Gay Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Gay dating tips to help you find love 1: Keep things in perspective

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet that special guy.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable. Especially when it comes to online gay dating, people don’t always accurately portray themselves. Regardless of where or how you meet someone, though, it always takes time to really get to know that person. You have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations, some good and some not so good, before you really know him. For example, how well does this guy hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry?

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has a flaw—or several—and, for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person he thinks you have the potential to become. In many cases, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By being honest and shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to a fulfilling relationship.

Invest in a vertical relationship before you invest in a horizontal relationship. Don’t be too quick to make a relationship sexual as it often becomes harder to develop a good vertical relationship afterwards. Even though it can be difficult in this day and age, try to take your time to get to know someone first. It will only lead to a more satisfying sexual relationship down the road.

Tip 2: Build a genuine connection

The gay dating scene can be really frightening. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. Here’s what you can do to get past your nerves and self-consciousness so you can build rapport and forge a great connection.


Focus outward, not inward. To combat first-date nerves, focus your attention outward, rather than on your internal thoughts and feelings. Try to be fully present in the moment: in what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you. This will help take your mind off distracting doubts, worries, and insecurities.

Be curious. The best way to connect with someone new is to show genuine interest. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date.

Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Put the devices away. You can’t truly pay attention to anyone or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about what’s going on in the other person’s head and how they’re perceiving and responding to us. But they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

Tip 3: Put a priority on having fun

Online gay dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating may prove successful and enjoyable for some people, but for many they lack spontaneity and often feel more like high-pressure job interviews than fun social occasions. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

Think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to meet new people, expand your social circle, and participate in new events. You don’t have to be the life of the party or be endlessly cracking jokes to have fun. But by pursuing activities you enjoy and by putting yourself in a new environment, it’s likely you’ll meet new people who share similar interests and values. By focusing on simply having fun, even if you don’t meet that special guy, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships as well.

Tip 4: Learn to handle rejection gracefully

At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. Some people can be overcome with anger, embarrassment, or anxiety when faced with rejection, or are so frightened of it happening again, they avoid dating or starting new relationships. Others find it so difficult to reject another person, they find themselves caught up in prolonged, unhealthy relationships.

By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. It’s never fatal.

Tip 5: Watch for relationship red flags

It’s important to be aware of red-flag behaviors that may indicate a relationship is not going to lead to healthy, lasting love. In such cases, it’s better to cut your losses early, rather than invest time in a relationship that isn’t good for you or the other person. Trust your instincts and pay close attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you tend to feel insecure, ashamed, or undervalued, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Tip 6: Deal with trust issues

Mutual trust is a cornerstone of any close personal relationship. If there is no trust in a relationship, it’s impossible for you to feel safe and cared for by another person, or to make that person feel safe and cared for. In other words, without trust, lasting love can never blossom. Of course, trust doesn’t develop overnight; it develops over time as your connection with another person deepens and you learn more about each other. However, if you’re someone with trust issues—someone who’s been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond—then you may find it impossible to trust others and find lasting love.

When you’re unable to trust others, your romantic relationships will be dominated by fear—fear of being betrayed by the other person, fear of being let down, or fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build trust in existing and future relationships.

Tip 7: Nurture your budding relationship

Remember that finding the right guy is just the beginning of the journey, not the destination. In order to move from casual gay dating to a committed, loving relationship, you need to nurture that new connection. It’s a process that requires time, effort, and a genuine interest in the other person as a whole. It also requires an openness to compromise and change.

All relationships change over time. You’ll change over time, your partner will change, and so will both of your needs and expectations. What you want from a relationship at the beginning may be very different from what you and your partner want from that same relationship a few months or years down the road.

 

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The Secret History of LGBT Dating

Original article from ATTITUDE MAGAZINE.
From improved medical care for trans people, to Lloyds Bank featuring a gay marriage proposal in a recent ad campaign, for the most part, I think life as an LGBT+ Brit is the best it’s ever been.
I write this as a bi woman who has just published a history of getting it on, The Curious History of Dating: from Jane Austen to Tinder. The book may brim with straight courtship rituals, but what it also uncovers is a parallel narrative of LGBT+ dating habits that celebrates our humanity. So what if our gay ancestors didn’t populate their world? I believe they’ve done a lot for everyone’s right to love.

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