Listen up shy gay guys: being shy doesn’t have to get in the way of your dating life, or be the thing that holds you back from meeting someone amazing. In fact, being shy can sometimes be an asset. You just have to learn how to make it work for you.
Even the most super confident guy can lose his bravado on a first date, so don’t think you’re the only one. In fact, almost everyone suffers a little anxiety when dating, which can even be part of the thrill. Anyway, read on before we spill all the best bits in the intro.
1. Be upfront about being shy.
Tell your date that you’re shy straight away. Most ‘aware’ people will have already worked it out, and keeping it secret may only inhibit you, which gives the shy feeling more power over you.
2. See being shy as an unlikely asset.
OK. So, being shy is part of who you are, don’t apologize for it. Being modest means you are more likely to listen to your date, and could actually become aware of their feelings faster than louder personality types. Shy guys get their energy from within, which is a charming quality.
3. Overcoming fear with humor.
Shy people are often controlled by their fears, but one of the ways they can overcome their fears is through humor. Humor allows you to make light of difficult situations and that is an often a very strong way to bond with other people. In fact, laughing will help reduce your fear by channeling your fear-based energy into something socially positive. Every stand-up comedian is inwardly scared to death of failure.
4. Shifting focus from protecting self to compassion for others.
The obvious reason people are shy is that they are overly focused on themselves and how other people may judge them. So the way to overcome shyness is by being less concerned with yourself and more concerned for others. Compassion and altruism are very effective ways of overcoming shyness. Become an active listener to others and learn to share their concerns. This is a great way to become more popular without having to be a good conversationalist.
5. Start with what you have in common.
When you’re thinking of asking a guy out, first identify what the two of you have in common. If you don’t have anything in common, this guy’s probably not the first one you should try to date. But once you do find a man who you have something in common with such as a similar hobby or profession, then you can mention to him how much you two seem to have in common. It’s always helpful to use the word “seem” so that you don’t appear to be a know-it-all.
6. Realize that other gay guys are just people.
You’re probably not shy when you’re talking to your brother, right? What about that guy who scans your groceries at the store? So you might think that you’re shy around other gay guys, but that’s simply not the case. So what reasons do you have to be shy around someone you’re attracted to? Treat those guys the same way you treat any other people.
7. Change the way you look at rejection.
If you knew you weren’t going to get rejected, would it make the whole dating process easier for you? Probably. But remember this—when someone rejects you it’s not even about you. It’s either about the approach you used, or it’s about him. And if you used the wrong approach, don’t stress. Because that means it’s not personal. After all, he doesn’t know you, right?
8. Stop worrying about your appearance.
When it comes to dating tips for shy guys, busy guys, or really any type of guy, physical appearance is far from the most important thing I mention. You don’t want to base a relationship on the superficial. However, the way that you look does play a part in a first impression. No, you don’t have to be a male model or be sporting a six-pack to attract another gay guy, but putting in a little effort when it comes to physical appearance goes a long way.
Moreover, when you put in the said effort you end up feeling better about yourself overall, which will make it easier to overcome shyness and approach more gay guys.
Who you are is great, it’s just about building on that amazing foundation, and getting comfortable and confident with who you are, so that other gay men can see that.
Don’t change who you are. Be yourself. Be genuine. And you’ll do great.
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