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10 Tips on Handling Your Office Crush

10 Tips on Handling Your Office Crush image
Posted by Joseph on May 14, 2015

Like most 9 to 5 people, I’ve had multiple crushes on coworkers. There’s no shame in it, but there’s always a time when you should ask yourself if it’s a good idea. Personally I think it’s hot to fantasize about what your cubicle mate is wearing underneath his suit. It keeps the day from becoming even more boring than it already is.

There are plenty of office romances that happen every year, but for gay guys it can be a different story. We often don’t know whether to act on it or keep it on the down-low. After all, not all people are as they seem. Here are a few tips I’ve gathered over the years which I’m sure will help you in your office ventures:
#1) Show him the real you, rather than the “work” you. Point out the things you have in common and never hold back when discussing family, hobbies and goals. Don’t rely solely on work-related issues – this will make him think your relationship is strictly professional and nothing else. Show him your sense of humor and don’t ignore a blatant opportunity to flirt whenever it presents itself. Over time the relationship will morph into a chain of friendly banter that might lead to something more.

#2) The rules change slightly if he’s your boss. If he’s your supervisor or any kind of authority, you may want to rethink starting a flirtatious relationship which may affect your reputation in the company. The same goes with that of someone working under you as well. There’s nothing wrong with having a crush on your boss, but you must always consider the long term effects. Test the waters with small hints first and allow him to make the first move.
Smile, laugh and hold eye contact longer than usual. Watch him walk away and be sure he feels you watching him, in a non-creepy way of course. Don’t be too aggressive with it, but let it happen organically. Everything is in your ball park at this point and you can stop the flirting anytime you choose. Never be the one to make the first move. That must always be up to him. That way, your conscience will be clear should anything arise from the relationship. Don’t let him think you’re flirting with him. He might be straight after all.

#3) Listen to what he says rather than what is said by your coworkers. Don’t rely on gossip to sway your point of view about what you or he feels about the other. We all know how quickly word gets around an office or work environment when it’s believed two people like each other, and because you’re two guys it will be under the microscope even more. Base your ideas on him on his actions and never what your coworkers say. It will be way less exhausting.

#4) Figure out if he’s professional or something “else”. We all have a professional mask when at work. Most of the time our smiles are only somewhat real since we’re trying to make the best impression impossible with our coworkers. That being said, it’s easy to confuse a professional attitude with a flirtatious attitude. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought a guy was flirting with me when in truth he was just being charming. Take a bit to gather your thoughts and truly understand what his perspective of you is. Try not to confuse them.

#5) Bring up gay topics on the sly. Not only will this allow you to see where he lies on the gay friendly spectrum, but it gives you an opportunity to see if he’s gay or straight. That is, if you don’t already know. Anti-discrimination laws are nonexistent in the majority of the states in America so being “out” at work is a no-no for many LGBT men. Letting someone know that you’re gay without actually saying it might make him feel more open and available to discuss issues. Do it discreetly and not in a dominating finger-pointing way. You never know what might happen.

#6) Accidental body contact will always trigger his imagination. Bumping into him in the hall or rubbing shoulders while making copies in the copy room will set off certain light bulbs. Of course, you don’t want him to think your sexually harassing him, which is why things like this need to be done carefully. No matter what happens, you’ll get an answer from the way he responds to you. Use it to your benefit.

#7) Break room appearances. Figure out when his lunch is and try to sneak into the break room just to make an appearance. Don’t stick around for too long, at least until you get to know each other. Enter on a high note and leave on an even higher one. The impression is the first step in getting to know him. Let him think, “Who is that guy? Where’s his desk? What does he do here?” Eventually he’ll start to ask your coworkers these questions the more he sees and is impressed by you. The rest will happen naturally.

#8) Help him when he needs it. Trust me, he’ll start to notice how helpful, reliable, trusting, and smart you are. Not to mention it gives you both an excellent opportunity to start conversation and build an idea around each other. These small moments will create a seed that can flourish into something more if you play your cards right. All good things come from small conversations and it’s all about making yourself available.

#9) Grooming is kind of important at the beginning both from you and him. Notice if he upgrades his outfit and walks by your desk to be sure you notice. It might mean he’s trying to get your attention. On the same note, if you want him to notice you immediately, a drastic change in appearance will always trigger his attention. Whether it’s in the hair, wardrobe, cologne, skin or whatever, make it stick out. This will bring him in peripherally and once he’s there, he’ll notice everything else.

#10) Look at the eyes & feet. It sounds cliché, but it’s true. You can tell a lot about a man’s feelings by looking at his eyes and feet. When they’re pointing at you, it’s an unconscious sign that he’s interested in, or targeting, you. Same with the eyes. If someone isn’t attracted to you, he has no reason to look at you. Don’t get self-conscious if you catch him staring and looking away as soon as you make eye contact. Chances are, he didn’t want you to know he was watching you. We’re hunters and we enjoy the act of hunting. Enjoy it but read the signs before you jump to conclusions. If he’s totally fixated on you it’s clear he has no qualms in letting you know you’re his prey.

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