Open Relationship or Monogamy: How Gay Couples Can Decide What’s Right for Them

Psychotherapist Michael Dale Kimmel has written a book for gay guys who are having trouble in their relationships


Monogamy or an open relationship… it’s a decision almost every gay man has found themselves weighing up at some stage in their life.

It’s also a topic which can provoke strong reactions. Some find the idea of sex with others outside of their relationship to contradict their notions of commitment and romance.

Others think maintaining lifelong monogamy is unrealistic or even unnatural.

‘A lot of relationships are quasi-monogamous’

With the advent of same-sex marriage, the challenges gay people face in maintaining long-term relationships in a heteronormative world have come into sharper focus

We’ve spent a long time campaigning for the same marriage rights as heterosexual people without asking whether the opposite-sex model of marriage is right for all.

That’s one of the assertions from San Diego-based psychotherapist Michael Dale Kimmel. He has just written a book, The Gay Man’s Guide to Open and Monogamous Marriage.

Kimmel has been counseling couples for 20 years and says one the reasons he wrote the book was from observing how few gay male couples are 100% monogamous.

‘From my own observation, I’d say about 50% are monogamous and a lot of relationships are quasi-monogamous. They’ll be monogamous but they’ll take home someone from a bar one night, or one guy will do things on a business trip.

‘The other thing is that I started doing workshops around five years ago, called “Monogamy or open relationship?” I’ve been doing workshops for a long time but this is by far the most popular workshop I ever did.

‘And people kept saying, “Where’s the book where we can read about this?”


Read more at: Gay Star News.














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Should You Have an Open Gay Relationship?

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too? In the gay dating world, an open relationship is fairly common, and for many couples, it feels perfectly natural and entirely feasible. For others, the idea of knowing that your partner will be with someone else is totally unacceptable – emotional and physical intimacy are things that should only happen between two monogamous partners, and anything else is not a real committed relationship. An open relationship is a curious beast, and there are couples who have made it work, other couples who love the idea but find the reality to be vastly different, and other couples who seem to have made significant sacrifices in order to have an open relationship.

Having an open relationship can sound good on paper. I mean, a lot of gay men think, who wouldn’t want a fairly committed relationship and sex (as long as it’s safe) on the side?! Continue reading