Gay Dating: 10 Important Qualities Gay Men Look For In A Partner

Written by JosephJuly 14, 2021

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Have you ever asked these questions to yourself? – “Is Singlesville my final destination?” “Does a partner await? And what does he really want?” Finding the perfect guy can be a tall order. After all, tall, dark and handsome seems to be what every gay men claim to want. But when it comes down to […]

Have you ever asked these questions to yourself? – “Is Singlesville my final destination?” “Does a partner await? And what does he really want?”

Finding the perfect guy can be a tall order. After all, tall, dark and handsome seems to be what every gay men claim to want.

But when it comes down to living with Mr. Tall, Dark and Handsome, some gay men find that they prefer a man to have certain qualities over good looks.

Pining after men who can make them laugh, who cares about their loved ones and friends, and who supports them through the ups and downs in life is actually more important than looks.

There are so many things that can go into deciding who “the one” is, so we have compiled a list of the qualities that gay men look for in a life partner.


Don’t feel bad the next time you turn someone down because “the chemistry” just isn’t there. Initially, we are drawn to men based on attraction. We think to ourselves, can we carry on a conversation with this person? Do I feel energized when I talk to this person? These are qualities that help to establish a foundation, to form a deeper connection, and a relationship with this person.

He’s got a head on his shoulders.

The perfect guy is smart. There are no two ways about it. Guys who have a head on their shoulders, as the saying goes, are quick thinkers and problem solvers. They see the big picture and don’t get caught up in the details that can slow them down.

In a relationship, this quality can go a long way because he can figure things out and is not afraid to fall down a few times on his way to finding the right answers.

He is affectionate and loving.

Affection is very important in a relationship. Hugging, holding hands, and just being physically close to your partner goes a long way. It forms a connection. It is a warm, loving feeling. Although different things make different people happy, once the honeymoon stage is over and the relationship progresses, all men want is love.

Someone who shares his goals and dreams.

The best, longest lasting, most passionate connections are between people who are moving in the same direction in life. Who hold the same values. Who want the same things out of life.

Guys are looking for someone who they can count on to back them up – who they know supports them and their direction in life. If your goal is life partnership and deep love that lasts a lifetime, then this is extremely important.

If your goal is just to hook up (which is totally fine), then this is less important. It’s all about recognizing what his vision of his ideal life is, and seeing whether that matches with yours.

He is ambitious.

In addition to supporting you to achieve your dreams and goals, the perfect partner has his own goals as well. The perfect guy has a clear vision for his future and goes after it with determination. It does not necessarily have to be a job or career, just something he is passionate about.

A good listener.

Obviously, I’m not saying that you should just listen to him and whatever he says at the expense of expressing yourself – that’s ridiculous.

What I’m sharing are the things that you can do with a guy to make him feel a deep personal connection to you – that will make him want to bring your lives closer together.

Guys will bond with people who they feel that they can share anything with. They don’t bond with someone and THEN open up to them, opening up to you is how a guy bonds.

He’s a positive person.

Your life together will be filled with ups and downs. One of the most underrated qualities in a guy is positivity. Now, positivity isn’t about ignoring your feelings and marching forward all the time with a goofy smile on your face.

Positivity isn’t about peppiness. It’s about choosing to see the brighter side of things and staying resilient in the face of adversity. Looking for positivity in a partner makes it easier to stand through the test of time together.

Whether you’re dealing with personal issues or shared relationship problems, having a positive guy by your side means you have a partner who is willing to make things work. It makes it easier to preserve your mental health and maintain a good outlook on life.

He is respectful.

A fundamental aspect of a healthy relationship is mutual respect. If you and your significant other struggle to respect each other’s bodies and boundaries, you may not be dating “the one.”

He’s emotionally mature.

Emotional maturity is crucial for long-term relationships. Working with an emotionally mature adult means you get respect and understanding instead of jabs and snipes.

You want someone who can talk to you and tell you when something’s bugging him about the relationship, without him resorting to verbal or physical attacks.

When someone’s emotionally mature, he has the ability to think about you and how his actions may be affecting you instead of automatically going on the defense.

People who don’t have a well-rounded sense of self and relationships tend to put themselves first before anything else. This can cause the relationship to break down before it’s even had the chance to truly flourish.

If you’re looking for a partner who can listen to you and work through issues with you amicably, find someone who’s emotionally mature.


It’s difficult to build a relationship with someone who’s closed off. For the partnership to happen, a man has to be willing to be vulnerable and he has to open his heart in order for that to happen. And heads up: this goes for you too!

As we all know, every gay man has a different and personal “checklist” for what he is looking for. Don’t forget, for a relationship to be successful, both partners need to see and recognize the value in the other person. It is not just about wants and desires – it is about compatibility as well. All the best!

Fun Fact: A study published in 2019 titled “Disintermediating your friends: How online dating in the United States displaces other ways of meeting” found that 65% of gay couples met through dating apps. That doesn’t mean it’s always a good experience, though! This is why we highly recommend premier dating sites like Gay Dating Solutions and My Gay Match.

My Gay Match is a new gay dating site that focuses on matching gay men not only on demographic information but a unique personality measure developed by a psychologist. All members are personally confirmed and carefully screened by their staff to prove that they are real. If you’re looking to find a warm and meaningful connection with interesting and caring singles this is the site for you. The gay dating website is currently offering a free 30-day trial.

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