Art of Flirting: A Gay Man’s Guide to Seduction

Written by JosephApril 2, 2015

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Flirting for gay men can range from being enjoyable to rather difficult depending on the social and personal context. In some places you are free to express your attraction towards another gay while in others you have to be careful of who are sending signals to. So whether you are looking for a casual encounter […]

Flirting for gay men can range from being enjoyable to rather difficult depending on the social and personal context. In some places you are free to express your attraction towards another gay while in others you have to be careful of who are sending signals to. So whether you are looking for a casual encounter or a deeper interest in a likable single, here are some gay flirting tips to help you along.

Cultivate the right approach
Even if you have just come out of the closet, you need not look upon dating as a torturous, make-or-break process. Rather see it as a fun and social behavior that simply lets you reach out to potential partners but more importantly presents you as an attractive and easy-going person to others. Be positive, but realize that there isn’t much at stake. Treat your date not as something you need to deal with, but as an opportunity to embark on a new adventure. You might get to make a real connection with a guy, but if you don’t, there will be plenty of more chances coming along.

Spruce yourself up
Since flirting depends so much upon sending the right physical signals, it is important that you are well-groomed before you go out. Choose a personal style that hides your flaws and makes the best of your assets like a good height or a sexy jawline. However don’t forget the basics like clean teeth, nails, fresh breath and neat hair. Once you are looking good, feeling good about your appearance and sexuality will come naturally and you will be able to play the flirting game with more ease and confidence.

Mind your body language
Even if you don’t feel very confident about yourself, fake it. It is quite easy to do this by adopting a positive body language – for instance hold your head high and keep your spine straight, but relaxed. Initiate and maintain eye contact with your date since a visual connection is vital to pleasant flirtation. Smile and feel at home in the space you are in. At the same time though, don’t appear to be trying too hard – there is nothing which kills a delicious encounter quicker than a desperate or needy attitude.

Get started
Once you have caught a potential partner’s eye, you need to approach him and initiate a conversation. There are several ways of doing this – you can make a witty comment on the surroundings about you, like if you are buying something at a coffee shop, you can remark on how they have done up the place. Or you can say something funny about a condition you share, like when you are waiting at a queue in a bank or find yourselves hooked to the same kind of music at a mutual friend’s party. Paying a compliment like saying you like his car or jacket may sound cheesy but if done with the right degree of finesse and wit, it can make for an immediate connection. A one-liner can in fact be a sincere and a genuine sentiment of what is happening at the moment.  This would prove that you are paying attention to your date and that you are noticing their good points. Avoid pick up lines though – they rarely work since they sound obviously artificial and have been said by so many over the ages.  Once you him talking, ask some questions. People like talking about themselves and enjoy seeing that their listener is interested. Have some follow-up questions or observations prepared in case conversation stalls, but don’t use them if things seem to be flowing on their own.

The delicate approach
If you are not completely comfortable going out of your way to begin an acquaintance, you can take the subtle angle to flirting. Say you are in a new place or somewhere out of your familiar zone and are wary of coming on too strong. Try making it work for you by approaching someone who looks more comfortable, someone who looks like he belongs in the particular bar, club, coffee shop or wherever you are. Begin by telling him that you’re new at the place. Ask him some questions about it, such as what’s good to order, whether this is a typical night or whatever else occurs to you. If you’ve guessed right and he’s familiar with the locale, he may tell you about the place, show you around or talk about his experience there. If you were wrong, you can share your observations about the place to start a conversation – either way you will be tentatively starting a connection and depending upon your mutual vibes, you can decide whether to take it further.

Signal your interest
No matter which kind of approach you use, flirting is all about showing your interest in a partner. So once you have established a verbal connection, smile playfully and touch him lightly once or twice at appropriate times during the conversation, such as when he makes a joke. Even though you need not come on very strong if you don’t want to, it is important to show that you like him and are interested in him.

Don’t jump ahead
One of the issues which usually complicate the flirting game for gays is the assumption that each and every episode should eventually lead to the bedroom. The sooner you get the idea of having sex on the very first date out of your head, the more relaxed you will be when flirting with another gay single and consequently find it more enjoyable. Don’t look up flirting as a means to an end; once you begin to see flirting simply as a way of getting laid, you will miss the intrinsic charm of the experience and it will turn into a matter fraught with complexities and the fear of rejection. Rather approach flirting as a delectable interpersonal game between two people who are mutually attracted and thus engaged in the pleasurable experience of finding out nice things about each other.
Finally be prepared for rejection. One thing that scares gay men the most is being rejected while expressing his attraction towards another person.  Simply accept that your efforts at flirting will not be reciprocated equally by all singles – there may be some who will not be interested at all and some who will not be interested in the same things as you but sooner or later you will find some singles with whom you share a connection. So don’t take rejection personally and you will find yourself enjoying as you go on.

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