Meeting New People: The First Message

When searching through an online list of names and pictures
on dating sites, you may find a couple of people you want to talk to, but don’t
because you’re afraid of saying the wrong thing or coming off too strong. The
truth is, you can’t just sit around waiting for things to happen to you, and
it’s time you took an active part in your own happiness. Go out there and talk
to someone you find interesting, send them a message, and see where it goes. If
you’re worried about what to write in order to create the perfect first
message, then don’t worry because we’ve got you covered:

Don’t Mention Looks

When you comment on someone’s appearance before you’ve ever
met them in person, it comes off as kind of creepy. Stick to more general
comments on other aspects of their profile. Like if their description says
“poet” you could say that you find that very interesting, and go on to ask them
about the kind of poetry they write. Steer away from things like, “wow your
picture is so stunning”, or “I can’t stop thinking about your eyes.” It’s weird
and nobody will take you seriously. You could drop a slight hint somewhere, but
that’s the extent of it. Stick to other aspects of their personalities, and try
to get them engaged in a good conversation.

Be Eloquent

Nobody’s asking you to compose a sonnet, but at least use
proper spellings and grammar. Chat speak is to be avoided at all costs, unless
you’ve made it painfully obvious that it’s being used ironically. Actually,
even then, just stay away from it. Nobody will respond well to “u r such a qt”
so make sure you properly type out each word, and say something a little more
meaningful. You have to understand that pick-up lines never work, and instead
of wasting so much time crafting a perfectly “smooth” line, just write out something
sincere and sweet. If you ever catch yourself typing out the question, “top or
bottom?” it’s time to disconnect your wi-fi and live out the rest of your days
as a pariah to society.

Use a Gentle Approach

You’re here to date someone. You know it, he knows it, we
know it; but that doesn’t mean you have to get right to it and ask a suggestive
question like “how big are your feet?” because that just makes the other guy
feel uneasy. People don’t appreciate being objectified, and it always helps to
broach the topic as gently as possible. Start out with a nice “what are your
plans this weekend?” and then lead in with “maybe we could meet for coffee or
something?” Whatever your message is, just be sure to not be too direct and
scare the person off.

Guys looking for hookups don’t waste their times on dating
sites, they go to bars and sign up for apps specifically designed for that.
People here are looking for real relationships, and that’s what you should keep
in mind when messaging someone. Is this something that could turn into a
serious relationship? A good marriage never started with “how many inches?”
always remember that. 

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Gay Dating Rules

It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship you’re getting
into, there will always be rules. Rules are good because they maintain
structure and let you know what’s acceptable and what isn’t. All couples will
eventually set their own rules, but those are more personal and come into play
once you start dating long-term. So if you’re just getting into a new
relationship, there are some universal gay dating rules you should follow.
Remember, these aren’t hard-and-fast rules that will wholly apply to every
single one of you, but some version of the following rules should be
incorporated into your new relationship guidelines:

Don’t Fall For “Almost”

When you find out that an amazing guy has a boyfriend
already, and he’s still making the moves on you, stay far away. It doesn’t
matter if he says his boyfriend is an abusive drunk, you will not engage with
him. Don’t ever fall for “almost” when he says they’ve almost broken up;
because when one wants to break up, they should break up and not gallivant
around town with another hot guy (that’s you). Let him cheat with somebody
else, you don’t want to be that guy, trust us. The Universe has these karmic
laws that will come around to bite you in the butt. Also, remember, if he’s cheating
with you, what’s stopping him from cheating on you?

Invite = Pay

In hetero dating back in the old days, the gentleman always
paid for the lady. Now, even the straight folk are more equal when it comes to
paying, and if the girl wants to pay, she pays. When it comes to two gay guys
on a date, the question of who pays always comes up. The rule is, if you are
the one who invited them on a date and picked out the restaurant then you pay.
If they invited you, they pay. It’s quite simple, really. It’s also much more
progressive than “the guy always pays” or “whoever makes more money will pick
up the check” even though the latter is more practical. It just isn’t romantic
to say “I know you didn’t make rent last month so please, let me.”

Window Shopping

It’s like when you’re browsing through a store you love with
no intention of buying anything, but the sales guy doesn’t know that, so he
tries his best to convince you. Every date you go out with doesn’t have to be
Mr. Right. It’s okay to not ask for a second date, you don’t have to be stuck
with someone you don’t particularly like or hit it off with. Tell them
politely, and don’t leave them hanging though. Call them up the next day and
say something like, “I’m sorry, you’re great but I just don’t think we can get
any further with this.” You’re just browsing, you may like how the sweater
looks, but this just isn’t the appropriate weather for it.

Don’t worry too much about the rules when you find a guy you
really like. Some rules are meant to be broken, after all. 

The Perfect Second Date

You finally found a great guy online and liked him enough to
meet him. The first date was perfect; but was it too perfect? Have you set the
bar too high? What are you going to do on the second date? Don’t worry; we at Gay Dating Solutions know just how you
feel. In straight dating, convention dictates that the guy plans out the date;
in gay dating, whoever wants to plan can plan. And if you stepped up to the
plate by deciding the details for the first date, chances are you’re
responsible for planning the second one too. For most guys, second date nerves
are very common. But fear not, we’ve got just the right tips for you to have a
great second date, and some ideas that you can jot down for later dates too:

Interact

The first date is the awkward getting-to-know-you bit and
that’s when you talk about your job and education and background. The second
date starts to dig deeper, and that’s when you really learn more about your
date. That’s why you need to make sure that wherever you go, it has to be a
place where you can talk freely and not have to worry about someone overhearing
you or telling you to quiet down. Going to the park, and sitting on a bench to
just chat and maybe hold hands is a lovely way to spend a second date, and
allows you to share and be open while keeping it subtly cute and romantic.

Impress

You’re still getting to know someone, and it doesn’t hurt to
put your best foot forward to show them how wonderful you are. Maybe take your
guy out to a classy dinner at a sophisticated place. It will be just the right
blend of sweet and formal to make your date feel special. Don’t go too far with
formalities, and make him uncomfortable; but enough to let him know that he is
important to you, and you wish to provide the best you can for this relationship.
A nice dinner will eventually lead to a drive back home and intimacy, or a
sweet goodbye and the promise of a tomorrow.

Innovate

If your first date was a coffee shop, or a bar, or a
sit-down meal, it would do you well to switch it up a little. A change of
scenery is sure to spark your date’s interest. Maybe forego conventional date
ideas like movies and restaurants, and take him someplace you have a personal
connection to. Wouldn’t you love if your date took you to the planetarium where
he first discovered his love for astronomy? It gives you the perfect chance to
forge deep connections and learn about your partner, while helping him discover
parts of you.

It always helps to know what your partner likes; you don’t
want to end up on a mini-golf course only to realize your date hates it. It
also helps to have his input so that you can surprise them with a lovely second
date and make sure they keep coming back for more. 

Love Life Friday- Joining Together Should Not Break You Apart

Isn’t your marriage more important than the wedding?  Now would be a fantastic time to keep a firm
hold on perspective. Make sure that appreciation of the memory is mutual by
reaching agreement about your marriage ceremony in general.
There is only one “should”: “NO
SHOULD’S”. It’s your ceremony, your way.
Charles and Michael, clients of mine, are a beautifully
suited pair. They had been friends and colleagues for 8 years before deciding
to marry. It was then that for the first time, they bumped into each other’s
dark sides over wedding details and minutiae. You might say it was symptomatic
of deeper problems. Well, sometimes it is and sometimes it is only symptomatic
of how self indulgently righteous we are all capable of being over how this day
of days should be staged.
The good news was Charles and Michaels enjoyed pleasing each
other. The bad news was they tried to please everyone else as well. And
unfortunately they ended up pleasing everyone but themselves.
Whether its guest list, location, or celebrant, the two of
you must agree or agree to disagree. You are not clones.  Celebrating your differences can be as close
a connection as being on the same page.
Whatever the detail/problem is use this simple dispute
breaker.  Each of you states on a scale
of 1-10 how much it matters to him. If you care at a 3 and he’s an 8 surrender instantly.
Review and deal with the ones that you can dispense almost
immediately.           Put the other issues
aside so each of you has time to think them through a second time and do
another scale vote. This will be your first venture into true marriage
compromising.
Remember that friends, family, or staff can help realize
your wishes but a committee of the two of you should make all executive
decisions. The investment of both of you in making these decisions helps
guarantee memories that will warm both of your hearts.
The writing of personal vows can often become the biggest
deal breaker of the ceremony. If either of you wishes to create personal vows,
here’s how :
  1. Start
    with your words only and write from your heart. Cut and paste from the Internet
    if you wish . That’s OK. If you’ve heard it in another ceremony – fine –
    borrow. But please don’t collect personal opinions other than those of
    your prospective spouse.
  2. Write
    without editing: articulate your feelings about marriage, your love for
    your partner, and the ways in which he enhances and inspires you.
  3. Ask
    your partner for his favorite things you’ve said or written and include
    them. Be light if you wish: you must know by now what your husband-to-be
    finds amusing (and if you don’t, consider postponing the wedding). And
  4. remember:
    even the slightest dig can be uncomfortable and questionable .
  5. Keep
    it relativity brief (200 words maximum) -brevity is a boon to poignancy.
  6. Make a
    copy of vows and write on note cards – you do not want to worry about
    losing them and if memory fails,            read.
  7. If you
    memorize, don’t over practice. You aren’t running for office or competing
    with your mate.
Sincerity at every turn is what captures the beauty of the
moment. The ultimate aim should be a heartfelt ceremony based on genuine
feelings.
The only “should ” you need to worry about is how
to create indelible and positive memories of how you worked together to plan
your wedding day.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Dating a Closeted Man

When in a relationship with someone who hasn’t come out, things can get confusing and frustrating. Sometimes, it’s almost too easy to lose your temper, and consider ending the whole thing. We at Gay Dating Solutions understand how hard it can be, but we want you to know that you just have to hang in there. If you really believe you’ve found love, then something like this shouldn’t get in the way. Below, we’ll share a few tips and pieces of advice to help you through it all:

Be Supportive

If your partner hasn’t come out yet, there’s a strong chance that he grew up in a very heteronormative society or family, and has enormous trouble rewiring his brain; so no matter what his feelings are telling him, he is still struggling with his sexuality. He isn’t being stubborn, he’s just scared, and you need to be there for him, supporting him. If he sees how easy it is for you to be out, it may eventually change his mind. You have to remember that he is someone who is terrified of what he’s feeling, because he grew up with everyone around him telling him it isn’t right, and to an extent, he may have believed them. With your constant love and encouragement, he’ll see your relationship as beautiful and right, and it may help him declare his identity to the world.

Be Clear About the Future

If he’s someone who isn’t sure of how to come out, it’s okay, because you can help him with that. But if he never actually plans on coming out, you need to discuss that and see if you’re okay with it. The future is important, since relationships aren’t always short-term. If, one day, you want to flaunt your love, and hold his hand or kiss him whenever you want, you need to tell him. Don’t go on silently hoping that he’ll come out, and get mad when he doesn’t. Talk it out, and it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the end if he’s too comfortable in the closet, it just means a lot more self-control and some sacrifice on your part.

Don’t Let Your Temper Get the Better of You

You know that sense of rage you feel when you hear him tell everyone he’s single, while you’re right there? Or when the waitress is casually hitting on him; or on you for that matter? It’s important to let these things go, and not allow them to turn into catastrophic fights. Yes, of course it gets to you, but think about when you’re alone, and everything is beautiful and perfect. When dating a closeted individual, even the best of us are constantly on the verge of nervous breakdown, but before you start questioning your entire relationship, remember that it’s just as difficult for your partner, and he feels isolated enough without you giving him a  tough time. 

Of course, every relationship is different, and you should just talk it out with your boyfriend and see what works best for you guys. Don’t ever lose sight of what’s important however; your feelings for each other. 

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Love Life Friday- Finding Love in 5 Steps

Here are the big 5 which, I believe, are absolutely
necessary to finding your love this year:

Love Basic # 1

You can probably guess what your best accessory is, can’t
you ?  It is your smile – a smile is
non-optional equipment in finding love. 
It communicates that you are friendly and approachable and probably
caring and happy.  These are traits that
give you draw and are highly desired in a mate.
You don’t smile ? 
That’s no excuse – start now to practice on furniture, then small furry
animals and work your way up to adults and members of the gender you wish to
attract.

Love Basic # 2

Know that anger plays no part in love.  I am not talking about healthy anger which is
a warning signal letting you know when to back off or speak up.  And I’m not only talking about shouting or
hitting – derisive and demeaning remarks also count.  Speaking up for yourself can and should be
stated in a calm, level voice.  This has
the double advantage of not begetting more anger and being imminently more
effective.
Anger shows up at the beginning – if your date is very nice
to you but he is all but foaming at the mouth with road rage or being rude to
the waiter or others around you, do be warned – I guarantee you will be the
target down the road.
TIP:  Character assassination is not foreplay
If you have anger, get rid of it before your anger chases
away healthy men who might otherwise be attracted. This topic is perhaps best
summed up by a country western song title – “It’s hard to kiss the lips at night that chewed your ass all day
long”.

Love Basic # 3

Get good at handling rejection.  And if rejection has never happened to you,
then you aren’t trying hard enough.
Hasn’t almost everyone been dumped before ?  It could be true heartbreak. Or it could be a
small rejection: you thought you had a keeper on date one and then he
disappeared into lost boy land.
Here is the shirt you need to wear: “ GOT DUMPED “ on the front and on the back: “ GOT LUCKY “.  The great thing
about being rejected is he knew before you did that you were wrong for each
other and saved you time.  He rescued you
from the #1 love block – wasting time. 
And haven’t you looked back on a rejection and thought thank you for
releasing me because I would not take you back for anything ? Say “thank you”
to him.  He deserves your gratitude.
Man’s rejection may be God’s protection.  You needed an upgrade but weren’t  willing or able to make it.
Another way of mishandling rejection is not being able to
quit.  Hasn’t everyone worn this t-shirt
also.  The shirt that reads “  Jumped
in too quickly and stayed too long
“ on the front and “ Knew it was a bad idea from the start
on the back?
I am not talking about truly grieving and mourning the loss
of long term or profound love.  I am
attempting to re-direct those who are capable of mourning as a technique for
stalling.  Well, you can’t have
that.  To find love in a year, you have
to just move on along.

Love Basic # 4

Date dress all the
time – 
It’s a good way to get dates
and you never know when you might meet one. 
No one thinks a mate will be date dressing all the time they are
together or even wants it. But everyone believes they are worth having their
love make effort to attract and beguile them. 
This doesn’t take much : clean body and hair, some attempt at color
coordination, and mostly non-synthetic fabrics are good starts.

Love Basic # 5

Attitude really is everything.  Visualize success in love and raise your
personal happiness level and you are a giant step ahead.  I have seen a lot of people overcome every
imaginable barrier because they were determined.  Think of Olympic athletes.  Are they waiting to go on thinking “ this may
not turn out well and I’m not in the mood “ ? 
Your attitude towards dating is your job, your show.  Think like a winner.
A recent study overturned what was formerly believed to be
the p
Best predictor of success – intelligence.  The new best predictor: the need for
cognition.  You are more likely to be
successful if you crave knowledge. 
Applied to love, need for cognition means learns how to better at
loving, reading books and articles, going to articles and seminars, listening
to happily married couples, communicating, dating, and never stop honing your
skills.
Embrace these 5
basics and then just have fun.  This isn’t funereal attendance.  Approach each
date (and every time you are with a prospective or current love) as exciting
potential.  Make every effort to enjoy,
relax, and bring out the best in both of you.


Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

Top 3 Tips for Gay Online Dating

Whether closeted or out, if you’re tired of secret hookups
and creeps, and all you’re looking for is a nice, loving relationship, then
it’s time for you to join the world of gay online dating. Exploring the digital
sea of guys can be intimidating, especially if you’re not looking in the right
place. Our site is a safe space for you to find the one and settle into a
companionship with mutual love, respect, and trust.
There are certain tips and tricks that can help you along
the way. Aside from basic things like keeping your pictures PG and putting some
thought into screen names, there are other concepts to keep in mind. We at Gay Dating Solutions ( +Gay Dating Soltions) believe that the process should be fun, easy, and smooth; and
we’ve put together some of the best tips to help guide you along the way:

1.    
Don’t be Aimless

Many go on browsing aimlessly through the sites, and usually
only go by display pictures. It’s much easier and much less daunting, if you
know what you want and are actively searching for that. Make a list of all the
things you’d like – and we don’t mean physical attributes; write down
specifics, do you want a guy who’s out or closeted? College educated or
high-school graduate? The artsy type or the scientific type? It’s good to know
exactly what you’re searching for; but with that being said, don’t be afraid to
go out of your comfort zone, if a guy seems interesting but he doesn’t meet
your requirements, don’t be too scared to start up a conversation.

2.    
Privacy Matters

Even though this is a dating site, you should only share
what you feel comfortable sharing, and you should extend others the same
courtesy. Remember to only ask things you would ask someone when physically
meeting for the first time. Therefore, keep your “top or bottom?” questions for
later, and make sure you’re not scaring away potentials with intrusive queries.
There are, of course, certain things you need to know for your own safety, such
as their HIV status, but don’t be tactless. These are matters that you can
discuss in person once you have established that you actually like the person
himself.

3.    
Don’t Give Up

IF you’re like the rest of us, you won’t find true love on
your first try. There’s a lot of trial and error you have to go through before
you can find the right guy who you want to spend most of your time with. The
good thing about online dating is that you’re all here for the same reason, and
if you don’t respond to someone or aren’t interested in meeting up again,
they’re sure to understand. As long as you aren’t rude, they’ll happily move
on, and so will you. But remember to keep looking, don’t be that guy who gives
up after one or two dates and deactivates his dating profile. If you keep at
it, you’re sure to luck out sooner or later.

These tips aren’t strict rules, but are only here to guide
you. If you have any more handy tips, feel free to post them in the comments
section. Also, if you think that these don’t work for you, then do what you
always do, as long as you’re comfortable and having fun.

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS (+Gay Dating Soltions)  – Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.

The Key to Connection: Mutual Goals- Dr. Janet Page

True compatibility is the feeling
that you have a helpmate – someone who wants to help you reach your goals and
develop as a person.  And you must
respect and be willing to support your mate’s development and goals. With such a
strong base, staying together is relatively easy.
And I’ll let you in on a secret:
people without any dreams or aspirations usually aren’t as interesting as those
with a sense of purpose. If you’ve ever met someone who has given up wanting
anything for his future, you know they tend to lack enthusiasm and are not much
fun to be around. They lower the energy level in the room and are likely to be
relationship challenged as well.
Once in a committed relationship,
you often have to juggle time and energy for jobs, family members and friends.
Something that is important to your partner can and should change how you plan
your time–together and apart. Compromises must be made: but often, the big
picture of a couple’s life together can be lost before it’s even imagined.
Numerous studies have shown that
people who write things down are more likely to get things done. Make a list of
the things that are important to you as an individual and as a couple. Writing
it down is important even if you never look at it again. Only share your list
when you feel ready.  And your partner’s
list may surprise you!
YOUR LIST:
Your goals, dreams, and
wishes: Write down all of them, even those you (or others)
believe might be unattainable.
Long-term goals: In all of the craziness of daily life, it’s easy to lose sight of
things that really matter. Keeping a list of what’s most important to you individually
and as a couple can help make those important things your priority.
  • Places
    you’d like to visit: List the places you’d like to
    visit together, and below each destination, what it would take to get you
    there—money, learning a language (doing this together would be a great way to
    bond), or finishing projects, etc.
  • Each
    other’s goals: Share your ideas for yourself and for each other. For
    example, he might see himself as a not-so-great cook, and you might see his passion
    and talent without the self-critical goggles he’s wearing. You might suggest a
    dinner party for eight using recipes he had been squirrelling away. Or he might
    have creative ideas about how you could increase revenue in your business and
    suggest that you check back with him when you have put
    the ideas into play to see if they succeeded. He might realize by the notes and
    emails you write that you are an excellent writer, and encourage you to get a
    story published, or you might help him realize how valuable he is at work and urge
    him to negotiate for something he wants.
  • Financial
    goals: Write about what you want out of life in the next
    five, ten, twenty years, and how you plan to get there.  What do you want retirement to look like? How
    much is it going to cost to make your goals happen?  Eventually you will need a financial advisor
    or accountant, but for now just make a basic list and take the first steps.

Setting and reaching even small
goals will make you feel better and get you further than you ever imagined. So
when all else fails put this on your calendar: get up, get out, and do something
– anything that will get you moving towards your goals.

A “keeper” has compatible life goals. But if he or she isn’t, at least
you’ve got the perfect exit line, “I believe we have different goals”. You
won’t be riding into the sunset together because you both did your homework and
MADE THAT LIST. Remember: it is easier to
reach the stars with someone to hold the ladder.

Janet Blair Page, PhD, author of Get Married This Year: 365 Days to “I Do”, {Adams Media). is a relationship expert with more than thirty years of experience in private practice in New York and Atlanta. She taught at Emory University for twenty-two years and has been featured in the New York Times, Glamour Magazine,, and U.S. News and World Report and on CNN, HLN, FOX, Good Morning America, and The Early Show. For more information please visit:www.drjanetpaqe.com

Sponsored by GAY DATING SOLUTIONS– Where Gay Men Meet Life Partners and True Friends.