It’s Hard Out Here for a Gaysian!

America has been called the melting pot of cultures. While the term sounds nice, it’s safe to assume that most Americans know the truth. Yes, there are many races living beside each other, but stereotypes have been just as much a part of our culture as anything else. One of the most prevalent, and probably the most menacing, has to do with Asian men.

Being straight in the Asian community isn’t a bowl of cherries, either. Since the beginning of our mass media, Americans have consistently stereotyped Asian men as asexual or effeminate. Dating back to the World War years, most Asian roles were played by white people, unless of course the role called for a completely stereotypical, almost satirical, impression. This blatant act of racism bled into how we view Asians in both the straight and gay community. It’s even affected how the Asian American community views each other.

“People assume all the time that I’m a crazy bottom,” Jason, a 28-year old Asian American in Los Angeles, says. “What bothers me the most is that I find myself attracted only to white guys, but I never asked myself why until earlier this year. When I go into a gay bar, it’s as if all the other Asian men view me as competition. We’re all looking for white men who might have an attraction towards Asians. It’s sad there is a biased view about gay Asian males that even I’m starting to believe –we’re always going to be with on old white guy, or, we’re somehow conceived as less masculine, therefore we’re going to always be a bottom. It’s not true.”

Jason doesn’t represent the whole Asian community by any means, but there is something to be said about how the media brainwashes how we view each other. White guys talk about Asians as if it were some kind of fetish – the porn industry does the same thing. The truth of the matter is it’s all a fantasy. Can prejudice end? Yes it can, but that doesn’t mean it will. Prejudice exists because we want to feel superior. In order to do that, we must make someone feel inferior to us. It seems like unless you’re a white good-looking male (or as Grindr calls it, “GWM”) you’ll always be at the bottom of the barrel. GAMs (or “Good looking Asian Males”) aren’t given nearly as much attention.

According to an individual study from the blog AngryHomosexual.com, a blogger loaded Grindr on two different phones – one posing as a white man, the other an Asian man, both equivalent in body type. Their profiles were exactly the same in despite of their racial difference. In the end, the “white guy” got twice as many messages than the “Asian guy.” Some messages asked for a face pic then after seeing that he was Asian, they responded with “Sorry. Not my type.” When he’d message the same people who rejected the Asian guy, this time as the white one, he was bombarded with cockshots and explicit details about what they were into.

Hookup apps have made us realize how truly racist we are when it comes to dating. I never knew how bad it was until I started advertising myself on such apps. Reading profiles that say “Sorry. I don’t do Asians” or “Not into thugs” or “No fatties or fems” make a person second-question their place in society, but more so, their chances at finding love.

Jaime Woo, author of the book Meet Grindr: How One App Changed the Way We Connect, writes about the men who write “No Asians” in their profile. According to a study by Australian researcher Damien Higgs, the figure is low but very existent. The overall percentage of Asians online is low as well. What would behoove someone to make an effort to reject a particular race, virtually blocking them from the radar altogether? Woo believes that these guys are using it as code for what they really want: a white, straight acting, prototype of a masculine dude.

Some of you might argue that if a man doesn’t want to be discriminated against, he shouldn’t even bother with such apps like Grindr. In some ways you’re right, but there comes a time when we need to realize that apps like these tell the truth. When there is anonymity, there’s usually a sad realization to be seen. Not all of the gay community is like this, but the fact that there are so many says a lot about where are heads are at. Online dating and rejection go hand in hand, but never has rejection been so baseless.

We all hope that the tides change sooner than later, but how easy is it to fix someone’s need to express their opinion? I understand we all have our tastes, but why the overwhelming effort to make someone feel unattractive or unworthy or hopeless because of the color of their skin? In my opinion, guys who rant with such vitriol are self-loathing. Compassion is one thing we all need a little more of, which will never show itself unless we make an effort to feel.

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