting you for being too fat, too short, too whatever. It’s entirely possible that you would’ve had to reject them for never having seen Star Wars (your essential piece of pop culture may vary) anyway. People who simply are “not the right fit” exist. The sooner you weed them out of your life, the happier you’ll be.

4. A first date is not an audition for marriage. It’s just a tryout for a second date. No one ever fell in love while analyzing every detail of their momentous first meeting.

5. If a man says that he’s too damaged for you (or too neurotic, or too anything), just take his word for it. Even if it is his low self-esteem talking, you’re not going to be able to fix him. And it’s probably just a euphemism for “I’m just not feeling it.”

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Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Disney-Obsessed Gay Guy Proposed to His Boyfriend on Splash Mountain

Original story from PinkNews.

 

A Disney-obsessed man popped the question to his boyfriend at Disneyland in a truly heartwarming style.

Reddit user Eugenius310 shared the incredible moment that he popped the question in style to his boyfriend Chris.

He sprung the surprise proposal on his partner during a trip to Disneyland, during a ride on the log flume Splash Mountain.
Read more at: PinkNews.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101

Gay Dating 101: Five Tips for Finding Mr. Right

 

1. Get a life. The most important thing is to be Mr. Right yourself. Finding the right man is not going to change you into a better person than you already are. If you are lazy and self-centered, finding a generous hard working fellow is not going to transform you. If you are boring and a one-dimensional person, finding an intellectually challenging man is not going to change who you are.

Learn how to be interesting, kind, caring, and unselfish. Work hard at changing your character defects. (If you are not sure what they are, ask your mother!) Become more well rounded. Complete your education. Get a hobby. Volunteer and expose yourself to people who are less-fortunate than you are. Travel abroad and see how fortunate we are in the USA. Learn some humility by volunteering to serve others. Take a listening class. Get some counseling if you need to learn to be assertive or how to share your feelings. If you have some childhood traumas deal with them now, with someone who can give you professional help. Continue reading

Gay Marriage Advice: 4 Relationship Tips from The Experts

Expert advice and relationship tips on the best ways to form a tighter bond, unlock more happiness, take on tough issues, and keep your marriage solid for a long, long time.

Every marriage (gay or straight) has its bumps, and they can pop up at any time. What’s important is that you learn to navigate them smoothly—before they send your relationship into a ditch.

No matter how far along the marriage highway you’ve gone, there are some simple, fundamental rules of the road. Putting them into practice isn’t always easy, but it’s critical. If you do play by the rules, you’ll make your marriage stronger, and the good stuff—fun, sex, trust, affection—will be better than ever. Try these little things to make your marriage happier right now.

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Gay Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Gay dating tips to help you find love 1: Keep things in perspective

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet that special guy.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable. Especially when it comes to online gay dating, people don’t always accurately portray themselves. Regardless of where or how you meet someone, though, it always takes time to really get to know that person. You have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations, some good and some not so good, before you really know him. For example, how well does this guy hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry? Continue reading

This heartwarming gay army prom photo that has gone viral will brighten your day

Original article from PINKNEWS
A heartwarming photo of a YouTube star and his soldier boyfriend posing for an Army prom has gone viral.
Max Emerson, an underwear model and vlogger with more than 100,000 subscribers, posted the photo on Sunday, which saw him capture the classic prom pose with his partner Andrés Camilo.

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The Secret History of LGBT Dating

Original article from ATTITUDE MAGAZINE.
From improved medical care for trans people, to Lloyds Bank featuring a gay marriage proposal in a recent ad campaign, for the most part, I think life as an LGBT+ Brit is the best it’s ever been.
I write this as a bi woman who has just published a history of getting it on, The Curious History of Dating: from Jane Austen to Tinder. The book may brim with straight courtship rituals, but what it also uncovers is a parallel narrative of LGBT+ dating habits that celebrates our humanity. So what if our gay ancestors didn’t populate their world? I believe they’ve done a lot for everyone’s right to love.

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