Gay Dating: Finding Your Right Match After 40

Dating of any age can be quite intimidating and even more so as you get older especially if you’re hitting 40 and over.

If you’re a single gay man and over 40, chances are your BFF, your family, and maybe even a random stranger online are offering you their unsolicited dating advice. While your bestfriend may have some good tips, we have compiled some effective tips for finding love after 40. Read on!

Remember, you’re exactly the right age to find true love.

When you’re wondering if your smile lines are stopping Mr. Right from swiping right, it’s easy to forget that if you were ten years younger you wouldn’t be who you are right now. When you own where you are in your life, who you are, and are confident in your values and personality, you are more likely to find someone who is better suited for you.

Make sure you’re both ready to date.

Unlike dating in your 20s, you’ve likely had a major relationship and the person you’re dating probably has, too. Make sure that both you and your date have processed these relationships and are ready to move forward.

How can you tell if you or your date is living in the past? One red flag is talking about their past partner in disparaging terms. If they are unable to discuss it in objective terms or clearly see each person’s role in what went wrong, it may be a warning sign that they aren’t over the other person, are still holding a grudge, or are at risk for repeating maladaptive patterns in the new relationship.

Keep trying new things.

Be the single you want to meet. One way to do that is to constantly explore new hobbies and interests. That way, you’ll have exciting things to discuss on a date, whether it’s travel plans, the latest restaurant, or even new places and activities going on in your city. When you’re the best version of yourself, it can be magnetic.

Be independent and interdependent.

A nice perk of being 40 is that you’ve likely worked on yourself and are more comfortable with who you are now than you may have been a decade or two ago. If not, take time to think through your dating goals, values, and preferences. Know your relationship expectations and deal-breakers without being too rigid.

Doing this allows you to be both an independent and interdependent partner, so you function well on your own and at the same time are comfortable fulfilling important needs for your partner and vice versa.

Create a truthful online dating profile.

Do not modify who you are, do not copy someone else’s profile, and for goodness sake, stay away from trite quotes. To attract the kind of person you want to be with, it’s most important that your profile reflects your authentic self.

In short, don’t fake your age, height, or anything else for that matter. You don’t want to start off with dishonesty. Instead, if you love a certain movie, talk about it. If you like to dance, ski or go on walks with your dog, mention that. You are unique and awesome, so show up that way. You will connect with another person as the true you.

Trust your instincts.

Most relationship mistakes happen because a person does not trust their instincts early on and sticks around thinking it will change. By your 40s, you’ve experienced many human encounters, so trust your gut. 

Plus, by trusting yourself, you’ll be able to look beyond type and move forward based on feelings and mutual values—true cornerstones of successful relationships. Types are for people chasing something that they think is good for them. Do you want to put those kinds of limits on love?

Keep the first date light.

Conversations on a first date should be all about getting to know each other, finding common ground, and determining compatibility. But if you’re fed up with being single, and you feel a connection, you may be tempted to overshare about past negative dating experiences. Do not to fall into “the TMI trap.” 

It’s natural to have moments where you wonder if you’re doing something wrong, and you’d like reassurance from your date. But that’s not what you’re there for. If you lack self-esteem or are unhappy with yourself and your situation, it’s not attractive to someone you’re newly dating. Instead, be the person you want to attract. Smile, be the best version of yourself, and have fun getting to know your date. Draw them out and focus on them, and enjoy as things develop organically.