10 Reasons Why You Push Men Away Without Giving Them a Chance

Written by JosephJanuary 5, 2015

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All we are saying… is give men a chance! There are tons of people in the world who feel undeserving of love. When something great lands in their lap, they’re usually the first to give it back. We fear contentment because in many ways, it destroys our lifelong habit of “searching.” When we find something, […]

All we are saying… is give men a chance!

There are tons of people in the world who feel undeserving of love. When something great lands in their lap, they’re usually the first to give it back. We fear contentment because in many ways, it destroys our lifelong habit of “searching.” When we find something, there is no need to search any longer – not a lot of people know how to handle it. Trust me when I say that you deserve love, but you need to be the bigger person sometimes. Pushing anything good away before you give it a chance seldom has to do with them, and everything to do with YOU. Here are a few reasons why you might be jumping the gun:

#1) You dwell too much on his “bad habits.”
Most of these traits are completely insignificant and only effect the most OCD amongst us, but you’d be surprised how many guys blame a man’s laugh, eye twitch, or ability to leave an empty bag of chips on the counter as the sole purpose for their broken connection.
Here’s the thing. A long-term relationship doesn’t come without compromise. Sometimes you have to know if a man is worth it. For example, my last boyfriend never lifted the toilet seat when he went to the bathroom. I’d come in to find little droplets of pee on the seat and I’d get so frustrated with him that my face would turn red. There came a time when I realized if I just shut up and wiped it off myself, I’d save much more time and stress than screaming at him for the millionth time. After months of doing that, he saw what I was doing and began to become aware – he realized I loved in spite of such a small pet peeve. He also did the same for me in many instances. No relationship is perfectly compatible, but you have to choose your battles and know how not to sweat the small stuff. If a man is worth it, who gives a f**k about the little things?

#2) You’re chronically unsatisfied.
Some people are programmed to be unsatisfied with everything. Nothing, and I mean nothing, is good enough. We see these people in the line at Starbucks, they’re seated next to us at the nice restaurant, and we probably have worked with them at one point in time. Don’t be that person.
Take a look at your day-to-day routine and note the things you find satisfactory. If the unsatisfactory list is significantly longer than the satisfactory ones, chances are you have become chronically unsatisfied and it undoubtedly seeps into your love life. Before you read the book, stop assuming it’s going to be awful. You’re one step closer towards becoming a cynical asshole. No one wants that kind of trait in a romantic partner.

#3) You blame it on bad timing.
When a great man comes into your life, you’re quick to say he came at a bad time. This often interferes with how you choose to move forward. Trust me when I say no one believes this excuse anymore. Here’s the thing about the universe: love is attracted to love, so in order to have found it you must have been feeling it inside. You were giving love to the world, so love attracted its way to you. How is that bad timing?
Love isn’t a scientific equation like, say, gravity. When you drop something, it’s going to fall (thank you gravity). Often times we think if we put ourselves out there, change our status, flirt with strangers and do everything we read in self-help websites that love is guaranteed to appear. It doesn’t work like that. More often than not it appears when you least expect it because no one can consciously create love so much as you can consciously create gravity. You just feel it. It’s just there. It’s a combination of contentment, inner peace and the courage to not apologize for feeling good. Feel the love inside and you’re sure to see the love everyone has to offer. You meet in the middle. In my opinion, that’s perfect timing.

#4) You reject him before he can reject you.
One of the most repetitive patterns I find is people’s anticipation of getting dumped. I hate the word “dump.” It signifies that someone rejected everything about you, when, in 99.9% of the cases, it had to do with relationship compatibility rather than each other. You smell rejection coming and before you have a second to ask yourself why, you’d rather be the one to do the dumping because it gives you the power. This is very common among serial daters. Trust me, nothing is ever as serious as it is in your head. History won’t repeat itself when you’re with the right person, but you have to give him a chance to show his true colors. He’s not your ex, remember that.

#5) Your rules are unrealistic.
Gay guys have a high standard of judgment that’s nearly impossible to please reach. Hell, even we find it hard to match our own pentacle. But more than the physical necessities, there are certain “rules” we have when finding a boyfriend. We have a list, which might include someone who is well traveled, well read, professional who wants a family, etc. These are all nice, but many guys take it a step further by demanding their boyfriends to be masculine, athletic, a great chef, owns his own business, etc. Unless they have all the above (including the physical requirements), he’s not seen as good enough. Trust me when I say these types of men only exist in novels. It’s time to expand your horizons.

#6) You’re over thinking your gut.
I have always said the truth lies inside your gut, but too many guys are afraid to feel. They’d rather think. The second our intuition (gut) sends us a message, we send it straight to our intellect (our thoughts) for analysis. We over intellectualize everything and beat it to death till there’s nothing left to feel. Once it’s all over, we tend to forget what it was we felt in the first place. How is this ever going to benefit us? Sometimes it’s best to sit inside your intuition for moments longer than you’re used to. You might surprise yourself.

#7) You’re scared to admit you’re scared.
Fear prevents you from doing brave things, but it’s mandatory for you to find courage. No warrior has entered a battle without fear – that would make him too careless and arrogant to think precisely. They enter battles despite the fear, which makes them courageous and heroic.
When it comes to romance, we fear bucket loads of things. We’re scared of being alone, we’re scared of rejection, we’re scared of what could happen if it actually worked out, we’re scared of losing our identities, our dreams, etc. Fear drives our decisions whether we see it or not, so it’s time to stare face-to-face with fear then push it away. That’s when you become a hero.

#8) You feel like you don’t deserve him.
Never underestimate yourself. If you don’t believe in what you have to offer, what makes you think anyone else will? Would you say no to a winning lottery ticket if someone gave it to you? Would you say no to a free ride to work if you needed it? Would you say no if a stewardess offered you a free dinner on a flight? Of course you wouldn’t. When something good comes, you ought to accept it without questioning it.

#9) You think you can do better.
There are times when this applies, but the truth is no one is allowed to say it until they’ve actually seen the soil beneath a man’s feet. It’s hard to say you can do better when you’ve only gone on three dates. Everyone is putting their best image forward during the beginning stages; it’s usually around the first couple months you begin to feel comfortable enough to bring your true selves to the table. Throwing the “you can do better” card is a cop out lazy people tend to use because they don’t feel like investing any more time, which is okay too. But don’t jump the gun before you’ve seen him for who he is.

#10) It’s how you were taught to love.
You’ve learned that showing love means to distance yourself whenever the emotions spring up. Your parents trained you to think this way, as well as most relationships you’ve placed on a pedestal. This is hard work to overcome (I know from personal experience), but it’s work that pays off in many ways. You need to understand that everyone makes mistakes, and your parents failed you when it came to learning how to love. But you are now an adult who needs to learn for himself. It’s never too late to learn that love is a very good thing.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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