Dating Tips for Gay Men Over 40


Dating can be hard enough at times, but the situation can be made that much more challenging for those single gay men who represent the age 40 and up crowd. In a society where youth and beauty are highly valued, many middle-aged men report feeling segregated and unappreciated in dating pools, making it difficult to meet and sustain relationships with potential dating prospects.

The problem can seem even more compounded in the gay community in which the emphasis on youth and brawn is amplified, causing many mature gay men to feel undesirable and like outsiders within gay circles. They feel unwanted and that their age hinders them and limits the pool of men available to them for dating, particularly when they report being rejected by men in their own cohort for younger guys.

Ageism, or discrimination against someone because of his age, plagues many different layers of our culture—and it also can and does rear its ugly head in the gay dating world. This “over-the-hill” mentality is very damaging, robbing us of the opportunity to really experience life, take risks toward goals, and make the most of what we have (if we let it!). This case is illustrated in the comment of a former 29-year old client: “I turn 30 later this year and then I officially am old! I’ll never have a boyfriend now! I feel like my life is over and it’s all downhill from here on out!”

It is hoped that this article will prove all that wrong and provide you with some tips for maximizing your midlife dating success! While the reality is that ageism does exist and there are obstacles in the dating jungle (at any age), these hurdles do not have to dictate the outcome of your love-life. In actuality, your stage-of-life puts you in an advantageous position to conquer this adversity. With your life experience and history, you probably have a greater repertoire of coping skills, resiliency, sense of self, assertiveness, self-esteem, and an expansive support system and resources. This will take you far and makes you a very good catch!

So let’s push aside those fears that you won’t be able to attract someone after you reach a certain age. Let’s destroy that stereotype that all older gay men are unhappy, lonely, and camp out at the local strip bar every night “trolling.” It’s nonsense! YOU make your life what you want it to be and “you’re only as old as you feel”, as the “old” saying goes. Midlife is sexy! And here are seven tips to help boost your dating success as a 40+ single gay man to enhance your readiness for a relationship!

No matter what your age, this is the most critical first step. It’s very important that you take the time to develop a clear and vivid image of who you are and what you want out of your life, including your dating life. Are you seeking a long-term relationship and a life partner or just casual dating? What does the rest of your life look like? What would your ideal partner be like and how would your relationship function?
Your answers to such questions will help give you the direction you need to accomplish your goals, giving you a measuring stick to keep you on track and assess your status. How much of a gap exists between your idealized vision and your current reality?
Do the work that’s needed to bridge that gap and begin the process of identifying your needs, differentiating between those that are negotiable and non-negotiable so you can more adequately screen future dating partners for their suitability with your vision.

Erik Erickson is best known in the psychology field as having developed eight stages of psychosocial human development that we all pass through as we age through the lifespan. Every age group has its own unique challenges and developmental tasks to conquer before being able to successfully move on to the next stage. According to this theory, such hallmarks that exist for the middle-aged man include nurturing close relationships, career management, household maintenance, creativity, and commitment to family and the community. Having a sense of purpose and passion and being able to impact the world with one’s talents is a central feature.

As gay men, many of our developmental tasks were skipped or neglected because of our retreat to “the closet” in coping with the homophobic society we live in. Successful integration of your gay identity into your sense of self allows you to then address those developmental tasks that were suspended until you were ready. So the next step for you is explore any developmental tasks that still require mastery from earlier years and start working at them. For example, a middle-aged man who comes out later in life will likely experience the adolescent tasks of exploring his sexuality and practicing man-to-man relationship skills, causing him to feel like a teenager again. Perfectly normal in gay male development, no matter what your age!
And then the next step for your success is to discover something that you can do that will give you a sense of meaning and purpose and begin to express that. Find your calling and live it out. This will be your legacy of sorts and is a great way to solidify your identity. This will help anchor you during your dating trials and can be one of the top ways of meeting a compatible partner. Your passion and “zest for life” will be magnetic and you’ll likely be meeting others with similar interests and philosophies in the venues you pursue.

The illustrious “midlife crisis” strikes those men who experience anxiety and apprehension at realizing they’ve lived half their lives and begin to question and contemplate what they’ve accomplished in their lives thus far, fearing that not much time is left to live their visions.
Midlife is the perfect time to revisit your original vision and tweak it so it more accurately reflects who you are now and the man you’d still like to become. Reframe this time in your life as a time for growth and opportunity, not something to be abhorred. You have control over shaping your life into something spectacular and fulfilling!
Midlife is sexy!   Here’s Part 2 of the seven tips to help boost your dating success as a 40+ single gay man to enhance your readiness for a relationship!

What we say to ourselves impacts our mood and behavior. The “monster in your head” is that little voice that whispers (and sometimes screams) negative statements about yourself and the world around you. Our internal dialogue impacts whether we look at life through a lens of optimism and hope versus pessimism and negativity.
Examine your self-talk as it pertains to being middle-aged and your views on dating and gay men. Create a list of all the thoughts that come to mind about these topics unedited. If you have such thoughts as “I’m too old to find love”, “All the good ones are taken”, “I’m going to be all alone”, or “Nobody will find me attractive, I’m 50!” then your monster needs an ass-kicking.

Don’t fall into the trap of creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Begin creating a list of counter-statements or affirmations that will defeat this negative thinking. The more you believe these myths about midlife dating, the more you are setting yourself up for sabotage and it’s important to begin challenging these beliefs by taking stock of true-life success stories or by taking risks and creating your own triumphant victory. Refuse to be held victim to such deprecating thoughts and start developing a mindset around midlife as a positive time in your life to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

There’s no point becoming preoccupied with your youth “in the days gone by.” You’re as young as you feel and resisting the fact that life changes will only keep you arrested in your development and is a recipe for unhappiness and regret. Learn to accept all the physical and emotional changes that accompany midlife and be proud of who you are and your story.
Do your best to reduce ageism and ensure that you yourself are not behaving in ways that perpetuate this type of discrimination. For example, if you utilize personal ads as a venue for seeking dating partners, make sure you are honest about all aspects of yourself and don’t fudge on your age. This will increase your odds of attracting more compatible people responding to your ad; remember, it’s quality and not the quantity of your responses.

Where do you meet other quality guys?! No matter what your age, this is one of the most common questions surrounding dating and it all boils down to your vision and values. While picking up other men in bars could be a viable approach, it’s a difficult setting to do so because there are so many guys to have to sift through and screen to determine their suitability with your vision for a life partner.
The key is to match your values, needs, preferences, and life purpose with a venue that has some of these qualities and characteristics. This way, you’re surrounded by other men who share at least some semblance of your vision; that makes you one step closer to possibly finding someone who’d be a “good fit.” Examples might be volunteering for a worthy cause or advocacy center, joining a support group, participating in a sporting club, becoming active in a gay-friendly church, signing on to a personal ads site that caters to the middle-aged crowd, etc. The possibilities are endless, but self-knowledge about your vision and passions is a critical key to its success.

Nothing helps you through the trials and tribulations of dating better than a solid support system of friends and people who care about you. Invest in current and new relationships with friends and family to give you that boost and sense of connection that we all need. Make sure to look for other midlife gay men who display positive dating lifestyles or older gay couples who can be looked upon as role models to keep them visible in your mind and to help motivate you to see the possibilities that abound. You could even become a mentor yourself to a younger gay man to “give back” in some way and form other positive alliances.

Dating is not a passive activity. You must be proactive and go after what you want or the likelihood of success is minimized. Develop a strong resource bank of dating skills and behaviors that will promote the chances of more positive outcomes. Strengthen your social skills, build more assertiveness and comfort with boundaries, enhance your self-esteem and body image, resolve unfinished business from the past, and get yourself into good physical and emotional shape. Get yourself armed and ready for love!
Conclusion – Gay dating success can be yours in midlife, and at any age! By incorporating these seven steps into your dating plan, you’re well on your way to increasing the odds of success. Know yourself, develop a positive and optimistic mindset, build your repertoire of dating skills and behaviors, and live your life to the fullest! This can be the best time of your life; don’t waste another minute!

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!

Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

How to Use The Power of Tease

Not everyone can be Casanova, though there are many guys who try to. If you’ve ever been in the gay dating world, you probably have seen your fair share. They’re the ones who try too hard to impress you, have witty pick up lines that are unoriginal, and are blindsided to criticism. But stop kidding yourself, you’re no Casanova either my friend.
We’ve all had those experiences we wish we could rewind. A really bad date, a lost opportunity, that time you gave the creepy hot guy a “wrong” number. Listen, the first thing we ought to do if we really want to meet a genuine boyfriend is be honest with ourselves. It’s not always going to be like the movies. There really is an art to flirting. It’s a skill that constantly needs fine tuning, and one of the proven techniques with the greatest success rate is the “tease.”

Not everyone can do this correctly. In fact, it’s my recommendation – if you aren’t so confident in your delivery – to practice it every day before you truly attempt it on someone you really want to get to know. Get it in your body. Tease every one you meet. Guys, girls, co-workers, baristas, get in the habit and start building your own individualized style. It’s all about your personal touch, which is why it’s best to shy away from those post-dated “How To” books.
This is 2015. Gay men are changing and we’re looking for funny/down to earth, not uptight/flaccid. Teasing is a winning strategy. Period. But first, you need to know how.

Developing Your “Funny” Bone
Before we talk about certain aspects of teasing, let’s talk about the comedy which carries it. You probably already know if comedy is your strong suit or not. If you don’t by at least your 20s, take a minute to review past experiences. I’ve known plenty of people in my life who think they’re the funniest person alive, yet they still are the only one laughing at their jokes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very beautiful thing that we all have our own sense of humor, but the truth is, there is a universal language of humor. Funny is funny!
Even if your sense of humor doesn’t match up with someone else’s, there is at least an appreciation of the subtextual comedy. If you’re at a party, and you’re the only one laughing at your jokes, develop a new strategy. The best way of going about this is to incorporate other people in your joke. Once you do that, you’ve just mastered the beginning of a great tease. If you’re not so confident in your wits, here are some tips to help bring your inner “comedy” out:
  • Leave the “Stand Up Comedy” on the stage – Be genuine and authentic with yourself. All the “technical” yada-yada forms of joke telling that most of us try to emulate from our favorite comedians most likely will not work at a party or other social event. This is when you need to just be a funny person, not act. Don’t try and be a character.
  • Show Yourself In a Positive Light – No one wants to date an A$$hole. If your form of humor is raunchy and dirty, make sure it is funny and doesn’t single a person out or offend people, unless your really really really funny. Remember, when you are at a social gathering with people whom you’ve never met, this will be their first impression. First impressions set the basis for the entire relationship.
  • Body Contact – Sometimes it takes more than our personality to make people laugh. Teasing is all about breaking one’s bubble. Touch people’s shoulder, push them playfully, elbow them. But don’t be too aggressive and whatever you do, DON’T take it to the highest level which is putting them in a head lock thinking they’ll laugh, or pushing them in the pool hoping they’ll forgive you.
  • Build Up – Don’t immediately go in for the punch line or the big finish or the over the top “Tada” moments of the night. Let it build up. This, in itself, is a tease. Start with a little less intensity than you think you should, after that, gradually allow the humor to enhance. This will give you the time to feel out the crowd.

Teasing 101
Okay. Now that we know the seed, let’s get to know the rest of it. Teasing is all about language and action. But if you haven’t taped in to your inner “Funny Bone,” it will only read apologetically which is why it’s important to get to know your sense of humor. Here are some Prize-winning, ultra fabulous, sure-fire tactics to teasing:

Name Calling
Aha! This is always a winner. If done right, it will always put a smile to someone’s face and leave them curious about you. Think of juvenile words like “Nerd” or “Punk” or “Spaz” or “Brat.” Now use it in a sentence,
  • “You are such a dork.”
  • “You’re such a little brat!”
  • “Oh my god. Stop being a nerd.”
  • “Oh tell me something I don’t know, genius.”
These phrases can take someone aback, because it shows that you aren’t trying too hard to impress which will relax them, plus it shows that you’re fun. Remember, always end with a smile.

Point Out Physical Traits
When you see a guy from afar that you want to connect with, start scanning him (as if you weren’t already). Try and find physical characteristics that stick out that you can use later on when you get to know him. You can even incorporate the “name calling” bit from above into the mix with things like,
  • “Hey freckles, how’s it hangin?”
  • “Woah! Another Ginger, thank God. Yay for chromosomes!”
  • “How’s the heat up there, BFG?”
One important thing that you must remember is the take-back. This is when you redirect these same phsyical characteristics in a positive light. The take-back usually happens a couple hours into the first initial meeting. These are meant to be compliments, but don’t make it too cheesy. Things like,
  • “I was just kidding earlier. Your eyes don’t really look like a pug’s.”
  • “You have the cutest dimples. Are they real?”
  • “I love your laugh. For the rest of the night, I’m calling you giggles.”
You can even incorporate all of the above with things like,
  • “Your arms are huge. Watch out, Captain Planet over here.”
  • “You’re glasses are so cute. Did you just come from a Mathletes meeting?”
  • “Love the suspenders. Where’s your pocket protector?”
  • “Wow you’re a tall drink of water, how’s the humidity up there?”

Mimic, Mock, and Make Up
Be careful with this one. Never do it as the first tactic, it will always end badly no matter how cool you think they are. If delivered too early, he will see it as a competition of come-backs and try to one-up you in a bad way, instead of a playful tease. Think of body language. When you hear or see him do something big or inflected, grasp the opportunity.
Put your hands on your hips and mimik his voice. For example if he says something like, “I don’t want to do that,” put your hands on your hips, make a goofy face and repeat, “I don’t want to do that…” in an exagerated way. Jump on it before anyone else has a chance to overstep you.
If you mock him, don’t do it in a frustrating undertone. Instead, think of it as a game of sarcasm and talk to him like a child. Things like,
  • “I think you’re a bit too young/old for this conversation.”
  • “Oh please! There’s the discovery of the century. Call Matt Lauer!”
  • “Stop the press. You’re killing me with all this knowledge.”
  • “Is that what they’re teaching you in grade school?”
Mocking can also be a great way to let him know a bit about you, while at the same time bringing him closer. Role playing, fake arguments, then making up will always grab his attention:
  • “We’ll never get along. We both like plaid.”
  • “You’re from LA, I’m from Jersey. We can never date, it’s the law.”
  • “You like South Park?Aaaand… when are we getting married?”
  • “Stop trying to get in my pants, I’m Mormon for God sake!”
  • “I was thinking of our adopted children. We should get one from China and the other from Russia.”
  • “Wow. You’re sassy. That’s hot.”
  • “…. oh. Well too bad for you I just became Asexual.”

Gay Gaymes
These can be super fun, and they usually have the best outcome at house parties or dive bars. These are the cheesy games that you and him can make fun, but only if you instigate it. Staring contests, Dance-offs, thumb wrestling, Trivia questions. These are all great ideas. Get him enthusiastic by saying things like,
  • “I’m so gonna kick your ass.”
  • “I’ve never lost a game of checkers.”
  • “I hold the record at Harvest Christian Academy.”
  • “You totally suck at this.”
  • “Wow, you’re so fired.”
  • “Come on, what are you scared? (cluck, cluck, cluck).”
The most important part is to make him laugh at himself, then and only then, will you be able to get inside his head. Teasing is only a part of flirting, but not all of it. It’s crucial to know that there should be many layers to you during this time. Don’t ALWAYS be teasing, you need to show a softer side as well.
Once everything is done, the next day, text him. Tell him that you had a great time and that you never had more fun winning/losing a staring contest in your life.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Gay Dating: The Old Fashioned Way

It’s time to throw away your iPods…

Telling single gay guys to stay offline for a week is hard. When you don’t have a man to keep you company, the only thing you have is the uneventful, yet ever exciting, world of social media. For those who are actively searching for Mr. Right, it tends to be one of the first places we go. Apps and online dating sites are the fastest growing strategies to make yourself known in the dating pond, so much so that it’s become nearly impossible to find a man the old fashioned way.
I live in New York City, a place I like to call the town of top hats because no matter where you look, you’ll always see the top of someone’s hat as they’re casually looking down to check their phone. In a city where technology reigns supreme, it’s difficult to make a connection. How can we reignite the sparks organically? How can we can find the type of love we read about in novels and watch on movies? How can we be able to spot someone from the other side of the subway and find the nerve to make the first move? It’s easy.
I challenge every single gay men everywhere to the test. Throw away your phones and iPods for an entire week. Let yourself BE in the place where you are. Open your eyes to the strangers passing by and the sounds, textures, and sensations you often see but never acknowledge. Once you do that, you can allow yourself the freedom to feel with no distractions.
It’s important to stay present. We hear this all the time but I’m afraid some guys misinterpret what it means. It’s not about paying attention to what you’re doing right now, i.e. tying your shoe, walking down the street, or buying a cup of coffee. It’s about existing, feeling and living in the present tense rather than what happened yesterday or what could happen tomorrow.

Here’s the best way to stay present: create a protective sphere around your thoughts with a 30-second limit on either side. If you’re going to think about anything in the past or future, don’t let it exceed 30 seconds backward or forward. Keep yourself alive with what’s happening around you NOW. If you do that, you can’t help but have peace because it forces you to live in the moment rather than future expectations or past regret. It keeps your eyes and ears open to opportunities which lay directly ahead.
One thing that’s mandatory is to take out your earplugs, even if it’s just for a few minutes. Give yourself freedom to hear, acknowledge, and react to the world. When you see someone with white strings coming out of their ears, it’s a sign they don’t want to be bothered. Let yourself at least look available. You don’t need to look around waiting for someone to start conversation because, chances are, they won’t. Conversations take a while to start, which is what brings me to my other point.

Stop looking pissed off all the time. There are definitely people with Resting Bitch Face, but there are also those who acquire it by accident. They see everyone else doing it, so they end up joining the regime. Everyone around you seems to be disinterested, so you might as well be too. I say, who gives f**k what everyone else is doing. Lift your head and inspire people to do the same. Be the person who opens the door for both men and women, be the one who makes eye contact with a smile, and make the world feel good. When they feel good, you’ll feel good. And when you feel good, you welcome more good into your life.
Let yourself be the man you are without cover up. Go out in public with no hair product or “help.” It’s more freeing than you think, and the best part is if a man finds you attractive when you’re wearing nothing, imagine how we’ll feel when you look your best. Everyone is guilty of apologizing for themselves. I know the second my clothes come off in bed, I cover up the problem areas with my hands and try not to make his eyes gaze there. But then I realize, what am I doing? He knows what I look like. If he wasn’t okay with it, he wouldn’t be in my apartment. If he saw me without “help” it’s pretty much a guarantee there’s no excuse to apologize. But when he sees it for the first time, there’s a bigger need to apologize, so why not let him see the real you from the get go.

One of the most important rules of all is to grow some courage and be direct. When we get nervous, we tend to beat around the bush. We want to feel the sparks rather than turn them into fireworks. We begin speaking to a gorgeous man but rather than getting his phone number, we often walk away before we let ourselves reap the moment. Even if we do receive his number, we’re too scared to take it another step. Be proactive in your discussions. Give a time and place. Don’t ask him where he wants to go (unless of course he has some allergies to consider). The conversation will never end if you keep it open-ended. The location is not important. Trust me, you want to meet him again so you both can feel that spark.
Something like, “Are you busy Friday night? There’s a great restaurant on 76th and Amsterdam I’d love to take you. Want to meet there at 7?” is direct and to the point. You can wash your hands with everything else and begin to focus on the connection rather than awkward pauses. It’s easier than you think, and if you stay present within your 30-second limit, the fear slowly melts away.

Everyone has control over their destiny. I’m not a believer in preordained futures. Our destinies aren’t mapped out for us at an early age, but the blue print is set by our abilities to act on them. Nothing will get done so long as we imagine it. Finding love isn’t a solo, so hang up your shoes and find your partner! But first, you need to find the courage to dance.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?

Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Are You Pressured to Have Sex on the First Date?

I have to say it’s rare for me not have sex on the first date, though it does happen from time to time. I’m still unsure why. Perhaps it’s rare for me to meet a man I connect with on a level beyond sex, which usually makes me want to wait. Whatever it is, I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my chastity belt tightened. I can’t help but wonder if it’s because men in general love sex or if it’s because gay men as a whole have come to expect it.

We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to look good, feel good, and be good at everything. When it comes to love and romance, there’s tremendous pressure to make a good impression the first time out.
I don’t know about you, but sex is no longer a taboo topic for me. I can’t tell you how many friends try to shock me with raunchy sex talk. They expect me to be frazzled, when, really, it’s not a big deal. Now that Grindr and other online sites try to make casual encounters convenient, sex is at the forefront of our minds and it often never leaves. There’s always going to be consequences when sex becomes expected. Are we slowly desensitizing ourselves from allowing an emotional connection to ripen?
We’ve become victims of our own success. Telling a gay guy to wait until the second, third, even fourth date is like throwing a ball to a cocker spaniel and not expecting him to fetch. Where did this pressure come from? In many ways we’re answering our own biological need for it, but at the same time there are huge social expectations rooted from countless of stereotypes the gay community has fallen victim to within the last few decades. Choosing to wait until the time is right is no longer respectable, but weird.

Sex is a way of getting the questions out of the way. We’re on a date with a man and before we find out if we’re emotionally compatible, we need to know if we’re sexually compatible. What would be the worst thing to happen if everyone decides to not give in to the pressure for once? My guess is the person we’re on a date with will take it personally. He’ll likely feel that it’s his fault we didn’t want to have sex, that he’s not attractive enough, or that perhaps the date didn’t go as well as he thought. Why? Because we’ve associated sex with validation.
Sex has turned into an acknowledgment of our worth. It’s as if our opinion is totally left out of the equation. Being denied sex is more traumatic to our ego than almost anything in the world because our culture has turned it into value. If no sex happens at the end of the first date, we end up convincing ourselves it’s because we don’t deserve it. You might think I’m being dramatic, but trust me, there are plenty of guys who think this way. And it’s not their fault.

At the end of the day, we’re all adults. No one is in control of our bodies and to hell with anyone who thinks they are. We should never feel obligated to have sex with anyone because we think it’s expected. You might not believe me, but a man with self-control is way sexier than a man with none. When push comes to shove, it’s not the sex that gets you a second date – it’s the passion behind it.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Sex on The First Date: Good or Bad Idea?

Another common gay dating dilemma revolves around whether to have sex on the first date or not. This has often been a controversial subject among gay men, with opinions being  split right down the middle. There’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer, as these types of scenarios are rarely ever black and white.
The decision to “hit the sheets” after having a superb first date before the night is over is a personal one, fraught with uncertainty about the impact that being intimate so soon after meeting can affect the potential for securing a second date and beyond.

The good and the bad.
Before reaching that point of no return, it’s important to conduct an evaluation or a cost/benefit analysis of both the positive and negative ramifications of such an action. It’s also important to weigh this dilemma against your personal values system and determine if being sexual early in the game is in alignment with your vision of what you’re looking for.
Obviously, being intimate early on allows one to “sample the goods” and determine if there is a sexual compatibility present as you continue the screening process about your dating prospect. Not to mention, it’s a great way to end a magical night if you’re both feeling it because it’s fun.

“If you decide to get naked, be mindful
of the pleasures AND the risks.”

Some men may also do this for fear the other guy may not be interested in them moving forward if they don’t “put out.” Yikes! What does that tell you about him?! Or they may think their sexual talents may help “seal the deal” and keep the other guy around.
However, both of these latter reasons are indicative of insecurity and not usually a healthy rationale.

Holding off.
Though not a popular decision, especially when the chemistry between the two of you is so strong, another option is to hold off on sex for later on down the road (or at least not on the first date). The benefit with this is you can see if the guy is into you for you. If a guy is really only after a “trick,” the likelihood of his coming back for multiple dates and engaging in a courtship process is low because he’s not looking for companionship.
By staving off on sex early on in a dating relationship, you’ll be more able to gauge whether his interest in you is truly on the up and up. Additionally, having sex prematurely before you’ve had a chance to develop a foundation for a relationship makes commitment more shaky because there’s less of an attachment built up between the two of you and less history and investment available to ride out the inevitable storm of conflict that always shows up at some point between a couple.

Neither option is better or worse than the other.
However, it is important to do your due diligence and determine what your needs and priorities are for love. If you opt to hold off, a good old make-out session is always hot, not to mention nurturing the sexual tension to its boiling point.
If you decide to get naked, be mindful of the pleasures AND the risks, and even though it’s a “buzz kill,” communicate your concerns to your partner before proceeding. You’ll likely learn a lot about his intentions and concerns this way as well. And play responsibly!
What are your thoughts on this ongoing debate about whether to have sex on the first date? What experiences have you had with this?

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!

Sign-up now:
Like us on Facebook:
Tweet us:

Gay Dating: Survival of the Fittest Gay Man

The wonderful world of dating is full of joyous experiences and is soaked in potential for a dream-like future. However, the reality of it can be a mixed bag. Here are some of the top tips to make sure you get the most out of each experience:

Create a foundation.
The dating experience can feel a bit like a conveyor belt, with men passing by in front of you. Some will have an expiration date, like dairy products, and others will have a lifetime guarantee. Don’t expect the picket fence and a puppy after the first few dates. These plans have to be built on a solid foundation, and spending time together creates this foundation.

“The best daters can still fall
into the variety of traps.”

Guys can be very gladiatorial on some occasions.
Some have a game plan that details exactly what they want, be that sexual gratification, forging a romantic friendship or finding Mr. Right. Some guys are just looking for another notch in the bedpost. If you are looking for the same, then great. If you’re not and you think you can change them, then you are dating the wrong guy. Go into it with your eyes open. What you see is normally what you get.

The Gay Dating World can feel like a survival course.
You can often feel like you’re avoiding the pitfalls and traps and overcoming your own expectations. However, even the best daters can still fall into the variety of traps. Like every good boy scout, you should be prepared. In any area of life, there are the givers, takers and cheaters.
Life normally balances out in a karma-like fashion, but going into the wonderful world of dating with a Disney-like attitude will probably result in a horror movie. Go into dating with your eyes and ears wide open and your sense of self-worth on the top of the agenda. Not everyone out there is a predator, but a wolf can dress up in a sheep’s clothing.
Only make the relationship physical when you are ready. You should never feel pressured or forced into it. If you have doubts, then don’t do it. Never put yourself in a situation where you could be made vulnerable. I’ve heard many stories of guys being chatted up online by men out of the area and soon they arrange a weekend date where they stay over.
Always have a hotel on standby because you never know when you may feel pressured to have sex with him. Readers, what are your tips for surviving the traps that come with dating?

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

10 Signs You’re Dating a Jerk

We’ve all date Jerks in our lives. I know I’ve dated plenty. If I had a nickel for every idiot I dated, I could buy and sell a Starbucks franchise. But the thing is if we hadn’t dated these types of men, we might never know the real gems when we see them. So in a way I have them to thank. But first, you need to recognize the behavior when you see it. All it takes is for you to open up your eyes.

1) He doesn’t know what fair and balanced means. 
In a healthy relationship, your partner should balance you out. When you cook, he cleans; when you drive, he navigates; and so on. There are men out there who expect you to do everything, or, they’ll do a tiny bit and expect you to finish while he gets the credit. No way in hell is this ever going to make you happy. Look at the signs early on because they tend to appear within the first couple months. Once you see them, kick his ass to the curb.

2) He changes the subject, a lot. 
Just when you’re starting to open up about something personal, he changes the topic to something more uplifting and, surprise surprise, about his tribulations rather than yours. When your man does this over and over again, it’s clear he doesn’t care about your feelings nor does he consider your plight of any importance. This is a huge reflection on the kind of man he is.

3) He pressures you into doing things you don’t want to do.
Never in any circumstance is this okay. Not only is he refusing to hear you, but he’s also trying to control your life choices. I’m not saying you shouldn’t adventure and be more loosey goosey when it comes to new things, but it always should come from you. Don’t ever do something because you’re pressured or guilted into it.

4) He’s always annoyed by you. 
You feel the energy he gives off and for whatever reason, you always seem to be at the center of it. You’re the punching bag, either emotionally, verbally, or physically. Who wants to date a man who is constantly annoyed by them? A weak-minded person would try and change himself for his boyfriend, but not you. You’re strong and you’re smarter than that. It’s time to put his misery out to the street. He doesn’t like how you live your life? Then he can gladly walk out of it so you can find someone who appreciates you for all your quirks.

5) He flirts with other guys in front of you. 
I once dated a guy who would not only flirt with other guys in front of me, but buy them drinks! Yes… buy them drinks! Never ever make yourself so low as to becoming second-best when you’re on a freaking date. It’s not the time to try and “compete” with the stranger at the bar. This should be your time together. Put a stop to it and make sure he knows how serious you are. Trust me, he’s never going to stop.

6) He likes making you uncomfortable. 
If his sense of humor is to make you uncomfortable as possible, there’s no way in hell he has your well-being in mind. My ex used to pretend to take his hands off the wheel while he was driving just to piss me off (my best friend died in a car accident a few years prior, and he knew it). Things like this aren’t funny – they’re asshole behavior. Open your eyes to it!

7) He never has your back. 
This is a hard one to spot because you’re always easy to jump to conclusions. But most of the time if he refuses to defend you in public, chances are he’s definitely not going to do it in private. If you’ve heard multiple times from your buddies that he never stood up for you when someone was bashing you, it’s time to see where his loyalty lies.

8) It’s always your fault. 
He refuses to take the blame for something, so instead he puts the spotlight on you because he knows you won’t say anything to defend yourself. Wrong! See through the lines, my dear. A man who is too scared to take the blow for something he did isn’t a man at all. He’s a coward.

9) He belittles you. 
It’s hard to spot belittling behavior sometimes. We all want to be that guy who can laugh at himself, but there’s a difference between laughing at spontaneity and laughing with a bully. Your man should never belittle your job, your clothes, your interests, your family, or you as a person. If anything, he should highlight it.

10) There’s always tension & you never know why. 
Nothing is more uncomfortable than unspoken tension. You never know why but you both know it’s there. If you ask me, my spiritual advice would be that your energy is clearly rejecting each other. There’s a different between awkwardness and tension. Awkwardness is bound to happen, but weird unexplained tension is your conscience telling you that there is no bond. Listen to it.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

Gay Dating: When Your Online Match Doesn’t Meet Your Expectations

Every date I’ve had in the past year had originated from an online source. One of the earliest began with the occasional hello on gay dating apps and eventually escalated into a full-fledged text relationship. We realized through our incessant messages we were texting on the precipice of a great relationship. Everything was going so well I even included him in my imaginary Oscar acceptance speech because I knew I’d eventually have to thank him for giving me a love I had never experienced before…

…but unfortunately I never would.
We never met in person as the chemistry was flourishing. When we did finally meet, the imminent love I imagined was extinguished before it had the slightest chance to exist. Like the flick of a light switch, in person, he was turned offline.
I let him have the initial blame for our failed relationship, as he had declared himself romantically inexperienced. I assumed the slightest hint of anything real left him longing for the comfort of the confidence he could only get while hiding behind technology. But then I considered my own contribution. I know I’m shy around new people, so perhaps my overtly social online identity didn’t translate well into reality.
After a few months, he broke his silence and confirmed the latter. One of the greatest aspects in the proliferation of social media is the connectivity us gays can experience. Any lack of direct exposure to the gay community is augmented by the direct access to our own personal online world.

“We can get caught up in the potential of a
relationship that the expectations grow bigger.”

We need to accept a potential reality.
There can be a disconnect between your online persona and your real-life personality. You can send lengthy emails fully disclosing your harrowing life story and countless agreeable texts describing similar interests, but there’s always going to be gaps you can’t fill with the written word. The absence of real-life human companionship allows your mind to run free to envision the most perfect first date and the most perfect real connection.
We can get caught up in the potential of a relationship that the expectations grow far bigger than reality can offer. You may be standing in front of a perfectly decent guy, but he’s standing in the shadow of your own imagination. Any excitement you had is replaced with a sense of disappointment neither of you deserve.

I’m not discouraging the use of a digital dating scene, but I’m encouraging expediting the time it takes to actually meet. You do need more information than Grindr’s abbreviated profile of height and ethnicity.
There is no better test of compatibility than one in which your eyes can see more than words on a screen and your fingers can touch more than just a keyboard. How has an online date not met your expectations?

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

Top vs Bottom: How Important Is Your Sex Role?

In my years of dating, I’ve managed to come across countless of gay men who wear their sex position on display. Dating is hard enough, but for LGBT men it can get a bit more complicated when the entire focus is on sex. Top, bottom, versatile becomes need-to-know information in order to land a second date, which makes me wonder has sex roles turned into non-negotiables?

Gay men in particular put so much focus on sex roles. Straight people never have to deal with these kinds of things since it’s pretty clear who’s penetrating who, but for us it can be a game of rock, paper, scissor. Sex rules our entire culture today so it’s hard to separate yourself from these kinds of games. “Top,” “bottom,” and “versatile” has become a greeting in online or offline dating.
As much as we’d like to say that sex roles don’t affect our relationships, there comes a time when we all should question ourselves. I’ve seen firsthand the aftermath of such thinking and it hardly ever ends well. As someone who classifies himself as “versatile,” I’ve dated many “tops” and “bottoms” who’ve refused to do anything other than what they’re comfortable with. While I was thoroughly satisfied with the relationship, the fact that neither of them humored the idea of experimenting said a lot about their devotion to me. The sexual experiences (or lack of them) spoke a thousand words about our relationship. Needless to say, they both ended sooner than expected. I’m sure if we had been “total” opposites, things may have been different.

“Top” and “bottom” roles are not tied to our personalities or our character, so why has it turned into a major factor in deciding our compatibility with another man? It’s become a circus with studies that have said it’s possible to spot a “top” or “bottom” by the features on our faces. It’s turned into songs like “This Boy is a Bottom” which are all fine and hysterical to watch, but at some point the joke has turned into reality.
Human beings are capable of judging each other in every aspect of our lives, and I can’t help but think this is yet another aspect for us to judge. The “bottom” usually ends up being the butt of jokes while the “top” ends up getting the reputation of a slut or man whore. Both are viewed as having particular personalities, bottoms being feminine and tops being masculine. No matter which way you look at it, labels have blinded us from seeing the man beneath.

First impressions are everything in the dating world so it’s safe to say that the minute we see something wrong, we often back away slowly. Two bottoms or two tops in a relationship can make it work when their relationship is less about the sex and more about the devotion towards each other.
It takes more than sex to make a relationships last. Sex is a short-term act that’s nearly always led by the body. As much as we like to think our body is right, it’s not something to constantly depend on. As soon as we’re finished having sex, the urgings are gone and what’s left? If all you’re looking for in a man is a label, chances are, you’ll miss out on a lot more than you think.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook:

Gay Advice: Finding a Partner vs. Finding a Fantasy

I’m like you and you’re like me – we all want to love, but most importantly we want to be loved in return. This is the secret to living a long and successful life, yet we’ve failed to put two and two together when it comes to choosing a compatible mate.

I’m just as guilty as any other gay man; yes, I’ve judged potential boyfriends on how many hours they put in the gym, yes, I’ve chosen the bad boys over good decent men, yes, I’ve allowed my ideal standard of beauty to affect my logic on how I enter the dating scene. But trust me when I say everything we’ve ever thought about men and dating is a total lie.
Chasing a fantasy is the biggest scam anyone’s ever been a part of. Gay men especially turn it into more than just a fairy tale, but an episode of Baywatch. We don’t just want a man to sweep us off our feet; we also want him to look like a supermodel. We don’t just want a man to be the center of our world; we also want him to be rich and socially valuable. We don’t just want a nice guy to be romantic and give us breakfast in bed on our birthdays; we also want him to be an expert at giving a blowjob. Fantasies, though fun, will ultimately create disillusioned expectations.

The gay community thrives on fantasy. It’s how we live our lives. Countless of gay men fantasize of having a sexy husband, adopting a child (most likely from another country), set up a nice house and garden, attend LGBT rallies with their kids at hand, and become PTA dads at school just like we “think” all the other gay couples do. This is a cliché image we all strive to achieve, but we fail to see what lies behind it. We see celebrity couples like Neil and David, Matt Bomer and Simon Halls, or Elton and David, and we fantasize that one day we’ll have a life similar to theirs – kids, career, house and all. But let’s not jump the gun here…
It’s impossible for you to find happiness when you’re emulating someone else’s life. We all have our own trajectory, a journey, which is totally unique to our personal experience. Trying to set goals parallel to someone else’s is foolish because you’re never going to be in their shoes. The only feet you’re privileged to walk on are your own, and they’re a damn good set if I say so myself.

Love is complicated – I didn’t have to tell you that. It enters when you least expect it; and when it does, it blinds you from seeing nearly all logic. The rules have changed. The new man in our life slowly becomes the center of it. The fantasy seems more and more realistic as time moves on, ultimately shaping the things we say and do. It’s the passion that fuels a relationship – sex, tension, and adrenaline. Rarely do we ever stop and think if he’s actually a compatible partner, and why should we? If it feels good in the moment, there’s no reason why it needs to stop.
But if there’s one common thread all long lasting relationship share, it’s the understanding of yin and yang. They don’t complete each other necessarily, but together they balance each others destinies. No one can depend on pure passion to create a life together. A relationship requires compatibility, understanding, reliability, a shoulder to cry on, a trusting hand, a willingness to say “We’re in this together.” You’re a team, not a temporary dance partner. Together you help each other achieve goals, and together you work to embrace each others dreams. It’s not about an artificial fantasy. We all must find someone that isn’t made from cardboard, but rather flesh, bone, and mind – a real prince.

There’s so much more to love than a feeling. We all have experienced love, the emotion, but love, the practice, is a whole other thing. It’s a decision, a conscious effort to work together as a unit to be monogamous, loyal, honorable, and decent. This is what we really want. The fantasy is merely a pathway to get there, but sadly it often becomes the motive.
Finding a fantasy is easy. Finding a partner is like finding a diamond in the rough. It takes a special kind of man to say, “I choose you.” Relying on make-believe and artificiality to create a boyfriend prototype will land you back to square one. Happily ever after is all good and fun, but instead of depending on the word “happily” perhaps we should focus more on the “ever after” part. A relationship is only as good as its partnership. Happiness lasts as long as you make it, but happiness is also a result of balance. Without that, you can kiss that dream of yours bye-bye.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
Join a gay dating site where you can meet single guys from any town or city. Rely instead on Gay Dating Solutions to do the work for you!
Don’t get fooled by FREE offers made by other sites. Gay Dating Solutions is offering a free 6 month promotion ABSOLUTELY no strings, request for credit card numbers, etc…it is the only site that is truly free to join!
Like us on Facebook: