What’s it like to be in a gay, sexless relationship for two years? (Hint: It kinda sucks)

Original Story from Queerty.

 

The first thing to go was the kissing.

We were on the bed when I went to go kiss him. “You know, we don’t have to make out EVERY night!” he spat, as if the mere thought of our lips touching was poison. We had been dating for less than three months.

Things only got worse from there.

Before long, making out was out of the question (My lips hurt his beard, he’d say. Looking back, I’m just like HAHAHA, WHUT?!). Then around the six-month mark, we stopped having sex. It wasn’t even like anything dramatic had happened; we had simply stopped. Every time I tried to do anything sexual with him after that, I was made to feel guilty for wanting him. The one time I tried talking to him about it, I was immediately shut down.

“I don’t get why you won’t have sex with me,” I whined, sounding like someone whose ice cream cone had melted before they had a chance to eat it. “It makes me feel like you aren’t attracted to me.”

“That’s not what I said at all,” he replied, which admittedly, wasn’t the clearest answer in the world. “I’m just not like other gays that need to have sex all the time. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”

“Well, me neither,” I said, with the sexual frustration of a mistress without a plaything to keep them busy.

And with that–silence. We never had sex again.

Read more at: What’s it like to be in a gay, sexless relationship for two years? (Hint: It kinda sucks).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Five Fast Ways to Get Over a Breakup

Can’t get over a breakup? They’re uncomfortable, painful, and affect us immensely. Here’s five fast easy ways to get over it and forget:

 

Everyone seems to have their own bounce back timeline and their own methods for getting over a breakup. While some people seem to be able to flip a switch and be done with it, we all have a friend (or are the friend) who is still 90 weeks deep in their ex’s Instagram every night and sends way too many drunk texts. And if you are that person, I get it.

1. If you internalize rejection, it’s going to be harder.

Researcher Lauren Howe of Stanford worked with a team of researchers on a survey of over 800 people and found out something really interesting: those who internalize rejection have a harder time with breakups. These are people who look at rejection as a reflection on them — proof that they aren’t good enough or lovable — and they find it more difficult to move on than those people who think that rejection is just a natural party of life or even an opportunity for learning and growing.

 

2. Accept the empty feeling

That moment when you realize you’ve been dumped by the love of your life feels like death. The key is to allow yourself to embrace the grief if you ever want to move past it. Breaking up is very similar to a death because it is in fact the death of a relationship. For at least a couple of days, remember the good times and allow yourself to cry like mad.

 

3. Cut off all contact for real

In this case, absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Absence is exactly what you need to cool off, process your feelings and change your perspective at the end of a relationship. Give yourself a period of no contact. No texts, emails or social media messages because you need time and distance to get emotional clarity. When you just break up with someone, your emotions are all over the place — you will likely miss them desperately and overlook all the reasons why the breakup happened in the first place just to have them there with you again.

 

4. Look toward the future and don’t look back

After an especially bad breakup, it may seem impossible to think that you will ever love again — trust me, I know. This sense of loss can open the door to great possibility. When you find yourself at the end of a relationship, ask yourself this compelling question: “What else is possible now that wasn’t possible when we were together?”

Even in the midst of heartbreak, the end may be just the beginning. Move forward to create your life, and if the relationship can be created again with that person you desire to be with, it will be created from a greater, deeper place and not the same old place that made you break up in the first place. In my point of view, a breakup, especially stemming from an unhealthy relationship or perhaps just one that wasn’t meant to be, always leads to something greater.

 

5. So you need to form some new memories without your partner.

So you have to get your ex out of your autobiography, out of your view of yourself. How do you do that? Well, it’s why we see so many people taking up hobbies or going through big changes after a breakup. It’s really is good for you because you start to form new memories and rewrite your autobiography without your partner.

Breakups are always going to be hard — especially if it was a significant relationship — and there’s never going to be a magical cure all. But we can help ourselves get over them faster. The most important thing? Stop dwelling on the past and make a new future. So it’s time to get off of their Instagram account and go try something totally different — it’ll help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Disney-Obsessed Gay Guy Proposed to His Boyfriend on Splash Mountain

Original story from PinkNews.

 

A Disney-obsessed man popped the question to his boyfriend at Disneyland in a truly heartwarming style.

Reddit user Eugenius310 shared the incredible moment that he popped the question in style to his boyfriend Chris.

He sprung the surprise proposal on his partner during a trip to Disneyland, during a ride on the log flume Splash Mountain.
Read more at: PinkNews.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Church of Scotland expected to approve of same-sex marriage

Original story from Gay Times Magazine.

 

The Church of Scotland may soon offer support to marriage equality.

Same-sex marriage has been legal in Scotland since December 2014, but an exemption in the law means that individual churches are able to choose whether or not they want to perform such unions.

The Kirk’s General Assembly will gather in Edinburgh on Thursday 25 May to discuss how the church can approach same-sex marriage and also attempt to make amends with the LGBT+ community.

A report prepared for the General Assembly invites the church to apologise “individually and corporately” for discrimination that has been enforced by them in the past.

Moderator Designate the Reverend Dr Derek Browning said: “On Thursday afternoon the theological forum will be bringing a report to the General Assembly, and this year what they’re asking to do is for the assembly, first of all, to consider making an apology to the gay community for things that have have been said in the past and the assembly will have to make up its mind on that.

“But also it’s going to be asking our legal questions committee to see what the issues are round about allowing ministers to perform same sex marriage if they choose to do so, and equally for safeguards for those who, for conscience sake, feel that this is not something they can do.”

 

Read more at Gay Times Magazine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gay Relationship Tips for Long Term Couples

So what makes a healthy and lasting longterm gay relationship successful? Here are some good tips.

Developing You: Many gay couples fall into the trap of expecting their partner to fill the hole in their lives. Coupledom does not provide an escape from self-development. The truth is there is no effective long term escape from self-development. At any stage of life—even into your eighties and nineties—you need to keep growing in order to reach greater contentment.

Daily Rituals: Aim for a daily check-in. This is some version of “How was your day, honey?” Try to practice this without multi-tasking. Hide your cellphones and other portable electronic devices and spend a few minutes just hearing what your partner did that day. It is your job to know about some (but not all) of the seemingly insignificant details of your partner’s office gossip, health issues, and favorite pop culture references. A “check-in” is a part of my daily practice. As Oscar Wilde said: “Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.”

Sex Matters: Gay couples that convince themselves that sex is no longer important after years of togetherness sometimes get into trouble. Sex can grow and develop just like other parts of your life together. To add spice to a sex life that has become routine you’ll need creativity. This can mean ramping up your curiosity about role-play, exploring breathing practices like tantra, or sharing your fantasies. Fantasy makes what is familiar new and exciting again. This is one aspect of relationship development that requires a spirit of fun: sexual negativity and complaining kills sex drive.

Boundaries = Closeness: Everyone needs time alone. You need some friends and activities that are yours and that are not always experienced with your partner. Sometimes you may need to shut the door, put on the earphones, or go for a walk by yourself in the neighborhood. It is okay to “go away” for a while, as long as you commit to authentically coming back later.

Keep Talking: As humans, the key method we have to repair hurts is communication. If you are not a “good communicator” then now may be a time to start learning. Communication is a skill that can be learned, just like knitting or skiing—it just takes instruction and practice. Fortunately improved communication is something that many gay couples can learn in a few hours. I don’t recommend waiting to seek couples counseling until a crisis occurs. Just a few sessions can enhance a relationship that is already doing well. Believe it or not, it can be fun, especially when you go out to dinner afterwards.

Ultimately what keeps long term relationships strong is paying attention to the emotional bond between you. The work of fostering emotional intimacy—which means feeling free to share your feelings without fearing rejection—can be supported by experimenting with some of the practices outlined here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Gay Dating 101: Our Five Favorite Dating Tips

Let’s face it, when it comes to meeting the next Mr. Right, we could all do with a little help. Here are seven things to keep in mind next time you’re out on a date:

 

1. Don’t forget your manners

Without getting too Sir Lancelot about things, a little dating etiquette goes a long way. If he looks nice, tell him that. Be a gentleman – but play it by ear and don’t go too overboard. Also, make sure you remember his eye color (trust us on this one) and when you’re comfortable, maybe test the waters by leaning in a little closer as he speaks – if he backs away, well, it’s probably not going well.

 

2. Be confident

Everyone’s nervous on a first date, but there’s nothing more attractive than a bit of self-confidence. When it comes to conversation, stay in your comfort zone by coming up with a few topics that you can talk about easily so you’re not out of your depth too early. But it’s a delicate balance – no one wants to be the guy who bangs on about his comic book collection all night, or what a pro his is on the bench press. If in doubt, ask your date about themselves and go from there.

It sounds simple, but choosing someone with similar interests is a big plus. Just be yourself and don’t try to force it.

 

3. Keep it casual

Drinks are fine for a first date. After all, no one wants to sit through the seven-course degustation with someone you’ve only just met – especially if you both realize it’s not going to work after the entrees appear. Also, if it’s a first outing, maybe head to a bar you’ve been to before – you’ll at least know your way there, and it’s one less thing you have to worry about. But avoid just heading to your local watering hole – it’s obvious if you’ve chosen somewhere that’s just around the corner from your pad. Try for something that’s convenient for both of you to get to.

It’s perfectly ok to keep first or second dates to weeknights, but anything after the third outing together should be at the weekend. Otherwise, they’re going to wonder what you’re doing that’s so much more interesting than them. Or, worse, who.

 

4. Be prepared

Your first date is a great opportunity to show him what you’re made of. And trust us, first impressions count for a lot. If you look like you’ve just stepped out of bed, your date is going to think you don’t really care. Get your hair cut, maybe invest in a new outfit, and check your teeth and nails are looking presentable. Plan to arrive a little early, so you’re not flustered when you walk in the door and you’ve got a bit of time to give yourself the quick once-over in the bathroom mirror.

When it comes time to order, play it fairly safe by avoiding anything you’ve never tried before or that’s tricky to eat. As a general rule, if it involves a bib, best to steer well clear. If you’re no wine boffin, go with the most recent vintage white, or drink pinot if you want red because it suits more food than not.

 

6. Eyes in front

Remember, when you’re on a date with someone, they should be the center of your attention. Ask them about themselves and pay attention to their answers. And don’t try to get a sneaky look at your watch or phone – and that hot guy sitting at the bar who you just checked out? Yep, they saw that, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Man Has Emotional Reunion With The Gay Brother His Christian Parents Disowned Decades Ago

Original story from Queerty.

 

A man shared his emotional reunion with the gay brother he never knew on Reddit. His story will make you angry and sad, but it’s ultimately one filled with hope.

Our friends at GayStarNews found the story, which starts with a Nintendo 64 (remember those?) and ends with a reunion that’s right out of a Nicholas Sparks flick:

He was in his room playing while a guy, almost his dad’s age, had come over to the house while his 16-year-old brother was babysitting him. There was a big age difference between the two brothers at the time, but John would always do as his older brother, who we’ll call Ryan, said, as Ryan would pull him around in a wagon and babysit him often.

While he was asleep, John woke up to his brother whispering outside the front door. ‘Don’t worry, he’s asleep’, he said. The older guy then said something he couldn’t hear, but John could make out the word ‘visit’.

‘The next morning–the day he disappeared–my parents were at work,’ John said. ‘My brother was acting very strange. I remember he kept checking the clock. In the afternoon, I remember him picking me up and asking me if I wanted to go in the wagon. I was too hooked on Nintendo 64 and said no. He almost begged me and I said no again.

‘Then he told me he had to run to our neighbor’s house for something, I don’t even remember what he said. I said okay. He reminded me to not open the door for anyone, only mom and dad. I shouted at him “OKAY!” because Super Mario was getting on my fucking nerves and he wasn’t helping.

‘He gave me a hug and told me he loved me and left. He never came back.’

Ryan was declared missing, making the news, as a ‘creepy unsolved mystery’.

Eventually, John learned that his parents had taken Ryan’s name off the missing persons list. It turns out they’d disowned him after he came out as gay and told them he was living with a man.

Read more at: Queerty.

 

 

 

 

 

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Oregon could soon offer a third gender option on driving licences

Original Story from PinkNews.

 

The US state of Oregon could become the first to allow a third gender option on driving licences. A bill passed in the state legislature this week which would offer drivers the option of ‘X’ instead of the traditional binary ‘M’ or ‘F’ options on licences.

Currently only the M and F options are available.

But that might change if Democratic Governor Kate Brown signs the bill into law. Basic Rights Oregon, a group defending trans and nonbinary rights celebrated the decision. The organisation estimates that there are some 20,000 people in Oregon who identify as transgender.

A US Army veteran last year became the first person in the US to legally change their gender to ‘nonbinary’.

 

Read more at: PinkNews.

 

 

 

 

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7 Relationship Tips That Gay Couples Often Forget

Once gay couples have settled into a relationship, things can fall into a bit of a rut. Routines form, the attentiveness that was present at the beginning of the courtship might be replaced by content complacency, and ultimately tensions arise. These simple gay relationship tips may seem like common sense, but you may be surprised at how often people forget about their importance.

 

1. Be Honest

Some people lie to their partners for years out of fear of hurting or offending them, but that can lead to a whole lot of ugliness on all sides. The one being lied to will know that something is wrong, and the one lying may feel more and more frustration about holding back and the relationship may end up suffering badly as a result. This honesty doesn’t have to deal with outright lies, but rather personal interests or preferences that may have changed over the years. Alternately, there could be some serious issues that really should be dealt with, but are internalized out of fear of hurting the other person. Ultimately, honesty really is the best policy, and a strong gay couple will be able to work through just about anything together.

2. Communication is Vital

Very few of us are able to read one another’s minds, so it’s important to express things that weigh on us, whether they’re positive or negative. Little behaviors that bother us can become more irksome over time, so it’s good to address them early, before the irritation accumulates to the point of anger. Similarly, miscommunications can lead to some pretty ugly arguments, so if you’re uncertain about something, try to discuss it calmly so you can sort things out: you may have misheard or misread something your partner said/did and taken it totally out of context, so clarify before freaking out about anything. Even though we may feel that we know our partners well after being with them for several years, remember that we all grow and change over time, and methods of communication must change along with us as needed.

3. Never Take Each Other for Granted

Be aware of every wonderful thing that your partner does for you, and express your gratitude whenever possible. This might be as simple as thanking them for doing the dishes after you’ve eaten dinner, or telling them how much it means to you that they make your coffee/tea exactly the way you like it. They’ll feel appreciated for the love and kindness they show you, and will express their appreciation to you in turn, so no one ever feels like their actions aren’t being acknowledged.

4. Respect Each Other’s Alone Time

Togetherness is important, but just as important (if not more so) is the ability to spend time alone. Too much time spent together can make you irritable, especially if you feel like your personal space is always being invaded. Time alone is necessary for personal reflection, growth, meditation, or even just quiet contemplation. Remember that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and you’ll appreciate your partner a lot more after having some space away from them. If you live together, it might be a good idea to have personal spaces that you can retreat to: either individual offices, or a garage workshop for one person and an attic library for another, etc.

5. Don’t “Let Yourself Go”

It’s inevitable that once certain comfort levels have been reached and closeness wins out over early awkwardness, some behavioral patterns will change. You might not spend an hour prepping before dinner to make sure that you look and smell good, or your boyfriend might wear the same pants for two days in a row without worrying about what you might think of their outfit. That’s totally normal, and really quite hilarious. That said, closer comfort levels don’t mean that you should neglect your personal hygiene, or let your living space fall into complete ruin. You know they’re not going to judge you if you leave pizza boxes all over the floor, but that doesn’t mean that you should. Try to keep things tidy and your appearance a step or two above “slovenly,” and your partner will undoubtedly feel that they’re worth making an effort for.

6. Admit When You’re Wrong (or When They’re Right)

This may be difficult for some people to do, but it really is important. If you discover that you’ve been wrong about an issue/bit of information/whatnot, own up to it: you’ll gain your partner’s appreciation and respect if you do, and if you don’t, you’re just proving yourself to be an immature, pouty jerk. Additionally, if you’ve been discussing something and your partner turns out to be in the right, acknowledge that fact: they may have been filled with self-doubt, and acknowledging their awareness or knowledge may boost their self-esteem exponentially.

7. Have Faith In Your Partner

Having trust and faith in another person can be difficult, especially if you’ve been hurt by others in the past. If you’ve been cheated on or otherwise betrayed by another man, you might worry that the same thing will happen in your current relationship, and this may cause you to imagine things or accuse your partner without just cause. If you find that your own insecurities are poisoning your partnership, talk it out with them and consider seeking therapy: they’re not the person who hurt you, so please don’t assume that just because one person treated you badly, everyone else will too.

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Tom Daley And Dustin Lance Black Marry In Fairytale Castle Wedding

Original story from NewNowNext.

Olympic diver Tom Daley, 22, and Oscar-winning filmmaker Dustin Lance Black, 42, have reportedly tied the knot.

The Sun reports that the intimate yet lavish wedding took place yesterday at Bovey Castle in the English countryside.

Read more at: NewNowNext.

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