Should You Have an Open Gay Relationship?

Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too? In the gay dating world, an open relationship is fairly common, and for many couples, it feels perfectly natural and entirely feasible. For others, the idea of knowing that your partner will be with someone else is totally unacceptable – emotional and physical intimacy are things that should only happen between two monogamous partners, and anything else is not a real committed relationship. An open relationship is a curious beast, and there are couples who have made it work, other couples who love the idea but find the reality to be vastly different, and other couples who seem to have made significant sacrifices in order to have an open relationship.

Having an open relationship can sound good on paper. I mean, a lot of gay men think, who wouldn’t want a fairly committed relationship and sex (as long as it’s safe) on the side?! Continue reading

Gay Dating 101: Love Yourself First

“If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you’re gonna love somebody else?” – RuPaul

We live in a world that tells us to put our own needs last and that we need to seek validation from other people.
You may have heard “you have to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you,” and I’m here to say that this rule is really true! Self-love is essential for creating any healthy (emphasis on healthy), sustainable relationship with another person or people.
If you scoff at this principle, let me explain why it’s legit. Think of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, which essentially qualifies what we need in order to survive and thrive as humans, starting with basic biological needs like drinking water and eating food, all the way up to self-actualization, or fulfilling your goals and seeking personal growth. What I want to emphasize here is that you have to take care of your own needs in all of these areas before you can take care of anyone else’s, and that’s the entire premise behind this tool. You can’t be expected to grow food for others if you’re starving yourself, or keep someone safe if you’re in danger. You have to take care of you, first and foremost!
Another way of looking at this would be the safety instructions you hear when you fly on an airplane about oxygen masks. You probably already know them without me telling you, but the flight attendants will always tell you to put your own mask on before you assist others around you. The same principle applies to love.
See what I mean? Love is a need that we all have, but we can’t expect other people to give us love if we aren’t giving it to ourselves. You also can’t expect to truly love another until you love and accept yourself; you can’t give what you don’t have.
Self-love isn’t something that we can really measure, but there are some common indicators you can look for to see if you’re loving yourself enough:
Do you constantly find yourself in relationships with abusive or unappreciative people?
Do you find yourself usually being the one who is more interested in other people?
Do you wonder why people don’t flock to you?
Do you feel like you’ve been stabbed in the heart if someone criticizes you?
Can you not bear the thought of someone not liking you?
Answering yes to more than a few of these questions indicates that you probably need a healthy dose of self-love! If that’s the case, don’t beat yourself up or feel bad about not fully appreciating yourself — it’s not your fault. We live in a world that tells us to put our own needs last and that we need to seek validation from other people. It’s only natural that so many of us feel like we don’t measure up.
We can all work on loving ourselves a little, or a lot, more than we do now. Here are a few tips on how you can bring some more self-love into your life:

1. Say “I Love You.”
I read a lot about people who do a certain exercise: You look into a mirror, into your own eyes, and say “I love you” to yourself. It probably will feel silly or embarrassing at first, but doing this consistently for a few weeks or a month is sure to bring about some internal shift. Why shouldn’t we tell ourselves that we’re loved, especially when we’ll do the same for others almost without thinking?

2. Find Out All The Ways You’re Awesome
If you’re struggling to find lovable qualities about yourself, literally sit down and make a list of all the ways you rock. Think about all of your positive attributes, characteristics, charitable acts, talents, skills, and achievements. You can even keep a running list that you add to and look at when you’re feeling down.

3. Use Your Own Love Language
You may have heard of the Five Love Languages, which is a book and theory created by Gary Chapman that says there is a method of communication that you respond to best in receiving love. Although it’s usually thought of as being a methodology to use for couples, there’s no reason you can’t use it yourself! For instance, my love language is quality time, so if I want to show myself some love, I’ll spend some quality time with myself, engaging in activities that fulfill me and uplift me. One way I do this is by taking a day off in the middle of the week that I can use for fun and restoration.

4. Pump Yourself Up
A great way to reinforce your own self-love is to do things you’re good at and enjoy doing. It could be anything from going for a run to writing a poem, anything that gets your juices flowing and you feel passionate about. I guarantee it will help you to gain clarity in how lovable you are!

5. Use Affirmations
Finally, a great way to get into the self-love flow is to use affirmations on a regular basis, and put positive self-talk into your subconscious mind. You could write them down, say them aloud, or just think them to yourself. The point is to say things to and about yourself that are positive in order to shape your mindset in a positive direction.
Remember, the most important thing is to honor yourself, before anyone else, and in whatever way you find resonates with you the most.
Happy self-loving!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook:

Gay Dating and the Impact of Social Media

There are no qualms about it…we live in a digital world now where technology is king and information and immediate gratification is readily available with the click of a button.

It’s even impacted our dating and sex lives.
In a matter of seconds, you can pull up a slew of pornographic images to what your sexual appetite or peruse a gay dating site to scan for potential matches with your cell phone or laptop when you’re on a break from work or traveling home on a subway. It’s that easy now!
But with this quick accessibility and push-button mentality, does it really serve the needs and ultimate prognosis for those single gay men who are seeking a soul mate for a long-term partnership?
Can you find love on Facebook? Is and all those other dating sites the answer?
Let’s do an examination of the pros and cons of using social media in your dating efforts to see how it shapes up.

The pros of social media as a dating platform:
In a busy, hectic society when we have little time available to go out socially, if we live in a rural area with lack of access to a visible gay community and find it difficult to decipher who’s gay versus straight when out on the town, social media makes for a great leveraging tool to meet other single gay men.
While we are a lot more “out” and visible than ever before, social media has expanded opportunities for us to meet other men in a way we have never been able to before and has increased the odds of connecting with our single gay cohorts.
Social media has made it possible to get to know someone before actually meeting in person, allowing us to screen for compatibility and saving us time and energy in the process.
As long as this process isn’t too extended, this is a great time management asset.
It’s also a great way to break the ice and can be a good resource for shy guys to practice their social skills.
And let’s face it, it’s titillating! It’s another forum for flirting, confidence-building and revving up the excitement and anticipation of meeting.
But there’s also an inherent risk to this if you’re not careful, as you’ll soon see below.

“Avoid becoming dependent
on one particular dating platform.”

The cons:
Social media is more impersonal and less threatening than face-to-face interactions, therefore it makes one more susceptible to saying or doing things he might not in person and could sabotage a potentially good thing.
Social media has the tendency to accelerate the dating process (or cause it to come to a crashing halt!) if one isn’t cautious.
Because we haven’t met the guy in person to really see his true self, we can begin to build up a fantasy of him in our heads of what we’d like him to be.
Then one or two scenarios can happen:
One, once you meet him in person and the fantasy doesn’t match the reality, all the hopes of a match come crashing down and makes for a very awkward encounter.
Secondly, the fantasy can create an erotic charge that prematurely speeds up the relationship process.
Pacing rituals and the courtship process get thwarted because the connection can get sexualized and boundaries are more likely to get compromised.
What could’ve had a promising future results in a mere hookup situation because a foundation for a relationship didn’t have the chance to properly be established before introducing sex into the equation.
That’s why a great majority of the gay social networking sites are so sexualized. These businesses have capitalized on the fantasy aspect and are raking in millions of dollars because of their recognition of this vulnerability.
And research has shown social media has increased the opportunity and incidence of cheating and affairs for those already in relationships.
Social media can also make communication difficult. The written word in texts or chats can easily be misinterpreted and a lot of erroneous assumptions could be made that might sabotage something from getting off the ground.
Like attorney’s say, “Anything you say in writing can and will be used against you in court.”
Technology can be so easy and addicting that we might be more impulsive and reckless in what we say than we ordinarily would.

So what’s your stance?
Ultimately, you will have to make a personal decision about the role you want social media to play in your dating life after contemplating these (and other) pros and cons.
We are positioning ourselves for loss of human connection and social skill adequacy by relying on technology for our socialization if we’re not careful.
However, by exercising boundaries and good judgment, social media could actually enhance our lives and dating opportunities if used in the right way.
You’ll want to do your due diligence when researching various social networking sites to ensure they market to love and friendship instead of a sexual hookup-based aim if finding a long-term relationship is your modus operandi.
And in the dating world, it will be important to avoid becoming dependent on one particular dating platform to meet your needs. Spread yourself around to a variety of different venues so you have more reach, visibility and opportunities.
What has your experience been like with social media and dating? What are some of your favorite platforms that are truly relationship-minded?

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook:

2016 is a Great Year for Gay Dating


OK, so we’re a little late. Happy New Year, and all that stuff. Now let’s get into something more exciting: gay dating. If you’ve been in a rut for a long time and you’re just not sure about getting back in the dating pool, we have one thing to say to you: JUST DO IT!

No, we’re not trying to mock classic advertising slogans. If you’re dreaming about Nikes, that’s your problem. We’re just here to remind you that the person looking back at you in the mirror is a worthy person, and somebody really craves a chance to date you. It might not seem that way — especially for our gay friends in small towns where it feels like you’re the only gay person around. Remember that you’re probably one of the few that have had the courage to stand up and draw attention to the fact that they are indeed gay. There could be dozens more that aren’t ready to come out yet. You should never force someone to come out in order to interact with you, but you can be part of their support system. That matters more than anything else in the world. You just need to make sure that you’re thinking about their happiness too — talk it out and see what stage they’re at. If you’re not where you want to be, seriously consider relocating. There are plenty of gay friendly places around that don’t cost nearly as much as you think. A bigger city can reveal more dating prospects.
If you’re stuck in a rut and you feel like you’re just never going to find the right person to settle down with, answer this: are you honestly looking for someone that’s worth being with? Are you looking for a real relationship, or just a sexual escapade to pass the time? Far too often young gay men confuse the two, and that’s not a good thing either. There is something to be said about waiting to see the relationship develop before you have sex with someone else.
You need to seriously consider dating again, because it has so many benefits. When you’re dating and you feel really good about a new person, it can feel like everything is right in the world. Sure, breaking up is painful but who says that the next relationship won’t last? You have control over that, as long as you don’t give up your control to someone else.
The more thought you put into your gay dating needs, the better off you will be.

Is online dating a good thing for gay men? We think so, but you’re going to want to make sure that you are being as cautious as possible. Make sure that you are meeting in a public place with anyone that wants to see you. Just taking them back to your room could be dangerous — you just never know what anyone’s intentions really are. It could be something that’s really dangerous.
You still want to hold an online date to the same type of standers that you would expect from someone that you want to date in your very own town that you grew up around. You want kindness, understanding, respect, dedication and dignity. That’s something that everyone else wants. There’s no need to feel like it’s impossible to do what you really want in life. 
Everyone deserves love and affection.
It can feel like a long road to honestly find someone that’s worth going out with. Hate to break it to you, but gay dating can be just as complicated as straight dating. Don’t think that just because we’re all gay here that there’s some magical fairy that will just put the right person into your path. You have to go out there and get to know people. Think about some similar interests that you might want to share with someone that. This is the key to finding what you honestly want. That’s the only way that you’re going to connect everything together. It’s tempting to just throw up your hands and say that you won’t be able to get what you truly desire. But you know what? Quitting doesn’t care about your sexual preference — can you really accept just closing the door on all of the possibilities?

Think about it. Good luck!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook:

Top Rules For Successful Gay Dating

The words rules and gay should ideally never appear together in the same sentence. For better or for worse, I do believe in rules, if only because I want to know them before I break them.

Here in L.A., we are blessed with the gift of unlimited options. During the winter, we have the choice of heading to the mountains to ski , the beach for some sun or to the valleys for some wine tasting. When we order our dinner, we can choose the dressing on the side, gluten free, egg whites only, hold the bread please- option from the menu.
So, when it comes all the options in the gay world of dating, why do we often forget that even have options available at all?
For example:
We date a guy who is super hot- but has no job.
We date a guy who only wants an open relationship- because we fear of being alone.
And last but not least,
We date a guy who will (not) come out to his family and would like to keep your relationship a secret. 

All of these options are self destructive and can only lead to heartbreak. So why do we continue to sell ourselves short?  Are we incapable of deciphering the right and wrong path to take when it comes to the matters of the heart?
To help everyone out, I have decided that I will share with you my “Top Rules For Successful Gay Dating”
  • Rule 1. “Let Go Of the Past”

    Every gay man has stories about “coming out”, childhood, family, fear and broken hearts. These are things that color our past but often get confused with what defines us today. It is important to take what has happened to us in the past and use it as knowledge and wisdom and not for something that completely defines who we are and what we are capable of.
    Starting today… let go and create a clean slate in your life. This is so important to be happy not only in your life- but in your relationships.

  • Rule 2. “Be A Gentleman”

    There is nothing sexier to me than when a guy is well mannered. You can have all the money in the world or be extremely good looking- but if you are an asshole- that is all I will see.  So try holding a door open, saying please or thank you- “be courteous”!
    The art of being a Gentleman is long forgotten art and if you can sprinkle it into your life, it will become one of the most attractive things about you.

  • Rule 3.  “Be Chivalrous”

    They often say “Chivalry Is Dead” which I ninety percent agree with. So this is your chance to (as Cher would say) TURN BACK TIME!
    Be the guy who shows up to a date dressed up and not in a t-shirt. Be the guy who opens the car door and surprises their date with their favorite restaurant.
    All these little things matter, and they are important to having a healthy relationship. If you do not channel your inner Mr. Darcy, you will never win over the heart of a good man.

  • Rule 4. “Test Drive, Just Don’t Buy Car”

    We often talk about sex as gay men. How can we not- we are men. It’s in our DNA to be aggressive, alpha and sexual. But when it comes to deciding if we should put out on the first date- its best to slow things down or just be another statistic.
    Sure- sexual attraction is often overwhelming. Half the time I have been on dates all I can think of is how I want to rip the guys clothes off. But this mindset is once again self-destructive behavior.
    Im not saying you can’t make out or heck even do a little dry humping. But just don’t buy the car on our first test drive! If you want the relationship, hold off.
    It’s kind of sexy to build the tension anyway.

  • Rule 5. “Be Assertive”

    Last but not least, be assertive. There is no bigger turn off than a man that cannot commit to a timely follow up. If you like the guy- tell him. Plan the next time you want to see them.
    In a world with technology that enables us to communicate in ten different ways- there is absolutely no excuse to tell you date you had a great time and that you want to see them again.
    If you continue to be the guy who waits till Wednesday for a Saturday plan- you’ll be the guy alone till he is 80 years old.

Incidentally, all these same rules apply to when you are asking someone out (or being asked)on a first date too- so don’t get it confused. Assertiveness should rule all aspects of “committing” to your dating schedule.
Don’t be a flake!
Okay folks, there it is- my Top Rules For Successful Gay Dating.
I beg you to start instituting them immediately and I promise you they will change your love life. They are a simple start to a long-term plan we have to bring happiness back into your life and weeding out all the creeps that keep making their way into dating diet.
Have Fun!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook:

Gay Dating: Are You Dating a Psycho Obsessive Stalker?

No one wants to date a psycho. The relationship will be frustrating, and even worse, you could put yourself and the people around you at risk. Unfortunately, there are plenty of nutjobs online.
It seemed like such a great romance. He was just your type and the mutual attraction was instantaneous. Dates were filled with laughter, stories, and a refreshing honesty. You were sure he was the guy you’d been looking for.
Well, eventually you broke up, and in this highly connected age that’s rarely the end of the story. During our lonely days and nights we wonder what the ex is doing, think about ways to meet the hunky new guy we saw at the gym, or just want to cruise online and see what handsome snack we might meet. And suddenly, without even realizing it, we become a dreaded psycho-homo.
Don’t believe it? The folks at Wet—that’s right, the lubricant company — took a poll to study people’s behavior on social networks. Check out the results:

Of the respondents…
• 29% admitted they never stop checking up on their ex using Facebook. 
• Over 20% said they’ve checked up on a crush’s whereabouts using a social networking site, and then gone to that location to “bump into them.”
• 54% have “friended” a mutual friend they haven’t met, simply based on appearance.

For those of you in a relationship…
• 34% worry about what their partner does online when they’re not around.

And for those you who don’t think there’s anything wrong with the above psycho-homo behavior…
• 32% were scared off by how quickly someone they met added them as a friend on Facebook.

While it’s no surprise that you need to be careful about what you post on Facebook or Twitter, these numbers show that keeping your personal info to a minimum (or blocking certain people’s access to that info) can save you from unnecessary drama. Indeed, it can mean the difference between moving on or feeling safe, and feeling like you have to move out of town.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Like us on Facebook:

Dating Tips for Gay Men Over 40


Dating can be hard enough at times, but the situation can be made that much more challenging for those single gay men who represent the age 40 and up crowd. In a society where youth and beauty are highly valued, many middle-aged men report feeling segregated and unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and sustain relationships with potential dating prospects.

The problem can seem even more compounded in the gay community in which the emphasis on youth and brawn is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel undesirable and like outsiders within gay circles. They feel unwanted and that their age hinders them and limits the pool of men available to them for dating, particularly when they report being rejected by men in their own cohort for younger guys.

Ageism, or discrimination against someone because of his age, plagues many different layers of our culture—and it also can and does rear its ugly head in the gay dating world. This “over-the-hill” mentality is very damaging, robbing us of the opportunity to really experience life, take risks toward goals, and make the most of what we have (if we let it!). This case is illustrated in the comment of a former 29-year old client: “I turn 30 later this year and then I officially am old! I’ll never have a boyfriend now! I feel like my life is over and it’s all downhill from here on out!”

It is hoped that this article will prove all that wrong and provide you with some tips for maximizing your midlife dating success! While the reality is that ageism does exist and there are obstacles in the dating jungle (at any age), these hurdles do not have to dictate the outcome of your love-life. In actuality, your stage-of-life puts you in an advantageous position to conquer this adversity. With your life experience and history, you probably have a greater repertoire of coping skills, resiliency, sense of self, assertiveness, self-esteem, and an expansive support system and resources. This will take you far and makes you a very good catch!

So let’s push aside those fears that you won’t be able to attract someone after you reach a certain age. Let’s destroy that stereotype that all older gay men are unhappy, lonely, and camp out at the local strip bar every night “trolling.” It’s nonsense! YOU make your life what you want it to be and “you’re only as old as you feel”, as the “old” saying goes. Midlife is sexy! And here are seven tips to help boost your dating success as a 40+ single gay man to enhance your readiness for a relationship!

No matter what your age, this is the most critical first step. It’s very important that you take the time to develop a clear and vivid image of who you are and what you want out of your life, including your dating life. Are you seeking a long-term relationship and a life partner or just casual dating? What does the rest of your life look like? What would your ideal partner be like and how would your relationship function?
Your answers to such questions will help give you the direction you need to accomplish your goals, giving you a measuring stick to keep you on track and assess your status. How much of a gap exists between your idealized vision and your current reality?
Do the work that’s needed to bridge that gap and begin the process of identifying your needs, differentiating between those that are negotiable and non-negotiable so you can more adequately screen future dating partners for their suitability with your vision.

Erik Erickson is best known in the psychology field as having developed eight stages of psychosocial human development that we all pass through as we age through the lifespan. Every age group has its own unique challenges and developmental tasks to conquer before being able to successfully move on to the next stage. According to this theory, such hallmarks that exist for the middle-aged man include nurturing close relationships, career management, household maintenance, creativity, and commitment to family and the community. Having a sense of purpose and passion and being able to impact the world with one’s talents is a central feature.

As gay men, many of our developmental tasks were skipped or neglected because of our retreat to “the closet” in coping with the homophobic society we live in. Successful integration of your gay identity into your sense of self allows you to then address those developmental tasks that were suspended until you were ready. So the next step for you is explore any developmental tasks that still require mastery from earlier years and start working at them. For example, a middle-aged man who comes out later in life will likely experience the adolescent tasks of exploring his sexuality and practicing man-to-man relationship skills, causing him to feel like a teenager again. Perfectly normal in gay male development, no matter what your age!
And then the next step for your success is to discover something that you can do that will give you a sense of meaning and purpose and begin to express that. Find your calling and live it out. This will be your legacy of sorts and is a great way to solidify your identity. This will help anchor you during your dating trials and can be one of the top ways of meeting a compatible partner. Your passion and “zest for life” will be magnetic and you’ll likely be meeting others with similar interests and philosophies in the venues you pursue.

The illustrious “midlife crisis” strikes those men who experience anxiety and apprehension at realizing they’ve lived half their lives and begin to question and contemplate what they’ve accomplished in their lives thus far, fearing that not much time is left to live their visions.
Midlife is the perfect time to revisit your original vision and tweak it so it more accurately reflects who you are now and the man you’d still like to become. Reframe this time in your life as a time for growth and opportunity, not something to be abhorred. You have control over shaping your life into something spectacular and fulfilling!
Midlife is sexy!   Here’s Part 2 of the seven tips to help boost your dating success as a 40+ single gay man to enhance your readiness for a relationship!

What we say to ourselves impacts our mood and behavior. The “monster in your head” is that little voice that whispers (and sometimes screams) negative statements about yourself and the world around you. Our internal dialogue impacts whether we look at life through a lens of optimism and hope versus pessimism and negativity.
Examine your self-talk as it pertains to being middle-aged and your views on dating and gay men. Create a list of all the thoughts that come to mind about these topics unedited. If you have such thoughts as “I’m too old to find love”, “All the good ones are taken”, “I’m going to be all alone”, or “Nobody will find me attractive, I’m 50!” then your monster needs an ass-kicking.

Don’t fall into the trap of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Begin creating a list of counter-statements or affirmations that will defeat this negative thinking. The more you believe these myths about midlife dating, the more you are setting yourself up for sabotage and it’s important to begin challenging these beliefs by taking stock of true-life success stories or by taking risks and creating your own triumphant victory. Refuse to be held victim to such deprecating thoughts and start developing a mindset around midlife as a positive time in your life to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

There’s no point becoming preoccupied with your youth “in the days gone by.” You’re as young as you feel and resisting the fact that life changes will only keep you arrested in your development and is a recipe for unhappiness and regret. Learn to accept all the physical and emotional changes that accompany midlife and be proud of who you are and your story.
Do your best to reduce ageism and ensure that you yourself are not behaving in ways that perpetuate this type of discrimination. For example, if you utilize personal ads as a venue for seeking dating partners, make sure you are honest about all aspects of yourself and don’t fudge on your age. This will increase your odds of attracting more compatible people responding to your ad; remember, it’s quality and not the quantity of your responses.

Where do you meet other quality guys?! No matter what your age, this is one of the most common questions surrounding dating and it all boils down to your vision and values. While picking up other men in bars could be a viable approach, it’s a difficult setting to do so because there are so many guys to have to sift through and screen to determine their suitability with your vision for a life partner.
The key is to match your values, needs, preferences, and life purpose with a venue that has some of these qualities and characteristics. This way, you’re surrounded by other men who share at least some semblance of your vision; that makes you one step closer to possibly finding someone who’d be a “good fit.” Examples might be volunteering for a worthy cause or advocacy center, joining a support group, participating in a sporting club, becoming active in a gay-friendly church, signing on to a personal ads site that caters to the middle-aged crowd, etc. The possibilities are endless, but self-knowledge about your vision and passions is a critical key to its success.

Nothing helps you through the trials and tribulations of dating better than a solid support system of friends and people who care about you. Invest in current and new relationships with friends and family to give you that boost and sense of connection that we all need. Make sure to look for other midlife gay men who display positive dating lifestyles or older gay couples who can be looked upon as role models to keep them visible in your mind and to help motivate you to see the possibilities that abound. You could even become a mentor yourself to a younger gay man to “give back” in some way and form other positive alliances.

Dating is not a passive activity. You must be proactive and go after what you want or the likelihood of success is minimized. Develop a strong resource bank of dating skills and behaviors that will promote the chances of more positive outcomes. Strengthen your social skills, build more assertiveness and comfort with boundaries, enhance your self-esteem and body image, resolve unfinished business from the past, and get yourself into good physical and emotional shape. Get yourself armed and ready for love!
Conclusion – Gay dating success can be yours in midlife, and at any age! By incorporating these seven steps into your dating plan, you’re well on your way to increasing the odds of success. Know yourself, develop a positive and optimistic mindset, build your repertoire of dating skills and behaviors, and live your life to the fullest! This can be the best time of your life; don’t waste another minute!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

How to Use The Power of Tease

Not everyone can be Casanova, though there are many guys who try to. If you’ve ever been in the gay dating world, you probably have seen your fair share. They’re the ones who try too hard to impress you, have witty pick up lines that are unoriginal, and are blindsided to criticism. But stop kidding yourself, you’re no Casanova either my friend.
We’ve all had those experiences we wish we could rewind. A really bad date, a lost opportunity, that time you gave the creepy hot guy a “wrong” number. Listen, the first thing we ought to do if we really want to meet a genuine boyfriend is be honest with ourselves. It’s not always going to be like the movies. There really is an art to flirting. It’s a skill that constantly needs fine tuning, and one of the proven techniques with the greatest success rate is the “tease.”

Not everyone can do this correctly. In fact, it’s my recommendation – if you aren’t so confident in your delivery – to practice it every day before you truly attempt it on someone you really want to get to know. Get it in your body. Tease every one you meet. Guys, girls, co-workers, baristas, get in the habit and start building your own individualized style. It’s all about your personal touch, which is why it’s best to shy away from those post-dated “How To” books.
This is 2015. Gay men are changing and we’re looking for funny/down to earth, not uptight/flaccid. Teasing is a winning strategy. Period. But first, you need to know how.

Developing Your “Funny” Bone
Before we talk about certain aspects of teasing, let’s talk about the comedy which carries it. You probably already know if comedy is your strong suit or not. If you don’t by at least your 20s, take a minute to review past experiences. I’ve known plenty of people in my life who think they’re the funniest person alive, yet they still are the only one laughing at their jokes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very beautiful thing that we all have our own sense of humor, but the truth is, there is a universal language of humor. Funny is funny!
Even if your sense of humor doesn’t match up with someone else’s, there is at least an appreciation of the subtextual comedy. If you’re at a party, and you’re the only one laughing at your jokes, develop a new strategy. The best way of going about this is to incorporate other people in your joke. Once you do that, you’ve just mastered the beginning of a great tease. If you’re not so confident in your wits, here are some tips to help bring your inner “comedy” out:
  • Leave the “Stand Up Comedy” on the stage – Be genuine and authentic with yourself. All the “technical” yada-yada forms of joke telling that most of us try to emulate from our favorite comedians most likely will not work at a party or other social event. This is when you need to just be a funny person, not act. Don’t try and be a character.
  • Show Yourself In a Positive Light – No one wants to date an A$$hole. If your form of humor is raunchy and dirty, make sure it is funny and doesn’t single a person out or offend people, unless your really really really funny. Remember, when you are at a social gathering with people whom you’ve never met, this will be their first impression. First impressions set the basis for the entire relationship.
  • Body Contact – Sometimes it takes more than our personality to make people laugh. Teasing is all about breaking one’s bubble. Touch people’s shoulder, push them playfully, elbow them. But don’t be too aggressive and whatever you do, DON’T take it to the highest level which is putting them in a head lock thinking they’ll laugh, or pushing them in the pool hoping they’ll forgive you.
  • Build Up – Don’t immediately go in for the punch line or the big finish or the over the top “Tada” moments of the night. Let it build up. This, in itself, is a tease. Start with a little less intensity than you think you should, after that, gradually allow the humor to enhance. This will give you the time to feel out the crowd.

Teasing 101
Okay. Now that we know the seed, let’s get to know the rest of it. Teasing is all about language and action. But if you haven’t taped in to your inner “Funny Bone,” it will only read apologetically which is why it’s important to get to know your sense of humor. Here are some Prize-winning, ultra fabulous, sure-fire tactics to teasing:

Name Calling
Aha! This is always a winner. If done right, it will always put a smile to someone’s face and leave them curious about you. Think of juvenile words like “Nerd” or “Punk” or “Spaz” or “Brat.” Now use it in a sentence,
  • “You are such a dork.”
  • “You’re such a little brat!”
  • “Oh my god. Stop being a nerd.”
  • “Oh tell me something I don’t know, genius.”
These phrases can take someone aback, because it shows that you aren’t trying too hard to impress which will relax them, plus it shows that you’re fun. Remember, always end with a smile.

Point Out Physical Traits
When you see a guy from afar that you want to connect with, start scanning him (as if you weren’t already). Try and find physical characteristics that stick out that you can use later on when you get to know him. You can even incorporate the “name calling” bit from above into the mix with things like,
  • “Hey freckles, how’s it hangin?”
  • “Woah! Another Ginger, thank God. Yay for chromosomes!”
  • “How’s the heat up there, BFG?”
One important thing that you must remember is the take-back. This is when you redirect these same phsyical characteristics in a positive light. The take-back usually happens a couple hours into the first initial meeting. These are meant to be compliments, but don’t make it too cheesy. Things like,
  • “I was just kidding earlier. Your eyes don’t really look like a pug’s.”
  • “You have the cutest dimples. Are they real?”
  • “I love your laugh. For the rest of the night, I’m calling you giggles.”
You can even incorporate all of the above with things like,
  • “Your arms are huge. Watch out, Captain Planet over here.”
  • “You’re glasses are so cute. Did you just come from a Mathletes meeting?”
  • “Love the suspenders. Where’s your pocket protector?”
  • “Wow you’re a tall drink of water, how’s the humidity up there?”

Mimic, Mock, and Make Up
Be careful with this one. Never do it as the first tactic, it will always end badly no matter how cool you think they are. If delivered too early, he will see it as a competition of come-backs and try to one-up you in a bad way, instead of a playful tease. Think of body language. When you hear or see him do something big or inflected, grasp the opportunity.
Put your hands on your hips and mimik his voice. For example if he says something like, “I don’t want to do that,” put your hands on your hips, make a goofy face and repeat, “I don’t want to do that…” in an exagerated way. Jump on it before anyone else has a chance to overstep you.
If you mock him, don’t do it in a frustrating undertone. Instead, think of it as a game of sarcasm and talk to him like a child. Things like,
  • “I think you’re a bit too young/old for this conversation.”
  • “Oh please! There’s the discovery of the century. Call Matt Lauer!”
  • “Stop the press. You’re killing me with all this knowledge.”
  • “Is that what they’re teaching you in grade school?”
Mocking can also be a great way to let him know a bit about you, while at the same time bringing him closer. Role playing, fake arguments, then making up will always grab his attention:
  • “We’ll never get along. We both like plaid.”
  • “You’re from LA, I’m from Jersey. We can never date, it’s the law.”
  • “You like South Park?Aaaand… when are we getting married?”
  • “Stop trying to get in my pants, I’m Mormon for God sake!”
  • “I was thinking of our adopted children. We should get one from China and the other from Russia.”
  • “Wow. You’re sassy. That’s hot.”
  • “…. oh. Well too bad for you I just became Asexual.”

Gay Gaymes
These can be super fun, and they usually have the best outcome at house parties or dive bars. These are the cheesy games that you and him can make fun, but only if you instigate it. Staring contests, Dance-offs, thumb wrestling, Trivia questions. These are all great ideas. Get him enthusiastic by saying things like,
  • “I’m so gonna kick your ass.”
  • “I’ve never lost a game of checkers.”
  • “I hold the record at Harvest Christian Academy.”
  • “You totally suck at this.”
  • “Wow, you’re so fired.”
  • “Come on, what are you scared? (cluck, cluck, cluck).”
The most important part is to make him laugh at himself, then and only then, will you be able to get inside his head. Teasing is only a part of flirting, but not all of it. It’s crucial to know that there should be many layers to you during this time. Don’t ALWAYS be teasing, you need to show a softer side as well.
Once everything is done, the next day, text him. Tell him that you had a great time and that you never had more fun winning/losing a staring contest in your life.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Gay Dating: The Old Fashioned Way

It’s time to throw away your iPods…

Telling single gay guys to stay offline for a week is hard. When you don’t have a man to keep you company, the only thing you have is the uneventful, yet ever exciting, world of social media. For those who are actively searching for Mr. Right, it tends to be one of the first places we go. Apps and online dating sites are the fastest growing strategies to make yourself known in the dating pond, so much so that it’s become nearly impossible to find a man the old fashioned way.
I live in New York City, a place I like to call the town of top hats because no matter where you look, you’ll always see the top of someone’s hat as they’re casually looking down to check their phone. In a city where technology reigns supreme, it’s difficult to make a connection. How can we reignite the sparks organically? How can we can find the type of love we read about in novels and watch on movies? How can we be able to spot someone from the other side of the subway and find the nerve to make the first move? It’s easy.
I challenge every single gay men everywhere to the test. Throw away your phones and iPods for an entire week. Let yourself BE in the place where you are. Open your eyes to the strangers passing by and the sounds, textures, and sensations you often see but never acknowledge. Once you do that, you can allow yourself the freedom to feel with no distractions.
It’s important to stay present. We hear this all the time but I’m afraid some guys misinterpret what it means. It’s not about paying attention to what you’re doing right now, i.e. tying your shoe, walking down the street, or buying a cup of coffee. It’s about existing, feeling and living in the present tense rather than what happened yesterday or what could happen tomorrow.

Here’s the best way to stay present: create a protective sphere around your thoughts with a 30-second limit on either side. If you’re going to think about anything in the past or future, don’t let it exceed 30 seconds backward or forward. Keep yourself alive with what’s happening around you NOW. If you do that, you can’t help but have peace because it forces you to live in the moment rather than future expectations or past regret. It keeps your eyes and ears open to opportunities which lay directly ahead.
One thing that’s mandatory is to take out your earplugs, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Give yourself freedom to hear, acknowledge, and react to the world. When you see someone with white strings coming out of their ears, it’s a sign they don’t want to be bothered. Let yourself at least look available. You don’t need to look around waiting for someone to start conversation because, chances are, they won’t. Conversations take a while to start, which is what brings me to my other point.

Stop looking pissed off all the time. There are definitely people with Resting Bitch Face, but there are also those who acquire it by accident. They see everyone else doing it, so they end up joining the regime. Everyone around you seems to be disinterested, so you might as well be too. I say, who gives f**k what everyone else is doing. Lift your head and inspire people to do the same. Be the person who opens the door for both men and women, be the one who makes eye contact with a smile, and make the world feel good. When they feel good, you’ll feel good. And when you feel good, you welcome more good into your life.
Let yourself be the man you are without cover up. Go out in public with no hair product or “help.” It’s more freeing than you think, and the best part is if a man finds you attractive when you’re wearing nothing, imagine how we’ll feel when you look your best. Everyone is guilty of apologizing for themselves. I know the second my clothes come off in bed, I cover up the problem areas with my hands and try not to make his eyes gaze there. But then I realize, what am I doing? He knows what I look like. If he wasn’t okay with it, he wouldn’t be in my apartment. If he saw me without “help” it’s pretty much a guarantee there’s no excuse to apologize. But when he sees it for the first time, there’s a bigger need to apologize, so why not let him see the real you from the get go.

One of the most important rules of all is to grow some courage and be direct. When we get nervous, we tend to beat around the bush. We want to feel the sparks rather than turn them into fireworks. We begin speaking to a gorgeous man but rather than getting his phone number, we often walk away before we let ourselves reap the moment. Even if we do receive his number, we’re too scared to take it another step. Be proactive in your discussions. Give a time and place. Don’t ask him where he wants to go (unless of course he has some allergies to consider). The conversation will never end if you keep it open-ended. The location is not important. Trust me, you want to meet him again so you both can feel that spark.
Something like, “Are you busy Friday night? There’s a great restaurant on 76th and Amsterdam I’d love to take you. Want to meet there at 7?” is direct and to the point. You can wash your hands with everything else and begin to focus on the connection rather than awkward pauses. It’s easier than you think, and if you stay present within your 30-second limit, the fear slowly melts away.

Everyone has control over their destiny. I’m not a believer in preordained futures. Our destinies aren’t mapped out for us at an early age, but the blue print is set by our abilities to act on them. Nothing will get done so long as we imagine it. Finding love isn’t a solo, so hang up your shoes and find your partner! But first, you need to find the courage to dance.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Are You Pressured to Have Sex on the First Date?

I have to say it’s rare for me not have sex on the first date, though it does happen from time to time. I’m still unsure why. Perhaps it’s rare for me to meet a man I connect with on a level beyond sex, which usually makes me want to wait. Whatever it is, I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my chastity belt tightened. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because men in general love sex or if it’s because gay men as a whole have come to expect it.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to look good, feel good, and be good at everything. When it comes to love and romance, there’s tremendous pressure to make a good impression the first time out.
I don’t know about you, but sex is no longer a taboo topic for me. I can’t tell you how many friends try to shock me with raunchy sex talk. They expect me to be frazzled, when, really, it’s not a big deal. Now that Grindr and other online sites try to make casual encounters convenient, sex is at the forefront of our minds and it often never leaves. There’s always going to be consequences when sex becomes expected. Are we slowly desensitizing ourselves from allowing an emotional connection to ripen?
We’ve become victims of our own success. Telling a gay guy to wait until the second, third, even fourth date is like throwing a ball to a cocker spaniel and not expecting him to fetch. Where did this pressure come from? In many ways we’re answering our own biological need for it, but at the same time there are huge social expectations rooted from countless of stereotypes the gay community has fallen victim to within the last few decades. Choosing to wait until the time is right is no longer respectable, but weird.

Sex is a way of getting the questions out of the way. We’re on a date with a man and before we find out if we’re emotionally compatible, we need to know if we’re sexually compatible. What would be the worst thing to happen if everyone decides to not give in to the pressure for once? My guess is the person we’re on a date with will take it personally. He’ll likely feel that it’s his fault we didn’t want to have sex, that he’s not attractive enough, or that perhaps the date didn’t go as well as he thought. Why? Because we’ve associated sex with validation.
Sex has turned into an acknowledgment of our worth. It’s as if our opinion is totally left out of the equation. Being denied sex is more traumatic to our ego than almost anything in the world because our culture has turned it into value. If no sex happens at the end of the first date, we end up convincing ourselves it’s because we don’t deserve it. You might think I’m being dramatic, but trust me, there are plenty of guys who think this way. And it’s not their fault.

At the end of the day, we’re all adults. No one is in control of our bodies and to hell with anyone who thinks they are. We should never feel obligated to have sex with anyone because we think it’s expected. You might not believe me, but a man with self-control is way sexier than a man with none. When push comes to shove, it’s not the sex that gets you a second date – it’s the passion behind it.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us: