Joseph and Mickey are both buttoned-down businessmen and have been together for ten years. They’ve been inseparable since Joseph picked Mickey up one night after cruising him for hours at the dance bar they frequent. The seduction was hot: eye contact led to physical contact, then making out in a dark corner before heading to Joseph’s apartment. It was such a trigger for them that they recreate it several times a year.
One of them gets to the club and buys a drink and waits. The other arrives soon after.They begin a seduction in full view of the other patrons of the bar. They get all over one another, enjoying the attention they attract – who have no idea that this game is one these guys have been acting out for years. These guys have found that erotic games and role-playing can be great ways to juice up their sex life.
We all play roles. A role is a just pattern of behavior we act out in exchanges with others. Roles involve playing parts or conducting yourself in certain ways. We do this all the time at work, with relatives and in other situations – usually without even thinking about it. Sometimes, though, roles are conscious. We chose a role because we have found it turns us on, or it turns on our partners.
We gay men take sex so seriously that a guy’s status as a top or a bottom can seem like a defining characteristic. That can be liberating if it means that we recognize what turns us on, but it can also be suffocating. Who says a guy who mostly plays top never wants his butt tempted? Why do some bottoms feel like the top always has to make the first move? Going against type can be a big turn on and a great way to making sex boring.
Going against type can be exciting in other ways, too. Lots of guys who are aggressive decision makers at the office want someone else to call the shots in bed. Richard is a partner in a successful law firm, and you wouldn’t want to mess with him in the courtroom. In the bedroom, however, Richard is much more likely to be tied up and on his knees. He’s at his most aroused when he’s bound and gagged and looking up at the guy who is going to manhandle him this evening.
Who’s doing the manhandling? Meet Jeff, a nurse who is kindhearted and gentle while caring for patients at the hospital where he works. His bedside manner with this boyfriend is very different. Jeff is an aggressive and selfish sex pig, and Richard couldn’t be happier.
It’s hard to say why something turns us on. Maybe we’ve forgotten the gym teacher who turned us on when we were going through puberty, but wearing jockstraps still gets us going. Or someone asked us to go along with his fantasy one time, and we discovered we were pretty good at it. Or maybe it’s simply a way of balancing out the serious and responsible parts of ourselves with a role that feels out of character. No need to dissect it; maybe it’s enough to know that we want it.
Exploring fantasies does take a bit of guts. Joe is certainly not a shy guy, but he’s easily embarrassed when it comes to talking sex. “Talking about my fantasies isn’t easy,” he said. “For one thing, the other guy might get critical. It makes me feel exposed – like he’ll have something on me if I tell him what turns me on.” He realized this made little sense; how was he supposed to get his needs met if he didn’t let his partner know what turned him on? “I took a chance with Barry and asked him about tying me up. Nothing too kinky, but being tied and blindfolded has always been a fantasy.
“You know what happened?” he went on. “He told me his fantasies, too. It was f*cking hot. We decided to make the weekend ‘Let’s Make Our Fantasies Real’ weekend. Barry got totally turned on, we got closer as a couple, and I haven’t cum like that in at least three years!”
Some fantasies are variations on what you’re already doing – just a change of costume, say. Other fantasies involve a bit more risk. A desire for sex outdoors isn’t unusual, but unless you are sure you’re in a private place, you run some risk if you’re not careful.
If your fantasies are a bit wilder, remember to be careful. Safe, sane and consensual are the bywords of the leather community, and they apply to other folks as well. Protect your physical safety. Don’t take stupid risks. And don’t violate anyone else, either.
Take a look at the roles you play as a lover. Are you always the aggressive guy, or do you wait for the other man to make the first move? Are you quiet and reserved in the sack, or do people all over the neighborhood know when you’ve gotten laid? What would happen if you tried something different next time?
Roles can be great fun as long as we don’t take them too seriously. If a role starts to seem like part of our identity – and you can’t imagine doing anything outside of your routine – you may be well on your way to sexual boredom.
Check out how willing you are to try new things, or to talk about turn-ons with a prospective partner. Being open to suggestions helps turns sex into a creative act.
Single guys who always cruise the same bar in the same way are well on their way to getting stuck in a rut. So are couples where each person is sure he knows exactly what the lovemaking will look like before it even starts.
Remember: As long as you aren’t laughing at the other guy, giggling is OK. Giggles may become moans and sighs the second time around.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Tags: #BigBankChallenge #BohemianKissChallenge #EqualityActJapan #StopAsianHate 12 Dates of Christmas 2020 Olympics Aaron Schock Adam Castillejo Adam Rippon addiction ageism Aging AhTave AIDS Aime Wichtendal Alaska Alex Morse Almost Love America's Next Top Model American Medical Association Amy Coney Barrett Annise Parker Antes Que El Mundo Se Acabe Anti-Asian Violence Anti-LGBTQ ANTM anxiety Aptima HIV-1 Arizona Armie Hammer astrology At-home date Atlanta Atlanta Black Pride Atlanta GA Atlanta Nightlife Atlanta Pride Atlanta Pride Run Atlanta’s Queer History Bicycle Tour Austin Swink Austin Texas Austin TX Backpacks for the Street Basel Abou Hamrah BFI Flare Bisexual BLACK GAY MEN Black LGBTQ Atlanta Black Lives Matter Black Love Bohemian Rhapsody Boston Boston MA Boston Nightlife Brian Sims Broadway bully Bullying California Call Me By Your Name Canada Capital Pride Capitalism Cason Crane Celebrity News censorship Chemistry Chemsex Chicago Chicago IL Chris Evans Christian proselytizing Christianity Christmas Christmas commercial Christmas movie Christmas Movies Chucky Circus of Books civil unions Cody McCook Colorado Comedy coming out commentary compatibility Confidence Congress conspiracy theory Conversion therapy CoronaVirus Court Vox COVID COVID-19 Covid-19 vaccine Cubbyhole NYC daddy Dallas Dallas Gay Bars Dallas Gayborhood Dallas Texas Danica Roem Daniel Harding Daniel Howell Date night dating dating advice Dating Apps Dating Red Flags dating rut dating tips DC Pride Dead to Me Denver Depression discrimination Disney Documentary Dolf Pasker Dolly Parton Domestic Violence Donald Trump Donna Price Drag Race drag racing Dustin Lance Black election Election 2020 Election Day Elite Employment Entertainment Entertainment news epidemic Fabio Fasoli Family family gatherings Film Finding True Love First Date First Date Etiquette first date ideas first date tips Flirting Tips Flirty Dancing Florida Fort Lauderdale Franklin Graham Freddie Mercury Garrett Clayton gay gay asian gay asian men Gay Atlanta Gay Austin Gay Bars NYC Gay beaches Gay Boston Gay Boston Nightlife Gay Chicago Gay Christmas Gay Couple Gay Couples Gay Culture Gay Dallas Gay Dallas Nightlife gay dating gay dating advice gay dating app gay dating apps Gay Dating Red Flags Gay Dating Solutions Gay Dating Tips Gay DC gay discrimination gay film Gay Florida Gay Fort Lauderdale Gay Health Gay Holiday Movie Gay Houston gay kiss Gay Love Advice gay marriage gay marriage proposal gay men Gay Miami gay midlife Gay Mountaineer Gay Movies Gay New York Gay nightlife Gay Nurse Gay NYC Gay Panic Gay Pride gay relationship advice gay relationship tips gay relationships Gay Santa Gay Scene gay seniors gay sex gay singles Gay Soldier Gay Travel Gay Twitter Gay Washington DC Gay Wedding gay weddings Gay Widower Gays Over COVID gaysian Gen Z Generation Z Georgia Gert Kasteel Ghosting GLAAD GOP Gorsuch Greater Houston LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce grindr Guy Vandenberg Gym Gays Haaz Sleiman Hallmark Halloween Hate Crime HBO Max Health HGVT HIV HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV treatment HIV vaccine HIV/AIDS hobbies Holi-date Holiday Film Holiday Movies Holidays Hollywood Holyoke Homophobia hooking up hookup hookup culture Hot Vax Summer House Hunters Houston Houston Texas Houston TX Hulu Ian Jordan Indya Moore Instagay Instagram intersex Intimacy Intimacy coach Iowa Iowa caucus isolation It's A Sin Jake Gyllenhaal James Bushe Japan Jaymes Vaughan Jayson Conner Jeffrey Newman Jennifer Tilly Jewish Jewish persecution Joe Biden Jonathan Bennett Josef Salvat Jussi-Pekka Kajaala Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg JVN Jwan Yosef Karamo Brown Kristine Stolakis Lady Gaga Lesbian lesbian couple Let It Snow LGBT LGBT Austin LGBT Travel Guide LGBT-Free Zones LGBTQ LGBTQ Asians LGBTQ Atlanta LGBTQ Austin LGBTQ Boston LGBTQ Chicago LGBTQ Dallas LGBTQ DC LGBTQ discrimination LGBTQ employees LGBTQ Family LGBTQ Film LGBTQ Film Festival LGBTQ Films LGBTQ flag LGBTQ Fort Lauderdale LGBTQ Health LGBTQ History LGBTQ Houston LGBTQ Miami LGBTQ movies LGBTQ New York LGBTQ nightlife LGBTQ NYC LGBTQ Pride LGBTQ retirees LGBTQ retirement LGBTQ Rights LGBTQ Seniors LGBTQ Victory Institute LGBTQ Youth Life Lifetime Lifetime TV Network Linda Warren lockdown London LGBTIQ+ Film Festival loneliness Love Victor Love Wins Luke Evans Male Nurse Malik Brown marriage equality marriage proposal Marsha P Johnson Marvel Marvin Cortes Massachusetts mature gay dating mental health Mexico Miami Miami Beach Miami Beach Pride Miami Florida Miami nightlife Michael Cashman Michael Henry Middle-aged gay men midlife Modern Family mormon Mr. Right Muscle gays music video My Gay Match NASCAR National Coming Out Day Nationwide Conversion Therapy Ban Neil Gorsuch Netflix Netflix Special Nevada New Year's Resolution New York New York City Nonbinary North Dakota Northern Ute tribe Norway Nurse Appreciation Week NYC NYC Events NYC Pride NYC Pride 2021 Oak Lawn Obergefell v. Hodges older gay man Omander Omar Ayuso One True Pairing online dating online dating apps online dating tips online gay dating Online trolls Open Relationship Operation Hyacinth OTP Outfest Outfest LA 2021 Outfest Los Angeles Pan-African Pride pandemic Paper Moons Pat Robertson Pennsylvania Perez Hilton personality Personality Matching personality type Pete Buttigieg Pink Capitalism Poland Politics polyamorous polyamorous relationship polyamorous relationships Pope Francis Pose power bottom Pray Away PrEP pride Pride 2021 Pride Afrique Pride Flag Pride Month Prince Harry profile pic Puerto Vallarta quarantine Queer eye Queer Film Queer Films Queer Holiday Movies Queer Lawmakers Queer Love Story Queer Santa Queer Youth racism Rafa Olarra Rainbow Wave red flags Reddit Relationship relationship advice Relationship Tips relationships religion Rep. Andy Biggs Republican retirement Ricky Martin rom-com Romantic Comedy Ryan Murphy Ryan O’Connell Samaritan’s Purse same sex marriage Same Sex Relationships Same Sex Wedding Same-Sex Couples Same-Sex Kiss same-sex marriage same-sex marriage ban Santa Claus Schitt’s Creek Score Miami Score Nightclub Scott Evans Scott Wiener Section 28 self isolation self-care Senior Gay Dating Senior Gay Men senior gays Senior Prom Seven Summits sex Sex and Intimacy Sex Education sex life sexual identity sexual preference sexual racism sexuality short film Shy Gay Guys Single All the Way single gay man Single Gay Men Single Gays Single Young Gays social distancing social isolation social media Social Security Somerville South Florida sports Stonewall Stonewall Riots straight men Super Bowl ads Super Bowl commercials Super Bowl LIV Supreme Court Switzerland Syfy Syria Tan France Television Tennessee The Boys in the Band The Center on Colfax The Christmas Setup The Eternals The First The Thing About Harry Threesome throuple TikTok Tom Daley toxic gay relationship toxic masculinity toxic relationships Transgender Travel Travis Shumake true love Trump administration Turner Free TV series Tweets Twitter Unconditional Love United Methodist Church US economy US Supreme Court Valentine's day viral news viral video Virginia Washington DC Web Series Wedding When Harry met Santa Workplace workplace discrimination World AIDS Day World Pride Young Gay Guys young gay men Youth YouTube