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Do Opposites Really Attract for Gay Men?

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Posted by Joseph on January 28, 2015
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Many gay men are under the assumption that opposites attract. Though this may be true when it comes to sexual attraction, as far as relationships are concerned, turns out birds of a feather really do flock together.

According to research, similarities have nothing to do with physical appearance or even personalities. On the contrary, it’s what’s in our minds that matter, i.e. religious beliefs, morals, tastes, stances on issues, etc. So even if two gay men look completely different from each other, it doesn’t mean they share a similar outlook when it comes to life. Is this the secret to a successful relationship?
Walking down the street, it’s impossible not to see polar opposites walking hand in hand. On one corner you’ll see a man in his 60s with a young gentleman in his 20s, and as soon as you turn another corner you see a tatted rocker dude making out with a skinny preppy guy in front of a coffee shop. But do these relationships really last for the long term?

You’d be surprised how many people fail to put two and two together, especially when it comes to personalities. Our personalities say a lot about who we are, but it’s not the majority of the pie by any means. Our personalities are formed during the developmental stages of the brain – which is usually between 2 and 5 – and manages to willingly alter over time as we start to think critically. Because they’re so much a part of us, we usually assume two people with similar personalities are a match made in heaven. Wrong!
Two people who have similar personalities might exist on opposite ends of the spectrum, i.e. religious beliefs, tastes. Yet people who do exist closer to each other on the spectrum could, indeed, have very different personalities. So if you think about it, personalities have nothing to do with a successful relationship (unless you can’t stand them, of course).

Despite the fact that we know we mesh well with similar belief systems, why do we always fall for our polar opposites? Yes, there is never a boring moment, but it never is going to last long. Harmless debates about likes and dislikes typically grow into a much bigger, annoying situation that may be hard to come out of. The sex might be great, but it’s only going to last as long as your tolerance for him, right?
There have been countless of people who have fallen victim to the “opposites attract” idea, but how many of them actually succeed? Some do, however, most of the time it’s because the couple chooses to ignore the very obvious differences. By doing this, we are blocking our intuition telling us to run away.

Being a single gay man, I understand what it’s like to be so infatuated with the first person I see – even if they’re my opposite. We all want to be loved. But there comes a time when we have to stop looking for Mr. Right Now and start looking for Mr. Right, and we’re never going to find him on the other side of the spectrum.




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