Single gay guys don’t want your pity. Hell, we don’t even want your help most of the time. It might surprise you to know that many of us are happy and don’t need a boyfriend or husband to define our self-worth, but chances are you probably won’t believe us no matter how many times we repeat it. Trust me when I say that single gay guys are no different than any other single. We know there’s a perfect man waiting for us, but we don’t want to rush into it. Stop reminding us of everyone else our age with a husband and children, in fact, stop saying all of the following:
1) “I don’t understand why you’re single. You’re such a catch.”
Thanks for the knife jabbing compliment. Chance are I didn’t say anything to inspire you to speak those two sentences nor are we in an appropriate environment that warranted the statement, yet, you said it anyway. Ugh. Now I’ll just nod my head and pretend like I didn’t hear it because, frankly, I’m not sure how you’re expecting me to respond: “Oh, uh, yeah… I don’t know why I’m single. Just lucky I guess…?”
2) “I have the perfect person for you. He’s young, single and gay!”
Oh… he’s young, single and gay, huh? Listen, as nice as it is that you’re trying to set me up, stop thinking that just because a guy is gay we’ll instantly hit it off! Do you even know what my type is? Is he an upgrade from my ex? Does he even live in the same f**king city? I’m probably not going to be interested and don’t you dare turn it around and say that I’m being too “picky.” The problem isn’t that I’m being picky. The problem is you did a crappy job at fixing me up with a guy that’s planets away from what I need or want.
3) “You don’t know how lucky you are. You can have sex anytime you want. Just get f**king Grindr!”
I’ve been single for far too long. If you think I haven’t taken advantage of NSA sex, you’re deeply mistaken. Just because you haven’t experienced it in a while doesn’t mean it’s all its cracked up to be. Perhaps I’m looking for something a little deeper for a change. A man I can snuggle with, confide in, trust, and love – something rarely found in a one-night stand. Just because I’m gay and single doesn’t mean I’m always on the prowl for some d**k.
4) “Just put yourself out there more…”
Can someone please define what this means? I wake up, go to work, go out with my friends any time I can, go to the gym, go to the park with my dog, etc. I can’t exactly be omnipresent. I’m just a man! Whoever coined the term “put yourself out there” must have been a hermit living in a cave somewhere in Idaho. Even as a single man I know it’s more than just about being out and about in public, so thanks for repeating something that every single person has heard since the beginning of time. I’d like to say that it helps, but frankly it makes me feel like all the things I do in my life mean nothing.
5) “No plans tonight? Aw, well you can always come hang with me and my boyfriend.”
Third wheel? No thanks. Been there, done that. It amazes me to know that even after all these years you still don’t get it. If you want me to come over to your apartment, you better invite someone else to make it an even four, or, better yet, another single gay guy you think I might hit it off with. The last thing I want is to watch you and your man makeout while I clean the dishes of the meal I helped to cook.
6) “You should stop being too picky and be more open”
So it’s because I’m picky that I haven’t had a date in God knows when? I admit, this is something most gay guys deal with. We are, in fact, too picky for our own good. But there comes a time when this is no longer an excuse. We all know it’s one of the top three reasons we, as a friend, give to our single friends to try and make sense of why they’re single. Sometimes it’s true, but other times it’s not. For the men this doesn’t apply to, it makes us feel frustrated, confused, and bitter.
7) “You deserve a good man”
Thanks for reminding of something I already know. Trust me, your kindness doesn’t go by unforeseen (that’s not sarcasm). The truth is everyone deserves to be loved and being reminded of it is extremely beneficial. But when it’s consistently told to us over and over and over again like a broken record, it gets annoying very fast.
8) “Your prince is out there and he’ll come one day.”
Really? Where is he? Can you point to him? Thanks for the thought, though. I know he’ll come but instead of making life a Disney film, why not try to stick with reality? I’m a grown man. I can take it. Personally, I don’t want to be the one waiting for a prince. I want to be the prince, who happens to come across another prince. I want us to save each other. That’s the perfect story.
9) “Let me give you some advice…”
Oh God, here comes another five minute analysis about why you think I’m single. What is it this time? I’m too work-obsessed? Too in love with my dog? Too addicted to porn? Too independent for my own good? Please tell me what’s wrong with me or, better yet, what you would do if you were in my situation. Don’t give me advice unless I ask for it. If it’s given unwarrantedly, I’m going to feel like it’s an intervention and that something is deeply wrong with me, which will get me even more in my head.
10) “Maybe if you stop going to bars so much you’ll find guys who are boyfriend material”
Excuse me…? Just because I might enjoy a happy hour or two doesn’t mean I won’t find a compatible guy amongst the atmosphere of after-work suits and two for one drinks. I hate to break it to you, but gayborhoods are where we flock. It’s hard to flirt with a single gay man in public nowadays, especially in small towns. You never know if they’re gay or straight and risking the chance takes a bit of courage. Have you seen the latest fashion trends now? It’s difficult to openly flirt without knowing 100% that he is gay or bisexual. The bars might not be a perfect place to make a connection, but it’s a hell of a start to meet men of my own kind.
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