The Effect of Gay Porn in Relationships

Our culture in the gay male community is pretty black and white when it comes to others labeling what defines infidelity. Usually there are some sorts of steps that lead up to these acts: drugs, alcohol or simply a man wanting to be a playboy and not wanting to settle down. Yet that is still some sort of lie associated with this act … saying you want a long-term, monogamous relationship and then wanting something more open.

Our culture is fairly open anyway

We’re open to change. A majority of gay men would label themselves as socially liberal. We’re more social than our hetero male counterparts … therefore, I feel like a lot of our “rules” on how we view are own intimate relationships can seem “looser.”

At the end of the day, we are sexual human beings, but if you are with someone you label as significant and you catch him staring, do you passively aggressively make a dig, or do you chime in with the admiration?

The same thing goes with pornography and sexual images in general. Do you become red with jealousy, or are you intrigued and create an open space to trust your partner in his discernment and separation?

Distinguish your own thought process between simple admiration and a habitual need. Are you just admiring the hunky swimsuit model on your own social media page, or do you find yourself searching for them multiple times a day?

Sexual addiction is a real thing — just a disclaimer

Ask yourself: Why do I need to look at porn or sexual imagery? Just to get off, something more surface and trivial, to create a fantasy of feeling attractive or desired or to fill some type of void?

Do you feel like you can only seek pleasure by creating a fantasy or with an actual human being who you have been connecting with on an exclusive level? We should call a spade a spade. Keep in mind, synonyms of “cheating” are: “to deceive,” “to mislead,” or “to act dishonestly.”

But, if you have open communication with your partner, speak with truth and integrity, you can’t go wrong.

I think we need to be honest with ourselves

I find some gay men in long-term, committed relationships use pornography as a form of safe exploration to make their intimate lives more exciting.

Yet when a couple starts “opening” their relationship, I find real emotions are being exchanged, and that’s when I have seen relationships go down a very slippery slope fairly quickly — and usually with a feeling of betrayal and devastation.

This is me merely speaking from a logistical standpoint.

Always use caution. Porn can be seen as a simple pepper you would scroll down at your local supermarket. All of them have a sense of spice, but use with caution.

The spicier ones are usually the ones that are underestimated, and the more apparent ones are usually a little more mellow and sweet. Digest that a little.

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