Gay Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person

Gay dating tips to help you find love 1: Keep things in perspective

Don’t make your search for a relationship the center of your life. Concentrate on activities you enjoy, your career, health, and relationships with family and friends. When you focus on keeping yourself happy, it will keep your life balanced and make you a more interesting person when you do meet that special guy.

Remember that first impressions aren’t always reliable. Especially when it comes to online gay dating, people don’t always accurately portray themselves. Regardless of where or how you meet someone, though, it always takes time to really get to know that person. You have to experience being with someone in a variety of situations, some good and some not so good, before you really know him. For example, how well does this guy hold up under pressure when things don’t go well or when they’re tired, frustrated, or hungry?

Be honest about your own flaws and shortcomings. Everyone has a flaw—or several—and, for a relationship to last, you want someone to love you for the person you are, not the person you’d like to be, or the person he thinks you have the potential to become. In many cases, what you consider a flaw may actually be something another person finds quirky and appealing. By being honest and shedding all pretense, you’ll encourage the other person to do the same, which can lead to a fulfilling relationship.

Invest in a vertical relationship before you invest in a horizontal relationship. Don’t be too quick to make a relationship sexual as it often becomes harder to develop a good vertical relationship afterwards. Even though it can be difficult in this day and age, try to take your time to get to know someone first. It will only lead to a more satisfying sexual relationship down the road.

Tip 2: Build a genuine connection

The gay dating scene can be really frightening. It’s only natural to worry about how you’ll come across and whether or not your date will like you. Here’s what you can do to get past your nerves and self-consciousness so you can build rapport and forge a great connection.


Focus outward, not inward. To combat first-date nerves, focus your attention outward, rather than on your internal thoughts and feelings. Try to be fully present in the moment: in what your date is saying and doing and what’s going on around you. This will help take your mind off distracting doubts, worries, and insecurities.

Be curious. The best way to connect with someone new is to show genuine interest. When you’re truly curious about someone else’s thoughts, feelings, experiences, stories, and opinions, it shows—and they’ll like you for it. You’ll come across as far more attractive and interesting than if you spend your time trying to promote yourself to your date.

Be genuine. Showing interest in others can’t be faked. If you’re just pretending to listen or care, your date will pick up on it. No one likes to be manipulated or placated. Rather than helping you connect and make a good impression, your efforts will most likely backfire. If you aren’t genuinely interested in your date, there is little point in pursuing the relationship further.

Pay attention. Make an effort to truly listen to the other person. By paying close attention to what they say, do, and how they interact, you’ll quickly get to know them. Little things go a long way, such as remembering someone’s preferences, the stories they’ve told you, and what’s going on in their life.

Put the devices away. You can’t truly pay attention to anyone or forge a genuine connection when you’re multitasking. Nonverbal communication—subtle gestures, expressions, and other visual cues—tell us a lot about what’s going on in the other person’s head and how they’re perceiving and responding to us. But they’re easy to miss unless you’re tuned in.

Tip 3: Put a priority on having fun

Online gay dating, singles events, and matchmaking services like speed dating may prove successful and enjoyable for some people, but for many they lack spontaneity and often feel more like high-pressure job interviews than fun social occasions. And whatever dating experts might tell you, there is a big difference between finding the right career and finding lasting love.

Think of your time as a single person as a great opportunity to meet new people, expand your social circle, and participate in new events. You don’t have to be the life of the party or be endlessly cracking jokes to have fun. But by pursuing activities you enjoy and by putting yourself in a new environment, it’s likely you’ll meet new people who share similar interests and values. By focusing on simply having fun, even if you don’t meet that special guy, you will still have enjoyed yourself and maybe forged new friendships as well.

Tip 4: Learn to handle rejection gracefully

At some point, everyone looking for love is going to have to deal with rejection—both as the person being rejected and the person doing the rejecting. Some people can be overcome with anger, embarrassment, or anxiety when faced with rejection, or are so frightened of it happening again, they avoid dating or starting new relationships. Others find it so difficult to reject another person, they find themselves caught up in prolonged, unhealthy relationships.

By staying positive and being honest with yourself and others, handling rejection can be far less intimidating. The key is to accept that rejection is an inevitable part of dating but to not spend too much time worrying about it. It’s never fatal.

Tip 5: Watch for relationship red flags

It’s important to be aware of red-flag behaviors that may indicate a relationship is not going to lead to healthy, lasting love. In such cases, it’s better to cut your losses early, rather than invest time in a relationship that isn’t good for you or the other person. Trust your instincts and pay close attention to how the other person makes you feel. If you tend to feel insecure, ashamed, or undervalued, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.

Tip 6: Deal with trust issues

Mutual trust is a cornerstone of any close personal relationship. If there is no trust in a relationship, it’s impossible for you to feel safe and cared for by another person, or to make that person feel safe and cared for. In other words, without trust, lasting love can never blossom. Of course, trust doesn’t develop overnight; it develops over time as your connection with another person deepens and you learn more about each other. However, if you’re someone with trust issues—someone who’s been betrayed, traumatized, or abused in the past, or someone with an insecure attachment bond—then you may find it impossible to trust others and find lasting love.

When you’re unable to trust others, your romantic relationships will be dominated by fear—fear of being betrayed by the other person, fear of being let down, or fear of feeling vulnerable. But it is possible to learn to trust others. By working with the right therapist, you can identify the source of your mistrust and explore ways to build trust in existing and future relationships.

Tip 7: Nurture your budding relationship

Remember that finding the right guy is just the beginning of the journey, not the destination. In order to move from casual gay dating to a committed, loving relationship, you need to nurture that new connection. It’s a process that requires time, effort, and a genuine interest in the other person as a whole. It also requires an openness to compromise and change.

All relationships change over time. You’ll change over time, your partner will change, and so will both of your needs and expectations. What you want from a relationship at the beginning may be very different from what you and your partner want from that same relationship a few months or years down the road.

 

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city.
Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
 
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is
offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for
credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
 
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Truth: it’s all that matters in a relationship

You’ve got to get over the past if you have any hope of finding ‘The One’ for the future.

Original story from Attitude Magazine
Honesty isn’t a quality that only same sex relationships require, but in my experience, some men I’ve dated seem to find it incredibly difficult to tell the fucking truth! I guess that’s why I like to be so brutally honest myself.
I briefly picked up on this in my last column, but I think most guys would find it difficult to trust someone once they’ve been cheated on. University, for most people, was a time to get drunk, discover yourself, get even drunker and explore your sexuality to the fullest – as well as going to the odd lecture when you could drag yourself out of bed. I was definitely no different.

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10 Effective Tips to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship

Most relationships go through a stage where you and your partner are just constantly fighting. Seriously, you’re fighting all. the. time. It’s exhausting, it’s frustrating, and most of the time you don’t even understand what’s happening because the fights are so stupid. All you know is that you’re right, and he’s wrong. Am I right?
Some gay couples can get through this stage and come out okay – maybe even stronger and better than before! But gay couples can’t, and all that fighting ruins their relationship. Constant arguing is relatively normal if it only goes on for a bit, but if it’s nonstop, you need to do something differently. If you’re not ready to give up on the relationship, then you need to learn how to stop fighting! It sounds simple, but it can take work. Here are 10 Effective Tips to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship. Good luck and you’re welcome!

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I Have Low Self-Esteem. Is Online Gay Dating For Me?

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Reader’s Question: Is online gay dating for me? I’m a 40-year-old single gay guy with average looks and great sense of humor but have been overweight for years. I’ve been fat-shamed by family, friends and boyfriends growing up and have extremely low self-esteem. I was also the brunt of a very cruel fraternity prank in college that I have never gotten past. It just crushed me and humiliated me.
After having two short, but painful, relationships in my 20s, I swore off dating for good. I’m no good at it, and the men I attract are cruel. One left me stranded at a restaurant because I wanted him to pay for once; one told me that he was too grossed out to kiss me … The list goes on. You honestly can’t imagine the painful things that have been said about me. And I always blamed myself. So I just said no more.
All these years later I’m wondering if I should jump back in the ring. I still have poor self-esteem and I’m still overweight, but I’m a good person. I just don’t want to be shamed or made to feel bad. I want someone to be on my team for once, and not against me. Am I too old for online gay dating? Have I been out of the game too long? Any advice would be great.

Sincerely,
40YOVirgin

Gay Dating Solutions: Hey 40YOVirgin! This is so nice: it’s very rare that I get a letter from someone who describes themselves with positive adjectives. To me this says you are at a fine starting point for potentially getting into dating again: maybe you feel that you have poor self-esteem, but your letter belies this: you do have a good understanding of the positive things that you bring to the world. Understanding these will certainly help you if you do decide you want to try meeting someone who values and respects you.
You mention a few incidents in your past that have weighed heavy on your conscious when it comes to your relationships with men; I wonder if you have ever talked to a therapist about them? If not, it might be helpful to get some professional help to work on being able to feel better about these events in your past before you pursue experiences that might trigger bad memories or make you feel unduly vulnerable.
Now, is online gay dating the best way to meet someone? It may be because it can give you the opportunity to test the water a bit: corresponding with men before you meet them to gauge your interest or enthusiasm for dating. It sounds like you have been quite hurt in the past, and because of this I’d urge you to remember to take things slowly when you start: it’s OK for your initial forays into internet dating to simply be useful in terms of the exposure that they give you to the idea of dating. Take some time to understand what you like in men and what makes you feel some misgivings. Over the years I’ve gotten much better at realizing that a gut feeling that someone isn’t quite right or kind is usually accurate, not something that I should forgive in the hopes that our interaction improves. Allow yourself the opportunity to tune in to these feelings.
As for the issue of your weight and appearance: so few people in the world fit the mold of what Hollywood tells us is conventionally attractive. And yet so many of us find love anyway. If you’d like companionship, don’t assume that the way you look will be the barrier to it. You are a wonderful person with a good sense of humor. Be forthright about these things and trust that it is possible to meet someone who loves these things, and more, about you.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Gay Relationships: 5 Ways to Find Yourself After a Bad Breakup

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Feeling lost after a bad breakup? While time does eventually heal all wounds, there are some specific things we can do to find our footing again. Here are five ways to find yourself after a bad breakup.

1. Take yourself on dates. Want to go see the latest movie? Take yourself to the movie theater. Have a favorite restaurant you haven’t been letting yourself go to by yourself? Just go! Want to spend some time at your favorite coffee shop? Take yourself.

Yes, it can feel awkward going to these things by yourself at first, but the more you do it, then the more liberated you will feel. By doing these things because you want to rather than because someone else is willing to go with you, you will not only get comfortable being alone, but you will also feel more free and empowered in your own life.


2. Go on a vacation alone. 
I seriously can’t recommend this enough. When we go on vacation alone, two main things happen: A) We learn to really focus on ourselves and our own needs. So if you really don’t feel like going to that one museum by the end of the day, so what?! The decision is all on you. And B) We learn to really get comfortable reaching out to other travelers or locals for help. Any shyness goes out the window quickly!

As a result, we can find ourselves feeling so much more in control of our lives, more aware of ourselves (I mean, how can we not if we’re not around someone else 24/7?) and more empowered by feeling like we can literally do and tackle anything!
So, wherever it is that you want to go — Europe, Asia, Mexico, Brazil or maybe even just the a few hundred miles away — wherever it is, make plans and go do it!


3. Find things that you enjoy doing… then go do them! Did you used to love dancing, but you’ve stopped in the last few years? Start doing it again! Did you used to love keeping a garden, painting or working out? Then find time to do it!

Reflect back on all the things that you used to enjoy doing in your life — as a young kid, a teenager, even just a few years ago. Write all these things down on a list and make it a goal to start doing them again!


4. Do something you’ve always wanted to do, but haven’t done. Is there anything you’ve always dreamed of doing, but you haven’t give yourself the opportunity to do it? This could be learning how to shoot a gun, how to speak a new language, how to play piano, how to play the guitar, etc. It may also not have to do with learning anything at all, but to just go somewhere and do something. Like to go hiking in a certain place or to go to a nearby beach or hot springs. Maybe it means to go to a certain shop that you haven’t yet been to or try a certain massage place that a friend has recommended.

Whatever it is, identify it and start looking up classes or ways that you can do these things!


5. Shower yourself with “gifts.” In other words, become a “self-care master.” So make yourself a healthy home-cooked meal. Give yourself a relaxing bath filled with epsom salts, essential oils, candles and soothing music. Go on daily walks in nature. Read a book from one of your favorite authors. Buy yourself some of your favorite flowers.

Give yourself things that you love and enjoy because you deserve it! When we shower ourselves with gifts, we shower ourselves with the love we have for ourselves.

Take action now!
In the comments below, share at least one of the things from the list above that you are going to (or at least plan to do) for yourself this week!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?



Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Accepting It’s Over – Breaking Up and Moving On

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No matter how many times we experience breaking up with someone, it can still hurt and threaten to overturn our lives.     
It can be extremely frustrating when a breakup is difficult to manage – even when we know the relationship is not right for one, or both, of the parties involved.  Losing a relationship can evoke multitudes of uncomfortable emotions.  One may feel embarrassed or hurt and wonder if he is not “good enough”, while simultaneously missing the guy who is instigating the uncomfortable feelings.  Another, sometimes overlooked, reason that breakups hurt so much is that as the relationship dissolves – our own sense of self can dissolve along with it.
It is a wonderful process when you are building closeness and trust with someone, it can also make your feelings at the end of the relationship even more confusing and painful.  A 2010 research study in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin finds that breakups cause a change in our self-concept, which can elicit a lack of clarity in our knowledge of ourselves.  Furthermore, when we do not have a clear concept of ourselves, such as in the aftermath of a breakup, it leads to further emotional grief.
Reassessing ourselves after a breakup is a major component to finding closure and becoming healthy again for the next relationship while developing an even stronger and renewed sense of self.  To begin the process of exiting one relationship and rebuilding your relationship with yourself, here are several tips.

Concentrate on yourself. Sever all ties with your ex – as much as you do not want to or think that it is not necessary. Block all electronic reminders – your ex’s number in your phone, if they are a Facebook friend or follow you on twitter, email accounts, etc. Also, clear out any other reminders around you: pictures, ticket stubs, gifts, etc.  Simply putting these things away for a while will help ease the pain of a new breakup, the cliché “out of sight, out of mind” does have merit!

Strive for acceptance of the breakup. Mourning the loss of a relationship is often necessary and “moping” around a bit is okay! Remembering why the relationship did not work out and the negative aspects of your ex-boyfriend can help bring closure. Express your feelings through art, writing, dancing, singing, whatever you enjoy that helps sort and soothe your emotions.  Just be sure to use this time to gain acceptance that the relationship has ended so that your mourning period can be brief and allow you to move on to reestablishing your individual sense of self.

Focus on your future. A tough breakup can also be an opportunity to reassess where you are in your life and where you want to go. Analyzing your self-concept as an individual instead of a couple can be the fresh start to revitalizing your expectations for yourself. Explore your priorities and determine if any have slipped while you were in a relationship. Perhaps you have not spent as much time with friends, exercising, participating in volunteer work or doing hobbies as you would like. Now is the time to take note of what is important to you and to DO these things you have been missing!

Utilize support from others. During a difficult breakup and after, surround yourself with friends and family who are on your side and will support you during this difficult time. Being with others can help you to realize that you are not alone and that you are valued by people besides your ex-boyfriend. Enlist others’ help to gain acceptance of your new single status as well as to assist you in gaining clarity and creating a positive new beginning.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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A Gay Man’s Guide to Surviving a Big Break-up

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Breaking up is hard to do, but the few weeks after are even harder. Cutting things off with someone you treasured is heartbreaking, while keeping him around can keep one or both of you stuck in the relationship. Here, three popular options for dealing with your ex after a break-up, how they actually play out—and what they mean for your mental health.

Post-Breakup Strategy #1: The Cold Cut It’s a case of “out of sight, out of mind,” as you completely cut off communication.
A case history: “I was crushed when a guy I was dating for a year broke up with me and said he didn’t want to talk anymore,” says Jay, who works in finance in New York. “I was depressed and felt it was really unfair. But after a while, I did meet someone else. I know now I needed such a clean break, because it helped me move on. I didn’t have any false hopes—I just built myself back up.”
Why this strategy works: Sounds brutal, but it’s popular for a reason. “From a psychological perspective, this is the healthiest strategy, particularly if you’ve been cheated on,” says Joseph Taravella, Ph.D., a couple’s therapist at NYU Medical Center. Taravella says that it’s not an easy choice to stick to, but it pays off by letting you move on. He recommends asking your friends and family to help you stay busy—it’ll help you feel fulfilled and loved, which you need after a breakup. Staying in touch with your ex gives him the power to still hurt you, even if you’re not together—you may still reel when he has a new boyfriend or hold out hope that things will work out. “The patients who take the ‘clean break’ approach generally make faster adjustments and move forward with their lives,” says Taravella. “As a result, they tend to carry less baggage into their next relationship.”

Post-Breakup Strategy #2: The Friend Zone You’re not going to be lovers anymore, but you’ll try to be pals.
A case history: Ed, a writer in New York, has remained friends with his ex-boyfriend of six years, with whom he broke up a year ago. While he appreciates having his ex’s friendship, Ed admits that their emotional intimacy even now makes it hard for him to move on. “I can’t say it’s been easy,” he says. “He started dating two months after we broke up, and I didn’t. It’s not that I wish we were together, but it does get awkward when, say, he wants to bring his new boyfriend to dinner. I’ve vowed to spend a little more time apart from him so I can meet someone, too.”
Why this strategy works: It’s a nice idea, but Taravella warns against this strategy as a means of deluding yourself: “Many people do this when they still have feelings for the other person,” he says. “They hope that, over time, they’ll get back together. But if it didn’t work the first time around, it often won’t the second time.” Partners doing the dumping also like this because it helps them feel less guilty, but it keeps the dumpee hanging on. Still, it’s natural to want a place in your life for someone with whom you shared so much. Many exes find they can be friends—but only once they’ve both moved on so one doesn’t feel judged or rejected by the other person’s dating behaviors. “It generally it takes time for people to get to this place,” says Taravella. A better idea? Take a temporary no-plans-together break, then rebuild the friendship once you’re both comfortable with the relationship’s demise.

Post-Breakup Strategy #3: Exes With Benefits You’re no longer dating, but you still hook up sometimes.
A case history: “I broke up with my boyfriend six months ago, and we’ve been hooking up a couple of times a month since,” says Tim, who works in the entertainment business in Los Angeles. But what he thought was a no-strings attachment turned out to have several threads from their ruined relationship. “I met this new guy, and we started having sex, too. So I told my ex about it, and he got mad. He said I should have told him first. I didn’t know that was part of the deal. I’d think twice about sleeping with an ex again.”
Why this strategy works: Think you’re signing on for an easy booty call? Think again. One person’s mindless sex can be his partner’s proof that the love is alive. “Emotional attachments linger after breakups, and it’s difficult for many people to separate their feelings from sex,” says Taravella. “More times than not, one person is left feeling alone, abandoned, and hurt.” After all, if someone’s told you you’re not good enough to date, why settle for being only good enough to sleep with him? Not only does one person usually think the relationship’s still ongoing, but it makes it difficult for both of you when one person wants out—then you have to deal with another breakup. And it also doesn’t leave you free to date other people and begin sexual relationships with them without baggage. “Ex sex may satisfy certain ‘needs’ in the short-term, but it’s never a good idea,” says Taravella. Now that you know the pros and cons of these three common scenarios, you can proceed with the best chances of a full and speedy recovery should you have a breakup in the future.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Long-Distance Relationships: Your Survival Guide

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“Maybe we can make this work! Maybe we can have a long-distance relationship that lasts until our separate lives collide and we can live in eternal bliss, together.” — If you have said this before, you might have actually found the one or you are really just in love with each other that distance doesn’t matter. Either way, here are a few tips to keeping it together:
  • Purchase cleaning wipes in bulk. Typing and Skyping with lubey fingers will only lead to damaged keys and smudged screens. You don’t want to explain to the Geek Squad why your laptop keeps sliding out of their hands — to say nothing of what can be found on your hard drive.
  • Don’t analyze every photo of him on Facebook. That image of your new beau being led around on a leash at the leather festival in the gimp mask and ball gag might be entirely innocent.
  • Encourage him to send erotic photos of himself, and be sure to return the favor. Agree that all photos will be deleted after they have been used for their “purpose.” Unless, that is, he is a member of GOProud, in which case, save them for later public humiliation. Consider these photos a bigger bus than the one he will eventually try to throw you under. (Sorry, I have issues with these people.)
  • Keep in mind that geographical separation is often accompanied by differences in time. Failure to consider this may result in unanticipated bitchiness. No one wants a call at 5 a.m. asking, “Whatcha doin’?” in a cutesy voice. It disturbs dreams of shagging Channing Tatum then stealing his shirts and will only lead to arguments later.
  • Never text when drunk, as autocorrect and predictive text can be a hazard. One inconvenient correction can be dismissed as a mistake, but sequential messages of “Bash your hard coal on my face,” and “I can’t wait to ride your coal again” don’t make sense, at best, and at worst, they make it look like you have some sort of fetish for Welsh miners.
  • Choose a tune that you consider “your song” to serve as a musical reminder of your love. Then immediately play it to death until the words lose all meaning. In 10 years, if all goes well, it could be your wedding song. But in the unfortunate event that the relationship has ended, when it comes over the speakers in Walmart, you can drop to the floor in dramatic fashion and weep about the one who got away. Then wait for the discounts from the empathetic sales staff.
  • Don’t get too irate when you can’t reach him. I know it’s hard not to assume the very worst when there has been no contact for more than 10 whole minutes, but chances are he’s busy. Or maybe he’s just at the park having a delightful picnic with an anchorman’s boyfriend. (I love you, Andy! Call me.)
  • Don’t let your single friends’ opinions drive you into thinking this won’t work. They will crucify you for not being available to go cruising with them. If they can’t find love, happiness, and companionship with a headless torso 236-plus feet away, who the hell are they to judge you?
  • The one who travels to the other should have first pick of position. It’s only polite and really should be universally observed gay etiquette.
  • Value the precious times you get to spend visiting the city he calls home. If you run into one of his ex-boyfriends while you’re out, remain calm, polite, and friendly. Resist the urge to scream, “He told me all about that thing you like to do, and I think you’re a freak!” You also won’t make yourself look good by pointing and calling anyone “Jack Nasty!”
Most importantly, despite all the challenges, your long-distance relationships will work if you want it to work. And if it doesn’t, well, you haven’t worked hard enough at it. Hopefully these useful tips will come in handy. Enjoy!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

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Gay Love Advice: Is Chatting Online Cheating?

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Reader’s Question: 
My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship together for three years. Recently, I visited a gay dating website and created a profile. I’ve chatted and exchanged pics with guys but have never hooked up with anyone. My profile says “In a relationship” and I specifically say I’m just looking for friends. Last week, my boyfriend went snooping on my laptop, even though it was well hidden, and read some of my conversations. Now he’s pissed and says being on dating sites is “cheating.” I say it’s just fantasy. Who’s right, and who’s wrong? Is chatting online cheating?
― Anthony S.L., 27, New York City

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Who’s right? Who’s wrong? You are. He is. It all depends. For some people in committed relationships, gay apps and dating websites are harmless fun. For others it indicates that the unwritten or explicit rules of their relationship need to be revisited. Secrets can damage relationships just as profoundly as actions. I don’t know why you felt the need to keep it hidden, but my guess is that it’s because you knew he wouldn’t approve.
Forget about questioning who’s right and who’s wrong in this situation. Instead, sit down with your man and have an authentic tête-à-tête about the real reason you’re chatting with total strangers. Maybe you feel that your love life has gotten a little stale after three years together, and it makes you feel desirable again. Maybe you’re a hopeless flirt. Maybe you really are just looking for friends. Whatever the reasons are, be open and honest about them, and work toward building his trust back. If he asks you to get off the dating site altogether, decide whether that’s something you’re willing to give up in order to keep him.
Then again, maybe he’s upset because you didn’t invite him to the party. Offer to help him create his own profile so that you can send your dirty dick pics to him rather than to that headless torsos. Better yet, create a profile for the both of you together. You know what they say: Two’s a party, and three’s just a hell of a lot more fun.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

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My Boyfriend is Boring: How to Deal With It?

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A boring personality is something I do not know how to deal with. I’m such an extrovert in my every day life that I find it difficult having the patience to deal with dull, shy, or unenthusiastic people, but that’s just me. Every once in a while, however, you start to grow feelings for one of these people – Lord knows how or why. Trust me, I’ve been there.

Having a boring boyfriend is hard. First of all, you feel like a babysitter: “How’s about we go hiking this morning?” “What do you want to do today, baby?” “Don’t you think this is funny?” It seems like you’re constantly trying to pull any form of life that might be trapped inside, desperately waiting to see it, only to be disappointed… again.
Here’s the thing. Some personalities aren’t compatible for each other, no matter how great the sex is. While you want it to be something, it’s never going to last if you don’t click. But you can’t control who you like (we all can attest to that). Sometimes we like the most unexpected people with no real reason as to why. If you’re stuck in a situation with an extremely boring guy, there are ways to try and entertain yourself. I know from experience.

Take initiative when planning things. Boring people don’t like to be at the helm because they’re too dull (sorry it’s true). They probably won’t be the first to text you, Facebook message you or plan dates, you will most likely have to do it yourself. It might seem frustrating at first, but you really need to ask yourself if this man is worth it – if he is, then spending five minutes to call a restaurant, Google cool hiking trails, or research cheap theater tickets won’t matter in the end.
Make him feel like he’s the life of the party, even when he’s not. Trust me, I know how soul sucking this can be, but when he feels confident in his social skills, he will always rise up to meet it. While it feels like you’re giving him your power, what you’re really doing is giving him confidence. He’s your boyfriend – he needs support that he’s doing something right. When he’s getting response as if he were fun, he’ll eventually become more fun.
Hang out with mutual friends so he’ll be in a comfortable zone. He will probably thrive in a setting where he knows most of the people there, so hanging out with mutual friends is always going to be a good idea. They’ll bring out the best in him, which will give you many things to draw from.
Do more things he likes to do, which doesn’t mean you need to sacrifice the things you like to do. You clearly have a greater eye for opportunities so you’ll always find the fun, even if the event isn’t something you planned. The important thing is that he’ll be comfortable with you, which will give you chances to bring him out of his shell.
Mesh your circle of friends. Look for ways to bring both of your circle of friends together, whether they’re from work, the gym, college, old high school friends, whatever! Allow yourselves to meet new people from various times and areas in your life – you will get to know each other much deeper, and probably have a wider understanding of who you are.
Do things you’ve never done before, together. It can be as simple as going on a road trip or trying a new restaurant. When you do something that is new to both of you, it will ignite excitement and enthusiasm to do more. Conversations won’t be boring because they’ll be full of new information relating to your experiences.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!


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