Make Your Love Last: 7 Tips for a Strong Relationship

It takes more than love for your relationship to work.

Although love is the foundation of any happy romantic gay relationship, love is not enough. In order to have a healthy relationship, both parties have to be willing to work on it.

Most gay couples strive to have a successful and rewarding relationship, yet it is normal for gay couples to have ups and downs. To meet these challenges, and to keep your relationship healthy and happy, you need to work at it. Relationships are like bank accounts – if there are fewer deposits than withdrawals, you will run into difficulties.

 

Here are some tips that may help you improve your relationship (and be better prepared to meet the challenges along the way).

1. Have fun

Gay couples who engage in exciting and enjoyable activities together have greater relationship satisfaction from before to after the shared activity.

2. Develop empathy and really listen to each other

Good communication often starts with a desire to understand other points of view. How many arguments have you had that have just spiraled out of control because no one is really listening or attempting to understand? I think one of the most important things we can all do, whether for a relationship or not, is to develop a strong sense of empathy and compassion. Grudge-holding, bitter thoughts and and negativity towards others will only backfire if you hold onto it.

3. Appreciate the little things

When you’ve been together for quite a while, it might seem easy to take your partner for granted. Say “thank you” more, tell them you love them, or send cute texts (in moderation of course). Let your partner know how much he means to you so they never feel taken for granted. This is probably one of the most important tips for a strong relationship.

4. Learn from arguments

Accept that arguments will happen, and try to resolve them with respect. The strongest predictor of a breakup is ‘contempt’, which is any action whereby your partner feels ‘put down’ by you, whether it is the tone of your voice or what you say. In arguments, we sometimes become overwhelmed and this often leads to behaviors that harm our relationship.

5. Have good sex

Increasing research is pointing to a great sex life as predicting better relationship satisfaction—but not the other way around.

6. Give your partner space

The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer used porcupines to explain a dilemma which often exists in human relationships. Two porcupines trying to keep warm will move closer to one another. However, if they get too close they prick each other with their spines.

The same thing happens in human relationships: we want closeness, but we also want space. The key is to find that sweet spot at which we feel the warmth that comes from being in a relationship, while at the same time allowing each partner to have enough space so that neither one feels like they’re being pricked by the other’s spines (feelings of lost individuality, feeling crowded, and so on).

7. Have a good relationship with yourself

The relationship you have with yourself is arguably the foundation on which your other relationships are built, and studies are supporting this notion. High self-esteem predicts better relationship satisfaction, and high self-esteem of both partners is an even better predictor of strong relationship satisfaction. Moreover, people with high self-esteem appear to respond more constructively and positively during conflict when they think their partner is committed to the relationship, whereas people with low self-esteem don’t do this even when they believe their partner is committed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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Gay Relationship: Warning Signs of a Break Up

It’s sometimes difficult to know when a gay relationship is over even when it’s obvious. These warning signs deserve your attention.

 

Is your relationship falling apart in front of your very own eyes? It’s always difficult to know when a gay relationship is over but sometimes the answer is right in front of you, you just need it to be pointed out.

You’re failing to communicate.

Communication is so essential to any relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out. Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out.

Failing to communicate will leave a big void in your relationship and cause minor problems to spiral into unnecessary issues. Try going for an afternoon walk or book a table at your local restaurant, with no distractions the conversation should flow more easily. If it proves to be difficult and it becomes apparent that you simply just don’t care anymore then you know what to do.

 

You’re off sex.

Having a healthy sex life and one that suits both your libidos and sexual desires is important for every relationship, but if your bedroom time has gone from exciting and experimental to dull and repetitive then it’s time to decide why.

If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it is time to end it.

If you’re not quite ready to call it a day, try bringing the zing back to your sexy time with a new sex position, or introduce sex toys into the mix. If you’re both still not jumping into the bedroom then maybe your relationship is more suited to being just a friendship?

He’s too busy for you.

Is your man busy that you haven’t seen him in weeks? Is your boyfriend turning into a workaholic? Red flag.

He always spent a lot of time at the office, but now he seems to have work events every other night. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like he’s avoiding you.

When you stop being happy. 

This seems basic, because it is.

Do you see any mention of “him” here? No. Some people might disagree with me on this, but when you stop being happy, you are in a completely valid place to end things. Relationships — like life itself — are meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through. Even if he’s the perfect guy, sometimes you’re simply not happy, and you are doing him a disservice by continuing the relationship. No one wants to date someone who isn’t happy dating them.

When he stops being happy. 

My last relationship ended this way. He was unhappy.

It is incredibly painful to let someone go, someone you love and want to stay with. But if you really love him, you want him to be the happiest person he can be — even if that means letting him be single or be with someone else.

Love isn’t about possession or ownership. You cannot ever really belong to someone, just as someone cannot every really belong to you. Love at its simplest and purest is about wanting someone to be their best, and hoping their day is going better than yours.

You’re not emotionally connected anymore.

You’re indifferent to your partner’s feelings and thoughts. You may pretend to care about your boyfriend, but deep inside, you know you don’t really give a damn about what your partner is feeling or what they’re up to. You love your partner, but you don’t want to involve yourself so deep that you have to play a part in making them feel better about themselves.

You can’t see a future together.

There are no talks about the future between the both of you. And your partner no longer plays a pivotal role in your big scheme of things. If there are any thoughts on the future, the last person you think of is your significant other!

Your partner saps your energy.

You feel drained, annoyed and tired after spending time with your partner. You try to have a nice time with them, but the constant arguments and differences in opinions just tires you and makes you want to run away mid-conversation.

 

You pick fights.

Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation and unfortunately, the beginning of the end. We often tend to start picking fights when we feel a relationship is at its end. We try to get the other guy do the dirty work and break it off.

So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating than cute, it’s time to move on to someone where you can spend your time snogging rather then arguing.

When they have fallen for someone else.

If he tells you honestly about his feelings, be understanding and decide what to do. Be grateful for his honesty. Chances are you’re going to break up, but many couples I know have managed to make allowances for these things: The third guy becomes part of their polyamorous setup, or partners simply let their boyfriends do what they need to do, understanding that different people satisfy you in different ways. But no one will fault you for feeling that things need to end.

As you can see, communication is the key to handling clean, easy breakups. Put the plates down and lower your voice. Do not go into a breakup situation with the intent of hurting someone. Although there are often endless reasons to leave someone, there is no need to hurt them.

Good luck with the breakup. Take a few months to yourself. The next person is just around the corner, waiting for you to run into him when you least expect it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Gay Relationships: How to Survive a Long Distance Relationship

Being in a long distance relationship can be difficult, that’s why we created this guide to help you find ways of coping with the trials that distance can bring to a relationship.

 

What kills a long distance gay relationship is the constant underlying uncertainty to everything. “Is this all worth it?” “Does he still feel the same way about me as he did before?” “Is he secretly meeting other guys on Grindr without me knowing?” “Am I kidding myself with all of this? Maybe we’re horrible for each other and I don’t know it.”

The longer you two are apart, the more these uncertainties will fester and grow into legitimate existential crises.

That’s why when making any long distance relationship work it’s necessary to always have some date that you are both waiting for. Usually, this will be the next time you are both able to see each other. But it can be other major life moments as well — applying for jobs in the other person’s city, looking at apartments together, a vacation together, and so on.

The minute you stop having some milestone to look forward to together, you’ll be stuck in emotional limbo. One thing that is true about all relationships is that if they’re not growing, then they’re dying. And this is more important than ever in long distance relationships. You must be evolving towards something. You must both have a converging trajectory on some point on the horizon. Otherwise you will inevitably drift apart.

There are few ways to portray long distance relationships as pleasant experiences, but there are steps you can take to make them easier until the time comes when you will be back in the same place. Which brings me to my first and most important tip:

1. Since you don’t have the benefit of in-person time together, daily communication is a must. Whether you prefer text messages, IMs, emails, telephone calls, or video chatting, keeping in touch is the most important thing you can do in a long-distance relationship. There are even smartphone apps that allow long-distance couples to share photos, videos, send voice messages, and more. And don’t forget good old snail mail! A cute handwritten letter or small unexpected gift goes a long way to making your LD partner feel loved and appreciated.

 

2. Be slow to judge. 

A funny thing happens to humans psychologically when we’re separated from one another. We’re not able to see each other as we truly are. When we’re apart from one another or have limited exposure to a person or event, we start to make all sorts of assumptions or judgments that are usually exaggerated or untrue.

This can manifest itself in various ways within a long distance relationship. In some cases, people get insanely jealous or irrationally possessive of their partner because they perceive every casual social outing without them as potentially threatening to their relationship. They become paranoid, asking “who the fuck is Dan, tell me who the fuck this Dan guy is, and why is he writing on your Facebook wall — oh, he’s your stepbrother? I didn’t know you had a stepbrother. Why didn’t you tell me you had a stepbrother, are you hiding something from me? OK, maybe I wasn’t listening when you told me, but I still don’t want you hanging out with Dan, got it?”

 

3. Make Time to be Boring.
Reuniting after time apart can make relationships feel honeymoon-y a lot of the time, especially if you’re visiting on weekends. If your times together feel more like mini-vacations than real life, it’s hard to know if your relationship would work under ordinary circumstances. Be sure to plan some downtime during each visit so you can get a better sense of how you function as a couple under more typical day-to-day conditions. It’ll help you realize whether or not the relationship will be worth the effort in the long run.

 

4. Send nudes.

Sexting is wonderful at any time, but in a long-distance relationship it is vital. Let him know you still think about him sexually, and that you can’t wait until you guys are naked together again.

This is important. Everybody wants to be seen as sexy, especially by the person they’re dating. When you are apart, it is easy to feel unattractive – there’s no one there to kiss you and touch your butt and tell you that you look good even when you think you look terrible.

When you are far apart, remind him often that you think he’s sexy, that his new pictures on Facebook or Instagram are hot, and that you want to do nasty things to him when you’re back together.

 

5. Make sure the distance is temporary.  A long distance relationship cannot survive without hope. And for there to be hope, there must be some possibility that you two will one day be together and achieve your Happily Ever After.

Without that shared vision of Happily Ever After, everything else will quickly begin to feel meaningless.

Remember, love is not enough. You both need to have life visions that are aligned, shared values and mutual interests.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Five Fast Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Can’t get over a breakup? They’re uncomfortable, painful, and affect us immensely. Here’s five fast easy ways to get over it and forget:

 

Everyone seems to have their own bounce back timeline and their own methods for getting over a breakup. While some people seem to be able to flip a switch and be done with it, we all have a friend (or are the friend) who is still 90 weeks deep in their ex’s Instagram every night and sends way too many drunk texts. And if you are that person, I get it.

1. If you internalize rejection, it’s going to be harder.

Researcher Lauren Howe of Stanford worked with a team of researchers on a survey of over 800 people and found out something really interesting: those who internalize rejection have a harder time with breakups. These are people who look at rejection as a reflection on them — proof that they aren’t good enough or lovable — and they find it more difficult to move on than those people who think that rejection is just a natural party of life or even an opportunity for learning and growing.

 

2. Accept the empty feeling

That moment when you realize you’ve been dumped by the love of your life feels like death. The key is to allow yourself to embrace the grief if you ever want to move past it. Breaking up is very similar to a death because it is in fact the death of a relationship. For at least a couple of days, remember the good times and allow yourself to cry like mad.

 

3. Cut off all contact for real

In this case, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Absence is exactly what you need to cool off, process your feelings and change your perspective at the end of a relationship. Give yourself a period of no contact. No texts, emails or social media messages because you need time and distance to get emotional clarity. When you just break up with someone, your emotions are all over the place — you will likely miss them desperately and overlook all the reasons why the breakup happened in the first place just to have them there with you again.

 

4. Look toward the future and don’t look back

After an especially bad breakup, it may seem impossible to think that you will ever love again — trust me, I know. This sense of loss can open the door to great possibility. When you find yourself at the end of a relationship, ask yourself this compelling question: “What else is possible now that wasn’t possible when we were together?”

Even in the midst of heartbreak, the end may be just the beginning. Move forward to create your life, and if the relationship can be created again with that person you desire to be with, it will be created from a greater, deeper place and not the same old place that made you break up in the first place. In my point of view, a breakup, especially stemming from an unhealthy relationship or perhaps just one that wasn’t meant to be, always leads to something greater.

 

5. So you need to form some new memories without your partner.

So you have to get your ex out of your autobiography, out of your view of yourself. How do you do that? Well, it’s why we see so many people taking up hobbies or going through big changes after a breakup. It’s really is good for you because you start to form new memories and rewrite your autobiography without your partner.

Breakups are always going to be hard — especially if it was a significant relationship — and there’s never going to be a magical cure all. But we can help ourselves get over them faster. The most important thing? Stop dwelling on the past and make a new future. So it’s time to get off of their Instagram account and go try something totally different — it’ll help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
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Gay Relationship Tips for Long Term Couples

So what makes a healthy and lasting longterm gay relationship successful? Here are some good tips.

Developing You: Many gay couples fall into the trap of expecting their partner to fill the hole in their lives. Coupledom does not provide an escape from self-development. The truth is there is no effective long term escape from self-development. At any stage of life—even into your eighties and nineties—you need to keep growing in order to reach greater contentment.

Daily Rituals: Aim for a daily check-in. This is some version of “How was your day, honey?” Try to practice this without multi-tasking. Hide your cellphones and other portable electronic devices and spend a few minutes just hearing what your partner did that day. It is your job to know about some (but not all) of the seemingly insignificant details of your partner’s office gossip, health issues, and favorite pop culture references. A “check-in” is a part of my daily practice. As Oscar Wilde said: “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”

Sex Matters: Gay couples that convince themselves that sex is no longer important after years of togetherness sometimes get into trouble. Sex can grow and develop just like other parts of your life together. To add spice to a sex life that has become routine you’ll need creativity. This can mean ramping up your curiosity about role-play, exploring breathing practices like tantra, or sharing your fantasies. Fantasy makes what is familiar new and exciting again. This is one aspect of relationship development that requires a spirit of fun: sexual negativity and complaining kills sex drive.

Boundaries = Closeness: Everyone needs time alone. You need some friends and activities that are yours and that are not always experienced with your partner. Sometimes you may need to shut the door, put on the earphones, or go for a walk by yourself in the neighborhood. It is okay to “go away” for a while, as long as you commit to authentically coming back later.

Keep Talking: As humans, the key method we have to repair hurts is communication. If you are not a “good communicator” then now may be a time to start learning. Communication is a skill that can be learned, just like knitting or skiing—it just takes instruction and practice. Fortunately improved communication is something that many gay couples can learn in a few hours. I don’t recommend waiting to seek couples counseling until a crisis occurs. Just a few sessions can enhance a relationship that is already doing well. Believe it or not, it can be fun, especially when you go out to dinner afterwards.

Ultimately what keeps long term relationships strong is paying attention to the emotional bond between you. The work of fostering emotional intimacy—which means feeling free to share your feelings without fearing rejection—can be supported by experimenting with some of the practices outlined here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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7 Relationship Tips That Gay Couples Often Forget

Once gay couples have settled into a relationship, things can fall into a bit of a rut. Routines form, the attentiveness that was present at the beginning of the courtship might be replaced by content complacency, and ultimately tensions arise. These simple gay relationship tips may seem like common sense, but you may be surprised at how often people forget about their importance.

 

1. Be Honest

Some people lie to their partners for years out of fear of hurting or offending them, but that can lead to a whole lot of ugliness on all sides. The one being lied to will know that something is wrong, and the one lying may feel more and more frustration about holding back and the relationship may end up suffering badly as a result. This honesty doesn’t have to deal with outright lies, but rather personal interests or preferences that may have changed over the years. Alternately, there could be some serious issues that really should be dealt with, but are internalized out of fear of hurting the other person. Ultimately, honesty really is the best policy, and a strong gay couple will be able to work through just about anything together.

2. Communication is Vital

Very few of us are able to read one another’s minds, so it’s important to express things that weigh on us, whether they’re positive or negative. Little behaviors that bother us can become more irksome over time, so it’s good to address them early, before the irritation accumulates to the point of anger. Similarly, miscommunications can lead to some pretty ugly arguments, so if you’re uncertain about something, try to discuss it calmly so you can sort things out: you may have misheard or misread something your partner said/did and taken it totally out of context, so clarify before freaking out about anything. Even though we may feel that we know our partners well after being with them for several years, remember that we all grow and change over time, and methods of communication must change along with us as needed.

3. Never Take Each Other for Granted

Be aware of every wonderful thing that your partner does for you, and express your gratitude whenever possible. This might be as simple as thanking them for doing the dishes after you’ve eaten dinner, or telling them how much it means to you that they make your coffee/tea exactly the way you like it. They’ll feel appreciated for the love and kindness they show you, and will express their appreciation to you in turn, so no one ever feels like their actions aren’t being acknowledged.

4. Respect Each Other’s Alone Time

Togetherness is important, but just as important (if not more so) is the ability to spend time alone. Too much time spent together can make you irritable, especially if you feel like your personal space is always being invaded. Time alone is necessary for personal reflection, growth, meditation, or even just quiet contemplation. Remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you’ll appreciate your partner a lot more after having some space away from them. If you live together, it might be a good idea to have personal spaces that you can retreat to: either individual offices, or a garage workshop for one person and an attic library for another, etc.

5. Don’t “Let Yourself Go”

It’s inevitable that once certain comfort levels have been reached and closeness wins out over early awkwardness, some behavioral patterns will change. You might not spend an hour prepping before dinner to make sure that you look and smell good, or your boyfriend might wear the same pants for two days in a row without worrying about what you might think of their outfit. That’s totally normal, and really quite hilarious. That said, closer comfort levels don’t mean that you should neglect your personal hygiene, or let your living space fall into complete ruin. You know they’re not going to judge you if you leave pizza boxes all over the floor, but that doesn’t mean that you should. Try to keep things tidy and your appearance a step or two above “slovenly,” and your partner will undoubtedly feel that they’re worth making an effort for.

6. Admit When You’re Wrong (or When They’re Right)

This may be difficult for some people to do, but it really is important. If you discover that you’ve been wrong about an issue/bit of information/whatnot, own up to it: you’ll gain your partner’s appreciation and respect if you do, and if you don’t, you’re just proving yourself to be an immature, pouty jerk. Additionally, if you’ve been discussing something and your partner turns out to be in the right, acknowledge that fact: they may have been filled with self-doubt, and acknowledging their awareness or knowledge may boost their self-esteem exponentially.

7. Have Faith In Your Partner

Having trust and faith in another person can be difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt by others in the past. If you’ve been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by another man, you might worry that the same thing will happen in your current relationship, and this may cause you to imagine things or accuse your partner without just cause. If you find that your own insecurities are poisoning your partnership, talk it out with them and consider seeking therapy: they’re not the person who hurt you, so please don’t assume that just because one person treated you badly, everyone else will too.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Neil Patrick Harris and husband reveal secret to sticking together

Original story from Gay Times Magazine.

They’ve been an item for over ten years, so what exactly do the How I Met Your Mother actor Neil Patrick Harris and his husband David Burtka put their enduring relationship down to?

“We go to couple’s therapy,” the 41-year-old actor told Life & Style magazine.

“Not that there’s anything wrong, but it’s nice to sort of just talk to someone who is a mediator. That’s helped our relationship.”

The couple cemented their relationship in 2006 when David Burtka temporarily starred in How I Met Your Mother as Scooter, the ex-boyfriend of main character Lily.

Neil Patrick Harris played long-term womaniser Barney Stilton in the popular sitcom that ended in 2014.

The couple also opened up about their relationship in the interview, with Burtka mentioning that his husband leaves him love notes and they’re “always doing romantic stuff.” 

Read more at: Gay Times Magazine.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Gay Marriage Advice: 4 Relationship Tips from The Experts

Expert advice and relationship tips on the best ways to form a tighter bond, unlock more happiness, take on tough issues, and keep your marriage solid for a long, long time.

Every marriage (gay or straight) has its bumps, and they can pop up at any time. What’s important is that you learn to navigate them smoothly—before they send your relationship into a ditch.

No matter how far along the marriage highway you’ve gone, there are some simple, fundamental rules of the road. Putting them into practice isn’t always easy, but it’s critical. If you do play by the rules, you’ll make your marriage stronger, and the good stuff—fun, sex, trust, affection—will be better than ever. Try these little things to make your marriage happier right now.

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Truth: it’s all that matters in a relationship

You’ve got to get over the past if you have any hope of finding ‘The One’ for the future.

Original story from Attitude Magazine
Honesty isn’t a quality that only same sex relationships require, but in my experience, some men I’ve dated seem to find it incredibly difficult to tell the fucking truth! I guess that’s why I like to be so brutally honest myself.
I briefly picked up on this in my last column, but I think most guys would find it difficult to trust someone once they’ve been cheated on. University, for most people, was a time to get drunk, discover yourself, get even drunker and explore your sexuality to the fullest – as well as going to the odd lecture when you could drag yourself out of bed. I was definitely no different.

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10 Effective Tips to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship

Most relationships go through a stage where you and your partner are just constantly fighting. Seriously, you’re fighting all. the. time. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and most of the time you don’t even understand what’s happening because the fights are so stupid. All you know is that you’re right, and he’s wrong. Am I right?
Some gay couples can get through this stage and come out okay – maybe even stronger and better than before! But gay couples can’t, and all that fighting ruins their relationship. Constant arguing is relatively normal if it only goes on for a bit, but if it’s nonstop, you need to do something differently. If you’re not ready to give up on the relationship, then you need to learn how to stop fighting! It sounds simple, but it can take work. Here are 10 Effective Tips to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship. Good luck and you’re welcome!

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