12 Powerful Habits of Happy Gay Couples

Habits can have a powerful impact in your relationship. The definition of a habit is: “a consistent and regular pattern of behavior”. You can either create positive habits or negative habits, and once you start practicing them, they will eventually become an act that is unconscious. When it comes to having a happy relationship, there are certain habits that can have a powerful and positive impact. It’s important for you to be conciseness when creating routines, especially for your relationship. You will need to make an effort every single day to practice them so they become second nature to you. It takes about 21 days to establish a habit, whether it’s positive or negative. In this article, I will share with you 12 powerful habits of happy gay couples. These habits have helped both my relationship, and for the gay couples that I have worked with. Implement each of these habits in your relationship and start reconnecting with your partner!


1. Always show respect to your partner

Showing respect to your partner is a habit that is worth creating, as it’s a necessary ingredient for creating a happy, healthy and long lasting connection. When you express respect towards your partner, you are expressing your love, acceptance, and warmth. When you express disrespect, you are expressing that you don’t accept your partner. Respecting your partner is all about valuing them for who they are, including differences. You may have a different outlook on life but this does not mean that you should disrespect your partner and put them down.
When you experience disagreements, make sure that you respect your partner’s differences. This does not allow you to disrespect your partner out in public or in front of friends and family. Always show respect especially when you have a disagreement. There will be times where you don’t agree on an issue and it will be how you handle this issue as a team that will make all the difference in the world.


2. Go walking with your partner

This is a habit that my boyfriend and I have created where we have noticed a deeper connection in our relationship. If you love nature and spending quality of time with your partner, make it a habit to go walking—either in the mornings before you start your day, or in the evenings. Michael and I walk in the evenings and Sunday mornings.  It is a mental decision that we make every day to go walking together. This promotes conversation, quality time, and exposure to fresh air. Once you establish this habit, your body will actually want to go walking. I’ve experienced this with Michael: Since we’ve made it a habit of walking in the evenings and Sunday mornings, my body craves to spend that quality of time. Walking with your partner also promotes good exercise, and can be as simple as walking up down your block and back. Decide with your partner how long and how often you would like to walk; the key factor is being on the same page and making sure that you make the mental decision to establish this habit together.


3. Turn off the television in the evenings and be with your partner

How can you possibly connect with your partner when the television is always on? There is no connection building when the both of you are constantly staring at the television screen in the evenings. Make the mental decision to turn off the TV in the evenings, and spend quality time together. Occasionally, you can snuggle and watch a movie, but avoid watching television most evenings. Take time to ask your partner about their day and how they’re doing. This habit creates connection and love. Snuggle up on the couch and talk with your partner; talk about each other and what the two of you can do to develop your relationship. There will always be something to talk about, whether it’s planning for the next vacation or your next date night. Focus on developing your relationship, and talk about issues that need to be addressed.


4. Bring your partner coffee in the morning

This simple gesture means a lot to my boyfriend. He enjoys drinking coffee, and bringing it to him in the morning expresses love and affection. If your partner likes to drink coffee in the morning, create this habit and express love through this act of service. When I bring Michael a cup of coffee, it shows that I care, and that this is one way I can love him. Wake up a few minutes earlier so that you and your partner can spend some quality time together before going to work. This is a simple yet powerful habit of happy relationships.


5. Express positive attributes about your partner to others

The habit of expressing positive attributes about your partner will help deepen the connection in your relationship. On the contrary, expressing negative attributes about your partner will only build a tall wall between the two of you. Do you know a couple that always argues in public and expresses negative traits about each other to friends? This is a bad habit that eventually destroys a relationship. This negative pattern of behavior creates mistrust, disconnection and lack of respect. Make a habit of expressing positive attributes to others. This positive pattern of behavior creates admiration, fondness and love.


6. Reconnect throughout the day

We have such busy schedules that connecting with your partner throughout the day can be last priority, but if you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship, reconnecting with your partner throughout the day is crucial. It can be as simple as sending a loving text during your lunch break or giving your partner a call on the way home. This habit is meant to keep the connection and focus with your partner. Even if you have a hectic schedule, you can still make the time to spend a text message or give your partner a phone call. Be creative. Think of ways that you can do to reconnect with your partner throughout the day.


7. Speak your partner’s love language every single day

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Gary Chapman wrote a great book on the 5 love languages in which couples can express and experience their language of love and affection. When looking at these 5 love languages, take time to find out how you feel most loved and how your partner feels most love. Imagine you have a love tank inside of you. Every time your partner talks your love language, your love tank is being filled. Every time your partner doesn’t express your love language, your love tank runs low. When it comes to powerful habits of happy relationships, creating the habit of talking your partner’s love language on a daily basis establishes love, affection and warmth in your relationship.


8. Cooking and cleaning

It’s always much more fun when you cook with your partner. I know that I enjoy cooking a lot more when Michael helps out. The habit of cooking together creates intimacy, connection and love; making and eating food becomes an intimate act when you are with your partner. I express my love through cooking and eating with my boyfriend (with the television off), which builds a deeper connection between us. This is a perfect opportunity to spend quality time together.
If you or your partner prefers doing the cooking, make it a habit that the other person cleans. A habit that Michael and I do is that whenever I cook, he cleans up afterwards, and vice-versa. When Michael cleans up after I cook, it shows appreciation for my cooking and that he values me. It’s important that you always appreciate and value your partner, even if it’s as simple as cleaning the dishes. It’s nice to to know that Michael appreciates the love that I put in my cooking and wanting to do the dishes is a sign of love affection.


9. Express appreciation to your partner every day

Appreciate your partner! It’s as simple as that. However you want to express appreciation in your relationship, do it. Do it every single day. When it comes to powerful habits of happy relationships, it’s about expressing your appreciation to your partner. This can be leaving a love note before going to work or bringing home flowers at the end of the love. This goes back to speaking your partner’s love language. Find out your partner’s love language and express your appreciation for your partner through their love language. If your partner feels move loved by quality of time, make sure that when you get home from work, “Turn off” and focus your attention on your partner. Sit on the couch and just be with your partner. Whichever love language that your partner speaks, make sure that you speak the same language. Make it a habit of showing appreciation to your partner every single day.


10. Work together as a team towards goals (short & long term)

A happy relationship focuses on short and long term goals. These goals are both for each individual and also as a couple. Unhappy couples have nothing to look forward to in life. They just waste their time on superficial nonsense and trying to live up to society’s standard of happiness. Focus within your relationship on creating, establishing and accomplishing goals. Happy gay couples have goals that are both small and big.


11. Spend quality of  time in the morning to reflect and be with partner before starting the day

It’s easy to get into a training routine in which you wake up, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, fall asleep and start all over again the next day. This routine definitely starts draining your relationship and the connection that you have with your partner. We have such busy schedules that it’s even more important to take time in the mornings and reflect with your partner. Focus on what brought you two together and appreciate that. It’s easy to allow stress, frustration and distractions to get in the way of having a happy relationship, but when you take the time in the mornings to love and appreciate your partner, you are establishing a habit that is filled with warmth, affection and care.


12. Snuggle in the mornings and evenings

Take the time to snuggle before starting your day and before going to bed. This can be as simple as holding each other in bed for a few minutes before starting the day. Did you know that physical touch releases a hormone called Oxytocin? The more you experience physical touch with your partner, your oxytocin level increases. After a long day of work, take time before going to bed and cuddle!






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10 Proven Ways to Please Your Man in Bed Tonight

Love and sex is what most of us strive to have in life, but when you’re in a long-term relationship it has the potential of becoming business instead of pleasure. If you’re not careful, sex can turn into a job. To please your man you need to keep him engaged and interested in not only the relationship, but the fantasies of what it can become.
Let’s face it. We’re men. A good portion of the day is invested in erotic fantasies and if we’re doing our job right, our man is at the dead center of it all. Whether the relationship is new or old we’re looking for new ways to please our lovers, and the best way to do it is by mixing a bit of basics with updated strategies. Here are a few that are sure to tickle your fancy:

1) Respect his boundaries, otherwise he’ll slowly begin to mistrust you. No one likes to be forced or pressured into doing something that’s uncomfortable, even if it is from a boyfriend. Though your sexual limitations might be wider than his, he’ll never find the courage to meet you if you don’t respect his boundaries.

2) Don’t judge or shame his sexual fantasies. We all have fetishes and most of us are too scared to say it out loud because we’re fearful of judgment. The bedroom isn’t a place for secrets. We’re animals, we’re men, we’re lovers, we deserve to know our others fantasies judgment-free. The last thing you want is to make your boyfriend feel bad about confessing something so secret.

3) Have a sense of humor about things because if you can’t turn something awkward into something funny, chances are, it’ll just be awkward. When something doesn’t go according to plan, it’s never a time to mope or curse the effort. Instead, turn it into something funny to maintain a solid connection.

4) Exaggerate your submissiveness so he feels he has total control over you. There’s nothing like going out to the gayborhood and coming back home a little typsy, limber and ready to be dominated over. The mornings after are always the best. Once or twice a week, let him fully take you. He’ll subconsciously draw an emotional bond too strong to damper.

5) Join him in the shower when he least expects it. Could be in the morning before work or at night after a long workout. Naked bodies lathered in soap and hot steam never fails. I love to be with my man under the shower head, alternating sides. It’s romantic and keeps the mind going for the remainder of the day.

6) Stock your bed full of pillows. Not only will this give you reign to be more comfortable during sex since you’ll be able to place things under or over you, but it can also inspire you to try new positions. Invest in big ones, small ones, soft ones and hard ones. You’ll be surprised at what they can do.

7) BJ Surprises never fail. Whether you’re watching a movie together on the couch or if you’re parked in your car waiting for something, no man is ever going to deny a BJ.
*Tip: Always carry gym towels and wet wipes in your car, preferably minty scented ones. You never know when you might need them to wipe yourselves clean. Knowing you have them handy, there will be no excuses.

8) Commitment is key to creating the right atmosphere. Never apologize for your surprises or spontaneity, otherwise he’ll sense that your confidence isn’t where it should and he’ll undoubtedly meet you there. The goal is to keep him engaged, not to feel guilty. If you’re not fully committed to the act it will take away from the moment.

9) Honesty & truth go a long way, especially in long-term relationships. There’s no need to withhold information or be scared to express how you feel. Insecurity can sometimes be contagious. Whenever you’re afraid to speak up about something, in time he’ll be too. That, or he’ll assume you have no limits and will take advantage of it. Every man respects honesty and if you don’t give it to him, he’ll only assume it’s out of the picture.

10) Aim to satisfy him and he’ll return the favor. Satisfaction is a two-way street. If both of you aim to satisfy the other, it’s only going to work in both your favors. It’s give and take. You give, he gives. He takes, you take. The first thing he thinks when you’re giving him a killer BJ is how amazing it feels. The second is how good he wants to make you feel next. Aim to please your man and you both win. Period.




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Running Your Own Relationship Pow-Wow

Let’s face it–life can be pretty darn hectic sometimes! Juggling all those commitments and trying to balance the roles and responsibilities you have can be quite challenging, and the one area of your life that can take the biggest hit is your relationship. It can be so easy to take your partner for granted as you try to tackle all those work demands, return your friends’ phone calls, and meet those family obligations. If you let it, your relationship can begin to lose its sense of priority, especially if you and your partner have gotten into a comfortable groove in the way you relate and function as a couple. The obvious consequence to this is a weakening of connection, potential decreased intimacy, emotional distance, and resentment over unmet needs.

All relationships, no matter how good, require consistent feeding. You must constantly nurture them, attend to them, and ensure that they remain healthy and strong. This is especially so because relationships, and the individuals who comprise them, are always changing with the passage of time. To not grow with the changes can result in a breakdown with inevitable conflict and sometimes demise.
I’m a big advocate for doing periodic “check-ins” with your significant other to make sure the relationship is progressing in a mutually-satisfying direction. Gay men (actually men in general!) typically tend to favor problem-solving and action over communication. This thereby creates the potential for huge rifts to occur in their relationships because of the lack of dialogue to ensure they and their partners are on “the same page” with things that matter most. This article will describe one strategy that can promote you and your partner’s focus on your relationship; this technique can help you avoid getting distracted by other forces in your life and remind you to communicate and tend to the needs of your relationship to keep feeding its successful growth.


The Relationship Pow-Wow

Pow-Wow is a Native-American term that means a gathering or an important meeting. If you and your partner don’t discuss the business and emotional aspects of your relationship on a regular basis, or if you find that your “couple time” is in competition with all the other life tasks and roles that must be fulfilled, then your relationship is likely in jeopardy without intervention. These things cannot be glossed over! The Relationship Pow-Wow might be just what the doctor ordered to get you guys back on track!
This technique is comparable to what therapists propose to families who need a more structured format for spending more quality time together, communicating about needs and feelings, and engaging in collaborative decision-making. That’s exactly what you’ll be doing with your partner; it’ll just be one-on-one!
It’s actually a very simple concept. Basically, the two of you will come up with a mutually-agreeable time to meet to discuss how things are going in your relationship. This will become a regular and predictable part of your relationship and is intended to be a safe place for the two of you to air your thoughts, feelings, and resolve differences. The length and frequency of the meetings is individualized per couple; if your relationship seems to be running along smoothly, perhaps once per month is sufficient. If you and your partner are going through some transitions, adjustments, or crises, you might want to increase the frequency to weekly or every few days. You will tailor your Pow-Pow to the unique needs of your relationship.


Meeting Guidelines

  • Meet at the same place and at the same time. This will help develop a ritual for your relationship where it will decrease the chances you’ll forget about it. If need be, write it down in your scheduling book. Minimize distractions and really use this time to honor each other and what you’ve built together.
  • Both you and your partner will have equal “floor time” to speak your mind. You will each be the “listener” and the “speaker”, making sure not to interrupt until the speaker is finished. Be respectful of each other’s expressed opinions and beliefs and make a rule to not use vulgarities or put each other down. Keep the complaining out! State your needs and feelings directly and assertively and ask for what you want.
  • If the climate of your meeting becomes tense or has a flavor of being unproductive, call a “Time-Out” to defuse any potential for misdirected anger. The Pow-Wow will not work if it becomes a battle-ground. Make sure you schedule another time to complete the meeting if you need to postpone it to allow some time to regain composure.
  • The meeting will require you to use good communication, conflict negotiation, and problem-solving skills. If you’re not well-versed in these, study up on active listening, “I” messages, brainstorming, or enlist the services of a coach or couples counselor to help you fine-tune these critical skills.
  • Keep a notebook handy at your meeting and journal or keep minutes of what was discussed. You can always refer to this at the beginning of each meeting to track your progress on stated goals and also helps with accountability and remembering what was discussed.
  • Strive toward win/win solutions. As two men socialized for competitiveness in the same relationship, keep the wrestling matches out! Remember that you’re on the same team, you don’t always have to agree on everything, and negotiate for the benefit of the relationship itself, not one particular individual.


Running A Pow-Wow

Step 1: One partner will begin the meeting by sharing his perception of how the week went as it pertains to the partnership. What went well in the relationship? What didn’t go so well? What needs were met and unmet?
Step 2: The other partner will repeat back what he heard his partner say, empathizing with and validating the message. He will then share his perceptions and the other partner will then mirror back.
Step 3: Together, celebrate any victories that occurred and then transition into defining any problems that exist, brainstorming potential solutions for consideration.
Step 4: Develop an action plan for the specified goal. Outline specifically what each partner will do toward resolution of the target problem. Make sure to assess movement toward the goal at the beginning of the next Pow-Wow.
Step 5: Share your appreciations for each other before you adjourn and then go do something fun that will further cement your bond as a couple.


No Agenda?

So what if you don’t have anything to talk about at your meeting? While that is very rare, still go through the above steps. It’s ok to have a short session and expect that all meetings will not be the same duration. Also, not every get-together will require problem-solving or action-planning. Here’s a few additional creative ideas for getting the most out of your time together when you don’t have any “burning issues” to discuss:
  • Discuss your visions for your future as a couple and as individuals.
  • Plan for fun. Talk about any vacations or recreational outings you’d like to pursue in the near or long-range future.
  • Each of you grab a deck of index cards and write some sentence completion stems on them. Read them aloud to each other and answer them. For example, “One thing I really appreciate about you is _____”; “Something I need for you to understand about me is _____”; ” If there was one thing I’d like to be different about our relationship, it would be _____”. Get creative and have fun!
  • Go to your local gift or gaming specialty store and purchase one of those board games geared toward couples, intimacy, and relationships. Play the game together!

No matter how busy or chaotic your life gets, never lose sight of how important your relationship is to you. The Relationship Pow-Wow can be one way to keep centered and focused on keeping your relationship primed and to keep the channels of communication open. Remember that the meetings need to also highlight the positives you share and also make sure that they don’t replace or substitute other quality time the two of you could be sharing. Have a regular “Date Night” as part of your routine to keep the spark alive. And most importantly, keep the communication going in-between sessions also. Be flexible with your meetings as things will happen and always be mindful of keeping your relationship as the number one priority, no matter how crazy life gets. You’re there for each other!




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The Effect of Gay Porn in Relationships

Our culture in the gay male community is pretty black and white when it comes to others labeling what defines infidelity. Usually there are some sorts of steps that lead up to these acts: drugs, alcohol or simply a man wanting to be a playboy and not wanting to settle down. Yet that is still some sort of lie associated with this act … saying you want a long-term, monogamous relationship and then wanting something more open.

Our culture is fairly open anyway
We’re open to change. A majority of gay men would label themselves as socially liberal. We’re more social than our hetero male counterparts … therefore, I feel like a lot of our “rules” on how we view are own intimate relationships can seem “looser.”
At the end of the day, we are sexual human beings, but if you are with someone you label as significant and you catch him staring, do you passively aggressively make a dig, or do you chime in with the admiration?
The same thing goes with pornography and sexual images in general. Do you become red with jealousy, or are you intrigued and create an open space to trust your partner in his discernment and separation?
Distinguish your own thought process between simple admiration and a habitual need. Are you just admiring the hunky swimsuit model on your own social media page, or do you find yourself searching for them multiple times a day?

Sexual addiction is a real thing — just a disclaimer
Ask yourself: Why do I need to look at porn or sexual imagery? Just to get off, something more surface and trivial, to create a fantasy of feeling attractive or desired or to fill some type of void?
Do you feel like you can only seek pleasure by creating a fantasy or with an actual human being who you have been connecting with on an exclusive level? We should call a spade a spade. Keep in mind, synonyms of “cheating” are: “to deceive,” “to mislead,” or “to act dishonestly.”
But, if you have open communication with your partner, speak with truth and integrity, you can’t go wrong.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves
I find some gay men in long-term, committed relationships use pornography as a form of safe exploration to make their intimate lives more exciting.
Yet when a couple starts “opening” their relationship, I find real emotions are being exchanged, and that’s when I have seen relationships go down a very slippery slope fairly quickly — and usually with a feeling of betrayal and devastation.
This is me merely speaking from a logistical standpoint.
Always use caution. Porn can be seen as a simple pepper you would scroll down at your local supermarket. All of them have a sense of spice, but use with caution.
The spicier ones are usually the ones that are underestimated, and the more apparent ones are usually a little more mellow and sweet. Digest that a little.




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Gay Relationships: 5 Ways To Make Your Man Happier

We all know relationships aren’t easy, but trying to keep your man happy can be even harder, especially if he’s an insecure person. A long relationship requires a bit of effort. As the years go by (and the honeymoon phase begins to fade), there’s nothing wrong with reaching into your bag of tricks to try and get the spark back. A man’s gotta do a man’s gotta do, right?
Staying in love takes more than just infatuation, even in the beginning stages of a relationship. In this day and age there are so many ways of communicating that we often forget the basic human connection of heart-to-heart intimacy. If you want to make your man happy, all you have to do is be present. But even that requires a conscious effort at times. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

#1) Actions Are Louder Than Words (and Vice Versa)
This has been the oldest rule in the book for a long time. But what most people fail to understand is that it works both ways. Don’t think that making him a nice dinner or taking him out on the town is an adequate replacement for “I love you.”
On the flip side of the coin, acknowledging his accomplishments and doing nice things for his birthday/anniversary/special event can be much more powerful than saying a half-assed version of “I love you.” Always be genuine when you’re expressing your feelings, whether it’s through actions or words.

#2) Don’t Lie To Him (Nor to Yourself)
A relationship is rooted with honesty. Without it, there is no trust. Make sure every concern is raised whenever there’s a reason for it. He will have no choice but to do the same thing for you. In an honest relationship, there is little worry and anxiety about the other’s well-being.
The keyword here is “real,” especially when it comes to sex. When you’re out and a hot guy walks by, chances are, he’s going to check him out. But be real. You’re looking at him too, right? Repeat after me: “It’s okay for a man to look at a hot body.” You’re the one he’s going home with, after all. Honesty, both with him and yourself, is going to rid your man a lot of aggravation down the road.

#3) Know His Red Flags
One of the best (and most dangerous) things you can ever share with your man are pet peeves and “trigger” topics. These are the issues, people, topics, actions, or characteristics that drive your man absolutely insane. If the relationship is new, it’s crucial to figure out the signs. The last thing you want to do is to push his buttons unwillingly. No matter how bad an argument gets, never use these red flags against him. Trust me, they’re harder to forget than you think.

#4) Keep His Feelings Close To Your Heart
If there’s one thing that can ruin a relationship, it’s totally ignoring the other’s feelings. It’s all about the details, right down to what movie you’re going to watch on a Sunday night. If it’s all about “me,” then you might as well date yourself.
This also transfers to other areas. When you’re out with people he doesn’t know, make sure to include him. Never leave him sitting at the bar or by himself at the corner of the table. Involve him in the conversation or get him to tell a few jokes/stories. His feelings are important, and as his boyfriend, it’s crucial to consider them at all times.

#5) Accept ALL Of Him
If you don’t accept him during his bad days, then frankly, you don’t deserve him at his good. It’s easy for people to intuitively feel one’s energy, especially when you’re in a relationship. Never let him feel like you don’t accept his insecurities, past, family, friends, or anything that makes him “HIM.” You’re accepting the whole pie, not just the yummy crust.




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Relationship Tips and Counseling on Financial Issues | The Gay Deal Breakers

Here’s another top deal breaker, in fact, this is the most prevalent and the most upsetting at the same among gay men relationships. Discussing financial iss…

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