Back in the day, well more than a year ago, dating was complicated still but at least you can see someone face to face and meet them. However, just because it’s a pandemic, doesn’t mean we can’t date at all.
Dating can be disappointing, challenging and extremely exhausting, especially when you feel like you’ve tried everything with little to no results. But there’s hope for you!
Here are five tips to help you get out of a dating rut, and enjoy dating again even during these strange times.
Let go of the old.
The first step in this is to well and truly let go of all that old baggage and embrace newness. Are you still hung up on your ex? Are you stuck in an unfulfilling friends-with-benefits situation? Do you have a crush who just won’t like you back?
All of these things simply cause more emotional pain than they’re worth. While it’s easier said than done, you can only truly throw yourself into dating when you’ve cast of these one-sided emotional attachments. If you’re never going to get anything out of them, then they’re just dragging you down and stopping you find something that will give you the emotional fulfilment you need.
Create realistic goals.
Finding love is a fantastic experience, but it takes work and patience. If you find yourself obsessed with finding the picture-perfect relationship then reprioritize yourself. Seeking the perfect relationship can alter how you approach your love life. That sense of perfection can become all you care about achieving. Although, the idea of love can be alluring, you have to have a realistic approach to dating. If you spend the majority of your time comparing yourself to your friends in relationships, you’re doing yourself a disservice. Make sure you’re spending enough time on yourself and your budding relationships. Otherwise you will feel disconnected or disinterested.
When you focus on the idea of the perfect relationship you miss out on a fantastic experience. Experiences that can help you grow and learn for your next relationship. Don’t settle for the idea of love because you think you’re missing out on the real thing. When you obsess over finding the perfect partner, then you might turn down some good ones.
To help shift your view on love, create a list of realistic goals for yourself in and out of a relationship. Then ask yourself why these goals are essential to you. If you find that most of them are superficial, then reflect on where your priorities lie. It’s ok if you find yourself struggling to let new and different people in. Don’t let unrealistic expectations keep you from a new relationship.
Do not be the ‘yes’ kind.
Even though it is advised to be open-minded when dating, you do not have to say yes to everything. Remember that you have set standards for yourself for a reason. You do not have to go to every date you are asked on because you feel like if you turn it down it will take a while before you find another. If you are positive that you do not want to go out with someone, do not do it. Going out with someone you did not want to go out with will burn you out real quick.
Also, if you not necessarily like the idea the person has suggested for a first date, raise the issue with them. A first date is supposed to be fun for both of you. If you subject yourself to being in an uncomfortable situation, you may end up hating the date even if the person was great.
It’s easy to get out of a rut. What’s really hard is to stay out. You may think ‘I just need to be a little more confident and proactive, and everything will fall into my lap.’ This is probably not the case. Your path will be riddled with failures, lost causes and sh*tty dates. You’ll be constantly tempted to give up.
But don’t despair. You need to be patient; something as worthwhile as a truly great relationship doesn’t came easily to anyone. Remember, there’s nothing to be gained from calling it a day. Sure, you’ll come across a lot of rotten apples in the course of your dating journey, but if you just keep going, eventually, you’ll find …love.
It is never that serious.
At the end of the day, it is just dating and not solving the world’s famine crisis. Have fun with it. Be open to disappointments and successes. You are not in the dating world alone. Many people are in it too. So do not over think it. Share your experiences with close friends, especially bad ones. It really helps to laugh about it.
Establishing and building relationships is hard. Especially if you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. Recognize that you don’t have to have it all figured out to enjoy your dating life. If you want to get out of your dating rut, then look outside what you know and shake things up and always remember to always have an open mind.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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