Being Gay in the Bible Belt

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The Bible Belt of the U.S. is the term used to refer to states in the south-central and southeastern part of the country. These states have an overwhelmingly large number of socially conservative religious people, and these evangelical Christians tend to play a large role in politics and society overall. Church attendance is higher in this area than the national average. The Bible Belt is generally defined as including all or parts of Oklahoma, Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas, Missouri, West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Florida, Georgia, Kansas, North Carolina, and South Carolina. However, there are definitely parts of these states that are NOT part of this Bible Belt, such as New Orleans, South Florida, and South Texas.

Being Gay in the Bible Belt, as you might expect, can be challenging. These states almost overwhelmingly vote for conservative candidates who are against LGBT rights, and many of them quickly and overwhelmingly voted for constitutional bans on same-sex marriage. It’s only been thanks to the Supreme Court that LGBT people have gained the right to marry in all of the 50 states.
Even though these areas are notorious for being anti-LGBT, there are some very liberal cities. Atlanta, Georgia, for example, is incredibly accepting and welcoming overall. The Westside area, the Buckhead neighborhood, and the Little Five Points district are all very diverse and welcoming. Arkansas has Eureka Springs, Texas has the Dallas/Fort Worth area, and Tennessee has Chattanooga. These are just a few of the cities in the Bible Belt where LGBT people will feel safe.

It’s not that the Bible Belt has very few LGBT people—as a matter of fact, there are a good many who live in the South, but most of them are simply not out. If you’re single and moving to the Bible Belt, you may not find that many people hanging out at the local LGBT bar (if there is one). Instead, you’ll probably find many of them in gay dating sites or gay apps. Even in those cities that have major gay districts or are considered very gay-friendly, you may not see people flying rainbow flags.
If you are a gay guy living in the Bible Belt, chances are you may feel misunderstood and isolated. Take heart — there are many others like you in your region. Gays in the Bible Belt just need to do a little more searching than usual to find others like them. There are many online resources that can help you in this endeavor. Being gay in the South is certainly not easy, but a sense of community can help whether you’re deep in the closet, transitioning or out and proud.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


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How to Be Happy: 15 Ways to Create Happiness in Your Life

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Life doesn’t need to be depressing. Come out and find your inner YES GAWD! Everywhere we look there is something to complain about, but the second we stop dwelling on all that crap is the moment we find ourselves.
It’s time to be more positive. There is a happy gene hidden somewhere inside of us waiting to get pulled out, but it never will unless we trigger it. Here’s how:

#1) Stop feeding into bullsh*t because you feel like you have to. No seriously, stop doing it. I know it can be hard saying “no” to people you’ve convinced yourself you need to suck up to, but there’s truly a reason why you feel an urge to do it—because your gut is telling you so. Listen to it and you’ll be so much more aligned in yourself.

#2) Stop doing what you did five years ago expecting the same result. The whole point of life is to evolve; meaning, take what we’ve learned and apply it so we’ll have more clarity and wiggle room to branch out towards new avenues. Start doing that.

#3) Rid yourself of the friends that keep you from doing #2 on this list. There are friends who refuse to grow up, but we hold onto them because of our history. Don’t be scared to peel yourself away. At this point, your investment of time is more valuable than anything else.

#4) Don’t hold back positive feedback because the person isn’t “popular.” When you have a chance to give a genuine compliment or positive enforcement, do it, regardless if the person is a trouble child or black sheep. Trust me, you can use the karma.

#5) If something doesn’t make you feel good about yourself, it’s a red flag you shouldn’t be doing it. Whether it’s a job, boyfriend or circumstance, if it doesn’t feed your value and convinces you of your worth then it’s time to leave.

#6) Reflect on the things you’ve accomplished rather than the things you’ve failed in. Our failures hover over us, and the only way to warn it away is to combat it with flashbacks of our successes. Never let those memories lose grip—holding that award, the feeling you got when you made that deal, when he said “yes.” All the things you’ve WON are what matters.

#7) Once you’ve reflected on your successes, then play this song over and over on repeat:


#8) Do the things you love more than the things you hate. Stop forcing yourself to do the things you hate doing just to “get them done.” If you think about it, they don’t have to get done; you’re just obsessing over it and probably think you don’t deserve to have fun so this is a way of punishing yourself.

#9) Stop punishing yourself! We have a knack of punishing ourselves for the embarrassing things we did years ago. We replay it over and over again before we go to sleep. Let it go and stop punishing yourself. Say, “F*ck it” and move on. Everyone else has.

#10) Be prepared for what’s coming so you will have less embarrassing moments. Here’s the simplest cure to rid ourselves of embarrassment: be prepared, do your homework and enter all situations equipped. That way you have less wiggle room for disaster to ensue.

#11) Never be fake. It’s exhausting and everyone hates it. No one wants to be labeled pretentious or inauthentic, yet “pretending” is what we do. We think it encourages people and makes them feel supported to act like everything is okay, but the truth is it actually makes them feel pitied.

#12) It’s better to do what’s RIGHT over what’s NICE or POPULAR. Your life is always going to be rewarding the more you do the right thing rather than succumbing to what the nice thing is, or what everyone else is doing. Be the hero!

#13) Detox yourself of past regrets by apologizing and closing the door. Don’t let another second go by without apologizing for something that’s been eating away. Have a clean slate and move forward with your life anew.

#14) Dance alone in the kitchen while you’re cooking. A little Hip-Hop music doesn’t hurt, either. Blare it up like it’s your job and throw those spices in the bowl like the diva you are, baby.

#15) Always love, and I mean really love. Compassion, empathy, joy, and peace are all branches of love. It’s healing and rewarding in all aspects of life. Love yourself, be more positive, look at the best in situations, and allow others to feel the love too.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Cut The Crackpot: Dealing with Crazy People

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Crazy folks – everybody got them! Not the mental illness but people who are rational most of the time but have one area of life where they just see cross eyed. How many crazy gay men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

The longer you try and make sense of a crazy person the more likely you are to go crazy yourself. It’s a rotten apple in the barrel type of situation. When you’re surrounded by illogical, inconsistent, hypocritical, narcissistic, selfish, and irrational behavior all day, you’re bound to get a little rubbed off on you. Traits like these are defense mechanisms and are used unconsciously to make a person feel better about his or her self. It’s their issue, not yours.
The first thing you need to do is take a step back to investigate their behavior from an outwards perspective. The beginning red flags of crazy behavior are: flipping out unexpectedly, blaming other people for things they did wrong, using people as punching bags, associating the behavior of others with behavior done by bullies in their past, and often being the first person to bring up something “wrong” in any situation. Sounds familiar right? That’s because we all have a little crazy within us; it’s called human behavior. One of the reasons why a crazy person drives us up the wall is because, in reality, we relate to them. We know why they’re flipping out because we’ve been there too – maybe not as drastic but we’ve been there nonetheless.
Life is meant to be progressive. If we’re staying stationary we have no chance of growing, therefore, the longer we refuse to investigate our bad qualities the longer we’ll continue to show them. We happened to notice bad qualities about ourselves that stunt our growth and we’ve managed to put it into practice; crazies haven’t yet.

How many times have people said you were selfish? Aggressive? Paranoid? Stubborn? Crazy? To a crazy person, my guess is they’ve heard it all there lives. Sometimes it doesn’t register for years that their behavior is a sole reason they’ve pushed so many people out of their life. By the time it registers, it’s usually too late. The only way of making a crazy person realize they’re crazy is by not encouraging it. Just like you may appreciate someone giving you feedback on a novel you’ve been writing, it’s also helpful for someone to call you out when you’re overreacting about something. The reason why crazy continues to flourish in this person’s life is probably because they’ve had a healthy source of voices telling them they’re right, even honorable for staying true to “themselves” as if they were born selfish, narcissistic or paranoid. Trust me, no one is born this way.
This is why crazy people love hanging out with devotees. As soon as they get an inkling that someone sees through them, they’re quick to runaway. A crazy person hates to see his or her reflection from public opinion because it reminds them that they’re crazy. They’re so accustomed to acting the way they do that humoring the idea of changing or self-investigating is scary. Altering a lifelong habit is always going to be resisted.

It’s hard trying to get toxic people out of your life, but the good thing is once they’re gone you now know what to look for in people. Maya Angelou once said, “When a person shows you their true selves, believe them.” This was something you seriously neglected to do when you first met this person, but if you think back now, I’m sure there were plenty of signs – that one time he flipped out on you when he lost his phone; the time he treated you like shit because you made his crush laugh at a joke; the time he accused you of ignoring him when you didn’t even know he was in the room; the time he embarrassed you in front of everyone because he happened to have a bad day; the numerous times he withheld important information from you out of resentment or jealousy; the time he didn’t invite you to his party because he wanted revenge for something; the night he left you stranded at the club because no one was flirting with him; or the times he always felt the need to tell you “so and so” doesn’t like you.
Crazy people thrive on self-righteousness. That’s why their manic behavior affects other people rather than themselves. They don’t feel important so they try to make everyone around them bow at their feet; this makes them feel involved in their own lives. But if they looked behind them, they’ll be quick to see the trail of friends they’ve trampled over to gain a short-lived amount of self-esteem.

How do you deal with a crazy person? The same way you deal with anything else toxic: DETOX them out of your system. You might very well be the one who gives them a much-needed epiphany, but trust me, don’t hold your breath. The second you start feeding them, you’re accrediting their behavior. You’re saying it’s okay for you to act this way, it’s okay for you to release your self-loathing on me, it’s okay for you to use me as a punching bag, and you know what? When you apologize, I’ll forgive you as well… this is dangerous. When the behavior becomes repetitive, the best thing you can do is protect yourself. You are the most important person in this situation. He might realize the aftermath of their behavior, but you should never wait around to find out.
You’re much smarter than a crazy person gives you credit for. Whether you realize it or not, they’re insulting your intelligence by thinking you’re dumb enough to fall for their act. Stop living with them in fantasy-land and come back to the real world – the weather is much nicer here.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Why Self-Compassion Trumps Self-Esteem

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Is self-compassion more important than self-esteem? It’s typical for human beings to become a replica of how we’re treated by the world and those closest to us. If we’re treated like a victim, it’s easy to make that the baseline of our self-worth. When we’re talked down upon, it’s easy to make ourselves become submissive to the world around us. Not until we find the courage to break free of these kinds of habits are we able to see our true value.

Most gay men today are too busy trying to find self-esteem they ignore the process of self-compassion. Without it we fall susceptible in comparing ourselves to others, relying on them to build our worth when really it should be defined by us. Self-esteem is an often misused term. Though it makes us feel good about ourselves, we forget where it all stems from: the world.
Self-esteem refers to the degree at which we evaluate ourselves positively, but rarely is it ever from our own analysis. It’s how we value ourselves based on comparisons with others and where we are in the food chain. Self-compassion, however, is not based on judgments or evaluations. It’s a way of relating to ourselves, focusing on interconnection rather than separateness. You no longer have to feel better than others to feel good about yourself.

There’s no such thing as perfect. As soon as that realization sets in, it opens a wide amount of space in our souls that allows us to forgive. Forgive ourselves for being overly critical and forgive the world for its judgmental habits. Above all, it teaches us to be present in the moment.
The human condition is notoriously imperfect. All it takes is being kind to ourselves when life doesn’t go our way instead of beating ourselves apart and becoming self-critical. To feel connected to others when we fail or suffer rather than feeling separate or isolated. Instead of suppressing our pain in an effort to maintain an image (which fuels our self-esteem), we ought to recognize and accept it as it arises.
It’s easy to become a reflection of what the world says we are because the focus is always from there-to-here, instead of from here-to-there or here-to-here. If it’s easy for us to become how the world treats us, imagine how easy it is to become how we view ourselves. When we’re consistently telling ourselves we’re not good enough, the question we ask ourselves should always be “Says who?” Chances are it will be stemmed from the outside world.

The repercussions of feeling invaluable are more than just outward. It’s an internal hell. According to research, self-compassion has shown to offer the same benefits as self-esteem without its downsides. In a large survey of over 3,000 people, it found self-compassion was associated with much more stable feelings of self-worth than self-esteem. Self-compassion was found to be less contingent on things like physical attractiveness or successful performances, while self-esteem had a strong association with narcissism.
We’ve become emotional sharks hovering over the weak-esteemed and devouring their energy to boost our own self-worth. But until you start feeling compassion for yourself and others, the dog-eat-dog world of emotional satisfaction will continue to rise. Everyone in this world is worthy of love and appreciation, and that includes you.
Focus not on building self-esteem fueled by a judgmental society, but concentrate on self-compassion. Whether you’re on top of the world or at the end of your ropes, learning to embrace yourself with kindness will always act as a springboard towards greater feelings. It’s an emotional safety net which should never be underrated. Everyone deserves respect, so start by respecting yourself.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
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Finding and Setting Your Moral Compass

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Our greatest struggle in life isn’t to find our destiny, but to preserve it. Every person is born with an intuitive sense of who they are and how they feel. The trick is keeping those who convince us otherwise from interrupting the groove, and that’s easier said than done.

We all want something in life. For a lot of people it’s not enough to have their own wants and needs, but they crave to have other’s as well. It makes them feel important to interrupt the destiny of those closest to them. Because there is so much obsession over sex and power in the gay community, too many people have turned into attention whores. Surrounding ourselves with these kind of people not only makes it easier to lose our sense of direction, but it’s also a matter of time till we sacrifice our wants and needs to please the addiction of their hungry egos.
There’s a difference between wanting to please others and losing a part of yourself. For the longest time I’ve struggled with both and it wasn’t till recently I discovered my own potential. There comes a time when we all have to take a step back and ask ourselves why. Why do we feel pulled in either direction? Why are we letting ourselves feel this way? Why do we let people control our happiness? Why are we continuing this pattern?

Our true morals become blurred the more we base our self-worth on what others do. The moment someone doesn’t laugh at a joke, we’re quick to assume they don’t like us or are gossiping behind our back. When we’re left out of a conversation, we jump to conclusions and assume it was intentional. Until we begin the process of releasing our dependence from them, we will never be comfortable in our skin. The person we pride ourselves in being morphs into a new, more “accepted” prototype.
Since childhood there has been people coming into my life to test my patience. The second I let them go, another identical figure arrives. History repeats itself. I succumb to their pull, old feelings come back, my intuition tells me to runaway but I don’t, the need to be liked or “better than” is too much for me to fight, and I end up exactly where I was – confused, insecure, paranoid and lost.

One thing we all need to remember is that we’re much more alike than we are different. We all want to be remembered, admired, listened to, respected and loved. Self-esteem requires us to constantly gain our value by how others perceive us and since everyone wants high self-esteem, we’re constantly trying to compete with one another. Whoever is the Queen Bee at the moment has a higher rank, which means they have an upper hand at embarrassing or belittling people in an effort to raise their social value.
It takes courage to surpass the distractions. Staying true to ourselves is a conscious effort. It requires a firm decision to not let anyone discourage us from our true character. When our soul, personality, mind and body are traveling together, our destiny becomes clear and the minute we let someone else knock us off course, we slowly but surely hand our lives to them. It’s time we take it back.

Your moral compass is innate within you, but the real question is do you listen to it or are other people interfering? Every time you do something you know you shouldn’t be doing, go on the offense when it’s inappropriate, or try to make people feel bad in an effort to make yourself feel good, you create a collection of emotional debt that’s almost impossible to pay back. Listen to what you have to say. Trust me, you’re always going to be right.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
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Discreet Gay Issues and Dilemmas


Are you someone’s Dirty Little Secret?

I’m sure every gay man at one time in his life had to be discreet. Coming out isn’t as hard as it used to be, but for countless of reasons unbeknownst to me, the need to be discreet is still vital. At the beginning, we train ourselves to sneak around, send secret texts to our lover to “meet us in the bathroom,” or begrudgingly take your laptop to your bedroom so no one in the house will find out. I can’t help but wonder if all this sneaking around has created an unintended consequence.
The reason why anyone has a need to be discreet is either due to shame or an obsession with privacy – after so many years of discreet behavior, have we expanded these traits to an unhealthy balance? I’ve seen countless of gay guys allowing themselves the trickery of discretion, placing every relationship under lock and key.
Years of sneaking around, if you’re not careful, can drive us insane. It feeds our paranoia and opens up a vessel for illogical thoughts and egocentric assumptions, which we usually take out on our boyfriends. The worst consequence of them all, however, is self-shame, for when we suppress our pride we feed the shame – an expanding tool.
Discretion used to be a part of our culture, but now, with so much progress happening in our society, the toxic aftermath of discretion is slowly disappearing because the need for it is gone. We don’t have to pretend anymore, yet, in certain areas of our country, the need to be discrete is still high.
When you are suppressing an impulse to touch and feel the man you love, you are unconsciously limiting yourself as a human. The subliminal message is that you’re not good enough for him, that your love doesn’t matter, or that you need to hide who you are – all are conflicts, which leads to even more discretion. The cycle never ends.
The greatest gift any gay man can give himself is a gift of spiritual freedom. Be free of it! Discretion has no place in the confines of your heart, especially when you already know the truth. I understand that there are many situations where one must be discreet, but when you’re old enough to decide for yourself (and there is nothing stopping you), why continue the charade? You’ve built a habit, a very bad one, and it’s time you learn how to reverse it.
Our brains work in tandem with how we act. Our subliminal mind has no choice but to believe the things we’re physically doing – both verbally and practically. The longer we play the “discreet game,” the more we’ll be stinting our progress; and more filth will get piled on top of our baggage. This will affect not just our relationship(s), but everything else in our lives as well. Our self-esteem will get questioned, our value will be left to the public to decide, and our innate sense of self will be blurred.
Being discreet is a survival mechanism we no longer require, unless you’re in an extremely desperate situation. It’s not a cat and mouse game gay guys should play for their own entertainment – the longer we do, the more damage we’ll invite. That sounds like a bad idea, right? Personally, I think we all need to do some well-needed soul searching to ask ourselves why we feel a need to be discreet anymore? If you can’t figure out three good reasons, perhaps it’s time to throw in the towel.








Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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Are Gay Men More Promiscuous?

I heard from a friend recently who told me about a recent conversation with a young friend over dinner. Seems the young guy had recently split with a boyfriend after finding out that his man had been sleeping around.The conversation turned to gay men and sex. Why is it so hard to find a gay man who is interested in monogamy?


Why is it so hard to find intimacy and sexual connection in the same person? My friend told me he was stumped and found the questions a bit haunting. What is it about gay men and sex? Are all gay men promiscuous? We may wince at the word “promiscuity,” but research and personal experience both indicate that gay men have more sexual partners than heterosexual men. It’s reasonable to question why that might be, and to think about the costs and benefits of our sexual choices.
Sex is important to gay men. In addition to the obvious reason – sex is highly pleasurable – until recently sex between men was illegal, disapproved of and marginalized in most parts of our country. And gay male culture tends to be both sexy and sexualized. Ellen DeGeneres tells a joke about looking in the gay yellow pages when she first came out and remarking, “Wow! Look at the abs on that mortician!”



Gay men have always had long-term, committed and monogamous relationships, of course. That’s quite an accomplishment when you consider all the obstacles placed in the way of such relationships’ success: lack of legal recognition, frequent lack of family support, etc. But gay men don’t always assume that sexuality can only be healthy in the context of a committed relationship. (Contrast this with the situation of heterosexuals, where sex is supposed to be only within marriage, yet sex outside of marriage isn’t at all uncommon.)
Pleasure makes the sexual urge very strong, but that doesn’t mean our reasons for having sex aren’t complex. Sex can be lovemaking – celebrating the passion and connection with a partner we love. But there are all sorts of other reasons why people choose to have sex: maybe they’re horny or lonely. Maybe they’re drunk or just bored. And some men have learned to use sex as a way to escape from stress.


Sex can be a deep expression of intimacy, but pursuing many sexual partners can reflect just the opposite – a fear of real intimacy. Casual sex can allow us to scratch our itch to physically connect with another person without requiring us to do the hard work involved in having a healthy relationship. Over time that can decrease our ability to have those sorts of committed, fulfilling relationships.
Does the gay community encourage gay men to have a large number of sex partners, particularly outside of relationships? The sexual infrastructure of our community includes cruisy bars, circuit parties, bathhouses, sex clubs and Internet hook-up sites with names like Manhunt or Cruisingforsex. Sex is instantly available to anyone with a car or Internet connection. It’s not that recreational sex is a bad thing, but sex can become compulsive and unhealthy if it becomes the source of our identity or if it becomes compulsive. When we become preoccupied with sexuality or anything else, life loses its balance.


Back to my friend’s dinner conversation. Is it difficult to find gay men who are ready for committed relationships?  I don’t think so. Our community presents lots of alternatives, though, and guys who spend a lot of time in the hypersexual parts of the gay community aren’t good candidates for monogamous life.
Chalk up another reason why it’s good to take plenty of time to get to know the person you’re dating before you imagine giving your heart to him.






Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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How to Feel Beautiful and Boost Confidence

In order to be special, you must first feel special…

When I was a kid, my mother would tell me I was the cutest kid in the choir. She was my mother so I had no reason not to believe her. I carried her confidence with me throughout my adolescence until I became old enough to physically compare myself to my peers. Though I felt beautiful on the inside (thanks to mom), the world convinced me I was less than adequate.
One day I was eating lunch in the cafeteria when I heard someone across the table say, “Why are you eating so much junk? You have enough pimples as it is.” At the time I didn’t know what to make of it. I told my grandmother about it who wisely said, “Our beauty is judged in how much we make others feel special.”
In order to be special, we must first feel special. It’s much easier to call someone else more beautiful than us because it’s difficult to see ourselves subjectively. Who are we to call ourselves beautiful? After all, shouldn’t it be up to the world to decide that? It seems that nowadays people are scared to be beautiful because everyone might think they’re vain, or self-righteous, or egotistical. But the truth of the matter is beauty has nothing to do with the physical and everything with how we make people feel.
What is beauty? All my life I’ve been afraid to ask. I know it’s desired, envied, and holds the secrets of our most dyer needs, but at the end of the day it has nothing to do with us as an individual. It’s a tactic used to sell product and turn us (the fearers) into consumers. It starts from an early age. If we have pimples, we’ll never grab the attention of a boy; if we don’t look our best, we’ll never be taken seriously; if we don’t go to the gym, we’ll never get laid; if we don’t fix our physical flaws, we’ll never be looked at with desire. So of course we’ll buy that facial cream, hair product, gym membership, fragrance, or credit card…

I look in the mirror every morning and pretend to see anything else but my reflection. Then I start nitpicking the details – my hairline is receding, my teeth aren’t as straight as I’d like, my skin isn’t the clearest, my tummy could use some work, and I’ve yet to find a “right” angle. It’s a morning routine I take to work, friends, family, and the strangers I meet throughout the day. It’s the construct on which I build my esteem, and it creates an assumption of how other people perceive me.
The idea of beauty was constructed to insight fear. Eventually, that fear is turned into a money making conglomerate. We use it to feel better about ourselves, as a scale to judge others, and as a way to create an accurate interpretation of our worth.

Basing beauty on physical characteristics isn’t an intuitive choice, but an intellectual one. The world’s standard of beauty has changed over the decades, and whatever body type is “in” at the time is going to be the one most envied. Despite the continuous marketing of it all, one rule has remained the same: Beauty is felt rather than seen.
Society is trained to go with the flow of whichever fad we’re in. Looking at a picture of a man, it’s easy to say one is more attractive than the other simply because he matches a type. But I’ve met tons of guys who are my ideal type that have disappointed me in other ways, which instantly made them less attractive in my eyes.

Can beauty be made at the gym or doctor’s office, or can it be learned through spreading compassion and love? Let me give you an example. Let’s say I give you two pictures of two different men and I ask you to rate the most beautiful. One man looks like a supermodel, yet never smiles and looks a bit intimidating. The other is pretty average yet still attractive and loves to smile, pose with his dog and little nephew, and works in the nonprofit world. You might be tempted to choose the supermodel because we’re wired to believe it’s the right answer. But deep down, our conscience knows that true beauty lies beyond the physical. It’s the “aww” moment you have when you see a man kiss his dog. It’s the butterfly feeling you get when a guy says, “I think you’re incredible.” It’s the freedom of knowing that your man has your back no matter what.
We are the judges of beauty. What I think is beautiful might not be what you think is, and that’s okay. He doesn’t need to have a dog, work in the nonprofit world or be good with kids (those are just my own assessments). While there is a standard of what we think is beautiful, my point is it’s always been a social construct. It’s like the stock market. It goes up and down and changes every single day. Investing your life according to a standard of beauty is pointless because it’s always going to be short-lived.

Physical beauty is judgment. Though it’s main purpose is to make us feel special, it’s become the strongest tool in creating a hierarchy within our community. Because it is judgment, we often think it’s pointless to call our own shots. But no matter how many times we try and mold ourselves around a prototype, our level of beauty is always going to be equivalent to the amount of beauty we give. Making people feel happy makes us happy. Spreading joy makes us joyful. Making others feel beautiful will always make us feel beautiful. It’s how the universe works. Do you think your beautiful? Try looking at how your friends feel and be the judge yourself.






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Be Yourself: 3 Ways to Stand Out From the Crowd

Standing out from a crowd requires more than just a fancy outfit or a loud set of vocal cords. It’s about being memorable, inspiring and above all, original.
The world today has turned into an attention competition. Everyone wants to be the most popular, athletic, handsome, or talented, but it’s this eagerness to prove ourselves which ultimately becomes our biggest setback. Instead of letting our power resonate inside, we give it the world to judge. Sooner or later we forget what it’s like to think for ourselves.

#1) Never Lie To Yourself
Make a decision right now that you will never, ever, lie to yourself. Betrayal of one’s self is worse than the betrayal of family, friends and anything else you care about in your life because it affects your happiness and overall psyche. There’s no worse a feeling.
By lying to yourself about who you are, over time it will overshadow your true identity. Eventually the person you become is completely unauthentic, leaving you in a pool of anxiety and fear of being looked at as a “fraud.” Life is too short for pretend, instead, embrace the things you feel. Relish in the fact that you have different views than others. Never feel the pressure of conformity simply because you’re afraid of being different.
There are plenty of people in the world who try to get ahead by bragging, exaggerating, and in some cases flat out lying about their accomplishments in an effort to get attention. If you want to stand out in a crowd, you must counteract them. People remember humility and honesty over pride and lies. Always.

#2) Be Truly Original
Being original means staying authentic to your tastes – not trying desperately to be different to make a point. There are plenty of people out there who wear shocking clothes that look amazing, but, it’s a total mismatch to who they really are. People can smell fakes from a mile away.
No matter what you do in your life, if it’s true to you, it’s always going to be original. The idea that “standing out” means being the loudest, most shocking, or craziest person in the room is totally wrong. Let your personality be the seed for all external things in your life, otherwise you will base these things on society’s judgment.

#3) Class Goes A Long Way
When you stay true to your word, are kindhearted, and allow people to feel the love you have inside, there is no possibility of being forgotten. “Class” is more than just looking a part, it’s sharing the experience with everyone else. Listening, acknowledging other people’s efforts, and showing enthusiasm are attributes many people in today’s world lack. By becoming a prime example of these, you will not only inspire others to do the same, but you will always be remembered as the person who was most genuine. Kindness is always going to make you memorable.






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5 Thought-Provoking Questions To Ask Yourself Daily

It takes a bit more than coffee to get your life going, which is why mornings are the most important time of our day. Not only do they set the stage for how our lives will play out, but they also define our mood – either good or bad.
It’s important to have a head start every morning. Similar to how a big breakfast can boost our metabolism, a giant dose of positive thinking will be the springboard to a great attitude.

#1) What Am I Grateful For?
As you open your mind to such things, you are allowing yourself to see the positivity around you. Not just for the morning, but throughout the day as well. Knowing the things you’re grateful for will always give you a reason to get out of bed, and because of that, happiness and contentment will follow.

#2) What Is On My Agenda?
Give yourself a mental to-do list while you’re going about your morning routine. This gives the left part of your brain a morning workout and will allow it to work more efficiently throughout the day. The left part of our brain controls logic, critical thinking, and reasoning.

#3) What Do I Want To Accomplish Today?
Give yourself two to three things you want to accomplish (outside your to-do list) – whether it’s spending an hour at the gym, finishing up the last chapter of your novel, or to finally make a well-needed phone call to mom. Setting personal goals are important because it brings focus back to you and not your work, which will always bring satisfaction.

#4) Who Cares About Yesterday?
Yesterday is in the past now. Today is a fresh new beginning, and you should give it 100%. Don’t dwell on the things that happened yesterday, otherwise, you are depriving yourself from today’s treasures. If you have a great day today, just imagine how great tomorrow will be.

#5) Who Am I Today?
We always wake up in different moods. The trick is bringing out the positive reflection of that mood. Once we feel ourselves out, we can then decide who exactly we are. Clothes are a great way to help us along. By expressing how we feel through our clothes, we are matching our personality with our mood, which will always make us comfortable in our skin.






Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
 
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