You’ve probably done it; you’re driving home late at night feeling disappointed – or worse.. Maybe you’re pounding the steering wheel and shouting at yourself. You just finished sex with someone and you’re sorry you did it.
You know the bumper sticker that says that the worst day at the beach is better than the best day at the office? Well, this is not true about sex. It’s better to stay hungry and horny rather than have sex that leaves you feeling bad about yourself. Good sex means sex that feels enjoyable while you’re having it, and equally good when you think about it afterwards.
Bad sex comes in several flavors, but they all taste pretty bad. You know it’s bad if you feel like you just wasted your time, or like you did something that hurt yourself or someone else. And if the sex is bad, why bother having it?
1. The sex was all right, but it was with the wrong guy.
In this instance, there was nothing wrong with the physical acts involved and whatever else felt technically OK. But there was something about the guy or the situation that made it really not work for you.
Maybe one of you was hoping for a friendly encounter (or more) and the other one was brutally frank that this was just about getting off, thank you very much. If you reserve sex for someone you love and you do it with someone you find you don’t even like all that much, your body may be happy, but your heart won’t be. If you’re single and looking for love, sport-sex can leave your emotions raw and take a toll on your self-esteem.
If you leave feeling wounded or feeling like you’ve wounded the other guy, the sex was bad, no matter how much of a hunk your partner might have been.
Other situations that make it not work: you’re cheating on your lover and you feel guilty afterwards. Or you and your sex partner match up in terms of availability, but the guy is thoughtless or rude in a way that leaves you feeling bad about yourself afterwards. Or maybe you just have no interest in the guy and realize you weren’t really horny – you were just avoiding some chore like paying the bills at home. A good rule of thumb is to save sex for when you’re horny or wanting intimate connection with another person – not when you’re just bored.
2. Both the sex and the guy were awful.
We’re not talking bad technique here. You picked up the guy when you were high or drunk, even though you know that’s a problem for you, and now you feel like it was just another time when you were out of control. Maybe the guy was so hot that you gave in and had sex that you know was risky and unsafe and now you’re worrying about HIV or some other STD.
Some sex is really, really bad – when you’ve been assaulted, for instance. Maybe you are feeling violated because what happened was essentially date rape. Too often men think rape is something that happens only to women. They don’t recognize that having someone not take no for an answer is also a form of sexual assault, even if no one pulled a knife or a gun. Men who are drunk or high or who are just coming out can be particularly vulnerable to this sort of assault because they have trouble setting limits. Learning to say no and learning to protect yourself is important. The woods aren’t full of creeps, but hey: be careful out there.
3. The sex and the guy seemed OK, but the time afterwards was icky.
We can spend so much time working toward that orgasm that we don’t pay enough attention to what happens afterwards. Put yourself in that place: you’re still breathing hard, and your body is in a tingly, electric place. All of a sudden, your stud muffin is out of bed and on to whatever is next. If you’re having good sex, when the squirting stops you are entering a time that sexologists call afterglow. It’s a time when your heart is open and your body is awake, your mind is quiet and your spirit is soaring. You’re feeling open and maybe vulnerable and with the right guy it’s a very sweet time.
If you’re having bad sex, one of you is probably rushing to the bathroom to clean up right about now, destroying the mood. Of course in really bad sex someone may not be rushing for the bathroom – they may be running for the front door. When it’s over, it’s over! Nothing to say and no touching or holding. It can feel like listening to a piece of music that gets interrupted before the final notes are played. You’re left hanging.
Orgasms are nice (OK, orgasms are great), but they are not the sum total of sex – especially good sex. Good sex means that getting there is more than half the fun, and staying there afterwards is also pretty cool.
How to avoid bad sex?
First, resist the urge to cruise when you aren’t really horny. Using sex as a time-filler sets you up for disappointment. Learn to say “no” when the chemistry with your potential partner isn’t working; don’t have sex just to avoid disappointing him (believe it or not, people do that all the time). Know your limits regarding alcohol, drugs, unprotected sex and related stuff, and honor the limits you set for yourself. You’ll feel good afterwards.
And finally, when you are having sex and it’s going fine, don’t cheat yourself out of enjoying the coming-in-for-a-landing time after the big orgasm. Treat yourself and your partner with tenderness and respect.
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Tags: #BigBankChallenge #BohemianKissChallenge #EqualityActJapan #StopAsianHate 12 Dates of Christmas 2020 Olympics Aaron Schock Adam Castillejo Adam Rippon addiction ageism Aging AhTave AIDS Aime Wichtendal Alaska Alex Morse Almost Love America's Next Top Model American Medical Association Amy Coney Barrett Annise Parker Antes Que El Mundo Se Acabe Anti-Asian Violence Anti-LGBTQ ANTM anxiety Aptima HIV-1 Arizona Armie Hammer astrology At-home date Atlanta Atlanta Black Pride Atlanta GA Atlanta Nightlife Atlanta Pride Atlanta Pride Run Atlanta’s Queer History Bicycle Tour Austin Swink Austin Texas Austin TX Backpacks for the Street Basel Abou Hamrah BFI Flare Bisexual BLACK GAY MEN Black LGBTQ Atlanta Black Lives Matter Black Love Bohemian Rhapsody Boston Boston MA Boston Nightlife Brian Sims Broadway bully Bullying California Call Me By Your Name Canada Capital Pride Capitalism Cason Crane Celebrity News censorship Chemistry Chemsex Chicago Chicago IL Chris Evans Christian proselytizing Christianity Christmas Christmas commercial Christmas movie Christmas Movies Chucky Circus of Books civil unions Cody McCook Colorado Comedy coming out commentary compatibility Confidence Congress conspiracy theory Conversion therapy CoronaVirus Court Vox COVID COVID-19 Covid-19 vaccine Cubbyhole NYC daddy Dallas Dallas Gay Bars Dallas Gayborhood Dallas Texas Danica Roem Daniel Harding Daniel Howell Date night dating dating advice Dating Apps Dating Red Flags dating rut dating tips DC Pride Dead to Me Denver Depression discrimination Disney Documentary Dolf Pasker Dolly Parton Domestic Violence Donald Trump Donna Price Drag Race drag racing Dustin Lance Black election Election 2020 Election Day Elite Employment Entertainment Entertainment news epidemic Fabio Fasoli Family family gatherings Film Finding True Love First Date First Date Etiquette first date ideas first date tips Flirting Tips Flirty Dancing Florida Fort Lauderdale Franklin Graham Freddie Mercury Garrett Clayton gay gay asian gay asian men Gay Atlanta Gay Austin Gay Bars NYC Gay beaches Gay Boston Gay Boston Nightlife Gay Chicago Gay Christmas Gay Couple Gay Couples Gay Culture Gay Dallas Gay Dallas Nightlife gay dating gay dating advice gay dating app gay dating apps Gay Dating Red Flags Gay Dating Solutions Gay Dating Tips Gay DC gay discrimination gay film Gay Florida Gay Fort Lauderdale Gay Health Gay Holiday Movie Gay Houston gay kiss Gay Love Advice gay marriage gay marriage proposal gay men Gay Miami gay midlife Gay Mountaineer Gay Movies Gay New York Gay nightlife Gay Nurse Gay NYC Gay Panic Gay Pride gay relationship advice gay relationship tips gay relationships Gay Santa Gay Scene gay seniors gay sex gay singles Gay Soldier Gay Travel Gay Twitter Gay Washington DC Gay Wedding gay weddings Gay Widower Gays Over COVID gaysian Gen Z Generation Z Georgia Gert Kasteel Ghosting GLAAD GOP Gorsuch Greater Houston LGBTQ Chamber of Commerce grindr Guy Vandenberg Gym Gays Haaz Sleiman Hallmark Halloween Hate Crime HBO Max Health HGVT HIV HIV prevention HIV stigma HIV treatment HIV vaccine HIV/AIDS hobbies Holi-date Holiday Film Holiday Movies Holidays Hollywood Holyoke Homophobia hooking up hookup hookup culture Hot Vax Summer House Hunters Houston Houston Texas Houston TX Hulu Ian Jordan Indya Moore Instagay Instagram intersex Intimacy Intimacy coach Iowa Iowa caucus isolation It's A Sin Jake Gyllenhaal James Bushe Japan Jaymes Vaughan Jayson Conner Jeffrey Newman Jennifer Tilly Jewish Jewish persecution Joe Biden Jonathan Bennett Josef Salvat Jussi-Pekka Kajaala Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg JVN Jwan Yosef Karamo Brown Kristine Stolakis Lady Gaga Lesbian lesbian couple Let It Snow LGBT LGBT Austin LGBT Travel Guide LGBT-Free Zones LGBTQ LGBTQ Asians LGBTQ Atlanta LGBTQ Austin LGBTQ Boston LGBTQ Chicago LGBTQ Dallas LGBTQ DC LGBTQ discrimination LGBTQ employees LGBTQ Family LGBTQ Film LGBTQ Film Festival LGBTQ Films LGBTQ flag LGBTQ Fort Lauderdale LGBTQ Health LGBTQ History LGBTQ Houston LGBTQ Miami LGBTQ movies LGBTQ New York LGBTQ nightlife LGBTQ NYC LGBTQ Pride LGBTQ retirees LGBTQ retirement LGBTQ Rights LGBTQ Seniors LGBTQ Victory Institute LGBTQ Youth Life Lifetime Lifetime TV Network Linda Warren lockdown London LGBTIQ+ Film Festival loneliness Love Victor Love Wins Luke Evans Male Nurse Malik Brown marriage equality marriage proposal Marsha P Johnson Marvel Marvin Cortes Massachusetts mature gay dating mental health Mexico Miami Miami Beach Miami Beach Pride Miami Florida Miami nightlife Michael Cashman Michael Henry Middle-aged gay men midlife Modern Family mormon Mr. Right Muscle gays music video My Gay Match NASCAR National Coming Out Day Nationwide Conversion Therapy Ban Neil Gorsuch Netflix Netflix Special Nevada New Year's Resolution New York New York City Nonbinary North Dakota Northern Ute tribe Norway Nurse Appreciation Week NYC NYC Events NYC Pride NYC Pride 2021 Oak Lawn Obergefell v. Hodges older gay man Omander Omar Ayuso One True Pairing online dating online dating apps online dating tips online gay dating Online trolls Open Relationship Operation Hyacinth OTP Outfest Outfest LA 2021 Outfest Los Angeles Pan-African Pride pandemic Paper Moons Pat Robertson Pennsylvania Perez Hilton personality Personality Matching personality type Pete Buttigieg Pink Capitalism Poland Politics polyamorous polyamorous relationship polyamorous relationships Pope Francis Pose power bottom Pray Away PrEP pride Pride 2021 Pride Afrique Pride Flag Pride Month Prince Harry profile pic Puerto Vallarta quarantine Queer eye Queer Film Queer Films Queer Holiday Movies Queer Lawmakers Queer Love Story Queer Santa Queer Youth racism Rafa Olarra Rainbow Wave red flags Reddit Relationship relationship advice Relationship Tips relationships religion Rep. Andy Biggs Republican retirement Ricky Martin rom-com Romantic Comedy Ryan Murphy Ryan O’Connell Samaritan’s Purse same sex marriage Same Sex Relationships Same Sex Wedding Same-Sex Couples Same-Sex Kiss same-sex marriage same-sex marriage ban Santa Claus Schitt’s Creek Score Miami Score Nightclub Scott Evans Scott Wiener Section 28 self isolation self-care Senior Gay Dating Senior Gay Men senior gays Senior Prom Seven Summits sex Sex and Intimacy Sex Education sex life sexual identity sexual preference sexual racism sexuality short film Shy Gay Guys Single All the Way single gay man Single Gay Men Single Gays Single Young Gays social distancing social isolation social media Social Security Somerville South Florida sports Stonewall Stonewall Riots straight men Super Bowl ads Super Bowl commercials Super Bowl LIV Supreme Court Switzerland Syfy Syria Tan France Television Tennessee The Boys in the Band The Center on Colfax The Christmas Setup The Eternals The First The Thing About Harry Threesome throuple TikTok Tom Daley toxic gay relationship toxic masculinity toxic relationships Transgender Travel Travis Shumake true love Trump administration Turner Free TV series Tweets Twitter Unconditional Love United Methodist Church US economy US Supreme Court Valentine's day viral news viral video Virginia Washington DC Web Series Wedding When Harry met Santa Workplace workplace discrimination World AIDS Day World Pride Young Gay Guys young gay men Youth YouTube