I told my best friend I loved him – now he’s frozen me out
Written by Joseph • September 5, 2017
Original story from: Gay Times Magazine. I’m Hindu and semi-out, and after leaving a toxic relationship that left me feeling suicidal, I came out to may best friend, who is older and in an open relationship. He was amazing about it, and as we talked openly and frankly, this turned to flirtation – I realised […]
Original story from: Gay Times Magazine.
I’m Hindu and semi-out, and after leaving a toxic relationship that left me feeling suicidal, I came out to may best friend, who is older and in an open relationship.
He was amazing about it, and as we talked openly and frankly, this turned to flirtation – I realised I was in love with him. He would allude to being unhappy in his relationship and send me flirty texts at 3 am, so I thought I should tell him. I was wrong.
After I revealed my feelings for him, he cut me out of his life completely. He’s adamant it’s the only way to move on. I’m dating other people now and don’t want to be with him romantically anymore; I miss my friend and I wish I could tell him I’m over him, but he won’t reply.
Part of me is angry that I’m apologising for my depression, but on the other hand he saw me through some of my darkest times. We have mutual friends but nothing that would impact our lives massively.
Do I give it one last try or is it too late?
Anil, by email
The Guyliner replies:
We all have those people in our lives who were there for us at a big moment in our lives and will forever be special to us because of what we shared. Usually, that person feels the significance of the occasion too, and it forms a bond that may well last a very long time.
Sometimes, however, no matter how momentous a life experience this was for us, they won’t hold it in the same regard. There are (at least) two sides to every story, and our own narrative and perception of an event can be skewed by our feelings of what happened.
He was there for you when you came out, which is one of the biggest experiences you will go through. It’s natural you will still feel some affection for him – a wistfulness, perhaps, that things are no longer as they were. But are you being honest with yourself about why you’re so anxious to maintain the friendship?
You say you are over it, and this isn’t impossible. We all say and do things in the heat of the moment. After sharing your coming-out with him, there was bound to be an emotional connection between you which – and here we go with two narratives again – you either misread or, and this sounds more likely, he got spooked by once shit got real. But this will have been a big thing to you, emotionally draining.
Read more at: Gay Times Magazine.
