fbpx

Gay Men News

Bringing the Best in LGBTQ to you

Rethinking the One-Night Stand

Rethinking the One-Night Stand image
Uncategorized
Posted by Joseph on April 1, 2015
15 views

Do you dream about finding Mr. Right and living happily ever after? So do I. But sometimes I wonder if mainstream American gay male culture is actually working against us in that department. Much of our culture seems designed to fan the flames of desire and encourage us to have as much sex as we possibly can, especially while we’re young. Thoughts of exclusive monogamy, for those who want that, are filed away for a later date, perhaps once we’ve crossed an imaginary threshold of age 30, or 40, or beyond. At times it feels like wishing for that before advanced middle age is naively idealistic at best and prudish at worst. There is nothing unethical about consensual sex between adults; it’s natural and fun. So there’s no reason to feel ashamed about hooking up. But for the subset of young gay men who desire traditional long-term commitment, is our culture’s emphasis on the pursuit of sexual novelty and variety in any way harmful? Is our community willing to withhold the usual defensiveness about casual sex and examine this issue more closely?

I don’t ask this strictly as a moral question, though it is certainly informed by my upbringing. I grew up in a socially conservative Filipino-American community in which traditional monogamy remains the norm. It was ingrained in us as children that sex is a sacred act of love between two people, and that crude sexual desire is never to be expressed openly. As an out gay man, I’ve spent years shedding the influence of these puritanical mores, but I still yearn for an exclusive long-term relationship. Is it any wronger to want traditional monogamy than it is to want casual sex? I’ve met plenty of urban gay men who confess that their experimentation with casual sex leaves them feeling empty. For them, there is something degrading about constantly trying to disconnect their feelings — that desire to be close and special to somebody — from sex. It’s also for this reason that they’re not comfortable with open relationships.

Those offering sex and relationship advice these days rarely wag their fingers at somebody just for saying they want to sow their wild oats. That would amount to sex shaming, which is not cool. But things get more complicated when a person admits that what he really wants is a loving, faithful partner to grow old with. In that case, he should consider whether having lots of sex partners might mean he is less likely to be sexually satisfied by any one person. As Susan Walsh argues, the more sex partners we accumulate over time, “the more opportunities [we have] to recall or imagine greater sexual satisfaction in prior or future sexual encounters.” The result is a sharp decrease in attraction immediately after sex with somebody you actually have feelings for, and less sexual fulfillment with that person in the long run. Casual sex, which can range from anonymous one-night stands to routine encounters with “benefriends,” works for many guys who are happy doing just that. But for those of us who dream of being with Mr. Right in a long-term, exclusive relationship — maybe with children one day — it may make sense to limit our number of sex partners. This allows for an emotional reboot that minimizes the possibility of being distracted by potent memories of prior hook ups, and it frees up the brain to enjoy greater sexual satisfaction with one person whom you know well — a person whose sexuality hopefully yields imaginative meanings and creative potential that you appreciate and delight in.

Quitting casual sex isn’t easy in a culture that has commodified the way we bond with one another. Many gay writers feel the need to qualify whatever they say about this issue for fear of appearing judgmental. Yet they can’t help but observe that the culture of hooking up is in some ways harmful to the gay community at large. For instance, popular gay writer Orlando Soria laments that hookup apps have desensitized us to the unique intimacy of sex by offering such easy access to it. They make it easier for us to be uncaring toward each other and have turned men into disposable objects. These apps may help us achieve sexual gratification, but they don’t quite meet the need for emotional depth in our romantic relationships.

We might benefit from talking more often about the fulfillment to be had in love, warmth, and affection beyond the fleeting gratification of lust. This would enable those of us interested in traditional monogamy to learn about the rewards, responsibilities, and challenges of long-term commitment and marriage from gay couples in exclusive relationships. It would give voice to gay role models from whom we seldom hear. And it may help young gay men who seek traditional monogamy to know that they are not alone.





Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
 
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now: www.gaydatingsolutions.com
Like us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/GayDating101
Tweet us: twitter.com/GayDating101

Tags: #BigBankChallenge #BohemianKissChallenge #EqualityActJapan #StopAsianHate 2020 Olympics Aaron Schock Adam Castillejo Adam Rippon addiction ageism Aging AhTave AIDS Aime Wichtendal Alaska Alex Morse Almost Love America's Next Top Model American Medical Association Amy Coney Barrett Annise Parker Antes Que El Mundo Se Acabe Anti-Asian Violence Anti-LGBTQ ANTM anxiety Aptima HIV-1 Arizona Armie Hammer astrology At-home date Atlanta Atlanta Black Pride Atlanta Nightlife Atlanta Pride Atlanta Pride Run Austin Swink Austin Texas Backpacks for the Street Basel Abou Hamrah BFI Flare Bisexual BLACK GAY MEN Black LGBTQ Atlanta Black Lives Matter Black Love Bohemian Rhapsody Boston Boston MA Brian Sims Broadway bully Bullying California Call Me By Your Name Canada Capital Pride Capitalism Cason Crane Celebrity News censorship Chemistry Chemsex Chicago Chicago IL Chris Evans Christian proselytizing Christianity Christmas Christmas movie Christmas Movies Chucky Circus of Books civil unions Cody McCook Colorado Comedy coming out commentary compatibility Confidence Congress conspiracy theory Conversion therapy CoronaVirus COVID COVID-19 Covid-19 vaccine daddy Dallas Dallas Gay Bars Dallas Gayborhood Dallas Texas Danica Roem Daniel Harding Daniel Howell Date night dating Dating Apps dating rut dating tips DC Pride Dead to Me Denver Depression discrimination Disney Documentary Dolf Pasker Dolly Parton Domestic Violence Donald Trump Donna Price Drag Race drag racing Dustin Lance Black election Election 2020 Election Day Elite Employment Entertainment Entertainment news epidemic Fabio Fasoli Family family gatherings Film Finding True Love First Date First Date Etiquette first date ideas first date tips Flirting Tips Flirty Dancing Florida Fort Lauderdale Franklin Graham Freddie Mercury Garrett Clayton gay gay asian gay asian men Gay Atlanta Gay beaches Gay Boston Gay Chicago Gay Couple Gay Couples Gay Culture Gay Dallas Gay Dallas Nightlife gay dating gay dating advice gay dating app gay dating apps Gay Dating Solutions Gay Dating Tips gay discrimination gay film Gay Florida Gay Fort Lauderdale Gay Health Gay Holiday Movie Gay Houston gay kiss Gay Love Advice gay marriage gay marriage proposal gay men Gay Miami gay midlife Gay Mountaineer Gay Movies Gay New York Gay Nurse Gay Panic Gay Pride gay relationship advice gay relationship tips gay relationships Gay Scene gay seniors gay sex gay singles Gay Soldier Gay Travel Gay Twitter Gay Wedding gay weddings Gay Widower Gays Over COVID gaysian Gen Z Generation Z Georgia Gert Kasteel Ghosting GLAAD GOP Gorsuch Guy Vandenberg Gym Gays Haaz Sleiman Hallmark Halloween Hate Crime Health HGVT HIV HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV treatment HIV vaccine HIV/AIDS hobbies Holi-date Holiday Film Holiday Movies Holidays Hollywood Holyoke Homophobia hooking up hookup hookup culture Hot Vax Summer House Hunters Houston Texas Houston TX Hulu Ian Jordan Indya Moore Instagay Instagram intersex Intimacy Iowa Iowa caucus isolation It's A Sin Jake Gyllenhaal James Bushe Japan Jaymes Vaughan Jayson Conner Jeffrey Newman Jennifer Tilly Jewish Jewish persecution Joe Biden Jonathan Bennett Josef Salvat Jussi-Pekka Kajaala Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg JVN Jwan Yosef Karamo Brown Kristine Stolakis Lady Gaga Lesbian lesbian couple Let It Snow LGBT LGBT Travel Guide LGBT-Free Zones LGBTQ LGBTQ Asians LGBTQ Atlanta LGBTQ Boston LGBTQ Chicago LGBTQ Dallas LGBTQ discrimination LGBTQ employees LGBTQ Family LGBTQ Film LGBTQ Film Festival LGBTQ Films LGBTQ flag LGBTQ Fort Lauderdale LGBTQ Health LGBTQ Houston LGBTQ Miami LGBTQ movies LGBTQ New York LGBTQ NYC LGBTQ Pride LGBTQ retirees LGBTQ retirement LGBTQ Rights LGBTQ Seniors LGBTQ Victory Institute LGBTQ Youth Life Lifetime Lifetime TV Network Linda Warren lockdown London LGBTIQ+ Film Festival loneliness Love Victor Luke Evans Male Nurse Malik Brown marriage equality marriage proposal Marsha P Johnson Marvel Marvin Cortes Massachusetts mature gay dating mental health Mexico Miami Miami Beach Miami Beach Pride Miami Florida Michael Cashman Michael Henry Middle-aged gay men midlife Modern Family mormon Mr. Right Muscle gays music video My Gay Match NASCAR National Coming Out Day Nationwide Conversion Therapy Ban Neil Gorsuch Netflix Netflix Special Nevada New Year's Resolution New York New York City Nonbinary North Dakota Northern Ute tribe Nurse Appreciation Week NYC NYC Events NYC Pride NYC Pride 2021 Oak Lawn Obergefell v. Hodges older gay man Omander Omar Ayuso One True Pairing online dating online dating apps online dating tips online gay dating Online trolls Open Relationship Operation Hyacinth OTP Outfest Outfest LA 2021 Outfest Los Angeles Pan-African Pride pandemic Paper Moons Pat Robertson Pennsylvania Perez Hilton personality personality type Pete Buttigieg Pink Capitalism Poland Politics polyamorous polyamorous relationship polyamorous relationships Pope Francis Pose power bottom Pray Away PrEP pride Pride 2021 Pride Afrique Pride Flag Pride Month Prince Harry profile pic Puerto Vallarta quarantine Queer eye Queer Film Queer Films Queer Holiday Movies Queer Lawmakers Queer Love Story Queer Santa Queer Youth racism Rafa Olarra Rainbow Wave Reddit Relationship relationship advice Relationship Tips relationships religion Rep. Andy Biggs Republican retirement Ricky Martin rom-com Romantic Comedy Ryan Murphy Ryan O’Connell Samaritan’s Purse same sex marriage Same Sex Relationships Same Sex Wedding Same-Sex Couples Same-Sex Kiss same-sex marriage ban Schitt’s Creek Score Miami Score Nightclub Scott Evans Scott Wiener Section 28 self isolation self-care Senior Gay Dating Senior Gay Men senior gays Senior Prom Seven Summits sex Sex Education sex life sexual identity sexual preference sexual racism sexuality short film Shy Gay Guys Single All the Way single gay man Single Gay Men Single Gays Single Young Gays social distancing social isolation social media Social Security Somerville sports Stonewall Stonewall Riots straight men Super Bowl ads Super Bowl commercials Super Bowl LIV Supreme Court Switzerland Syfy Syria Tan France Television Tennessee The Boys in the Band The Center on Colfax The Christmas Setup The Eternals The First The Thing About Harry Threesome throuple TikTok Tom Daley toxic masculinity Transgender Travel Travis Shumake true love Trump administration Turner Free TV series Tweets Twitter Unconditional Love United Methodist Church US economy US Supreme Court Valentine's day viral video Virginia Washington DC Web Series Wedding Workplace workplace discrimination World AIDS Day World Pride young gay men Youth YouTube

Leave a reply

Related articles
image for Fox News VP Slams Olympics Team for ‘Darker, Gayer, Different’ Agenda
Fox News VP Slams Olympics Team for ‘Darker, Gayer, Different’ Agenda

And people are not happy Fox News executive vice president John Moody has slammed the US Olympics team for being ‘darker, gayer, different’. The executive editor at the conservative news channel has slammed the organizing committee for making the team more diverse. Reactions have slammed Moody for racism and homophobia.…

More
image for Download Gay Dating Solutions’ New Mobile Apps
Download Gay Dating Solutions’ New Mobile Apps

Without a doubt, gay dating in 2018 is an art form. If you’re a single gay man and looking for love, you know where the gay dating scene is. It’s online. But whether you’ve met 100 online dates or zero, it’s a tricky little business. There’s such a grand variety…

More
image for Single and Over 50: Is Online Gay Dating For You?
Single and Over 50: Is Online Gay Dating For You?

Are you over 50 and thinking about trying online gay dating? For those looking to start dating again over the age of 50 it can be a daunting prospect, especially if you’re a gay man. Separations from long-term relationships and the loss of loved ones can leave us feeling unsure…

More
image for What is The Best Gay Dating App for You?
What is The Best Gay Dating App for You?

There is no shortage of gay men to message and potentially meet up with online, as thousands of gay guys are hopping on and off different dating apps all the time. But what is the best gay dating app for you? At Gay Dating Solutions we pride ourselves on finding…

More
image for We Now Have Mobile Apps So You Can Use Gay Dating Solutions On The Go!
We Now Have Mobile Apps So You Can Use Gay Dating Solutions On The Go!

Love month is upon us!! Does your hectic work schedule prevent you from dating, but you still want to find your soul mate? Keep your love matches on the go and at your fingertips with Gay Dating Solutions‘ NEW mobile apps! Download today & feel free to share with your gay friends: http://appurl.io/jd0jaqp0 📱

More