Shake Up Your Relationship: Tips For A Successful Gay Relationship

After many years of working with gay men and hearing about their successes and disasters I want to share a couple tips I have learned along the way that are definitely key in having a successful Gay Relationship.

Value and respect each other and don’t take each other for granted.

Devote quality time to the relationship and don’t forget no matter how busy you get to schedule a date night once a week where you are able to be attentive to each others’ needs. You must always have shared visions and goals and a mutual respect for each other. It is important to validate your partner in the ways that are most important to him and show him not only through words but through actions how important he is to you and how much you appreciate having him in your life.

Relationships are built on honesty and commitment as well as loyalty and dedication.

It is important you both can express your true self and devotion to each other. You have to be open and non judgemental and unafraid to express your feelings and passion for each other. It is important to have a balanced life and be supportive of each other’s personal goals and growth. Always remember to be supportive of each other instead of feeling threatened. Encourage each other and most importantly don’t forget to laugh together.

Learn to be assertive and ask directly for what you want.

Even if you’ve been together a long time, never expect your partner to know what your needs are. Mind-reading and making assumptions only leads to misunderstandings and potential conflicts.

Take a technology break.

It is very hard to connect with the person sitting across from you when you are both looking at the screens of your devices. To revitalize your relationship, go on a date or set aside some quiet time together during which you turn off your devices and strictly pay attention to each other. Have heartfelt conversations, or reminisce about good times. Use the distraction-free time to revive the values, shared goals, and attraction that brought you together.

Don’t let the busyness of life take away from your relationship.

Find a balance between work, alone time, friends, family, and time spent as a couple. Make “Date Night” a regular part of your lifestyle where you avoid discussing your problems or issues and just enjoy spending that quality time together. Never take each other for granted and remember that you’re a team.














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Gay Relationship: Warning Signs of a Break Up

It’s sometimes difficult to know when a gay relationship is over even when it’s obvious. These warning signs deserve your attention.


Is your relationship falling apart in front of your very own eyes? It’s always difficult to know when a gay relationship is over but sometimes the answer is right in front of you, you just need it to be pointed out.

You’re failing to communicate.

Communication is so essential to any relationship, that the lack thereof can be a sign that the relationship is on its way out. Are either of you no longer talking about issues or communicating about things that bother you? That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out.

Failing to communicate will leave a big void in your relationship and cause minor problems to spiral into unnecessary issues. Try going for an afternoon walk or book a table at your local restaurant, with no distractions the conversation should flow more easily. If it proves to be difficult and it becomes apparent that you simply just don’t care anymore then you know what to do.


You’re off sex.

Having a healthy sex life and one that suits both your libidos and sexual desires is important for every relationship, but if your bedroom time has gone from exciting and experimental to dull and repetitive then it’s time to decide why.

If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal, but if one of you has lost the desire completely (without any underlying medical condition involved) it is time to end it.

If you’re not quite ready to call it a day, try bringing the zing back to your sexy time with a new sex position, or introduce sex toys into the mix. If you’re both still not jumping into the bedroom then maybe your relationship is more suited to being just a friendship?

He’s too busy for you.

Is your man busy that you haven’t seen him in weeks? Is your boyfriend turning into a workaholic? Red flag.

He always spent a lot of time at the office, but now he seems to have work events every other night. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it sounds like he’s avoiding you.

When you stop being happy. 

This seems basic, because it is.

Do you see any mention of “him” here? No. Some people might disagree with me on this, but when you stop being happy, you are in a completely valid place to end things. Relationships — like life itself — are meant to be enjoyed, not suffered through. Even if he’s the perfect guy, sometimes you’re simply not happy, and you are doing him a disservice by continuing the relationship. No one wants to date someone who isn’t happy dating them.

When he stops being happy. 

My last relationship ended this way. He was unhappy.

It is incredibly painful to let someone go, someone you love and want to stay with. But if you really love him, you want him to be the happiest person he can be — even if that means letting him be single or be with someone else.

Love isn’t about possession or ownership. You cannot ever really belong to someone, just as someone cannot every really belong to you. Love at its simplest and purest is about wanting someone to be their best, and hoping their day is going better than yours.

You’re not emotionally connected anymore.

You’re indifferent to your partner’s feelings and thoughts. You may pretend to care about your boyfriend, but deep inside, you know you don’t really give a damn about what your partner is feeling or what they’re up to. You love your partner, but you don’t want to involve yourself so deep that you have to play a part in making them feel better about themselves.

You can’t see a future together.

There are no talks about the future between the both of you. And your partner no longer plays a pivotal role in your big scheme of things. If there are any thoughts on the future, the last person you think of is your significant other!

Your partner saps your energy.

You feel drained, annoyed and tired after spending time with your partner. You try to have a nice time with them, but the constant arguments and differences in opinions just tires you and makes you want to run away mid-conversation.


You pick fights.

Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation and unfortunately, the beginning of the end. We often tend to start picking fights when we feel a relationship is at its end. We try to get the other guy do the dirty work and break it off.

So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating than cute, it’s time to move on to someone where you can spend your time snogging rather then arguing.

When they have fallen for someone else.

If he tells you honestly about his feelings, be understanding and decide what to do. Be grateful for his honesty. Chances are you’re going to break up, but many couples I know have managed to make allowances for these things: The third guy becomes part of their polyamorous setup, or partners simply let their boyfriends do what they need to do, understanding that different people satisfy you in different ways. But no one will fault you for feeling that things need to end.

As you can see, communication is the key to handling clean, easy breakups. Put the plates down and lower your voice. Do not go into a breakup situation with the intent of hurting someone. Although there are often endless reasons to leave someone, there is no need to hurt them.

Good luck with the breakup. Take a few months to yourself. The next person is just around the corner, waiting for you to run into him when you least expect it.














Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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Gay Relationships: Exploring Your Sexual Fantasies

Joseph and Mickey are both buttoned-down businessmen and have been together for ten years. They’ve been inseparable since Joseph picked Mickey up one night after cruising him for hours at the dance bar they frequent. The seduction was hot: eye contact led to physical contact, then making out in a dark corner before heading to Joseph’s apartment. It was such a trigger for them that they recreate it several times a year.

One of them gets to the club and buys a drink and waits. The other arrives soon after.They begin a seduction in full view of the other patrons of the bar. They get all over one another, enjoying the attention they attract – who have no idea that this game is one these guys have been acting out for years. These guys have found that erotic games and role-playing can be great ways to juice up their sex life.
We all play roles. A role is a just pattern of behavior we act out in exchanges with others. Roles involve playing parts or conducting yourself in certain ways. We do this all the time at work, with relatives and in other situations – usually without even thinking about it. Sometimes, though, roles are conscious. We chose a role because we have found it turns us on, or it turns on our partners.

We gay men take sex so seriously that a guy’s status as a top or a bottom can seem like a defining characteristic. That can be liberating if it means that we recognize what turns us on, but it can also be suffocating. Who says a guy who mostly plays top never wants his butt tempted? Why do some bottoms feel like the top always has to make the first move? Going against type can be a big turn on and a great way to making sex boring.
Going against type can be exciting in other ways, too. Lots of guys who are aggressive decision makers at the office want someone else to call the shots in bed. Richard is a partner in a successful law firm, and you wouldn’t want to mess with him in the courtroom. In the bedroom, however, Richard is much more likely to be tied up and on his knees. He’s at his most aroused when he’s bound and gagged and looking up at the guy who is going to manhandle him this evening.

Who’s doing the manhandling? Meet Jeff, a nurse who is kindhearted and gentle while caring for patients at the hospital where he works. His bedside manner with this boyfriend is very different. Jeff is an aggressive and selfish sex pig, and Richard couldn’t be happier.
It’s hard to say why something turns us on. Maybe we’ve forgotten the gym teacher who turned us on when we were going through puberty, but wearing jockstraps still gets us going. Or someone asked us to go along with his fantasy one time, and we discovered we were pretty good at it. Or maybe it’s simply a way of balancing out the serious and responsible parts of ourselves with a role that feels out of character. No need to dissect it; maybe it’s enough to know that we want it.

Exploring fantasies does take a bit of guts. Joe is certainly not a shy guy, but he’s easily embarrassed when it comes to talking sex. “Talking about my fantasies isn’t easy,” he said. “For one thing, the other guy might get critical. It makes me feel exposed – like he’ll have something on me if I tell him what turns me on.” He realized this made little sense; how was he supposed to get his needs met if he didn’t let his partner know what turned him on? “I took a chance with Barry and asked him about tying me up. Nothing too kinky, but being tied and blindfolded has always been a fantasy.
“You know what happened?” he went on. “He told me his fantasies, too. It was f*cking hot. We decided to make the weekend ‘Let’s Make Our Fantasies Real’ weekend. Barry got totally turned on, we got closer as a couple, and I haven’t cum like that in at least three years!”
Some fantasies are variations on what you’re already doing – just a change of costume, say. Other fantasies involve a bit more risk. A desire for sex outdoors isn’t unusual, but unless you are sure you’re in a private place, you run some risk if you’re not careful.
If your fantasies are a bit wilder, remember to be careful. Safe, sane and consensual are the bywords of the leather community, and they apply to other folks as well. Protect your physical safety. Don’t take stupid risks. And don’t violate anyone else, either.

Take a look at the roles you play as a lover. Are you always the aggressive guy, or do you wait for the other man to make the first move? Are you quiet and reserved in the sack, or do people all over the neighborhood know when you’ve gotten laid? What would happen if you tried something different next time?
Roles can be great fun as long as we don’t take them too seriously. If a role starts to seem like part of our identity – and you can’t imagine doing anything outside of your routine – you may be well on your way to sexual boredom.

Check out how willing you are to try new things, or to talk about turn-ons with a prospective partner. Being open to suggestions helps turns sex into a creative act.
Single guys who always cruise the same bar in the same way are well on their way to getting stuck in a rut. So are couples where each person is sure he knows exactly what the lovemaking will look like before it even starts.

Remember: As long as you aren’t laughing at the other guy, giggling is OK. Giggles may become moans and sighs the second time around.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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