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Catching a Cheating Boyfriend

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Posted by Joseph on March 17, 2015
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Recently, I met this guy through a dating app (my first mistake), who seemed to be this incredible guy. Down to earth, good sense of humor, and not to mention he was extremely gorgeous. Our first encounter together involved him visiting my work, California Pizza Kitchen, with one of his girlfriends. They both had dinner in my section. Granted, I am strangely awkward and shy when I first meet a man that I’m attracted to, both emotionally and physically. So this was a great way to ease into conversation and get to know him on a friendly level, given that all of my friends were working that night. A few of them even went up and introduced themselves and everything seemed to be going great. I definitely wanted to see him again.

A few days later we finally had a romantic dinner date together, alone. I believe it was Cinco de Mayo; so of course Mexican food was on the menu. While eating our big fat meaty burritos, which were delicious, we had one of the most intense intellectual conversations I’ve ever had with a guy, and this was something that I’ve been yearning for. After dinner, we took a walk on the beach and watched the sunset together, holding our perspiring hands together. We didn’t care what others thought and were proud to be with each other, or so we thought at the time.
A few weeks later, maybe a month, we made it Facebook official that we were in a “relationship”, or at least I made it Facebook official. This didn’t seem like a bad idea at the time, but shit hit the fan soon enough. He never accepted the relationship request and this didn’t bother because I know some people really don’t like to disclose personal information about them online, and that’s perfectly fine! However, I would always post cute pictures of us together and tell all my friends and family how much this boy drives me crazy, a good crazy. At one point, I asked him why he never wanted to display our affection for the world to see, and he replies, “That’s my business, and my business only”.

I didn’t think much of this statement at the time, but as we started hanging out more, things started to become clear. I almost never introduce anybody I’m dating to my parents, at least for a few months, but I said what the hell. We both ate dinner at my parents and they seemed to really mash well together. Not getting along with my family would have been a deal breaker for me, but even my “evil” stepsister seemed to like him, AND THAT NEVER HAPPENS. I remember driving home with the biggest smile on my face.
That night, the guy I was seeing received a phone call from his mom and long story short he pretty much just told me I was a “friend” and it was nothing serious. Okay, I just took you to my parents, claiming that you were my boyfriend, and you can’t even tell your mom that were dating? Maybe he wasn’t comfortable with bringing it up around his family. Maybe I was wrong.

Here’s where shit gets real my friends. By this time, it was summer and gay pride was around the corner. We had planned a day together to celebrate at the L.A. Pride with our fellow gays, but ultimately just wanted to enjoy each others company. When we got to the festival, he immediately says that he has to go find one of his close girlfriends that got lost in the crowd. This wasn’t a problem for me and I was totally willing to go meet his friend with him. As I’m walking with him, he stops and tells me that he is just going to go say hi really fast and that I didn’t need to come. EXCUSE ME? Yeah, let me just stay here, by myself, surrounded by a bunch of gay horny men. I was dressed pretty scandalous too.
Can you guess what happened next? No, I didn’t hookup with another guy. An hour passes, no phone call, no text, nothing. I tried giving him a ring, not a diamond ring but a phone call, just to see what was up, and it went straight to voice mail. Luckily for me, I met up up with one of my friends and had the time of my life, but I was still pissed. It was getting dark, and I had work the next morning so my friend drove home with me.

The next morning I receive a Facebook message by some random guy I’ve never met. Apparently, this was the guy who my boyfriend was cheating on me with, and vise versa for him. He lived in Australia and was just visiting California for a week, so it made sense that my boyfriend could live a double life with two partners. This guy had no idea that the man he was supposedly seeing was with another man, overseas. He was just as surprised as I would and was trying to find closure for why “his” boyfriend was acting so odd lately. This is when all the pieces started coming together. The rejected Facebook relationship status. The denial of calling me his boyfriend to his family. The comment, “That’s my business, and my business only”. DUH! It wasn’t because he was uncomfortable with disclosing this personal information but because he already portrayed a boyfriend to his entire peers and family. What a slap in my face.
Here I am, finding every reason to deny the fact that he was cheating on me. By the end of this, it felt like I just solved a case like the board game clue. Each clue led me to more and more reasoning for his actions. Long story short, be careful with who you trust because you never know what hidden agenda they might have.

If something doesn’t seem right, go with your instinct. In most circumstances you will be surprised on how accurate your perceptions can be, not in my case though.  This act of cheating took a long time for me to recover and to be comfortable with even talking to guys, but I’m glad it happened to be honest. I now know what I want in a relationship, and most importantly what I don’t want. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?





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