Gay Dating Basics For First-Timers

Written by JosephApril 29, 2015

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So…you want to start dating and find your one true love. That can definitely be arranged. But first, let’s start from the beginning. Let’s start by giving you a comprehensive picture of the gay dating scene. Be warned that it can be exciting and addictive. Without proper guidance, you’ll lose your way, become a hot […]

So…you want to start dating and find your one true love. That can definitely be arranged. But first, let’s start from the beginning. Let’s start by giving you a comprehensive picture of the gay dating scene.

Be warned that it can be exciting and addictive. Without proper guidance, you’ll lose your way, become a hot mess, and probably die of AIDS. Okay, that’s too much. But before you put on those  yellow sneakers, it’s time to get some dating lessons.


Every Metropolis Has a Gay District

Perhaps the best way to educate yourself is through immersion. If you want to know more about our kind, you’ll need to mingle with our type of crowd. That said, grab your girl best friend and go to your city’s gay district. Yup, every metropolis has one. If you don’t know where, Google it.

Why go to this place?

Because if there’s one place that can teach you all you need to know about the gay community in just one night, the gay district is the place to be in. It’s like having a crash course.

What can you expect to learn? 

Since we’re on the subject of dating, expect to learn the following:

– Your marketability. There are different types of gay people. There’s the old drag queen, there’s the cool kid, there’s the masculine one, and then there’s you. Any one of those could be your soulmate. But before you find him, you’ll deal with rejection or being ignored most of the time.

That said, the trick to finding that elusive soulmate is to eliminate as many non-soulmates as quickly as possible. One way to do this is to present yourself in public.

If you walk into a club, everyone will stare. Those who aren’t interested will look away, and those who think you’re hot will try to hit on you. Either way, you’d like to test your marketability.

– Your target market. This is corollary to the first one. Clearly, you have an image of your ideal guy — or at least someone you’d hope to attract. This is your target market.

By walking into the gay district, you’ll learn more about your target market — what they want, how they dress up, and most importantly, if they also want you.

– Your competition. Of course, don’t you ever think that you’ll find your soulmate without putting up a fight. Although it may not be a literal fight, you’ll have to find a way to beat others who may want the same man.

– The best places to hang out in. Remember, if you want to find a “quality” guy, hang out in a quality place.

Aside from learning all the above-stated things, the gay district is also a place where you can potentially find a partner. I know that because I found a boyfriend at a club. Although the relationship didn’t last long, the possibility of finding the right guy for you at a club is there.

Online Dating and Social Media

These days, it’s easy to set up a date. All you have to do is create an account on one or all of the gay social sites out there and start interacting.

In the past, I would use a chat service called mirc. I know it’s already a dinosaur service, but it’s close to my heart. Through mirc, I was able to find a boyfriend with whom I had steamy moments with for five long years.

But back to social media, it is my (and my friend’s) observation that you can get more interaction if you flaunt your body. Unless you’re that cute or handsome, they don’t really care about your selfie. They’d rather view a headless shot of you as long as you feature your sexy abs.

This is an indirect way of saying that they are more interested in having sex than finding the right partner. Or maybe they’re more interested in building a foundation by means of sex. Whatever it is, the bottomline is, if you want to use social media to find a date, be ready for sex offers. And for a better success rate, flaunt your body.

Top or Bottom?

The terms “top” and “bottom” refer to gay people’s role in the bedroom. If you like to insert, you’re the top. If you are the recipient, you’re the bottom. If you like both acts, you’re a “versa.”

When I put myself out there, it’s easy to tell that I’m a bottom. That’s because I’m effeminate and it doesn’t bother me to openly say that I’m a bottom. That said, I’ve never wasted time flirting with a fellow bottom.

While someone’s bedroom preference isn’t really that important, you’ll want to know your potential date’s especially if you’re a top. You’ll have sexual intercourse eventually anyway. So if you can’t tell the preference of the man you’re flirting with, there’s nothing wrong in asking. 

Putting Yourself Out There

Naturally, if you want to find a date, you’ll need to be 110% sure that you are gay, that you admit to yourself that you’re gay, and that you’re willing to put yourself out there. Otherwise, if you’re not comfortable about yourself, your target market will notice and will get turned off.

Here are three powerful tips on how to successfully sell yourself.

1. Change yourself the better.

Have a makeover. Of course, being yourself still holds true. But when we say “change for the better,” we mean taking out those geeky glasses and those tacky pants and changing them into something more flattering on you. Trust me. You’ll never feel more confident in your life.

But whatever it is that you do, never, ever pretend to be someone you’re not.

2. Find your target market.

Don’t just date anyone. If you do, you’ll end up unhappy anyway the moment you realize he isn’t what you want. When that happens, you’ll go back to Step 1.

While finding the right man can be a trial-and-error method, you don’t have to waste your time dating outside your target market.

So how do you chase your market?  First, figure out what you want. Then, know where he would most likely hang out in. For instance, if you want a young professional, go to New York.

3. Don’t look for a date.

This may sound counter-intuitive, but hear me out. If your goal is to look for a date everytime you put yourself out there (e.g., when you hang out at a club, or use social media), chances are, you’ll miss the most important first step in dating, which is building relationships, not to mention enjoying the experience.

Also, when you go home without a date or at least a phone number, you’ll treat it as a failure or rejection. Either way, you won’t feel good about yourself and might even jump on the pity train.

Let’s not forget that you’re a first-timer. No matter how much you practice, you’ll end up saying the wrong things, getting nervous, and messing up.

So instead of looking for a date, start your search with a goal of finding friends and enjoying the moment.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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