When To Let Go Of Your Crush

Letting go is never easy, especially with someone you’ve dedicated hours upon hours of daydreaming to. You’ve planned out your wedding (in Hawaii, of course), the kids (two adopted, one via surrogate), and even the family dog (either a golden retriever or a basset hound). Even after he tells you he’s not interested, the fantasy never seems to stop. When reality hits and you finally realize it’s a pointless effort, the pain might be too much to bear. 

It’s difficult to let go of a pipe dream, but we all know it needs to happen sooner or later. I’ve seen many gay guys hold onto these fantasies for years. Though most of their dreams never come true, I’ve known plenty of couples who have actually worked out. Had they given up on the dream when the “reality check” originally happened, they might never have found each other again. So is there ever a moment you, the daydreamer, should wake up?

There is nothing wrong with dreaming. A dream fills us with joy whenever we’re sad, and it lifts our spirits if ever we get bad news. The only issue with dreams is that when someone else is a part of it, there’s always a risk of it not working out. When it doesn’t, holding onto your dream is never a bad thing. Perhaps it wasn’t him you were daydreaming about.

Most of what we dream about isn’t particular places or things. It’s the feeling we feel inside the dream. Empowerment, freedom, accomplishment, satisfaction, happiness, you know, everything we don’t have in reality. That’s why we mentally escape in the first place. Be careful not to replace reality with your dreams. Chances are, this is the reason why you liked him so much from the get go.

When your crush tells you it’s never going to work out, what’s the point of placing him inside your fantasy? Leave that for someone who deserves it. For your own well-being, it’s best to keep him in reality and your dreams in your head. When you imagine his face on every man you fantasize about, you’re only adding fuel to the fire. The less fuel you feed your heart, the less emotional attachment you’ll carry when you’re not monogamous.

I say, be grateful this isn’t the man you’re meant to be with. Just imagine another situation. Let’s say you had gotten together. You dated for a few months, things got serious, you fell in love with him, then suddenly he confesses he doesn’t love you, never had. Aren’t you glad you’re finding out sooner than later?

Here’s the truth. Love is amazing. It’s supposed to feel good. Just because the situation sucks doesn’t mean that love isn’t real. He’s one guy out of the hundreds of millions gay guys in the world, so you should never give him all you have to offer at the beginning. Otherwise, if things don’t work out according to plan, you won’t have enough to give the real man you’re meant to be with because you’ve maxed out.

You are worthy of a man who is just as crazy about you as you are for him. Never feel like you need to have anyone less than that. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, even if they hurt us. Throughout your entire experience with him, I can guarantee you learned a few lessons. Take time to think about what they might be. Whenever the next one comes around, you’ll be much more wiser.

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