Gay men everywhere are cursing their bodies as a matter of form. It’s become normal to not like the way you look so more people are joining in on the fun. Personally, I find it a disgrace. As someone who actually loves his body, I know what it’s like to experience social pressure tempting me to feel otherwise. It’s as if our entire culture supports self-loathing. But where did it all start? I have a few theories:

1) Our Friends Look Like Supermodels

The rules of high school never leave us when we get older. Being associated with an “A group” is always going to make us feel more valuable. In the gay community, the A groups are those with the hottest bodies. We travel in herds, and usually the ones at the head of the pack are sculpted like statues. The psychological aftermath is the sad realization that we don’t look as good as them. Even if we did, there are always going to be people in our group who look better than us anyway. It’s one thing to judge strangers on their bodies, but it’s another thing to choose your friends based on that as well. Staring at hot bodies all day will eventually get your mind wondering.

2) Because the Men We See Everyday at the Gym Look like Roman Gods

We go to the gym and see the doppelgangers of our favorite porn stars, right there, working out like it was no big deal. Not just that, but we also see them showering in the locker rooms and rubbing their pecs in the sauna, all the while we’re imagining what it’s like to be in their skin. It’s terrifying to know that our boyfriends see the same guys too, which makes us a bit anxious to try and keep our body in shape so his head won’t go turning at the site of the nearest bicep.

3) If We’re Not Hot, We Don’t Get Laid

It’s common knowledge that hot people have sex with hot people, but in the gay community it’s not even a question. When you’re average looking, the hot guy in the club is merely eye candy; when you’re equally as attractive, you actually have a shot. One day of missing the gym can convince us that our sex lives might be at jeopardy. Keeping our bodies attractive becomes a job. We pay our dues and get to reap the benefits of having a sexy boy toy in our bed (for free). But the more we continue to think this, the more we’re going to invent more flaws with ourselves.

4) All Our Role Models Are Hot

The media tells us we have to be hot because the only people appearing on television, movies, even on stage are attractive. Anderson Cooper, Neil Patrick Harris, basically everyone who does Broadway Bares, even the advocates you see debating marriage equality on CNN, famous gay men have become prototypes. We’re all grateful for them, don’t get me wrong, but the people behind the camera – the ones rallying, picketing, marching – are the extreme majority, and trust me when I say most of us don’t have six packs.

5) We’re Seldom Around Average-Looking Bodies

The aftermath of constantly pushing our bodies to the limits is a community full of models, which the gay community is slowly morphing into. But it’s not just on the street. It’s in porn, gay Tumblrs, movies, magazines, websites, etc. We market ourselves as products even to ourselves, so much so that we become both the product and consumer in our daily lives. We buy ourselves, then we sell it to the public with virtually no exchange.

6) The Compare & Contrast Game

Life wouldn’t be the same if we didn’t compare ourselves to each other. Our parents taught us that it’s all a part of growth. We can’t get better if we don’t improve at something, but in order to improve we have to see where the bar is – and the bar is whoever is the hottest at any given moment. If our friend’s diet is looking damn good on him, we start comparing ourselves and eventually get the idea that we need to catch up. If there’s a hotter person in the room, we shut off and unconsciously give him the spotlight because, well, it’s just how the rules are. The game never ends.

7) The Bartenders we Hire Are Mostly Straight Models

I can’t go into a gay bar without seeing a hot bartender (usually straight) serving me. It’s a very good strategy because it works, but most of these dudes know the power they have, and trust me, they take advantage of it. They’ll flirt, touch, even kiss to get you heated up. I’ve known many gay men who’ve fallen in love with their bartenders (don’t ask) and it always ends with heartache. These men are doing their job, but most of the time we take it to an extreme and start to make them our role models. This is never good.

8) Competition is Ingrained Within Our Culture

All our lives, we’ve been competing for acceptance. Fortunately there are many guys who didn’t have to fight as hard as others, but the need to please is rarely ever cured once the habit becomes permanent. It affects our love lives, friendships, careers, and everything else we need to survive as a normal human. But eventually, there comes a time when you realize the only thing you’re doing is resisting the urge to love thyself.

9) We’re Always Taking Our Shirts Off

If clothing were optional, gay men would hardly question the hideous thing we civilians call a shirt. Even when it’s unnecessary, we love to strip down and show the world what we’ve been doing at the gym. After all, if no one sees it, what’s the point? Shirtless men are on our desktops, bedrooms, advertisements, and everything else we see in our lives. They’re invading our minds as well. Not that I’m complaining, but seeing Nick Jonas in his new ads sure makes me feel guilty for having that extra bite of cheesecake. And all it was trying to do was sell me underwear… where’s the sense in that?

10) The Pressure of Being Accepted

Who doesn’t want to be accepted? It’s a natural obsession everyone goes through, but gay men feel more pressure because being accepted means that we can accept ourselves. For those of us who went through a turbulent childhood trying to accept our sexuality, hearing the words “You’re gorgeous” heals our spirit little by little. When the body isn’t up to everyone’s standard, it’s another barrier between us and them. And it will always be there until we realize the real form of acceptance is self-acceptance.

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