It’s easy to stay a boy forever when you’re a gay man. The parties never end and the drinks are constantly pouring at every corner bar in the gayborhood. Even if we’re settling nicely in the job of our dreams, turning our adversities into gold and shaping ourselves into a man of character, our “twenties” seem to last longer than anyone else’s. Most gay guys in the dating scene today don’t envision themselves getting married or having kids until they’re 30-something. For those who want it before, you’re probably out of luck so you might as well use this time for what it is.
We all have different versions of what a successful relationship is. The good news is, unlike women, there’s no need to rush into having a family. For those who feel like they do, stop fooling yourselves. You have much more time than you think – don’t look at your life on a spectrum of deadlines.
When you decide to settle down with someone, there’s always a sacrifice to be made. Most serial monogamists are too busy focusing on landing the next man they often sacrifice their identity. For guys who’ve been single all their lives, it’s the opposite. They treasure their alone time so much that the thought of sacrificing it for someone else terrifies them.
We’re always sacrificing something in this regard, whether we’re single or in a relationship. In a way we both lose, but depending on how you look at it, we also both win. The trick is finding a person who’s worth the sacrifice. It’s not easy giving time, attention, affection, sex, commitment and responsibilities to someone else. But relationships are about compromise. Though it might seem hot and steamy in the movies, the average film is only two hours long. Compare that to a long-term relationship full of ups, downs, and turnarounds.
The dating community – online and offline – is so afraid of looking or feeling vulnerable it’s difficult to make the first move about being honest with our feelings. Because of this, it’s much harder to surpass the first step.
We’re not in junior high anymore. There’s no need to lay your head down and turn bashful when a cute guy smiles, or roll your eyes and pretend you didn’t notice. Conjure up the confidence to show the world how unserious you take yourself. We’re human beings and we relate most to people who remind us of that, not ones who constantly try to have a wall.
A lot of us are looking for sex while the minority is looking to settle down, and we hardly find it out which one it is until we’re already emotionally invested. Because most gay men leap into sex after the first or second date, any motivation behind the actual date becomes blurred. Even if he calls or texts you the next day, there is still always a question in the back of your mind. Was I just a booty call or was it something more? We’re too afraid to ask since it might make us look needy, so we usually brush it off. If we are out in the open from the get go, we might save ourselves a lot anxiety down the road.
In case you haven’t noticed, the price of airfare has never been cheaper and more accessible. Since a lot of gay men, especially in their twenties, have nothing holding them down, i.e. kids, this generation has become much more goal-oriented. We want to move away, travel and achieve big dreams. Not that there’s anything wrong with the idea, but it sure does put a damper on anyone who might see a future with you. Most of the people I’ve met on the scene plan on being in the city only within the next year or so. Whenever you hear something like this, it’s easy to filter not only your emotions, but any relationship potential outside of sex. What’s wrong with staying still for a bit?
There are so many people with debt nowadays, especially those in their twenties and thirties. It rules over us like a dark cloud and usually prevents us from making beneficial decisions, including love. If someone is packing 80 grand worth of debt they can’t afford to pay back, it’s clear they’re going to be a little closed off – whether consciously or unconsciously.
Even if they have a “real job” instead of the normal assistant level jobs a lot of us tend to carry for years, most people with debt tend to think more about paying rent than having a boyfriend who wants to go out to dinner, to the movies or even to a cheap happy hour they can’t afford. Money makes the world go round, but it also affects our psyche in more ways than we think. Either be patient or make the appropriate steps towards fixing both aspects of your life.
Whether you like it or not, it’s rare to find a gay man in their twenties or thirties who doesn’t have a naked pic floating around somewhere in the cyber waves. Most of my friends and I had our first sexual encounters via online. Today, teenagers are doing it through mobile apps like Grindr. When you’re still in the closet these types of things can be your refuge, except for most it’s become a tool that helps them stay closeted.
Tags: #BigBankChallenge #BohemianKissChallenge #EqualityActJapan #StopAsianHate 12 Dates of Christmas 2020 Olympics Aaron Schock Adam Castillejo Adam Rippon addiction ageism Aging AhTave AIDS Aime Wichtendal Alaska Alex Morse Almost Love America's Next Top Model American Medical Association Amy Coney Barrett Annise Parker Antes Que El Mundo Se Acabe Anti-Asian Violence Anti-LGBTQ ANTM anxiety Aptima HIV-1 Arizona Armie Hammer astrology At-home date Atlanta Atlanta Black Pride Atlanta GA Atlanta Nightlife Atlanta Pride Atlanta Pride Run Atlanta’s Queer History Bicycle Tour Austin Swink Austin Texas Austin TX Backpacks for the Street Basel Abou Hamrah BFI Flare Bisexual BLACK GAY MEN Black LGBTQ Atlanta Black Lives Matter Black Love Bohemian Rhapsody Boston Boston MA Boston Nightlife Brian Sims Broadway bully Bullying California Call Me By Your Name Canada Capital Pride Capitalism Cason Crane Celebrity News censorship Chemistry Chemsex Chicago Chicago IL Chris Evans Christian proselytizing Christianity Christmas Christmas commercial Christmas movie Christmas Movies Chucky Circus of Books civil unions Cody McCook Colorado Comedy coming out commentary compatibility Confidence Congress conspiracy theory Conversion therapy CoronaVirus Court Vox COVID COVID-19 Covid-19 vaccine Cubbyhole NYC daddy Dallas Dallas Gay Bars Dallas Gayborhood Dallas Texas Danica Roem Daniel Harding Daniel Howell Date night dating dating advice Dating Apps Dating Red Flags dating rut dating tips DC Pride Dead to Me Denver Depression discrimination Disney Documentary Dolf Pasker Dolly Parton Domestic Violence Donald Trump Donna Price Drag Race drag racing Dustin Lance Black election Election 2020 Election Day Elite Employment Entertainment Entertainment news epidemic Fabio Fasoli Family family gatherings Film Finding True Love First Date First Date Etiquette first date ideas first date tips Flirting Tips Flirty Dancing Florida Fort Lauderdale Franklin Graham Freddie Mercury Garrett Clayton gay gay asian gay asian men Gay Atlanta Gay Austin Gay Bars NYC Gay beaches Gay Boston Gay Boston Nightlife Gay Chicago Gay Christmas Gay Couple Gay Couples Gay Culture Gay Dallas Gay Dallas Nightlife gay dating gay dating advice gay dating app gay dating apps Gay Dating Red Flags Gay Dating Solutions Gay Dating Tips Gay DC gay discrimination gay film Gay Florida Gay Fort Lauderdale Gay Health Gay Holiday Movie Gay Houston gay kiss Gay Love Advice gay marriage gay marriage proposal gay men Gay Miami gay midlife Gay Mountaineer Gay Movies Gay New York Gay nightlife Gay Nurse Gay NYC Gay Panic Gay Pride gay relationship advice gay relationship tips gay relationships Gay Santa Gay Scene gay seniors gay sex gay singles Gay Soldier Gay Travel Gay Twitter Gay Washington DC Gay Wedding gay weddings Gay Widower Gays Over COVID gaysian Gen Z Generation Z Georgia Gert Kasteel Ghosting GLAAD GOP Gorsuch Greater Houston LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce grindr Guy Vandenberg Gym Gays Haaz Sleiman Hallmark Halloween Hate Crime HBO Max Health HGVT HIV HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV treatment HIV vaccine HIV/AIDS hobbies Holi-date Holiday Film Holiday Movies Holidays Hollywood Holyoke Homophobia hooking up hookup hookup culture Hot Vax Summer House Hunters Houston Houston Texas Houston TX Hulu Ian Jordan Indya Moore Instagay Instagram intersex Intimacy Intimacy coach Iowa Iowa caucus isolation It's A Sin Jake Gyllenhaal James Bushe Japan Jaymes Vaughan Jayson Conner Jeffrey Newman Jennifer Tilly Jewish Jewish persecution Joe Biden Jonathan Bennett Josef Salvat Jussi-Pekka Kajaala Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg JVN Jwan Yosef Karamo Brown Kristine Stolakis Lady Gaga Lesbian lesbian couple Let It Snow LGBT LGBT Austin LGBT Travel Guide LGBT-Free Zones LGBTQ LGBTQ Asians LGBTQ Atlanta LGBTQ Austin LGBTQ Boston LGBTQ Chicago LGBTQ Dallas LGBTQ DC LGBTQ discrimination LGBTQ employees LGBTQ Family LGBTQ Film LGBTQ Film Festival LGBTQ Films LGBTQ flag LGBTQ Fort Lauderdale LGBTQ Health LGBTQ History LGBTQ Houston LGBTQ Miami LGBTQ movies LGBTQ New York LGBTQ nightlife LGBTQ NYC LGBTQ Pride LGBTQ retirees LGBTQ retirement LGBTQ Rights LGBTQ Seniors LGBTQ Victory Institute LGBTQ Youth Life Lifetime Lifetime TV Network Linda Warren lockdown London LGBTIQ+ Film Festival loneliness Love Victor Love Wins Luke Evans Male Nurse Malik Brown marriage equality marriage proposal Marsha P Johnson Marvel Marvin Cortes Massachusetts mature gay dating mental health Mexico Miami Miami Beach Miami Beach Pride Miami Florida Miami nightlife Michael Cashman Michael Henry Middle-aged gay men midlife Modern Family mormon Mr. Right Muscle gays music video My Gay Match NASCAR National Coming Out Day Nationwide Conversion Therapy Ban Neil Gorsuch Netflix Netflix Special Nevada New Year's Resolution New York New York City Nonbinary North Dakota Northern Ute tribe Norway Nurse Appreciation Week NYC NYC Events NYC Pride NYC Pride 2021 Oak Lawn Obergefell v. Hodges older gay man Omander Omar Ayuso One True Pairing online dating online dating apps online dating tips online gay dating Online trolls Open Relationship Operation Hyacinth OTP Outfest Outfest LA 2021 Outfest Los Angeles Pan-African Pride pandemic Paper Moons Pat Robertson Pennsylvania Perez Hilton personality Personality Matching personality type Pete Buttigieg Pink Capitalism Poland Politics polyamorous polyamorous relationship polyamorous relationships Pope Francis Pose power bottom Pray Away PrEP pride Pride 2021 Pride Afrique Pride Flag Pride Month Prince Harry profile pic Puerto Vallarta quarantine Queer eye Queer Film Queer Films Queer Holiday Movies Queer Lawmakers Queer Love Story Queer Santa Queer Youth racism Rafa Olarra Rainbow Wave red flags Reddit Relationship relationship advice Relationship Tips relationships religion Rep. Andy Biggs Republican retirement Ricky Martin rom-com Romantic Comedy Ryan Murphy Ryan O’Connell Samaritan’s Purse same sex marriage Same Sex Relationships Same Sex Wedding Same-Sex Couples Same-Sex Kiss same-sex marriage same-sex marriage ban Santa Claus Schitt’s Creek Score Miami Score Nightclub Scott Evans Scott Wiener Section 28 self isolation self-care Senior Gay Dating Senior Gay Men senior gays Senior Prom Seven Summits sex Sex and Intimacy Sex Education sex life sexual identity sexual preference sexual racism sexuality short film Shy Gay Guys Single All the Way single gay man Single Gay Men Single Gays Single Young Gays social distancing social isolation social media Social Security Somerville South Florida sports Stonewall Stonewall Riots straight men Super Bowl ads Super Bowl commercials Super Bowl LIV Supreme Court Switzerland Syfy Syria Tan France Television Tennessee The Boys in the Band The Center on Colfax The Christmas Setup The Eternals The First The Thing About Harry Threesome throuple TikTok Tom Daley toxic gay relationship toxic masculinity toxic relationships Transgender Travel Travis Shumake true love Trump administration Turner Free TV series Tweets Twitter Unconditional Love United Methodist Church US economy US Supreme Court Valentine's day viral news viral video Virginia Washington DC Web Series Wedding When Harry met Santa Workplace workplace discrimination World AIDS Day World Pride Young Gay Guys young gay men Youth YouTube